The Child Whisperer (22 page)

1.
Comfort

Remember the importance of all things comfort in the Type 2 world! Your baby may be fussy because the outfit they’re wearing is uncomfortable. Soft clothes, blankets, and bedding are very supportive to a Type 2 child. Other places to think about comfort in your Type 2 child’s life: bedrooms, study areas, towels, food, and a mood of peace and comfort in the home.

2.
Reassurance

Take a few extra minutes and a few extra words to reassure your Type 2 child. Help them limit their tendency to worry and fret by supporting them with encouragement. Even if you correct them gently, make sure to tell them that they are still okay with you. It may be obvious to you, but it doesn’t feel that way to them.

3.
Validation for their feelings

With a strong emotional connection to the world, Type 2s thrive when they are validated for their feelings and supported in feeling them. Your permission and validation for their feelings will support them in staying very emotionally balanced and stable.

4.
Encouragement to live true to who they are

Refer to the phrases in each of the developmental stages in earlier sections to continue to validate and encourage your Type 2 child to live true to their nature throughout all the phases of their childhood.

5.
Answers to their questions

Whether you have the answers or can refer your child to other resources for answers, support their questioning nature. Recognize it as part of their process of gathering details to make a mental plan on how to move forward in all aspects of their life.

6.
Time to be quiet and connect with you

It’s possible you could be giving your Type 2 child lots of attention—just not the kind they need. Take time to sit and connect physically with your Type 2 child. They appreciate a physical connection like a hug, an arm around them, or a hand on their back. They will continue to cuddle and sit close to you even up through their teens, which will be very nurturing to you as well.

7.
Attention

Your Type 2 child is very aware of the amount of attention other children in the family receive and they want to be treated fairly in receiving the same amount of attention. They will not speak up for it, but will give you subtle clues they need more attention. Rather than wait for the clues, just make sure they get the same amount of attention as their siblings.

8.
To be heard

Encourage your Type 2 child to speak up and share themselves with you and others—including their feelings, their interests, their hopes, their dreams and their plans!

9.
Don’t sweat the small stuff

You’ll experience plenty of opportunities to get frustrated over the endless questions, the apparent dawdling, and the constant piles of clutter in your Type 2 child’s room. Decide today to let go of some of that frustration and focus on the calming energy that your child creates when they are honored and validated for who they are.

10.
Avoid these phrases and judgments
:

• Hurry up.
  
• You’re too slow.
  
• You’re too quiet.
  
• Stop worrying so much.
  
• Don’t be shy.
  
• You’re too picky.
  
• You’re a little awkward.
  
• When will you finally finish?
  

After reading this section, add to this list by writing the inspirations and ideas you received regarding what your Type 2 child needs from you. Make your notes here:

The Type 2 Child Word Portrait

Refer to this word portrait list often as a quick reminder of the nature of your Type 2 child. Compare your child’s mood and disposition to this list. Is your Type 2 child expressing these movements and qualities on a consistent basis? If not, what do you need to change in your parenting approach to support them in living true to their nature? Type 2 children are often described as:

Agreeable

Calm

Careful

Cautious

Comforting

Concerned

Cuddly

Detailed

Easy going

Feels for others

Gentle

Graceful

Kind

Loving

Low-key

Pleasant

Pleasing

Quiet

Relaxed

Reserved

Sensitive

Soothing

Subdued

Sweet

Tender-hearted

Thoughtful

Slow

Timid

Whiny

Negative labels that are not honoring of Type 2 children:

Cry-baby

Overly sensitive

Pouty

Shy

Type 3: The Determined Child

Primary Connection to the World:
Physical

Primary Movement:
Push forward and determined

Primary Need:
To be challenged and have new experiences with support of their parents

T
he Type 3 expression comes from the element of hydrogen/fire, and its natural primary movement is active and reactive. A child with a dominant Type 3 movement will be naturally determined, purposeful, and persistent. These children move forward with intensity to create in this world. They express a medium to medium-high level of movement in relation to the other three Types.

