The Boy Who Paints Me (24 page)

"Who else knows about this?"
"Just you and Leighton but he doesn't know that my stepdad is back," I said as I closed my eyes and tried to force the image of Mitch away.
I had spent the last twenty minutes telling Megan, the deep dark secret that is my life. It was easy to talk to her. I told her that my stepdad was back and wanted me to leave with him in a week. The only detail I left out was who Mitch actually was...I couldn't tell her that. I couldn't tell anyone. It would destroy Leighton to know what his dad was truly capable of, and I wasn't going to be the one to do that to him. I couldn't take the risk.
"You need to tell Leighton, Rainie. He could help you. Stop your stepdad. You can't go back to him...back to that life," she said as a sad expression filled her face.
"I have no choice. I won't let him hurt the people I love...I 
won't
 let him."
"But-"
"No, Megan, I need to know that I can trust you. I need to know that you won't tell anyone. I need to know that you won't put anyone at risk?"
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 
"You don't know what he's like...what he's capable of. Just...please..."
She nodded her head quickly while keeping her eyes shut.
"I won't say anything. You can trust me."
"Thank you."
* * *
After Megan left with the promise that she wouldn't breathe a word, I crawled back into my cocoon.
"Hey," Aunt Sarah whispered as she peeked around my bedroom door.
"Hey."
"How are you feeling?" She asked cautiously.
"Ok."
"Really?"
I took a deep breath and shook my head.
"You and Leighton have anything to do with this?"
"Kinda."
"Want to talk about it?"
"No, I'll be fine," I replied, forcing a smile onto my face.
"Ok. Well, I'm going to work, if you need anything then you can get me on my cell, ok?"
"Ok."
"Bye sweetie."
"Bye."
It had been about twenty minutes since Aunt Sarah had gone, and I was finally drifting into a peaceful sleep. The footsteps travelling - oh so - quietly up the stairs caused my entire body to freeze. I should have ran or screamed but I was frozen. I always froze when I heard footsteps. My body was programmed to do just that. I felt my heart beat increase and my eyes begin to burn as the handle to my door turned. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying that this was a dream. It was supposed to be a whole week before I returned to this life. I wasn't ready. I needed time to prepare. I needed time to forget that there was life outside of this world I was trapped in. I needed time to pretend that I could handle this.
But as fate would have it...time wasn't an option. 
I held my breath as I heard the sound of boots being taken off as the footsteps descended on me. This was it, this was my life.
As I felt the comforter being lifted gently off my body as he slipped into the bed beside me, I felt the tears start to fall down my cheeks. It wasn't until a hand draped itself around my torso, pulling me closer and a familiar scent filled my nose that realization hit me.
"Leighton?"
"Mmm hmm, Rai, please don't ask me to leave. I just want to hold you...I miss you."
I don't know whether it was the shock that it wasn't Mitch, the realization that it was Leighton or the fact that I felt so at home but I turned around, buried my face in his chest and cried.
"Hey, hey don't cry, baby. It's ok, it's just me. I'm here now."
"I'm sorry...I just...I thought...I just thought...oh gosh, I thought it was-"
"Don't, Rai, don't worry about anything. I told you that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, right?"
I nodded against his chest.
"Good, then trust me. Calm down, baby, you're shaking."
I clutched onto his body like it was giving me the air that I needed to survive. I felt safe with him...complete. I shouldn't...I can't...but I do.
"You ok?" He whispered into my hair.
I nodded.
"How did you get in?"
"My grandma has a spare key in case of an emergency."
"Does this count as an emergency?" I chuckled as I let my eyes travel up his face.
"Yes...I missed you...a lot..."
"I missed you too," I admitted.
"It didn't seem that way this morning."
"I'm sorry," I replied guiltily.
"Rai," he gently pulled away from me so that he could look into my eyes. I felt myself relax a little more as he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "Whatever is going on, you can tell me. I need you to know that you can trust me."
"I do trust you-"
"Then tell me."
"It's not that simple...it's complicated."
"Then un-complicate it. Nothing needs to be complicated between us, Rai. It's us...just us."
"I can't," I whispered.
"Can't or won't. I really need you to trust me. If you understood how I felt about you..."
"How do you feel?" I suddenly felt nervous.
"How can you not know?" He whispered. "When you're not around I miss you, I think about you all the time, and when I'm with you nothing else matters," he slowly moved his hand up until he was drawing small circles on my cheek with his thumb. "Rai...I think I'm falling in love with you."
I was speechless. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even breathe. I couldn’t remember where I was or who I was. All I could see was us...him and me.
"Say something," he chuckled.
"Kiss me." It was the first thing that I could think of.
"Wha-"
I cut him off as I smashed my lips against his. I was desperate. I wanted to feel him, to taste him...I couldn't find the words but I needed him to know that I felt the same.

He held me tighter as his tongue grazed the edges of my lips, asking for entry. My lips parted on their own accord, granting him entry instantly. A soft moan escaped my mouth as he plunged his tongue deeper. Everything changed in that moment. For the first time...I understood
real
emotions. I understood what it meant to love unconditionally. I understood what it meant to really, truly
feel
. I didn't feel dirty or cheap or helpless. I felt in control, empowered and most of all...I felt loved.

Never had anyone in this entire world ever made me feel loved like this. I thought my Mom did - before Mitch - I even thought that Aunt Sarah did but I was wrong. This beautiful man opposite me made me feel loved in a way that no other person had before. He made me feel worthy of receiving that love.
 

