The Boyfriend List (24 page)

Katie gave her the look. “I think you know that’s not true.
I’ve
always
known he loves you.”

“When did you get so grown up sounding all of a sudden?” Exasperated
by the idea, she covered her head with the pillow again. But the more she
thought about it, the more she was forced to admit that maybe Katie had a
point. It doesn’t seem like something Ian would do to someone he really cared
about, he was more thoughtful than that. At least, he always had been in the
past. But that’s why it’d hurt so much. She wasn’t prepared for a blow like
that. Not from him.

She felt her phone slipping between her fingers and looked up
to find that Katie had moved from her seat. With a mischievous smile dancing
across her face, she’d grabbed the phone and backed quickly away, out of reach
from Reagan’s objections. “Let’s see what kind of messages he left you.” But as
she pointed her finger, preparing to flip through the screens and hit play, the
phone began vibrating in her hand. With wide eyes, she turned the screen toward
Reagan.
 
“Someone’s calling you.”

A look of pure panic washed over Reagan’s face when she saw
Ian’s name on the screen, and suddenly her stomach was fluttering with nerves.

“Answer it.” Her sister held it out for her.

“No, you do it.”

“You!” Katie insisted.

But by the time Reagan had snatched it, it had already gone
into the voicemail.

“Oh my god, one of you just answer the damn thing.” Petra had
come stumbling out of her bedroom, a silk kimono covering the pink lingerie
she’d changed into at some point during the night. The matching sleep mask was
pushed high up on her forehead to reveal eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Sorry about last night.” Reagan was eyeing her carefully as
she crossed the room. “Did I ruin your party?”

After waving her off in a dismissive way, Petra sat down on
the couch next to Reagan and looked across at Katie. “When’d you get here?”

“Few minutes ago.”

“Oh.” Petra considered this before turning back to Reagan. “No,
of course you didn’t.” She replied calmly. “You would’ve if you hadn’t laid
into Justin the way you did though.” The sly smile she offered validated her
approval. “He deserved it. And more.”

“You heard about that?”

“Oh yeah. From more than one person.” She was smirking
sleepily at the memory.

“But then I bailed.”

“Well, I would have bailed too if I’d have seen my boyfriend
kissing another girl.” She laid her head on Reagan’s shoulder, stifling a big
yawn. “But it turns out that’s not exactly what happened.”

“I had a feeling you were going to say that.” Reagan’s head
fell back against the cushions.

“Told you.” Katie smiled across at them, looking completely
satisfied with herself.

“Explain.”

Petra sat up and turned so she could look directly at Reagan
as she spoke. “Isabella kissed him.”

“Yeah, got that memo last night. The visual’s still pretty
clear, thanks.”

 
Ignoring Reagan’s
eye roll, Petra continued. “He didn’t kiss her back though. Not at all. And
when he finally pried her off him – after you left – he laid into
her and said he was with you and only wanted you. And he told her never to try
to contact him again.”

Reagan looked from Petra to Katie and back again in silence,
her mouth open in astonishment. “That’s really what happened?”

“Told you.” Katie interjected again.

“Yep. I watched the whole thing myself.” She gave it a minute
to let the news sink in. “How do you feel now?”

“Stupid. Really, really stupid.” She admitted honestly. “But
it doesn’t change anything.”

“How do you figure?” Petra nearly levitated off the cushions
in her astonishment. “It changes
everything
!”

“Because I can’t go through this again. Especially with Ian. Some
hot girl is
always
going to want him.
There will
always
be someone better
than me flinging themselves at him. So this is always going to be an issue, and
I can’t deal with it.” Her stomach turned as she considered the possibility. “It’s
better if we just stay friends, if that’s even possible now.”

“He’s not Justin, Reagan. Give the guy a break.” Petra
groaned. “He’s been in love with you since the day he met you. He’d just never
admitted it because of this chip on your shoulder and your preconceived idea of
him.” She paused to let that sink in before moving on to her next point. “And
you need to give yourself more credit than that. So you’re not a size two. So
what? Every girl on campus would kill for your boobs. You’re hot. Deal with it.”

And though she smiled at the compliment, it didn’t really
seem to penetrate through her insecurities. So she shook her head, trying to
resolve herself of the idea that everything would be okay if she and Ian just
stayed friends. That she could forget she was in love with him, and that for a
few minutes at least, everything in her world had been perfect.

“It’s probably for the best then.” Petra sighed as she moved
into the kitchen. “You don’t really love him. No reason to string him along, so
just let him go.”

“What did you say?” Reagan wasn’t certain if she should be
offended or amused or both.

“I said it’s probably for the best.” Petra’s voice, her
entire demeanor, exuded casualness as she pulled a cup down from the cabinets
and began filling it with juice. And that, more than anything, was getting
under Reagan’s skin.

“No, after that part.”

“I said you don’t really love him.” Petra nonchalantly took a
sip and stared back at Reagan. She was practically daring her to prove the
statement wrong.

“I don’t love him?” Reagan took up the challenge, as offended
came much easier right about now. “Where do you get off saying a thing like
that?”

“Easy. You don’t trust him. If you loved him, you would trust
him implicitly. It’s not like he’s ever messed up before, so you have no reason
not to. And you would trust what your best friend – yours truly - says
about him. I saw the
whole thing
,
it’s not gossip. It’s not some fabricated tale he told me to cover his ass. I
saw it with my own eyes. ” She took another sip before practically slamming the
cup onto the counter. “So at this point, you’re just hurting yourself. The man
of your dreams, hell the man of almost
every
girl’s dreams, is practically begging for you to hear him out. And you
won’t.”

