The Audience (10 page)

The Queen looks away.

But above all else it seems the Palace took offence to my stance regarding sanctions against South Africa.

‘South Africa’: the words ring out like a gunshot in the room. The Queen sits up.

Ma’am, let us be quite clear about this.
Nothing
useful can be achieved by sanctions.

The Queen’s tone has noticeably changed. Tougher. More resolute. Colder.

Elizabeth
Sanctions would hit the apartheid regime where it hurts.

Thatcher
They would hit
us
, too. South Africa is the UK’s fourth largest trading partner.

Elizabeth
I was hoping we might look at it from their point of view.

Thatcher
I am …
Ma’am
. South Africa is already a disinvestment economy. A total ban would devastate them.

Elizabeth
Black South Africans
want
sanctions. Shouldn’t we listen to them?

Thatcher
Black South Africans don’t want to inherit a wasteland.

Elizabeth
‘They will if they feel it’s
their
wasteland.’ President Kaunda of Zambia. You could do worse than talk to him. He would confirm as much.

Thatcher
It is not the business of a British Prime Minister to consult with tinpot dictators!

The Queen looks up, flashes with indignation.

Elizabeth
But it
is
of their Sovereign when they are part of the Commonwealth.

Thatcher
Ah, the Commonwealth!

Elizabeth
Yes. The Commonwealth.

Thatcher
I recognise that for your family the transition of this nation from Empire to comparative supplicancy on the world stage may have come as a greater shock than to the rest of us. But I would argue that the
Commonwealth
is not the way to fill that gap, or restore that loss of self-esteem. There
are
ways of Britain being great again – and that is through a revitalised economy, renewed economic power, not through political fraternisation with unreliable tribal leaders in eccentric costumes …

Elizabeth
But isn’t that all I am, Prime Minister? A tribal leader? In eccentric costume?

Thatcher
Certainly not! You’re Head of an evolved Constitutional Monarchy that stretches back to William the Conqueror. It’s not comparing like with like.

Elizabeth
But that’s where we differ. You see, Prime Minister, I consider myself
exactly
like them. To me Ghana, Zambia, Malawi are great sovereign nations. With great histories. I’m aware you probably don’t share that view. That to you the Commonwealth is something of a distraction. A waste of time. I gather there’s even an acronym you use for the annual Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting which is so important to me.

Thatcher averts her eyes.

What was it again?

Thatcher
‘Compulsory Handouts for Greedy Mendicants’?

Elizabeth
Actually that’s somewhat politer than the one I heard. (
A beat
.) ‘Coons Holidaying on Government Money’?

Thatcher
I had nothing to do with that! That was my husband!

Elizabeth
The Commonwealth of Nations is an idea that is dear to my heart. In a way I have given my life to it. That was the pledge I made forty years ago.

Thatcher
I remember listening to it. On the wireless. We were both so young at the time. Just girls.

Elizabeth
As Sovereign I am obliged to support you as Prime Minister. On
any
position you take. Including South Africa. Including sanctions. Your position is that of the Government, that of the United Kingdom, and that’s the end of it. I will fall in line. My question is, given the lack of impact it has on your day-to-day political fortunes, and yet how important it is to me, couldn’t you have supported
me
just once? My fellow Heads of Government in the Commonwealth, many of whom I consider friends, feel I have betrayed them on the most important issue to them.

Thatcher
All they need do is read the
Sunday Times.
(
Indicating newspaper.
) It will leave them in no doubt as to your position.

Silence.

My responsibility for the time I have in office is to put sentimentality to one side and look after this country’s interests from the perspective of a cold balance sheet – pros and cons – and it is my judgement that to focus on
our
economy and
our
standing in the world would be best for Britain
and
incidentally the profile of the person that personifies it.

Elizabeth
You, Prime Minister.

Thatcher
No,
you
, Ma’am. You’ll be here having these conversations long after I’ve gone.

Thatcher stares at the Queen.

And while I greatly admire your sense of fairness and compassion for those less fortunate than us –

Elizabeth
Do you, really?

Thatcher
– let’s not forget of the two of us I am the one that came from a small street. In an irrelevant town. With nothing. We had no hot water. We had to heat it in a copper. My mother made all our clothes. And I don’t want people’s pity, or charity or compassion. Nothing would insult me more.

