The Bright Side (58 page)

“Tell you what, Niall,” I said. “If you go up with your daddy now, I’ll come and read you a story in a few minutes.
Little
Red
Riding
Hood
– isn’t that the one you like?
”

He looked up at me, gravely insulted. “No. I HATE that one.
”

I was thrown, but not for long. “Okay, then. No story.
”

He thought it through. “Maybe that one then. Maybe your one.
”

I smiled at him and only just resisted the urge to ruffle his hair. “Great. See you in a few minutes.
”

Without another word, he sped off into the hall and went thumping up the stairs
.

Colm said, “Don’t worry, you won’t have to do it. He’ll be asleep in seconds.
”

“I don’t mind,” I said. “Really.
”

He smiled and left, closing the door behind him
.

“Sit down,” Melissa said. It was somewhere between an invitation and an instruction
.

I took a seat in an armchair. “Sounds like you’ve had a hard day,” I said
.

“So-so.
”

“You must be knackered.” “Sort of.
”

So
much
for
small
talk
, I thought. “Melissa, listen. I want to apologise. About the Nancy thing. You were right, I should have called you. Texting was … insulting.
”

“Yes.
”

Evidently, she had no intention of making it easy for me. “And, apart from that, I shouldn’t have stayed over there last night. Not without talking to you properly first.
”

I thought I’d done quite well there, but she obviously disagreed. Before she even spoke, it was obvious from the narrowing of her eyes and the sudden Desperate Dan-ation of her jaw. “Oh?” she said. “Not without talking to me first? And what would you have said?
”

In
the
silence
that
followed,
I
noticed
for
the
first
time that
the
television
was
on.
The
volume
had
been
turned almost
all
the
way
down.
Some
British
politician
was
saying that
this
was
just
a
side-show
and
he
wanted
to
concentrate
on
the
real
issues.
I
knew
how
he
felt
.

“I’ll start again,” I said, feeling faint and disembodied. “You were kind of right this morning when you said that I probably wouldn’t have come here if Nancy had been around.
”

Melissa sniffed dismissively. “Knew it.
”

“But I didn’t come here thinking you were, I don’t know, a poor substitute. I came here with the best of intentions.
”

“Is that so?
”

Overhead, something fell to the floor with such violence that the light-fitting shook. The thump was followed by a giggle. The giggle was followed by a raised voice. The raised voice was followed by a short screech. Then all was quiet
.

“Yes,” I said. “I did. I could have gone somewhere else, you know.
”

“I’m supposed to feel privileged, am I?” “I didn’t say that. I’m saying …” I paused
.

This, I imagined, was the sort of feeling that bungee- jumpers got when they climbed up onto the rail of the bridge. I closed my eyes and asked myself if I really wanted to do this. The answer came back
Yes
and
no
.
Mostly
no
. But I did it anyway
.

“I’m
saying
I
came
here
for
a
reason.
I
came
here
because I
wanted
things
to
get
better
between
us.”
For
the
first
time, she
looked
me
in
the
eye.
I
hurried
on,
seizing
the
moment. “And
I’m
not
telling
you
this
because
I’m
proud
of
it.
Just the
opposite.
I’m
embarrassed
–
I’m
ashamed
–
that
I thought
of
using
Gerry’s
behaviour
as
–
I
can’t
think
of anything
to
call
it
but
an
excuse
.
.
.
I’m
ashamed
that
I
thought
of
using
Gerry’s
behaviour
as
an
excuse
to
kick-start our
relationship.
But
that’s
what
I
did.
And
I
want
you
to know
it.
”

She blinked at me. “
Kick
-start? What do you mean?” “Oh, come on.
”

“What?” “Melissa …
”

She said, “What?” again but with a strange click in her voice that told me she was already losing faith in her ability to keep up the pretence. I let the word hang in the air for a second to underline the silliness of her response
.