“Damn Petra...”

“I’m just saying, if you’re going to be stubborn about this,
then I don’t wan to hear about your broken heart any more. And don’t get me
involved in any more stupid schemes you come up with to find the perfect
boyfriend. Because there’s no such thing. But a guy who’s pretty freakin’ close
was sleeping outside our door when I came home last night because he’s worried
sick about you.”

“What?” Reagan shook her head as she tried to wrap her mind
around this new information. “Ian slept outside our door all night?”

“Well, until about four o’clock, yeah.” Petra nodded
enthusiastically. “I had to convince him you weren’t dead in an alley somewhere
because you weren’t answering his calls before I kicked up him back to his own
apartment.” Then she put up her hands. “But that’s not love.”

“That’s just guilt.”

“Seriously?”

Reagan opened her mouth again, but nothing came out. She
looked to Katie for help, but Katie just shrugged. “I’m with her on this one.”
She admitted.

“Thanks.” Reagan said sarcastically.

Petra walked back into the living room with her juice, but
instead of sitting down, she just stood over them. “Look just hear the guy out.
What harm is listening for a few minutes gonna do? You can always hang up the
phone if you don’t like what he has to say.”

“True.” She said thoughtfully. “But now I’m nervous.”

“Why?”

“Because I have a confession, and I don’t want to admit it to
Ian.” Reagan breathed deeply, preparing to reveal her secret. “I kissed Brett
last night.”

“What?” Petra all but dropped her cup in astonishment.
Instead, she flopped onto the pillows and grabbed Reagan’s shoulders, shaking
her a little at the revelation. “When did this happen?”

“After I saw Ian and Isabella. Brett was standing by the door
on the way out, and I just had to know if there was anything there. So I kissed
him.”

“And?” Every fiber of her being was begging for the detail
that Reagan was so enjoying withholding from her.

“It was like kissing my brother.”

Petra groaned in disgust. “So nothing at all? Not even one little
spark?”

Reagan shook her head in disappointment, but she was glad at
least that part was over with.

“Then don’t even mention it.” Petra decided for her. “If
there’s absolutely no chance anything will come of it, I’d say it’s a wash,
considering the circumstances.” Katie was shrugging her agreement.

“So now what?” She asked her panel of advisors.

“Call him.” Petra said firmly as she stood to leave the room.
“I’m serious about this.”

Reagan merely glanced at her phone, trying to summon the
courage.

But Reagan hadn’t called Ian. Whether the call would end up
in them breaking up for good, just staying friends or working it all out, she
was scared senseless of the unknown. Of the having to move forward from this
strange spot she’d worked them into. And she was scared that no matter which
way they went, it would never be the same again. Never be as strong or as
perfect, and that was almost worse than if it never became anything at all.

She’d decided a fun night out with more than one strong drink
was in order to help build up her courage, and she figured she owed it to Katie
after the horrible greeting she’d supplied that morning. So, the three girls
had gone downtown to the Blue Nickel café, where they’d spent hours laughing
and forgetting about all the men in their lives. Petra had pulled strings with
her connections, and the restaurant had provided a beautifully lit birthday
cake before leading the entire room in song in her honor. In a way, Reagan felt
like it’d repaired a little of the damage she might have caused by bailing on
the party. And it’d been a nice break.

Still, Reagan couldn’t shake the plaguing feeling that Ian
might show up at any minute. That he would just walk through the door and scoot
into the booth next to them. It was exactly where he should be, which made her
wonder where he actually was. What he was doing, and who he was with. A little
prickle of jealousy worked its way into the curiosity, but she had to remind
herself she was the one at fault. She could’ve answered his calls, worked it
out, invited him to tag along. But she hadn’t. And when he didn’t just randomly
show up, she forced herself to swallow her disappointment and further
determined she was going to have to make the next move. And soon.

Once Petra had gone to bed and Katie was tucked in on the
couch, Reagan laid awake just staring up at her ceiling fan. The alcohol was
swimming nicely in her head, but not so much that it was helping her rest. In
fact, she almost felt a surge of anxious energy that she needed to work out. Making
up her mind, she grabbed a light sweater and snuck out her door. After peeking
over at Katie and deciding a quick walk was safe enough, she crept out the
front and locked it softly behind her.

She glanced up at Ian’s apartment, half wondering what would
happen if she were to knock on his door. Would he invite her in, or slam it
shut in her face? Would there be someone else with him on the other side
already, or would he pull her in and show her what making up was supposed to
feel like? The latter intrigued her, then she decided it was just the alcohol
at work. The lights were off anyway, and considering the time, she really
didn’t want to wake him up. Instead, she tiptoed down the stairs and crossed
the street to stroll across campus.

Reagan hadn’t had any particular destination in mind, and she
wasn’t exactly sure where she was heading when she’d first started out. So it
surprised her when she found herself standing in front of the stadium, looking
up at the tall iron gates with an enormous curiosity plaguing her mind. She
slid one hand up the cool iron rod, wondering to herself if she had the courage
to go in by herself.
If it’s open, I’m
going for it.
Giving it a gentle nudge, she found it had only been pulled
closed, and wasn’t actually locked. Creaking as it gave way, there was enough
room to slip her body through, and she quickly disappeared into the shadows of
the large structure.

She hadn’t been sure if she could remember the way up to
Ian’s secret spot, but her body seemed to remember the direction, and she
quickly found herself about to step out onto the rows of seats to finish
climbing up. Taking a deep breath, she summoned her courage and relied on the
alcohol to numb her initial anxiety about the height. Then she thought about
Ian, and how safe he’d made her feel that night, and she held on to that
feeling as she wound her way up.