The Bucket List (38 page)

"Corey's coming back, he could bring something if you want."

They both looked at the man in question, only to notice that his eyes were locked on
Nate's. John rolled his eyes and nudged him, bringing Corey's attention back to her.

The look in his eyes killed her. He'd never looked at her like that before, like he hated her

"Corey?" John said. "You'll bring some of your mum's cooking for her, won't you?"

"Sure,"
Corey said, with a little smile she could totally see through.

"
Nate, you coming with us? You'll have to take the couch, though."

"Thanks, but I'll make my way there later,"
Nate answered.

Her eyes were still on
Corey's but when Nate said that, Corey looked away from her and clenched his jaw.

"
All right. We'll get going, then," John said as he kissed her again. "I'll be back bright and early tomorrow."

He moved back to allow
Corey to kiss her too, but he just stood awkwardly in the same spot.

"Are you
all right?" he asked her softly.

Was he asking if she was
all right with the fact that he didn't love her?

How had things gone so wrong? When the doctor had told her the news, then Dr. Harvey had come in to explain in detail what she had, after telling her off for ignoring his calls about it in the first place, and how the treatment was going to go, all she had thought about was how she and
Corey would finally be able to be together properly.

"Yeah," she smiled.

"I'll be back in a little while; I'm just going to eat, shower and change," Corey said.

Oh, God. Was this it? Would he want to talk tonight? He wouldn't hurt her so bad just before her surgery, would he? He wasn't that cruel. But if they didn't talk about that, what else could they talk about? Him being so close to her was just messing her up, and if she actually got to be alone with him, she was afraid she would beg him not to leave her.

She couldn't do that to him. His happiness had always come first with her, she couldn't ask him to give her a chance when he didn't really want to.

But they'd had so much chemistry. His touch had brought her to life like nothing else in her entire life had. How could all that have just flown out of the window? Had his responses, his reactions to her only been fuelled and heightened by the death that had hung over her head?

"Um... I'll be all right. I'm not really hungry and Nate can stay with me tonight," she said quickly.

One thing at a time.
She'd deal with one thing at a time. After the surgery, once they knew if she was really going to be all right, maybe she would be strong enough to talk to him.

"Rae
...," Nate said, his voice trailing off as his eyes asked her what the hell she was doing.

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked
Nate. "Corey's tired, he needs a good night's sleep so he's ready for tomorrow."

She couldn't look at him after she said this. Maybe it was a bad idea having
Nate there, but she needed him. Nate had been her haven before, he still was.

She was being selfish, given it had only been a couple of weeks since
Nate had told her he loved her. And she wasn't stupid, she knew it took time to get over something like that, but she wanted to believe he would get over it and they'd become even better friends. Nate was an amazing person, a good guy, and she was honoured he was still in her life after what she had done to him.

"Sure,"
Nate answered with a little sigh.

She knew he was worried what
Corey would think, but there was no need. Corey would probably find it easier to tell her the truth if he thought she had Nate.

"Um... okay,"
Corey said, biting down on his lip. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

He always did that when he was dying to say something but was holding himself back.

Then he did something he hadn't done since forever. He bent down and kissed her... on the cheek. The fuck...? He'd always kissed her on the lips before. Was she going to lose that as well?

"Night, baby," she smiled. "Make sure you eat something, okay?"

Corey nodded with a little smile as he briefly held her eyes. They hadn't really looked at each other since the day her life had changed.

Then he was out of there before she could say anything else, like something was chasing him. Was he really that eager to leave her?

"You have no idea what you've just done, have you?" John asked sadly before turning to follow his friend.

"I've given myself a reprieve," she whispered to herself, answering his question even though the door was now firmly shut behind John.

"I think more like dug your own grave," Nate put in. "You more or else told him you didn't need him anymore because you have me."

***

"Excuse me, Miss Taylor. It's almost midnight and the other patients are trying to sleep," a nurse as said she walked into her hospital room, effectively quieting them down.

She stopped, taken aback when she saw her lying across
Nate on the floor by the wide open windows, giggling like an idiot. Nate's legs were up on the window sill and he was shirtless, so Rae could understand the nurse's momentary reaction, but she went back to her professional demeanour in seconds.

"I suggest you get some rest as well, your surgery is in the morning," the nurse continued, as if she needed reminding.

The whole purpose of Nate goofing around with her while they tried their best to gaze at the night sky by the windows had been to make her forget.

"Sorry, ma'am. It was my fault,"
Nate said in his sexy Southern drawl, smiling at the woman as he got to his feet and walked to stand in front of her and in the process knocking her composure back a little bit more. "I won't keep her up much longer. Maybe, after she's gone to bed, you can keep me company?"

The nurse scowled, unable to tell if he was just pulling her leg or not. But her eyes didn't leave
Nate's impressive chest for a second.

"It just got a little hot in here," he explained with a smile, causing the woman to blush at being caught out. "So what do you say? You, me and a cup of coffee as soon as you can get away?"

"Just keep the noise down," the nurse muttered before turning to leave.

"Oh, you're good," Rae laughed. "The poor woman didn't know whether to jump you or hit you."

