The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) (2 page)

I hold on to Jake, wishing my proximity could wake him from this. When I was in the hospital after the attack from Dillon last time, Jake pulled me out. “I heard you the whole time, Jake. When you talked to me when I was sleeping. So I’m going to talk to you every day and hopefully you will be hearing me.” I snuggle into him, ready to bare my soul. “Jake, I love you. Not like you love me, though. When we were here, you said you loved me but you’re not
in
love with me. I couldn’t admit it then but I loved you. I’m in love with you, but I will always be your best friend first. I will put aside my feelings so that I can always be your best friend and be here for you, no matter the cost. Without you I’d be lost. If you don’t wake up, I just can’t… I won’t survive.” I hear a shuffle and look up to see my brother Alec watching me.

“Becca. It will be okay. Jake is just resting. His body needs it just like you did when it was you lying here and Jake begging you to wake up.” He looks like he wants to say something more but isn’t sure what I can handle.

“What is it, Alec?”

He looks at me, trying to scale my emotions before continuing. “I know you are in love with Jake. I think I knew before you knew. I know you love Keegan too, but your going to have to choose one day. For the record though, I was here when Jake was making the same plea to wake you up. He’s in love with you too, Becca. He’s just scared of losing you if you don’t choose him. If I was him, I’d rather have you in my life as my friend than not at all” I’m shocked by this because Jake has continually told me we are just friends. Could he have been hiding it just like I was?

Alec continues, “Keegan will remember you. Who, by the way, is asking to see you.” I look to Jake and want to tell Alec to tell him I’m busy, but I’d hate to be in his position. I think of the difficulty of trying to pick up pieces of my life that I couldn’t remember. I turn to Jake and give him a gentle kiss on his lips. “Jake, I’ll be back. I love you, so please come back to me.”

My brother walks me to the door of Keegan’s room and I stop before I go in. “I can’t do this.” I turn
to run away, but my brother doesn’t let me.

“I’m going to go spend some time with Jake. You need to talk to Keegan. Even with all his screw-ups, he was a good friend to you. I don’t know how I feel about you being with him, after learning the truth while you were gone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to make your own choice. I will not stop you from whoever that is, as long as they take care of you. I’m done trying to control your life and make sure it’s perfect. Instead, I’m going to help you keep your secrets, if that’s what you need, or I’ll be the big brother who kicks some ass. Whatever it is. That’s me now, okay, Becca?” I nod and hug him before turning around and walking through those doors to Keegan.

Seeing Keegan is the best and worst thing all at once. I see in his eyes that he doesn’t remember me and our connection is gone, although I still feel this guilt to stick by him. Even after everything that’s happened with Sarah. He needs me right now and, if he’ll let me, I will help him through this. If he doesn’t remember me, I could remember for the both of us, as friend or as more. But I feel that it should be his choice. Until he’s back on his feet and we see how this goes, I will play the amazingly supportive girlfriend even though I’m not sure if I want to be with him at all. I can’t exactly dump my boyfriend when he needs me. What does that make me? So if I leave it up to him, I might not feel this guilt. “Hello, Bec.” Every time he says that name, it feels like it slices into my heart. He’s never called me Bec, and to hear it shows how much I don’t mean to him anymore. Friend or otherwise.

“Becca. It’s Becca.” I say it sweetly but I see by his eyes that he’s wondering if I’m upset with him.

“Sorry, I talked with your brother a bit and he did mention that. Must have forgotten.” I have this innate urge to laugh. By the smirk on his face, he does too. So we both laugh.

It feels nice to laugh with him again, to move past our
history. “So, I’m confused as to how we met and also about what happened with Sarah.” Hearing her name brings back the night that Keegan and I had sex for my first and only time. Hearing him say goodnight to her led me to flee in the first place.

“I’m not sure what happened with Sarah. I’m assuming you and my brother lied to me. I came here in the spring and we met because you roomed together. I had a boyfriend, kind of, at the time.” He nods his head to acknowledge me.

