The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) (9 page)

Keegan still hasn’t let go of me. I try to pull and struggle against him. “Bec
, if you don’t cut that shit out right now…” I break free of his grasp and go to take off again. Thinking I’m actually getting away from Keegan was my first mistake. “Have it your way, Becca.” He scoops me up throwing me over his shoulder.

“Keegan
, put me down!”  I scream.

“Fuck that shit. You aren’t getting out of this we have some serious shit to talk about.” With Keegan’s response
, I give up the fight. I know I won’t be able to get away from him. Keegan continues to carry me up the path until we have reached our spot. He sets me down on the rock formation and I don’t bother trying to get away this time.

“Okay
, you have me where you want me, so how about you tell me what the hell you want from me?

Keegan puts his hands up in the air with frustration. “Cut the shit
, Bec, it’s not cute.”

“Being cute? Why
, it got me into this fricking mess? I just want to walk around, go to my classes, finish the semester, and leave!” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them; I look to the ground hoping it will open up and swallow me whole.

Keegan stomps right up to me and brings his hands to my face. “Leave? What the hell does that mean?”

“Keegan, I have to, I need too. I’m going to finish what I said I would. I’m going to be done with my first year soon. Charlotte wants to take me away for the summer and then I’m coming back for my final year here. I will be transferring to an art school after that. I promised my dad I’d do two years and then I would go to art school. I’m going to try talking him into it at the end of the semester again. Maybe he will let me start this September instead of doing another year. If not, I will do what I promised; you will all be graduating that year anyways. But at some point I have to do what’s right for me.” Keegan looks overloaded with the information I’ve giving him.

“No
, Becca, you can’t leave at the end of this year. You have to stay. Alec needs you and so does Jake.” He still hasn’t let go of my face.

“They will be fine, Jake and I aren’t even talking
. It will be better this way for them and for me.” With that, Keegan lets go of my face and spins around, taking a few steps away from me.

“What about me
, Becca?” I see that his shoulders are tense. “You will be fine too. I’m a phone call away. Besides, it might be better for you too.”

“Screw that, you’re running away. If that’s what you want I guess I can’t stop you.”

Keegan’s words feel like ice. “Keegan please, just let me go.”

He turns to me with his eyes full of sadness. “I need you
, Becca, I won’t be fine. I won’t be better off without you here.”

“Keegan…” At this moment
, I’m barely keeping it together.

“I wish I could give you what you want, because this is killing me. Becca
, please stay. Fine, go away with Charlotte if that’s what you want, but don’t stay away. Come back give me that time. Help me remember. We all need you Becca. There is a party tonight at one of the teammate’s houses. Come out. I know I’d love to see you having fun and I know Alec would too.” The old Keegan never would have been this open and raw with me. It’s refreshing and scaring my heart at the same time.

Keegan walks over to me. “Let me walk you back
, Becca. You have a party to get ready for.”

***

Standing in front of my mirror, I’m not sure how I feel about the outfit. Charlotte came over to help me get ready. I was thankful until I saw what she brought me to wear. Looking down, I see the silver mini-skirt, which is barely covering anything. My legs look longer than they actually are and the pink sparkling six inch heels help with that. She gave me a matching pink sparkling halter-top to wear with it.  It has no back to it and dips in the front, only being held together with a small silver pin at my breasts. My hair is pinned back and cascading in loose curls all the way down my back.

“Becca
, you look amazing. Stop being self conscious and get your purse. It’s time to party.” Charlotte is all decked out in a green dress that is as short as my skirt. It isn’t as low cut as my top but still revealing. Her hair is straight and she’s wearing a pair of shiny black heels. She looks like she just walked off a runway and has no problem showing her confidence. “ Let’s go then.” I exhale and walk out the door, following Charlotte.