"You know I'm smooth. That's what you fell for in the first place," Nate stated.

At his words, an uncomfortable silence fell between them. It always did whenever one of them referred to their
short lived relationship.

With a tired sigh, she sat herself on her bed, wondering when they'd be able to look back at what they'd had without remembering all the pain she'd caused him.

"I can't do this, Rae."

It was almost a whisper but she heard it, and she didn't insult him by pretending she didn't know what he was talking about.

"I can't keep pretending my heart isn't broken," he continued. "I can't keep pretending I don't hurt every time you look at Corey the way I want you to look at me. I can't keep pretending my whole world hasn't come crashing down around me. I need time to put myself together again."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

She had said those words to him a lot lately, when her guilt ate her up over what she had done.

"Don't be," he said with a sad smile, sitting on her bed and facing her. "Everything is as it should be. I knew the end before we'd even begun."

She looked away from his eyes and sighed again. Was she going to lose him, too?

"I'm always going to be here for you, baby. But just give me time,"
Nate said, as if he'd read her mind. "I'll never regret meeting you, and when you and Corey have kids, I'm going to enjoy telling them how 'Uncle Nate' almost got their mum."

She gave a little smile at this, but she couldn't help feeling as if a good part of her otherwise shitty life was coming to an end.

"So you don't want to see me for a while?" she asked sadly.

"I do. I want to see you all the time. But I can't. I'll be here for you after your surgery because I'll worry too much about you if I'm not," he said. "But when you're all better, I'm going to have to take a bit of time to myself. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years you and I will be laughing our heads off about this."

"Maybe you'd have found someone better for yourself by then," she offered.

"Someone better? Impossible," he stated. "But maybe I'll find someone."

"I just wish you'd been the one," she whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek.

Nate
's hand found its way to her face, gently brushing the tear away before his palm rested on her cheek.

"So do I. But you'll never be happy without
Corey," he smiled sadly.

He pulled her forward until their foreheads touched.

"Hey," he said. "You're not losing me, I've already said that. I'll be back by your side before you know it. I'll be all right."

"Promise?" she asked in a small voice.

She'd known him a short while, but it had been long enough to know she absolutely needed him in her life. Corey or no Corey. She had been wrong to use him, and it was only now she was seeing she had used him. For the sex, for the eye opening experience, for the unmovable support when she absolutely needed him the most.

"I promise,"
Nate answered, looking her straight in the eye.

It was right then that she knew he would be
all right, that he would do everything he said he'd do, that he'd never leave her. He was a good man; she should never have doubted that.

"I'll always be in your life, darlin'," he said with a small smile.

"I'll be here waiting for you," she whispered.

Then she leaned in and kissed his lips gently. It was a friendly kiss that didn't bring any of the old sparks back for her. And all the guilt she'd felt before over him disappeared when she pulled her lips back from his and he smiled warmly into her eyes.

It was truly finished.

"Sir, can I help you?"

Corey stared unseeingly ahead of him as he tried to find his way out of the hospital.

"Sir?"

The fuck was wrong with that woman? Couldn't she see he was literally falling apart in front of her eyes? His heart had stopped working and the air just wouldn't get into his lungs, no matter how hard they worked.

"I need to get out of here," he muttered. "I can't be here. I need to go home."

He eventually made it out of the hospital to the taxi bay nearby. He didn't think he could have driven his car back to the house with the way he was feeling.

"Where to, sir?" the taxi driver asked.

"I only came to tell her I love her," he mumbled. "I came to beg."

"Sir?" the driver questioned.

"She lied to me. It's Nate. It's always been Nate."

"I meant; where can I take you?" the driver repeated.

He mumbled the address before leaning against the window and closing his eyes, hoping to God he wouldn't just snap right there.

He didn't. Instead he waited until he was safely in the bar at his house. He waited until he'd polished more than half a big bottle of Jack Daniels, straight. He waited until he felt he was numb enough to do minimal damage.

Then he walked slowly to the middle of the room, the bottle still in his hand.

He had no idea where it landed when he angrily threw it but the loud crashing of a window was a damn good indication. One of the bar stools followed it, but he was pretty sure it crashed against the large plasma in front of the games consoles. There was no method to his madness anymore as he suddenly started attacking everything; the bottles of alcohol behind the bar, the pool tables and cue sticks, the sound system, the Wiis,
PlayStations, X-boxes and Nintendo’s, all the games that went with it, the gaming chairs.

And for good measure, he made sure that damn duke box never played another song again.

Then when he was done, he calmly walked over to the bar and sorted through the broken glass, uncaring when he cut himself, for an undamaged bottle of whiskey.

It was here that John found him, followed closely by
Irving, Mandy and Sara. They were all in their bed clothes.

For a full minute, no one said anything as they slowly walked further into the room, pushing broken glass and furniture away with their slipper clad feet, surveying the damage, both the room and the man.

"Corey?" John questioned finally.

Blood was gushing from his hand onto his clothes but he didn't give a shit. He couldn't.

"Hey John," he smiled, as if this was the most normal thing in the world.

"What you doing?"

"Oh... I just thought the place was missing something," he shrugged.