The Berenstain Bears Chapter Book: The G-Rex Bones (2 page)

“More like half a step,” said Bearish. “Because I’ve already had the fossil bones made—by a sculptor who is tired of being poor. And they aren’t
T-rex
bones. They are the bones of a similar but as yet undiscovered species twice the size of
T-rex
. Imagine:
twice
the size! It will barely fit into the rotunda of the Hall of Dinosaurs. I figure this skeleton will bring at least five times as much money as a
T-rex
skeleton.”

“What do you call this new dinosaur species?” asked Ralph.

“I don’t,” said Bearish. “We’ll sweeten the deal by allowing the professor to name it himself.”

“He oughta love that,” said Ralph. “Get his name into the
National Bearographic
again. But there’s one thing I don’t understand, Doctor. How exactly would you get back at the professor with this swindle? You’ll make a lot of money, of course, but the professor will make an even bigger name for himself in the science world than he has already.”

Dr. Bearish smiled an evil little smile. “Very simple,” he said. “Exactly one year after the sale of the fossil skeleton to the Bearsonian, I shall go to the media and reveal the hoax. The professor will be completely humiliated over having been tricked in a matter of science. His reputation will be stained forever.”

Now, most bears wouldn’t have understood why Dr. Bearish could reveal the hoax after a year without fear of being arrested and thrown in jail. But no one was better versed in the ins and outs of hoaxes, swindles, and other kinds of fraud than Ralph Ripoff. He knew that a victim of fraud had to report the crime to the police within one year of the commission of the crime. If the victim failed to do so, the swindler could not be arrested and tried in a court of law for the crime—ever. It was called a “statute of limitations”—a law limiting the amount of time for reporting a crime. And to Ralph Ripoff, statutes of limitations were the most beautiful laws in all the land.

“As far as it goes,” said Ralph, “it’s ingenious. But if your fake fossils are as good as you say they are, why would anyone believe you about the hoax?”

“Ah,” said Bearish. “I have marked one of the fossil leg bones with a chemical symbol known only to me. A kind of chemical signature. I will direct the media to examine and identify it with the help of chemists.”

Dr. Bearish’s penetrating gaze bore into Ralph’s eyes.
He’s trying to hypnotize me
, thought Ralph.
This mad scientist is trying to trick me into helping him with his evil plan!

And evil it was. Cheating the Bearsonian out of millions of dollars wasn’t what was bothering Ralph, of course. After all, taking other bears’ hard-earned money was the lifeblood of swindlers. But usually there was nothing
personal
about it. Destroying the hard-earned reputation of a good and kind bear was different. A bear’s reputation was worth more than any amount of money.

Ralph knew from his days as a carnival hypnotist that a bear couldn’t be hypnotized if he didn’t want to be.
I won’t let him do this to me
, he thought as he fought Dr. Bearish’s gaze for control over his own mind.
Ralph Ripoff swindles only those bears he wants to swindle!

That’s when Zoltan Bearish lost the battle for Ralph’s mind. But, oddly enough, that didn’t make Ralph refuse to take part in the doctor’s evil scheme. You see, most bears, like most humans, have a strong urge to do the selfish thing. And, as you can probably tell from his whole career, Ralph had never had much success resisting that urge. What’s more, as you will see from his thoughts below, Ralph had a knack for turning what was good for Ralph into what was good for everyone.

Now wait a minute
, thought Ralph.
There’s a downside to Bearish’s scheme, but it also has an upside.
He, Ralph, would be famous! In his mind’s eye, he pictured his own smiling face on the cover of
Swindler’s Digest.
Across it were the words: The Greatest. Why, Ralph’s Place would become a swindlers’ shrine! Crooks and conbears from all over Bear Country would flock to it to pay their respects. And he could receive them at his leisure, for the million dollars or so he would get from the swindle would mean he’d never have to swindle anyone again for the rest of his life. Indeed, Actual Factual’s loss would be everyone else’s gain. By helping Zoltan Bearish, he would be doing good for all bearkind!

Besides
, thought Ralph,
Actual Factual is supposed to be the greatest scientist in Bear Country history. If he hurts his reputation by allowing himself to be the victim of a scientific hoax, he’ll have only himself to blame, won’t he?

Blaming the victim: that was another thing Ralph did even more often than most bears. It was natural in his line of work.

“Dr. Bearish,” said Ralph, “I have considered your plan and found it good. For twenty percent of the take, I’ll help you get your revenge.”

“Agreed,” said Bearish. “But I prefer to call it justice.”

“Sounds more like revenge to me,” muttered Ralph.

“Revenge, justice,” said Bearish with a shrug. “Is there a difference?”

Chapter 2

Swindle Within a Swindle

Even a crook like Ralph Ripoff thought that Zoltan Bearish’s idea of justice was a little spooky. But not spooky enough to make him change his mind about collecting a million dollars.

What Bearish needed was someone to organize the whole plan. And Ralph certainly filled the bill. Even before they shook hands on the deal, Ralph’s mind was hard at work. First he had to hire someone to “discover” the phony fossils in a likely place. And Ralph knew just the bear for the job. His name was Sandcrab Jones, and he lived all alone in a little shack out in Great Grizzly Desert, a good fifty miles west of Beartown. Sandcrab would strike fossil gold while pretending to dig a deep well in the dry streambed near his shack. Then Ralph would contact the media, who would broadcast live the rest of the skeleton being dug up. With good planning and execution, no one would suspect a hoax.

Now, Sandcrab Jones was an old hermit who had probably never had more than a few dollars in his pocket at any one time. Ralph knew that he could get him to do the job for as little as twenty or thirty dollars. Of course, he wouldn’t tell Dr. Bearish that. He’d say that Sandcrab had demanded two hundred dollars, and when Bearish gave him the money to pay Sandcrab, he’d give Sandcrab the twenty or thirty they’d agreed on and keep the rest for himself. He’d do the same thing—pull the same swindle within a swindle—with the Bogg Brothers, whose labor and pickup truck he’d hire to transport the fake fossils to the desert. These career crooks lived in an old rundown house in Forbidden Bog. They were a lot smarter than Sandcrab Jones, but Ralph suspected they didn’t know the true value of dinosaur fossils. Ralph figured he could get their truck and labor for about two hundred dollars. But he’d tell Dr. Bearish that they had demanded
five
hundred, and he’d pocket the difference, just as he’d do with Sandcrab Jones.

Yes, the scheme was not only foolproof but highly profitable. In a year’s time Ralph would be a millionaire, and in the meantime his little swindles on the side would buy him all the food, spats, straw hats, and canes he’d need until the big swindle finally paid off.