Drake is downstairs waiting for us,
and his mouth drops open when he sees us coming. “Well, aren’t I just a lucky son of a bitch.” He wears a smirk on his face. “Charlotte, you are beautiful.” All I see is that he is completely into my cousin. He adores her and her face says it’s a mutual thing. “Thank you, Drake. You’re looking very sexy tonight.” This conversation is making me want to look away but I can’t say she’s wrong. Drake’s hair has some gel in it; he’s wearing a black button-up shirt with a pair of dark slim jeans. “Becca… I don’t even know what to say, you just look amazing. Jake and Keegan might not know what’s what but every other guy at this party is going to want you on their arm.” He winks at me and I smile softy.

When we pull up
, all the confidence that I have been telling myself I had vanishes. There are people everywhere. The house has a wraparound porch and there’s a keg sitting right out in the open. This party is in full swing. I see Sarah first. She was talking to a group of girls and she stopped as soon as she sees me. Drake puts his other arm around me. He starts walking with me to the porch. When we go to pass Sarah, she comes out in front of me. “Look what that cat dragged in. So Jake and Keegan released the nothing-but-a-little-attention-seeker. “Poor Becca” isn’t working anymore so you’ve moved on to Drake.” Sarah looks to Charlotte, and I can see her clenching her fist. “Better watch out that this little skank doesn’t steal your man.”

Charlotte lunges but I grab her. Drake is still
holding on to me protectively. “She’s not worth it, Charlotte.” I try to get through to her. “You are right, Becca, she isn’t.” She turns to Sarah, looking her right in the eye. “Besides, I have the joy of knowing my cousin Becca threw your dumbass out of the apartment… In your undies, no less. That’s all I need. I bet you looked like the attention seeking whore you are.” With that, Charlotte turns and grabs me as we walk around a stunned Sarah. “Next time I’m punching her in the face, Becca.” I laugh because I’m not sure what else to do.  I know Charlotte would do it and the best part of it is that I’d love to see it.

Drake takes us around back and sets us up on some loungers. He goes to get us some drinks and tell my brother we are here. I look around and I spot Jake with Kristy
, laughing. He turns but I look away before he can see me watching him. Seeing him with her brought it all back. I know he’s not doing it to hurt me but the sight of it has rebroken my broken heart. Drake looks at me, having seen the hurt in my face. He comes and sits next to me and puts himself in front of something. I look around him and see Keegan with Sarah now. “Becca, I promise they are idiots.”

“No
, I am the idiot. I lost the two people I loved because I couldn’t choose.” I got up and began to walk away. They got up to follow but I just shake my head and they realize I just need to be alone. I walk off to the other side of the backyard, by the fire. I just look into the fire wishing it had the answers. If only I hadn’t fallen in love with both of them. If I could have just chose one. They say that if you fall in love with someone else, then you let the first one go. You didn’t love them as much as you thought or you wouldn’t have fallen in love with the second person… My problem is this, which person did I love first? That’s the question.

“Your friend thought you could use a drink.” I look up and see a guy I’ve seen around the team before
, but I don’t know him. I look to where he’s pointing and I see my brother with Keegan, Charlotte, and Drake. Sarah is also there with her hands around Keegan. The sight makes me thankful there is a drink being handed to me. I grab it from him, thanking him and send cheers to my group of friends who are also doing the same. I down the drink in seconds. Glancing over, I see Keegan, Drake, and my brother staring at me like I’ve grown a second head. “That was much needed, thank you.” I get up and walk away. The last thing I need is another guy in my life.

Well
, trying to get out of the watchful eyes of my friends, I bump right into someone. “Becca.” I don’t have to look to know who it is.

“Sorry
, Jake, I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I go to move around him, I can’t do this right now.

“Becca
, no, wait.”

Without thinking
, I turn to him. My filter I had been working so hard to keep has vanished. “Why? So you can tell me to give you space. I got that message loud and clear when you moved out of the dorms. When you left me broken. You broke me, Jake.” Spinning around, I try to leave since I’m starting to feel that drink I downed. I feel his arms on me and I feel heat at the contact. God, I’ve missed him touching me.

