The Atonement (5 page)

“Or just spend less time around you, right?
If you don’t want to be friends anymore just say so.”

“
Miko, believe me, I really
like having you as a friend and I want to continue to have you as a
friend, but I think us being up under each other all the time is
gonna mess that up…especially since I can’t give you what you
really want from me right now.”

“I see.”

“I’m not tryin’ to hurt your feelings and I’m
not tryin’ to de-friend you. I’m just trying to be honest. I think
we should try to give each other some space for a little
while.”

“Fine. I appreciate your honesty and I hear
you – space granted. Anyway, it’s getting late and I know you’re
tired. How about we wrap things up for tonight?”

“Aiight. I’ll get the bill and we’ll head
out.”

“Sure.”

“No hard feelings?”

“Not at all.”

Despite Tamiko’s attempt to appear
nonchalant, Davis could see the hurt on her face, and it made him
hate himself. Unfortunately, he had no choice. It wasn’t that he
didn’t trust her as much as he couldn’t trust himself. There was no
way that he could give himself to her or anyone else given his
past. The pain he was inflicting on her now was way less than the
pain he was trying to shield her from.

Four

“
How was the movie?” asked
her father when she came in. He had been waiting up for her, as she
had expected.

“It was good,” said Tamiko. She hastily hung
up her coat, and rushed toward the staircase to keep her father
from continuing his interrogation. As always, her dad could always
sense when something was amiss, however, Tamiko did not feel like
having one of their father-daughter conversations. She just wanted
to be alone.

“You sure, baby girl?”

“Of course. I’d stay and talk, but I’m
feeling wiped. I just want to go to bed,” said Tamiko as she
hurried up the stairs.

Once she was in her room and the door was
closed, Tamiko kicked off her heels and collapsed onto her bed,
face up and stared dejectedly at the ceiling.

“Now Davis can’t stand me and it’s all my
fault,” Tamiko thought to herself. “I should’ve never told him how
I felt about him”

Since the day she met Davis there was not one
moment when she doubted that they would make the perfect couple.
For the first time in her life, she had met someone who was
good-looking and Christian at the same time – a real Christian.
Davis’s walk seemed to match his talk. In the beginning, they grew
close very quickly. They spent a lot of time together and it seemed
that Davis enjoyed her company. Tamiko was certain that he was
falling for her as fast as she had been falling for him. So when
she gathered enough courage to suggest they become a couple she was
certain beyond any doubt that he would be interested. Instead, she
got the ‘let’s just be friends’ speech – sort of.

Davis had told her that, while he liked her,
he didn’t know if he was ready for a romantic relationship. He
needed time to sort some things out. It wasn’t an out right
rejection and he did say that he liked her, so she remained
hopeful. At the time, Tamiko felt that she would just wait until he
was ready. Time would be her ally instead of her enemy. In the
meantime, she’d be there for him when he needed her. She’d show him
just how loyal and faithful she could be – like any potential wife
should be. If he were stuck at home feeling sick, she’d make sure
to stop by and drop off some homemade soup. Several Sundays she
tried cooking some of his favorites for dinner: red rice and beans
with chicken, pernil, pasteles, pigeon peas and rice. Then there
were the little romantic rendezvous she would set up, so they could
get to know each other better: projects at church they worked on
together, walks through the park, and the occasional movie or
museum trip. Tamiko thought these things would show him how much
she cared about him and would make her endeared to him. She never
thought it would annoy him. His exact words were ‘they were up
under each other all the time.’ It made her think of the things her
mother used to say when she got annoyed and didn’t want her around.
“Tamiko, I can’t get my work done with you up under me like this!
I’m taking you to Momma Lena’s!” Then he had to go and suggest that
she make new female friends. It seemed to Tamiko that she’d been
dumped again, and this time, she hadn’t even gotten the chance to
date the guy.