Other words that describe the movement of this energy in a dominant Type 3 child: independent, adventurous, and self-motivated. Adults often describe a child with a dominant Type 3 energy as “busy” or “rambunctious.” When I meet a Type 3 child, I always notice their forward movement to get their hands on things. And as they grow, I notice their drive to get things done!

Getting out or getting into things in order to physically explore their world is a huge priority for the Type 3 child. Some adults may feel pushed or irritated by a Type 3 child’s constant forward movement and judge it as a flaw. A Type 3 child might be told too often that they need to calm down and stop being so demanding. If you recognize your Type 3 child’s swift, determined energy for the strength that it is, you will give your child powerful permission to live true to him or herself. Dominant Type 3 children who experience support in expressing their dynamic, powerhouse movement as children grow up with even greater confidence and determination to make big things happen. Some of the most well-known athletes are Type 3s who must have been raised true to their natures. Michael Phelps and Serena Williams are just a couple examples.

Natural Gifts and Talents: Encouragement and Results

Type 3 children naturally offer some unique gifts to the world without even trying:
Determination to create results, which encourages everyone around them.

Let’s revisit the cycle of wholeness again. Type 1 energy initiates the cycle with new ideas and hope. Type 2 energy gathers the details by asking questions and making plans. Then Type 3 energy moves those ideas and plans into action! Without even trying, Type 3 children push forward from the very beginning of their lives, taking action in order to create results. The hardest thing for the parent of a Type 3 child to learn is that those results don’t always look the way parents expect them to—your Type 3 three-year-old emptying out the dishwasher onto the floor, for example. You do not need to instill determination and drive into your Type 3 child. Just help them set their course appropriately, get out of the way, and they’ll naturally go big. To put this natural gift into a catchphrase,
“Let’s get to work and get it done!”

When a Type 3 child has their mind set on a certain result, they do whatever it takes to reach it—at any age. As an infant, they might crawl early, just so they can reach the toys they want. As a child, they might start a business on the front lawn to raise money for something they want to buy. As a teenager, the possibilities of what they can dream up and go for are truly endless. Type 3s always have an end in mind: action, reaction. In fact, since they’re so determined and they think so big, they’ll probably pursue several big goals at the same time!

Type 3 energy moves like the strong, dynamic push of Niagara Falls. When supported to pursue the goals they value most, these children are driven, persistent, and independent. Encourage those natural tendencies in your child—those traits will serve them well throughout their entire life.

Type 3 children also like to appreciate their results after they have attained a certain end. I am an active, determined Type 3 myself—and as I joke with my Type 3 daughter-in-law, Sarah, we both write tasks on our to-do lists that we’ve already accomplished, just for the satisfaction of checking them off the list. As it turns out, this starts early for Type 3 children.

. . . .

ANNIE’S STORY

The Gift of Getting Things Done!

Nine-year-old Annie has a big calendar on the wall of her room to write down events, practices, and other activities. When she finishes something that she didn’t write down earlier, she still writes it on her calendar later—even weeks after the fact. One day, her mother told her that she didn’t need to go back and write down activities that had already passed. Annie said to her mother, “But I like to see what I’ve done!” Her mother smiled, happy that her Type 3 daughter was living true to her nature and desired to see her results.

. . . .

Type 3s truly do enjoy standing back to see what they’ve accomplished and the results they’ve created. The sooner you acknowledge and celebrate your Type 3 child’s results with them, the more love and understanding they will feel from you.

These children bring forward momentum into the lives of those they interact with. They move swiftly when they see what needs to be done, and sometimes wonder why everyone else doesn’t jump up to do the same. They push many things forward quickly and powerfully. Rather than moving forward through life on one linear track, they move forward along three or more tracks at a time, completing projects simultaneously and keeping a lot of things going.

Child Whisperer Tip:
At times, your Type 3 child’s forward movement may feel pushy to you, especially if you are not a Type 3 yourself. Do not tell your Type 3 child to stop being so pushy! Just as you don’t like to feel pushed, your Type 3 child does not like to feel blocked or thwarted from the result they are trying to achieve. If you try to calm or shut down their energy, the experience will run contrary to their natural movement. That forward energy needs somewhere to go, and your child will probably just push back harder or even react explosively.