“Becca
, it is because you were with Keegan.”

Wait?

What?

“I wasn’t with him, I ended it. If you decided to walk away
, know it’s because of you. I know what I want, Jake.” Jake looks at me and I know whatever he’s about to say isn’t going to help matters.

“Because he couldn’t remember you. You fought so hard to stay with him and keep things with you two.” I’m stunned. Did he hear nothing I said to him in the hospital?
I’m too mad to hold anything back.

“You can’t blame me for staying
. I ran to you with everything and you always said the right things to send me back! You told me you didn’t love me like that. YOU DID IT TO ME. It broke my heart every goddamn time. I didn’t know it then. I didn’t know that you had stolen my heart but every time you did the “I’m not in love with you,” I felt it.  You broke me, Jacob Kelso. You pushed me towards him. You smiled when he did sweet things; you encouraged me to give him another chance! Now you saying you blame me and pushed me away now because of that. Don't you get it? Jake… I loved you. Always you. Maybe you just didn’t love me like you think. Now you’re blaming me for not sharing my feelings! When you couldn’t tell me either like that’s fair. Well, that’s bullshit, Jake.” I turn and begin to walk away.

“Becca
, wait! Please.” The change in his voice makes me still instantly but I don’t turn around. “Becca, you think any of that was easy for me. I was doing it because I thought he made you happy. I would do anything to make you happy. I’d even hide my own love for you. Every time I told you I wasn’t in love with you, it was like my heart was being crushed against my chest. Saying those words was the second hardest thing I ever did. Every time I said I love you, I meant it. I love you more than anything. In my head, when I’d say I love you, all the things I love about you would follow it. All I thought about was this sad girl I found in the front of the school. I loved you the moment you gave me that shy awkward wave in the café the day we met. This unbelievable shy, beautiful girl had so much to offer the world, but wouldn’t open up. I wanted to be that person. It was just you didn’t just need me. I wasn’t enough. Keegan wasn’t enough either. That girl will have everything she ever needs. She just can’t see it right now. She loved so openly but never let those love her back. I’m not going to be enough for you now. That’s why…”

I interrupt him before he can finish
. I know what’s coming, but I love him. Why is he doing this to me? “Jake, please, I’m begging you, don’t do this.” I feel his hand touch the back of my hair and I still won’t turn to him. I can’t. “Want to know the hardest thing I ever had to do? The one thing that surpasses telling you I wasn’t in love with you… it was telling you to stay in the dorms and not come home with me. But it was the right thing to do.” I can’t stand this anymore. My heart is crashing against the walls of my chest; I do what ‘Becca’ always does. Which means I run. Going right into the house, away from Jake and everyone I care about. Not stopping until I’m upstairs and find myself locked in the bathroom. I lock the door and sink to the ground.

Why can’t he just see that I love him
? Why does he have to not see that I run to him because of that? He was always enough for me. I just didn’t think he wanted me. Tears that were pooling in my eyes have now found their way down my cheeks, falling to the floor under me. I feel this fog come over me. “What was that drink?” My words are slow. Something isn’t right. Grabbing the door handle, I try to get up but my body is slow to reply. The bathroom is spinning. Something is happening to me. Finally, I make it up and get out the door. People are coming up the stairs. I know I should ask for help but I don’t know what’s happening. My only thought is to find Jake. I feel like I’m dying. I can’t let that be the last thing I’ve said to him. Making my way to the bottom of the stairs, I see Jake. “Jake.” My eyes are barely staying open. He turns and sees me but just turns again and walks right out the front door.  My heart sinks. If I could actually fathom what just happened, my world may have actually stopped.

Using the wall to guide me
, I try to find someone who I trust before I finally collapse. I see a room that looks like and office. There’s someone in there and even from behind, I know who it is. He’s looking at something on the wall. I get in the door and almost make it to him. I feel the room spinning out of control. I can’t take another step. Just as I feel my body shutting down, I call out to the one person I trust as much as Jake.