“Yes, Dillon, Alec told me everything that went down with him. He is one sick son of a bitch.” I walk over and sit next to the bed in the chair.

“Was. He was one and yes, he was sick, mentally speaking. He just couldn’t get the help he needed.” I explain.

Keegan turns to me and I already know what he’s going to ask. “Was?”

I haven’t had to say it out loud yet but I know I can. “Yes, I killed him in self defense. He won’t be hurting anyone else again. As for Sarah, I don’t know. You will have to ask Alec.” I change the subject because I just don’t want to talk about Dillon anymore. “When I showed up for school, we started to get close. You and my brother told me that Sarah was a summer fling. But since you don’t remember the summer I guess that was a lie. I only found out it was more than that after a fight when you slipped up and told me in a voicemail while you were half-drunk, right before our accident. But I started to move away and make my
own friends because of the emotions involved with our friendship and because Sarah was still around. You couldn’t let that happen or at least that’s what you told me. Sarah caused problems and we let her. We got together and have had some issues, but we were trying to figure it out. Last thing you had said was that you loved me and we would fix this. I’m not holding you to any of this since you don’t even know me to love me at all. I just need you to be okay, Keegan. Before we were together, we were very close friends. That, I will hold you to.” I smile, hoping he gets what I’m saying and he gives me a small smile too.

“I’m a complete asshole, aren’t I?”

I can’t hold the laugh that falls out. “You could say that.” I try not to, but I think of all the hurt I’ve went through when it came to Keegan; the comments about being a second fiddle to my dead boyfriend or my best friend, the angry and drunk comments. Of course, the thought unintentionally invades my mind about him saying goodnight to Sarah. I attempt to squash it. “But now, you get to be whoever you want to be. You are lucky you still remember your life.”

“But I don’t remember you.” I shake my head, holding back the tears that are threatening to spill over my now glistening eyes.

“It could be worse, and that’s what we have to keep telling ourselves.” Silently I kept saying that to myself, hoping I’ll believe it, but right now all I can think of is how could this get any worse. “I will also be here for you to talk to and ask questions. If you want to know about us, then I can tell you. If you don’t, then that’s okay too. I won’t push anything on you. I was in an accident similar to this one before.  I had pushed the memories out of my mind because they were too painful. Maybe you will remember one day, just like I did. If not, we will deal. I won’t let you live every day waiting for the memories, Keegan, because you wouldn’t have let me. You would have wanted me to move forward so that’s exactly what you’re going to do.”

“That’s something I do know about. You’re talking about your accident with Michael. Your brother told me about that one night after we’d been rooming together for a while. I’m sorry that happened to you Bec… Becca.” He gives me a small smile and I know he only remembers hearing my brother talking to him about me as Bec. I can’t blame him but it’s a constant reminder of what we’ve lost. What we might never get back. I wasn’t just talking about my accident with Michael. I was also talking about when Dillon had attacked me and left a butterfly. I remember him doing it and giving it to me, enough to give it to Jake before I was shipped off by ambulance. Although when I woke up, I had to be reminded. My heart hopes all he needs is a reminder, but I don’t think this is going to be that easy. “Thank you, Keegan.”

He looks flustered. I’m not sure what’s causing it so I ask him, which only seems to make him even more flustered. “Guess you really do know me, eh?” I try to laugh but it comes out awkward. “Well Bec, I was wondering why you call me Keegan? Most people call me by my nickname Key or by my last name.” Hearing him say that breaks my heart. I know he has no feelings for me because he is talking about this openly. My Keegan would have never asked me why I don’t call him Key. Actually he insisted I didn’t call him that.

