The Broken Parts Of Us (21 page)

Kyra has come down with a cold, so I haven’t seen her much, either. I’m in a love/lust Jasper bubble and I can’t get enough.

The ringing of the doorbell makes Jasper stir next to me. I look at the clock. It’s 7 a.m. What the hell?

“Grrrr, why are they hammering the doorbell like that?” Jasper grumbles.

I shift his weight away from me, garnering a moan from him and enticing me to stay right there. I pull a robe around my naked body and tread the stairs to the lobby. I can see Hannah pacing the doorstep from the camera above the door. I press the intercom.

“I heard the bell the first time.”

Her scowl tightens her mouth, making her look older than her years. “I need to see Jasper.”

I open the door and she barges past me, her heels
click-clacking
across the floor. Jasper is already making his way down the stairs and his eyes roll when they take in the morning visitor.

“I’ve been calling.”

“I’ve been busy with work, sorry.”

She scoffs at him and hands him a file. “I want the house, Jasp. We’re either doing it together or I will do it alone.”

He snatches the folder, looking sheepishly in my direction. “I’ll have it sorted by the end of the day,” he tells her.

She claps her hands together and leans in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you. We’re going to be fine, Jasper. These are all teething problems.”

Three weeks I’ve been inside him, every night. Fucking teething problems. This girl is insane.

“Mom wants to know when she can set the date. There’s an opening at her country club, but we need to give them a definite by next week.”

I’m fucking dizzy right now; vertigo is making the room spin.

“I’ll call you later and maybe we can have dinner this week.”

I hear him speaking, but it’s in slow motion. I knew this was all going to have to end, but I’ve been living in the bubble where I didn’t think about the when and why, and every other reason I shouldn’t be completely in love with him.

I hear her clanking heels as she passes me and slams the door behind her.

“She wants to buy a house.”

I can’t say anything. Nothing for him has changed and I know to him this is sexual and nothing more. “Come back to bed, Jasp.”

His eyes flash with surprise which quickly turns to heat. If this is all it is to him, then I’ll give him the best sex of his life. 

* * * * *

Three hours in every position. I’m aching in all the right places and still it isn’t enough. Kyra had called and asked me to meet her at River’s. I haven’t told her yet that I’ve found her a property and laid down the first years rent. I know she’s a proud woman, but I need to know she’s living somewhere safe and clean and worthy of her.

I pull up and toot the horn. Kyra comes out of the studio looking rosy cheeked from the workout the dancing gave her.

“Hey,” she says, leaning into kiss my cheek.

My lips capture hers on impulse; her soft, petite lips pucker, caressing mine before moving back. “Hey,” I reply with a grin. “I have somewhere I want to take you.”

Her smile is hypnotic. “Where?”

“I’ll show you.”

We stand in the middle of her new lounge; the cream walls give the place a fresh look. I had movers completely fill it with brand new furnishings.

A tear leaks to her cheek. “Beauty, what’s wrong?” The pad of my thumb captures her stray tear.

“It’s just so nice. I can’t afford it and can’t let you just pay my rent, Derek.”

I cup her cheek, and she burrows into my hand, firing the alpha male tendencies in me. “I know the realtors and got a cracking deal, Ky. It’s the same as you’re paying now.”

Her eyes grow big and her mouth pops open. She looks around. “Really?”

I pull her into me and give her a gentle squeeze. I know this will be the only way she’ll accept the place.

“Thank you,” she whispers against my chest.

“What did you want to talk about?”

She looks conflicted, her brow pinching. She looks to her purse, then back at me. “Nothing, it was nothing. I just missed spending time with you is all.”

“Well, how about we go get your stuff, move you in here, and have dinner?”

“Sure.”

H
e seems so happy; how can I tell him I received another note? He’ll go into full on protective detective. I can’t believe this beautiful place he got for me. I’m not worried, the note is similar to the first ones I got and nothing else is happening. Derek is keeping me updated via text about the condition of the suspect; he’s still in a coma, so I know this just has to be my ex playing games and I won’t let him turn everyone’s lives upside down. 

“I just need to get my things from River’s. I can do my place another time.”

I pack away my things and feel a little sad to be leaving them. I’ve grown really close to Mikey and I’ll miss him. His behaviour has settled remarkably and this is just a beautiful atmosphere to be in.

We wait for River to bring Mikey home from school, so I can say goodbye to him properly and explain where I’m moving to. He cries, which in turn makes me cry, which then makes River cry. Der doesn’t know who to hug first.

“You okay?” Derek asks, taking my last bag inside the new place.

I smile and follow him in. “I’m fine. I’m not sure what we’re going to eat though. I need to buy groceries.”

“I text Jasper to bring something over after he’s done …with paperwork.”

I watch the pain cross his face and hear the falter in his voice. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what’s he really doing?”

He breathes hard and scrubs his hands down his face. The strain is evident in his features. “He’s buying a house for him and Hannah.”  

My head swims and my stomach curdles as the hot tears gather, then flood to my face. I’m mortified by my reaction. It’s the knowing he doesn’t want to be with her that feels so final. It was seeing the connection him and Derek share that is more than any I have ever seen outside the passion Sammy has for River. It’s the knowing I’ll never fulfil that yearning I have for him.