I knew what was happening, I could feel it in the atmosphere but I didn't want to run away. I didn't want to hide or run to the bathroom to be sick. I didn't want to ask Rain to step in and take my place...no. This was
my
moment. I wanted to experience it. I wanted to feel
every
touch. Taste every taste and smell every smell. It was my turn...
Rainie's
turn. In that moment, right then, Rain didn't exist...she was dead, and I...I was 
alive
.

I felt every inch of my body heat up as Leighton's hands made a trail up the side of my torso. He was toying with the edge of my tee, silently asking permission. I leaned into him, letting him know that it was ok, that I wanted him just as much as he wanted me...maybe more. I felt the pads of his fingers travel up my stomach igniting a fear deep within that hadn't existed before this moment. With every touch he removed the images of the past; the random strangers that would walk into my bedroom every night, the eager hands that would rip clothing that I would constantly have to replace, the heavy thigh that would force itself between my legs, opening up a new nightmare every night, the strangers
smell that would engulf me, causing me to have change my sheets every night.

He was washing it all away, with every touch. Every numb part of my body was being born again; awakening for the first time. Allowing itself to be touched...feeling every movement. I felt the material slide over my head before pulling him closer to me.

"Are you ok?" He smiled down at me.

I nodded my head.

"Sure?"

"Positive." My hands were pulling his top over his head before the word was completely out of his mouth. This feeling, this passion, it was so foreign to me but I still recognised it from a mile off...love. I was completely and unconditionally in love with the man that was staring into my eyes. The man who was watching my face, so closely as he slid the edges of my pants down, so, so slowly. I lay motionless, in nothing but my underwear, staring up at his face.
 

"Gosh, Rai, you're so beautiful," he suddenly looked sad. "I will never let anyon-"

"No, not tonight...please. Let this just be about me and you. I don't want to remember anything else but
this
moment, ok?" I whispered as I forced the tears back.

He stared down at me for a while as though he were trying to work something out.

"Ok."

He gently bent down to kiss me, slowly as though he were savouring every last moment. He stroked my face before pulling away slightly.

"I love you so much, baby," he whispered against my lips. I took a deep breath because the words that were about to come out of my mouth had never been said in this way before but boy did I mean them.

"I love you too," I whispered.

"What?" He chuckled against my lips. "You have got to say that again."

"I love you," I chuckled as I felt him smiling against my lips.

"That was quite possibly the most amazing sentence that I have ever heard in my entire life."

I smiled, knowing that I felt exactly the same.

"Rai, we don't have to...you know. We can wait-"

"I'm ready."

"Are you sure?"

"Leighton, I want to explain how much I love you but I can't. Words...they're just not enough."

"No, no they're not," he said before kissing me with so much emotion that I thought that I was going to pass out. 

I knew that tonight...
everything
would change.

* * *

I lay half dazed just watching Leighton sleep. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. 

How did he do that? How did everything just feel so right when he was around?

"You know, it's kinda creepy that you're just watching me sleep," he said with his eyes still closed, causing me to burst out laughing.
"Oh really?"
"Yup, but what's worse is that I actually like it," he smiled, still with his eyes closed.
"Then what does that make you?" I chuckled.
"Totally in love with the beautiful girl lying opposite me," he said as he pulled me by the waist and kissed me softly on the lips. I was suddenly interrupted from my private bubble by the sound of my cell phone. I reluctantly pulled away from Leighton and turned around to retrieve it from the dresser.

My whole world stopped as I saw Mitch's name across the screen. I slowly opened the text and read the words.

I thought that I was very clear about you and my SON...

I sat up, quickly as I fumbled with the buttons on my phone.

You were. I called it off this morning
.



I hit the send button immediately. I could feel my hands become clammy and my eyes going blurry.
 
What have I done?

Really? Is that why he's been lying in your bed for the past few hours? You know that I really hate it when you lie to me, don't you, Rain...

I'm sorry.

I was panicking. The sudden beep made me jump.

“You ok?” Leighton asked. Ignored him, I couldn’t talk. I was in shock.

See, I thought that we had an honest relationship, princess.
 

We do.

Good, then I'll honestly tell you that I'm going on a date tonight...with some doctor, I think her name is...Sarah.

I instantly stood to my feet.
 
How could I have been so stupid?
 I was being selfish. I didn't even think about anybody else when I was floating in my own stupid little bubble! This couldn't happen. I had to keep him away from her. I wouldn’t let him hurt anyone else.

I felt sick.

"Rai?"

I ignored him as I ran towards the bathroom. I threw my head over the toilet. I hadn't eaten so nothing came out but I couldn't stop heaving.

"Hey, hey what's the matter?" It was Leighton, stroking my back.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed as I scurried across the floor into the corner of the bathroom.

"Rai, what's wrong?" He looked confused.

"Just go, ok! You can't be here! I told you this morning...I told you but you didn't listen! Why couldn't you just listen! Why did you come back?" I screamed.

"Rai, I don't understand? What's happened? Who was that that messaged you?"

"It's none of your business! Just get out!" I scrambled to my feet and slammed my fists against his chest, fast and hard. "Just get out! Get out! You should have listened! You should have listened to me!" I beat against his chest until I had nothing left. I slid slowly down his body until I was a heap on the floor.