“You never let me. You didn’t even want me to
know where it came from or what you had been like in the past.” I can’t help feeling like I’m looking at the past right now. He isn’t the Keegan who had changed, he’s the Keegan from the past. His nickname came from him having the ability to unlock any woman’s panties. Hence, he was the Key to them. “Must have liked you if I didn’t want you to know.” I make a small gasp at those words, but he doesn’t notice.
Liked?
Past tense and liked at all is not enough (not making sense). My Keegan loved me and now I know my Keegan is gone. Question is: will this Keegan love me and will I want to love this Keegan?

***

Being around Keegan is a challenge and being away from Jake is an even larger one. I spend my days with my brother and Keegan staying on the sidelines listening to them. I go to my classes and do my homework while they talk about anything under the sun. I wrote my exams and did well considering the facts of my current life situation. The snow seems to be leaving and I’m looking forward to spring. Charlotte is adamant that we spend the summer away from all this, with no men in my life. A summer to myself, but I know I just can’t do that. At least not until I know Jake is okay. As far as Keegan…well, he’s okay, but I need to know he’s
happy
.

“Becca, you can’t stay in this room all day and only switch out to see Keegan. You only leave for school.” I look up and see Alec looking at me from the doorway, I am sitting in the bed with Jake stroking his hair. He looks so pale. The doctors still aren’t sure if he’s going to pull through. When they say this, I
usually just walk away. Jake
has
to make it. The alternative isn’t an option.

“Becca, I’ll give you five minutes, and then you and I are leaving the hospital to go home. You will shower and eat something that’s not from a vending machine or... I call Charlotte.” I look at him, stunned because he knows Charlotte will drag me out of here kicking and screaming. It would make no difference to her. She’s not embarrassed by anything.

“Fine. You win.” He backs out of the room, giving me my time with Jake. “Jacob Kelso, you better be here when I get back and awake. I miss my best friend. You promised never to leave me so I won’t let you out of that one.” Looking at Jake, even though he is pale and sick, he’s still one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. I wish more than anything he’d open those piercing hazel eyes and look at me. His honey brown hair is shaggier than it usually is and he has slimmed down a bit, but he is still solid. A hockey player through and through, no matter his ill state. I turn to snuggle into Jake. “I love you.”

The door opens and I see my brother pop in. “Times up.”

Keegan

I hear a knock at the door and I say come in. It’s probably Alec or Bec…. His sister…. And my girlfriend. It’s weird having a girlfriend I don’t remember. Don’t get me wrong; she’s damn beautiful and I’m drawn to her but I still feel like something’s not right. Like I don’t deserve her.

“Hey, Key.” I look up and see Sarah staring at me from the end of the bed and all those feelings come rushing back.

“Sarah...” She walks around to the side of the bed and sits on it with me. Her hand comes to my face and I lean in. As much as I know this is wrong I can’t deny that I have feelings for Sarah. The Keegan that’s with Bec might not have, but he’s gone. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I tried to come before but that friend of yours wouldn’t let me in because of his sister.”

Oh, yeah. Alec is going to be furious that she’s here but I can’t help it. I want to be near Sarah. “I’m glad you came. This is all so weird. Last thing I remember is us, being together, and everything being fine. What happened, Sarah?”

I can see her eyes look down, trying to shield the tears that are begging to be released from the back of her eyes. “
She
happened.” I’m taken back by this because I don’t understand. If I felt the way about her that I still am feeling, then I don’t see how that happened. “She came to visit her brother in the spring and after that you started to pull away. You started to come back during the summer. But as soon as she showed her face, we were different and you ended it. I get it. You were protecting her from that psycho ex of hers. But he’s gone. I don’t get why you’re with her or stay with her. She was always with Jake. He slept in her room even when you were together. She hasn’t been sleeping in her dorm or at Alec’s while you’ve all been in the hospital. So if she’s not sleeping in here with you, she’s with him. She doesn’t love you, Key, but I do. I love you.” I look up and many things go through my head. If Bec and I were together then what the hell was she doing with my buddy Jake? I know they’re friends but that seems to be beyond the friend zone. Why does hearing about Jake make me furious as shit too?