The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) (24 page)

Using my hands and my weight
, I roll him so I’m straddling him. “I love you, Keegan Keller.” Those words are all I can get out right now.

“I know what you’re going to do
, Bec. Just know that I’ll always be right here waiting for you. Whenever you are ready, just say the word. I don’t deserve you, Bec, but I’m asking that you let me have you anyway?” Keegan whispers.

Bringing my mouth down on his
, there’s nothing between us. We are connected in every way. Our movements are matched and effortless. Like no two people were better suited to share this. His body presses hard against mine and I feel the movements of his hips. He places his hands around my waist and turns us so he’s on top of me, looking down into my eyes. He thrusts and I feel myself getting closer. His grip on me tightens and I know he’s not fair behind. We continue like this, working each other, showing the love that our words couldn’t even begin to express.

Just as my body is ready to give in to the pleasure he’s giving to my body
, he speaks. “I love you,
Becca
.”

Those words are all I needed to get to my climax and he follows me. We lay there
, our bodies exhausted. After a few minutes, he leans over and grabs something from his pants. It’s the locket that he gave me for Christmas; I’d given it back to him.

“I need you to have this. I know you think me falling in love with you now is crazy. Let me be crazy. I’m sorry for all those nights that I may never remember. You put your entire world on hold for me. My heart needs you to have the world.” I nod and he does the latch
, placing the necklace back around my neck.

“Where it belongs
,” he says, as he runs his finger along the chain. I turn, snuggling into him. Getting my fill of Keegan is never going to happen but I will take everything I can get.

"I could hold you in my arms forever and it still wouldn’t be long enough." Somehow Keegan knows this is goodbye
. I just never thought I'd feel this way when I realized it too. We lay there until I can hear the birds through my window. I know that we’ve had this bubble, our bubble, but the world is bursting in, causing us to have to face reality.

Once Keegan is deeply asleep
, I go to get dressed and grab a few of my things, knowing I'm doing the right thing. But my heart is still breaking every minute I’m not in that bed with him. I give into my wants and go back to him.

"You will think I have moved on,
and you will fall in love with someone else. I'm in love with you and always will be. Which is why this is goodbye. I’m setting you free, Keegan. Just be happy. I love you." I lean down and kiss him softly, careful not to wake him. I gather up my things and sneak out into the night and right out of Keegan's life. Leaving one final note for him.

I will always love you
, Keegan. You gave me the best of everything but sometimes that’s just not enough. You deserve more than I can give you. I want you to move on, so do this for me. Be happy. Love without fear.

I'm already gone,
so please don't look for me.

Your Bec
, Always <3

Walking into the airport, I can’t help the déjà vu I feel. Airports have become my second home since coming to Lakehead. Waiting for my flight that will bring me into Toronto to get onto my next flight with Trevor, I’m wondering if I’m making the right decision. My heart is hesitating. Looking around, I am in complete shock when I see those sliding doors open and Jake walking in. I haven’t called anyone; no one knows I’m leaving right now. He walks right up to me, giving nothing away as to why he is here.

“Jake, what are you doing here?” Once the words are out my heart comes to a realization. I care. When I’m with Keegan
, he is all I see. When I’m with Jake, he’s all I see. I love them both, which is why my choice to leave is the right one. “My dad called. When I told him everything about Sarah, he told me I had to see you. I didn’t know what he meant. So I came over but I saw you letting Keegan in. I waited but, well, you know how long you were in there and what you were doing.” My whole face pales at this.

“I waited, watching. I saw you put your bag in a cab and I knew then. You’re running away again
, Becca.” I go to say something, anything, but he puts his hand up, stopping me.

"You are just like Sarah
. The only difference is you couldn’t sleep with Alec because he’s your brother.” His words are filled with disgust. I slap him in the middle of this airport. I know he’s hurting, if he’d only admit that. But right now all he feels is rage. So I let him have his words, for now.