“You know as well as I do,” I said then, “that things have been bad between us since Mum and Dad died.
”

I waited for a response. But she made none. If she’d been lying down instead of sitting up, I would have assumed that she had died. Her eyes had turned to glass and all traces of expression had vanished from her face. It seemed that I had no choice but to keep talking
.

“And the reason’s pretty obvious. You’ve never forgiven me for driving drunk.
”

Again, I waited and again, it was in vain
.

“We should have talked about it,” I went on, “but we never did. And it just got worse and worse. You can’t deny it. So, yeah … I came to stay with you for a reason. I thought that in all this mess with Gerry, we might … pull together.
”

Her face reanimated. “And what, you’re saying now that I let you down? I pulled plenty, let me tell –
”

“No,
Melissa,
Jesus
.
You’re
so
defensive
…
I’m
not
saying you
haven’t
been
good
to
me.
You’ve
been
very
good!
I
said
so
this
morning
too.
There’s
only
so
many
times
I
can
repeat it.
I’m
just
saying
…
we
should
talk.
That’s
all.
”

“And what if I don’t want to?
”

I was surprised by this line, as, apparently, was she. Her eyebrows briefly came together as if she’d spotted a strange and possibly dangerous object on the floor between us
.

“I really think we should,” I said uncertainly. “I mean, it can’t hurt, can it? I’ve just been over to Robert and I had a talk with him that I should have had a long time ago too. And I’m glad that I did.
Very
glad.
”

“What was all that about then?” she said. “You and Robert?
”

I looked at her, surprised by her sudden chirpiness. She wasn’t really interested in me and Robert. It was obvious. She was trying to change the subject, that was all. And I wasn’t having it
.

“That’ll keep for another day. It’s you and me that I want to work on now.
”

The chirpiness disappeared as abruptly as it had arisen. “
Work
on? Christ. Should I get a notebook? Will there be an exam later?
”

That tore it. “Melissa,” I said thinly. “Why are you being like this?
”

“Like what?” she bristled
.

“Like
that
. All prickly and defensive.” “I’m not being any such thing.
”

“Yeah, you are. And you know you are.
”

She fumed for a moment and then sat back. “All right. Go on then if you’re so …. Go on. What do you want me to do?
”

“It’s just a conversation, Melissa, I know you’ve had them before. I say something, you say something … You’ll get the hang of it.
”

It was hardly the time for sarcasm, but I couldn’t help myself. She folded her arms. “All right,” she said gruffly. “Start.
”

The door opened then and Colm stuck his nose in. When he saw Melissa’s posture and my frown, he went into reverse, calling out in a fake-cheery voice, “He’s out for the count. Anyone for tea?
”

“No, thanks,” we said together. “Grand, so.
”

The door closed again
.

“OK,” I began. “First of all, I suppose I should say again that driving drunk was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
”

Melissa’s lips twitched. “You
suppose
?
”

I ignored that. “And I know I could have killed someone. You don’t have to point that out. I already regretted it before Mum and Dad died and, believe me, I’ve regretted it a hell of a lot more ever since. I think about it every single day. And I understand why you were disgusted with me. I was disgusted with myself. I
hated
myself. But what was I supposed to do? Curl up and die? All I could do was learn from it and never make the same idiotic mistake again. Which I never will. What do you want me to do or say, Melissa?
It
wasn’t
me
who
killed
Mum
and
Dad?
You already know that. But still, you won’t … you won’t give me a break.
”

I
braced
myself
for
her
response.
It
was
a
while
in
coming. A
series
of
expressions
took
turns
on
her
face
while
she
was
thinking.
I
thought
I
saw
traces
of
anger,
fear,
and
sorrow, amongst
unidentifiable
others.
She
considered
her
response for
so
long
that
I
eventually
began
to
wonder
if
she’d
decided to
give
me
the
silent
treatment
and
was
simply
waiting
for me
to
lose
heart
and
leave.
Then
she
raised
her
chin
and primly
gathered
herself
together
.