The Bucket List (42 page)

"Yeah," Rae whispered.

He squashed his line of thought again as he walked in. He felt Rae's eyes on him the whole time until he finally sat on the couch opposite her, putting as much distance between them as he could.

"Pussy!" his head said, but he ignored it again.

"How've you been?" he asked.

Rae looked away from him and let out a
humorless chuckle.

"Do you really care?" Rae asked bitterly.

"How can you even ask me that?" he asked softly.

"Because everything you've led me to believe about our friendship has turned out to be bullshit."

"I've never lied to you," he frowned.

Rae didn't answer him, but he could tell she didn't believe him.

"It's true. You mean everything to me; I could never lie to you."

"Then where the hell were you when I needed you the most?" she asked, looking straight into his eyes.

He looked away from her, guilt filling his heart. No matter how angry he'd been at Nate, no matter how heartbroken , he should have stuck right by her side like he'd promised.

"I'm sorry. I saw you and
Nate together and flipped out. I shouldn't have left you, but you had Nate there... You two have something special, I couldn't come between that, not after the scare we had with the cancer," he admitted.

But he would now. Even if she'd been sitting there hoping
Nate would come back to her.

Rae looked up at him like he'd said the most stupid thing in the world and he frowned. Surely she could understand why he stayed away from her. It had been wrong, yes, but he was completely justified.

"I saw you and Nate, the night before your surgery," he explained. "After you'd told me you didn't need me."

"You saw what you wanted to see. You'd been looking for a reason to stay away even before that," Rae said sadly. "Look, I don't blame you, I just... I need to know why you're doing this."

"This?" he questioned with a little frown, getting completely confused by her statement.

Of course he'd seen and heard what really happened. Their little promises to each other and then that heartbreaking kiss had been burned in his head and branded on his heart. There had been a lot of tension in that room that
night, he'd felt it even from the doorway where he'd stood. He was willing to bet Nate would have done her right there and then if they weren't in a hospital room.

Rae closed her eyes and let out a tired sigh.

"I've been waiting for you to come back for what seems like forever," she said sadly. "I'd planned everything I was going to say to you. But it's all flown out of my head now. I just want... I hope you're happy."

"I'm miserable," he admitted without a second thought.

"I'm sorry. I never meant to make your life difficult," she said sadly.

Difficult wasn't even the word, he thought. She'd made his life a living hell by pretending to have feelings for him that went beyond their normal friendship. But all that was going to change now.

"It's a small price to pay if it means you forgive me for not being there for you when you needed me," he said quietly.

"You still want to be friends?" she asked quickly, like she was surprised.

Friends? Sure, they could go with that. Being friends had been the last thing on his mind when he'd been trying to run away from her. Now it would serve his purpose perfectly.

"Yes," he answered with a little smile at her.

She smiled back at him like he'd just offered her a billion dollars.

It suddenly didn't matter that she'd put him through hell. She was smiling at him again. She was letting him into her life again.

"Are you moving back in?"

"No," he answered regrettably, looking away from her when her face fell.

He wanted to do things right, this time. That meant he couldn't move back in just yet.

"Oh," she said. "Will you have your phone on?"

"I'll find it as soon as I get to mum's," he answered.

"Okay."

He looked back at her to see her head was down again, with her hair falling into her face. She was trying not to cry again.

"Don't be a dick,
Corey. Go to her. She vulnerable, she'll be like putty in your hands. What difference will it make, doing her now or doing her later. And you know you're going to do her," the voice said again.

Well, not with him looking and smelling the way he was. He couldn't remember the last time his dad had managed to force him into the shower.

"Um, I'm going to go," he said quickly as he got up when he thought her heard a sniff.

Her tears had always been his weakness. He couldn't give in now, it would mess everything up.

"Bye," she said softly.

He paused by the doorway to look back at her and caught her looking at him with those sad eyes again.

"Are you free tomorrow?" he asked, using every ounce of will power he possessed to stop himself from walking back to her.

"Um... yeah. Why?"

Because I'm going to show you that you belong to me, he thought.

"No reason," he smiled. "Bye, Rae."

He had a lot of work to do, but he wasn't going to complain. He was fighting for his life here. So he wasn't about to lose.

As he walked back home, he had a smile on his lips, the first smile in a long, long time.

Rae found John by the pool, talking on his phone as he drank a beer and munched on some potato chips. He quickly ended his conversation when he saw her.

"Hey, baby. You
all right?" he asked when she finally sat down next to him.

"I don't know," she replied honestly.

"What did he say?"

"I apologised. He said he wants to be friends. Then he left," she shrugged.

It wasn't what she'd hoped for, but it would have to do. When she had planned the conversation in her head, she'd mostly been begging him to love her again, begging him to come back home. She should have.

But 'friends' would have to do. She couldn't stand not having him close, not seeing his face,
hearing his voice...

"Wait. You apologised? What for?" John asked incredulously.

"For falling in love with him," she answered. "None of this would have happened if I hadn't."

John swore under his breath and grabbed another beer.

"You guys didn't talk, did you? I knew it. I should have come in there and knocked your heads together," he snapped with irritation.