I try to turn from Derek’s penetrating gaze, but he captures my chin and forces me to look at him. “I know how you feel about him.”

I fight the tears from coming and sniffle, “And I know how you feel about him, Derek. Worst of all, I know how little she feels for him and it hurts knowing she gets him.”

He pulls me into his chest, his warm, big hands soothing me as they rub gentle circles on my back. “Go wash your face so he doesn’t see you’ve been crying. He’ll be here soon.”

I go to the bathroom and wash up, then change into some fresh clothes and brush my hair loose. I need to get over these feelings I have for him and move forward. I want more from Derek. I knew he was in love with Jasper, but maybe he can love us both, and we can heal each other when Jasper moves on.

D
inner was rushed and felt a little uncomfortable; as soon as Ky cleared the plates, I was putting my coat on.

I kiss Kyra on the lips and fight back the groan as Jasper leans in, brushing his body against mine and placing a kiss just below her ear. God, I’m greedy and I want them both. I wait for her to lock the door before I make my way to my place. Jasper had gone to the studio to collect the Lexus and drove it here, so she’ll have transport in the morning. The drive home is done in a tense stand-off. I know he’s signed the papers to move in with Hannah and it cuts me deep. I don’t want him to move out; the dark hole is opening up inside me again. I already miss him before the goodbye.

 I follow Jasper into the lobby; he empties his pockets on the console table. “Don’t do this, Jasp.”

He bows his head like he knew this was coming. “I’m going to shower, Der.”

I don’t follow him, even though every inch of my sexual desire is screaming at me to. I go to the bar and pour myself a drink; it warms my stomach as it hits and spreads through my body. I can’t see how I can go on living without him now I know what it’s like to have him. Before, it was different. I didn’t think there was a possibility of ever having him, but now I have? God, how can I live watching him with her?

I drown my sorrows and try to wash it all away, but it just grows with urgency.

“Der, you smell like a brewery. Come to bed.”

I push my glass away and swipe the near empty bottle, then make my way to my room. He’s waiting for me and the tightening in my chest is almost unbearable. “Don’t leave me for her, Jasp.” I know I’m drunk, my words slur his name. I feel weak, helpless, my brain raging war with itself on reasons why I need him, and he shouldn’t be with her to the fact that I know it’s more complicated than me just wanting to keep him.

 “Der, you knew this was happening. I can’t let my kid wake up in a house I don’t live in.”

“Then share custody.”

Jasper shakes his head. “You’re drunk.”

I grab his wrist and place his hand over my heart that’s beating a mile a minute. “Don’t act like you don’t know how I feel, Jasper. This has always been more than just sex to me.”

His face softens as his hand grasps the nape of my neck. “This is more to me, too. But you know I have to leave. You know I have to marry her.”

I feel my insides shatter. How could I let myself get in this deep? I look him over and think of the life he’ll live with her, with our affection. The ache is so powerful it’s almost a being all on its own. I mimic his hold, my hand gripping tight to the nape of his neck.

I look him in the eye and lay all my feelings there at his feet like a bleeding wound draining the life from me. It’s the most vulnerable and heart-felt I’ve ever allowed myself to be.  “Keep me… keep me in your mind with the memories we shared. Keep me in your heart with each erratic beat you feel when I look at you. Keep me in the essence of your soul with the part of mine you own there. Keep me imprinted on your skin with the memories of my touch. Keep me on your lips with the thoughts of when mine would brush against yours. Those memories and thoughts are ours. Mine and yours to keep forever, to visit when the ache builds, when the pain becomes unbearable, when you reach over the bed and feel the space where my body used to lay, when you wish it was my voice, my touch, my love, my scent engulfing you, living you, breathing you every day.”

 I clash my lips to his, so he can’t respond. There’s nothing more he can say. I know it’s over and this is my goodbye. 

* * * * *

I leave the bedroom before he wakes, shower, and change, then make my way down the stairs. Hans called, telling me the suspect is awake. I need to question him and close this case.

I grab my keys and notice a note with Jasper’s things. The detective, nosey side of me wins out and I open it. My keys drop on the floor with a clank as I read the words.

He will pay, Beauty, and you’re the cost.

I race up the stairs. “Jasp wake up!” I shake him.

“What the fuck, Der? Come back to bed. Someone’s waking up.” He grins, fisting his cock. This has got to be the first time mine doesn’t salute him.

“Where did this come from?” I hold up the note and his brow furrows as he snatches it from my hand.

“Where did you get this?” he asks.

“With your keys. You put it on the console table when you came in.”

He sits up, alert. “It was on the window wipers of the Lexus. That girl who works there, Dawn was outside and I assumed she was putting out leaflets.”

He stands and pulls on his jeans that were thrown on the floor. “Call Kyra.”

My heart stops. Oh God, I left her alone. I pull my cell out and call her number. My life span shortens with every unanswered ring.

“Hello…Derek?” Her groggy voice hums down the line.

I collapse to the bed, relieved. “You okay, Beauty?”

I hear her moving around. “I’m fine. What’s this about? Is it about the Jasper thing?”

I look up at him, concern etched on his face. “No, listen, Ky. I don’t want you to leave the apartment okay? I’m sending Jasper over until I’m free; don’t question me on this, just say okay, please.”