If your Type 3 child is pushing for results that will harm them (like running toward a busy street), redirect them rather than stop them altogether—where
can
they run? If they are pushing for results that are bigger than what you want to deal with at the moment, consider the possibility that you can let them go for it without interfering. Why not? They want you to stand aside anyway!

Type 3 energy is an extrovert expression that leads these children to be outgoing, friendly, and self-assured when interacting with people of all ages, even those much older than themselves. Size does not matter to them when talking to older children.

Their tendency to move forward confidently is a characteristic that makes Type 3 children natural leaders, even from a young age. They often take charge when playing with peers and can organize a game or direct a group without hesitation. When sharing toys, your Type 3 child might show others how they work and how to play with them. You may observe your Type 3 teenager making decisions about what their group of friends will do when they all get together. These children move swiftly into action and others often trust and admire their natural confidence.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Give your Type 3 child opportunities to take charge. You may not think they are old enough for certain responsibilities, but if you listen to your child, they will always let you know what is appropriate for them. If you allow them to cultivate their gift for leadership in smaller settings, their abilities will keep up with their innate confidence. When they are young, consider letting them take charge of a family outing or dinner—let them make a few decisions for the group. As they grow, help them to move forward as they take on desired leadership positions at school or in the community. They have the confidence that they will succeed and only need to be granted the opportunity. Encourage and honor that confidence and you will see them accomplish great things.

Because Type 3 children’s primary connection to the world is physical, they have naturally active and adventurous natures. If you have a Type 3 child, you may have noticed that they are ready to go, to do, and to explore, most any time of day or night. These children get you out of the house and out into the world!

Child Whisperer Tip:
Tell your young Type 3 child what’s going on closer to when it actually happens, rather than far in advance. For example, if you plan to go somewhere with your child, announce it only when you’re ready to leave. If it sounds like a good idea, they will just want to go right then, without any waiting. If you still have things to prepare, they will feel frustrated that they have to wait for you—and you’ll feel like your child is pushing you out the door! Trust that they’ll move into action quickly enough when they hear the news that you’re heading out.

Remember that this strategy works best with young children. You will need to modify it as your Type 3 child grows. For example, if you announce to your Type 3 teen that it’s time to get in the car, they might push back and tell you no. Why? Because your Type 3 teenager is most likely in the middle of something and a sudden departure would block them from accomplishing their current intended result.

Personality Traits: Passionate and Fiery

Type 3 children express a passionate personality. Their passion and excitement often moves the people around them into action. Others describe them as determined and self-confident. When these children are honored in pursuing what they feel most passionate about, other people experience their fiery energy as encouraging, rather than pushy. Picture a Type 3 child’s energy as a little fireball.

If a Type 3 child wants to try something new—as they often do—they will go for it full force. They have no problem acting swiftly and confidently, well before they understand all the details of what they want to do. They go big!

. . . .

KELSEY’S STORY

Thinking Big

Kelsey competed in her middle school track and field team, and in 7
th
grade, she tied the school’s high jump record along with another girl who was in 8
th
grade. At the track banquet that year, the other girl was recognized, but Kelsey’s tied result was forgotten.

After the event, Kelsey climbed into the car with her parents who didn’t know how she would react. Rather than get upset about the oversight, she said, “Don’t worry. Next year, I’ll come back and break the record—not just tie it!”

. . . .

Even though they are motivated by big results, these children are not naturally motivated to impress others with what they do. In fact, what others may think doesn’t usually cross their minds while they are in action. Regardless of whether they try or not, a Type 3 child usually leaves a lasting impression wherever they go. Their personalities are naturally big and loud, so it’s no effort to make an impression on others.

The loud, dynamic nature of a Type 3 child might be judged as a weakness by certain people, sometimes even by you. Type 3 children might receive labels like these: pushy, aggressive, demanding, or out of control. Labels like these suggest to a child that their natural energy is too big and too much. If they consistently receive these messages, they may take on the lie that their nature is somehow flawed.