"We did," she argued. "I've told you all this before, John. What you think
Corey felt for me was all in your head. But we're friends again now, so at least that's something."

John said nothing. He looked straight ahead and ignored her while he popped a chip into his mouth.

She just shook her head and grabbed one of the beers on the table. Couldn't he understand? She knew Corey better than anyone, even his whole family. If he loved her, she would know about it.

And if there had been just a tiny flicker of love in his eyes a few minutes ago, she would have been down on her knees begging like a little fucker.

"So what happens now?" John asked finally. "Is he moving back in?"

"No. And I don't know where we go from here," she answered.

"You should have told him all those things you've been waiting to say," John said quietly, shaking his head.

"How do you know I didn't?" she asked.

He faced her, not even a hint of a smile on his face as he said, "Because if you had, he would have realised what a big misunderstanding you two have had. Then there was no way he would have walked out of that door tonight."

She grunted at that and took a swig of her beer.

"Just be happy for me, will you?" she said. "I have my friend back."

Her phone vibrated in her pocket, alerting her of a new message. She almost choked on her beer when she saw who it was.

"Phone back on. Will never have it off again, you'll always be able to reach me. I promise. I'm glad I have you back. I missed you so much. xoxoxo"

A little smiled played on her lips as she showed John the message.

"See. Everything will be back to normal soon," she said. "It'll be like the past few weeks never happened."

"You really think you can be just friends again?" he grunted, disbelieving.

"We've done it before," she shrugged.

"Oh, come on, Rae. Be honest with yourself. It's different this time. How many nights have you cried on my shoulder over him? How many times have you told me you felt like dying just because he wasn't there? And just this night, you cried your little heart out, breaking it all over again. So don't fuckin' sit there and tell me being friends will be
all right for you," he snapped. "You'll never look at him the same. This isn't kid's stuff, it's the real deal. He's your 'one', the 'one', and you know it."

She sighed and looked away from him.
He was right, she would always love Corey.

But there was just nothing she could do.

"Wanna go watch a movie?" she sighed again, ignoring his statement.

So what if she'd felt like dying the past few weeks?
Corey was back in her life now, and soon she'd be able to breathe again. She'd be alive again. Even if he didn't love her the way she loved him, she was never going to give him a reason to leave her again. So she was never going to say those three little words that had brought her all this pain ever again.

"Yeah, go on," John sneered. "Ignore what I said all you want. It won't make it any less true and it certainly won't make it go away."

"I'll go pick the movie, shall I?" she said quickly as she got up.

"If you two don't talk about this, it'll only end badly. Trust me on that one, Rae. You both need to clear the air," John called after her. "Even if he comes back, even when you two end up falling into bed together again – which, trust me, is inevitable – if you have all these insecurities running through your head, eating you up, IT WILL NEVER WORK."

That last part he shouted at her just as she closed the door behind her. She leaned against it and closed her eyes, feeling very tired already from fighting a battle that had only just started.

How the hell would she do this? How would she pretend the sun didn't shine out of
Corey's ass? Would she be able to look at him without it being so disgustingly obvious in her eyes? And what if what John said was true? What if he started sleeping with her again? The sex had been of the charts, maybe would Corey want to do it again, since he was such a sex addict. Maybe between the millions of other girls he'd do while on the road.

She shook her head as she opened her eyes and pushed herself away from the door. No,
Corey wouldn't sleep with her again, not after what had happened. He wouldn't want to get into that awkward situation again with her blurting out how much she loved him.

John didn't know what he was talking about.

Satisfied with her reasoning, she started going through the dvds she had, hoping to find a horror or something to keep her mind off Corey.

***

Rae was up before the crack of dawn, too excited at the thought of seeing Corey again to sleep. He hadn't said he was coming, but why else would he have asked if she was free that day? She'd had a lot of time to think about the situation due to her sleepless night. John's words had kept ringing through her head until she had realised what a perfect solution it was.

If
Corey wanted to be a friend that was fine, but she was going to make sure she lured him back into her bed and fucked him senseless. He'd said himself how sex with her was different from when he slept with all those other girls. He'd felt that connection, too. So she was going to make sure she used that to keep him coming back. Then sooner or later, he wouldn't want to leave at all.

By the time her dad walked downstairs, she was washed, dressed, had breakfast for all of them ready at the table and a huge smile was one her face.

Irving stopped in his tracks when he saw her, a little frown on his face as if he was unable to work out the reason for her change of mood.

"Morning, dad. Coffee?" she asked.

"Um... sure," he replied as he sat down.

"Did you have a good night last night?"

"Yeah. I'm guessing you did, too," he said.

"Very good," she answered.

The frown on his face turned to a scowl.

"With John
?!" he asked.

She laughed out loud at that one. Trust her dad to link her mood to sex.
With John, no less.

"Relax, dad," she answered. "This house has seen none of that type of action since you moved yourself and the kids in!"

His scowl deepened.

"Or ever. Lets go with that one," she said quickly as she set the last place at the table.

But the scowl remained on his face. She could tell he was trying to work out just what was making her so happy, but she wasn't about to tell Daddy dearest how she was planning to pull out her big bag of tricks and use all her arsenal to turn Corey's head for good.