Elizabeth
Not everybody is as strong as you, Prime Minister. Or prodigiously gifted. Or driven. I can’t help thinking about the rest of us sometimes. Those that are just … normal. That have to read things twice to understand. That need a prevailing wind to get through life. And rarely get it.

The Queen smiles.

I expect in your eyes that makes me a ‘wet’. That
is
the word, isn’t it? That you scribble in the margins of your Cabinet papers? When someone says something you don’t agree with?

Thatcher
I came to office with one deliberate intent, to change this country from being a dependent to a
self-reliant
culture, and I think in that I have succeeded. Britons now instinctively understand there is no longer such a thing as society. They have learned to look after number one, use their elbows, get ahead. And are richer for it. No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he’d only had good intentions. You see, he had money as well.

She checks her watch.

Our time is up. How it flies.

Silence.

You must be very much looking forward to tomorrow. The wedding? Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson.

Elizabeth
Yes, we are.

Thatcher
They seem like a good match.

Elizabeth
Yes. We think so.

They get to their feet.

Thatcher
My own son, Mark, announced recently that he would be getting married.

Elizabeth
The explorer?

Thatcher
Not an explorer, Ma’am. That was just once. He’s a businessman. An entrepreneur.

Elizabeth
Oh, yes. And who is the lucky lady?

Thatcher
An American. From Texas.

Elizabeth
Arms, wasn’t it? Your entrepreneur son?

Thatcher
Not any more. He’s moved into cars now. And fixing.

Elizabeth
Oh, a mechanic? Like me. I trained in the war.

Thatcher
Not that kind of ‘fixing’, Ma’am. It means he makes introductions.

Elizabeth
(
not understanding
) To whom?

Thatcher
Businesses. From the Middle East, mostly. And South Africa.

Elizabeth
Of course.

Thatcher goes, leaving the Queen alone on stage.
  
Behind her, Young Elizabeth appears, and addresses the nation …

Young Elizabeth
As I speak to you today from Cape Town I am six thousand miles from the country where I was born. But I am certainly not six thousand miles from home. That is the great privilege of belonging to a worldwide Commonwealth. We must not be daunted by the anxieties and hardships that the war has left behind for us all.

The Queen exits the stage, and Young Elizabeth walks forward, continuing her broadcast.

Young Elizabeth
If we all go forward with an unwavering faith, a high courage and a quiet heart, we shall be able to make of this ancient Commonwealth, which we all love so dearly, an even grander thing – more free, more prosperous, more happy and a more powerful influence for good in the world – than it has been in the greatest days of our forefathers. To accomplish that we must give nothing less than the whole of ourselves. There is a motto which has been borne by many of my ancestors – a noble motto: ‘I serve.’ I should like to make that dedication now. It is very simple.

The Queen reappears on stage. She is now an
eighty-six
-year-old woman. Her eyesight is no longer what it was, nor her mobility. She moves more slowly, her knee giving her trouble. Her back is an almost constant source of pain.

Young Elizabeth
I declare before you all that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service and the service of our great imperial family to which we all belong.

Young Elizabeth exits.

It’s 2013. The door opens and the Equerry comes in. The sound of a ringing mobile telephone, with a ‘Gangnam Style’ ringtone.

Equerry
The Prime Minister, Ma’am.

David Cameron, forty-six, enters, bows respectfully.

Cameron
Your Majesty.

The ‘Gangnam Style’ ringing continues.

Elizabeth
Are you going to answer that?

Cameron
Not me.

The Queen looks at the Equerry.

Equerry
(
hands raised in innocence
) Nor me, Ma’am.

Elizabeth
(
realising
) Oh, for heaven’s sake …

The Queen moves with difficulty. Searches in her pockets. Finds the phone. Tries to turn it off.

Grandchildren.

Cameron
May I, Ma’am?

Cameron takes it and switches it off for her.

Elizabeth
How did you do that?

Cameron
The red button, here, Ma’am.

He presses the keyboard. The Queen squints.

Elizabeth
There isn’t a red button.

Cameron
It disappears after you touch it.

The Queen stares. Bemused. Confounded.

Cameron
(
indicates
) Nice.

Elizabeth
What?

Cameron
The new Samsung.

Elizabeth
I begged them not to give me one, but then security persuaded me it doubled as a useful tracking device in case I try to escape. I expect you have one, too?

Cameron
Four.

Elizabeth
Four? How awful. Anyway, we have more important things to discuss than this. Welcome back, Prime Minster.