“
If only you could change and I’d stay the same. But all you do is push me the fuck away. I’m done trying, Becca.”

“Jake, it’s not like that. I think this is what we need. What we all need. I have an amazing opportunity to work with my art. If anyone would understand that
, it is you.” He is shaking his head. I know nothing I’m saying is sinking in.

“Becca,
art isn’t a future. It’s a hobby. It’s time to grow up.” I fight back my tears. He doesn’t deserve them. What I told Drake was true. Being in love shouldn’t hurt this much.

“Jake, I know you
are just mad and you don’t mean it. You are just angry about my choices. But they are my choices. I love you, Jake, and I know you still love me.” I say this to him, hoping that out of this whole conversation he will at least absorb those words.

“I don’t love you
, Becca, not any more.” He words cut me so deep I wish I was anywhere but here.

“You are just saying this because you’re angry,
and you will regret this, Jacob!” I tell him.

“No
. I don’t, Becca.” He doesn’t look sorry. Jake looks at me like this is a chore.

“Jake
, you promised me you’d never lie to me, so please don’t start now,” I say, with my voice shaking.

“I’m not lying to you
, Becca. The only promise I’ve made that I’m breaking was saying I’d always be there for you. Because I won’t.” I am looking for any hint of him lying, but I can’t find any of his tells. Not that he’s ever lied to me before. This isn’t the Jake I knew.

“Jake
, please. Don’t do this to me, Jake. I love you. This isn’t about me running this is about me doing what I want to with my art. That doesn’t change anything. I need you. I love you, and you’re still my best friend who loves his best friend!” I beg.

“It’s time you find another best friend.” Just like that
, I know that leaving was the absolute right choice. There is too much damage here with Keegan and Jake. There is too much water under the bridge to move forward right now. 

“I don’t want to see you,
or be with you. I just wanted you to know you are not running away, because there’s nothing left here for you to run from.” With each word, my thoughts of our someday are vanishing. Jake is throwing in the towel on us.

“Have a good life
, Becca.” He turns, walking out of the same door he had only just come through, leaving me alone.

Instead of doing what ‘Becca’ usually would and fall to the floor at the loss of Jake
, I turned and boarded my plane. It wasn’t about fight or flight. It was about survival. I’m fighting this time, but I won’t fight for someone who doesn’t want me in his or her life. I will fight for me. For my future with my art, and for the Becca I have become. I won’t continue to be the shell of the girl I was. I’m done being
lonely
and
broken
. I’m leaving and I’m never coming back. Its time for me to become
missing
.

Becca

Standing in the room, I pace.
How did this happen?

“Charlotte
, what am I going to do if I’m right?” I say, hoping my cousin will have some wise words of wisdom.

“You will deal
. You’re not the same girl you were when you left Thunder Bay.”

I left my home, family, Jake
, and Keegan, three months ago. I left without notice, telling few where I actually am. Those who do know where I am aren’t telling anyone. I needed this.

At the time
, everyone thought I was being overzealous but the change and success I’ve had has shown everyone that I can be the person I want to be without needing to be taken care of. I just hope that for once I’m wrong. That I won’t be tested on how strong I really have become and far I’ve come. I still have so much I want to do, but this might change that.

“It’s time
,” Charlotte says.

Looking down
, I read the word that has just changed my entire life.

Pregnant.

THE END

Look for Gracie in the trees enjoying nature's wonders, traveling to see the latest animal conservations, or at aquariums all around the world. This girl loves nature and all animals. She has many pets and is always adding new additions. The more the merrier in her mind. Sitting under the shade reading a book, letting the world around her pass by, while she is safe in her bubble of imagination. Well that is where she'd love to stay. She is a softball player, can be talked into the occasional Karaoke and loves going out to dance. She is a first generation Canadian living in Ontario. Her family is from Scotland, so finding her in the hot sun for very long is unlikely, but give her rain and thunderstorms and she's golden.