Tamiko had never fared that well in
relationships herself, having received as many romantic pink slips
as she had doled out. She’d never had a boyfriend longer than a
half a year before it was over. Most of the time she’d blame the
guy. Since she’d dated a few non-Christians, several of them broke
up with her because she wouldn’t sleep with them. Others were
Christian beaus who broke up with her for basically the same
reason, or because they didn’t find she was submissive enough. They
were obvious write-offs. But now, it seemed she’d turned Davis off.
Davis wasn’t some non-believer or a jerk. He was actually Tamiko’s
ideal guy: genuine, honest, caring, of good character, he shared
her faith and her values, and he was incredibly handsome. She
thought they would be the perfect couple, but the fact that Davis
didn’t seem to think so, made her doubt herself.

“Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe
I’m too self-involved? What if he thinks I’m a complainer? I was
going on a bit about work. I didn’t mean to be negative. Maybe I
was too overbearing. Why else would he ask for space?”

After a few minutes, she got up from where
she lay and began to change into her nightgown. Tamiko didn’t want
to get into the habit of feeling sorry for herself. She tried to
put her troubles with Davis into perspective. “Maybe I should give
Davis some space,” she considered. “With all of the time we’re
spending together he’s probably been taking our relationship for
granted.” She just knew Davis’s feelings would change once he had
been missing her for a while. Then again, she could think of one
person in their set that she hadn’t connected with in a while who
didn’t seem to miss her at all, and though she did not like to
admit it, it bothered her – a lot. “Don’t even go there,” Tamiko
chided herself, “Davis is the better choice – or at least the saner
choice.” When it came to relationships Tamiko was determined to
weigh her options carefully and make the right decision. Besides,
she had other things to worry about, like everything that was going
on with Jim.

Everyone was distraught when they heard the
news that Jim had been shot. Not much was revealed about the
circumstances surrounding what happened. Everything that Tamiko
knew was third hand from Allen, who didn’t know much himself. One
thing that was obvious to everyone was that there were drugs
involved. The idea that Jim could have been taking or selling drugs
was more than disturbing for Tamiko. She knew Jim had be going
through something really intense for him to start making such poor
decisions in his life. She only wished there was something that
could have been done to spare him all this, but going over the
would’ves, could’ves, and should’ves wasn’t going to help things.
The most important thing was that everyone worked together to help
Jim get better. The last time she went to visit him in the
hospital, Jim definitely looked better and was in better spirits.
Of all her friends, Jim was the biggest gossip monger and he was
eager to hear everything that had been going on with their crew
while he had been away. He seemed like the old Jim, but Tamiko
could tell that he’d been through a lot. “I need to have my mind on
helping Jim, rather than sulking about my problems with Davis,” she
scolded herself.

The loud chiming of her cell phone
interrupted Tamiko’s thoughts. She grabbed the phone from her purse
to see who it was, even though she had intended to ignore the call.
She didn’t feel like talking to anyone, until she saw a familiar
photo flash on the screen.

“Riley! Girl, how you doin?!”

“I think the better question is how y’all
doin’ up there? Daddy told me that Uncle Vern told him that Jim got
shot. Is that true? Is he all right?”

“Now he is. He’s going to be coming home from
the hospital in a few days.”

“Well I’m thankful to God for that. How’d he
get shot?”

“I don’t know all of the details. Jim had
decided to go out on his own and no one had heard anything from him
for ages. I had stopped by his apartment a couple of times, but he
was never around. We almost thought he’d moved away until detective
Ballard called.”

“Why would Jim just cut everybody off like
that?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. He and Allen
had gotten into it a couple of times and the next thing we knew,
Jim wasn’t speaking to any of us anymore - Even Pop Vernon and
Momma Lena.”

“Is he still upset with everyone?”

“
I don’t think so. He
doesn’t seem upset when I talk to him.”

“
How’s Allen taking all
this? I know he’s probably a mess, and blaming himself to
boot.”

“In the beginning he was, but now he’s okay.
There are other things that I’m worried about when it comes to
Allen.”

“You mean like his new girlfriend?”

“How’d you know?”

“I’ve seen the pictures on his facebook.
Trust me girl, you’re not the only one that’s worried. That baby
don’t look nothing like him.”

“Relax, Riley. Allen knows he’s not the
biological father.”

“Now that just makes it even worse. And that
reminds me, has Mr. Fix-it tuned up your heart yet?”

“Let’s put it this way – remember when I told
you I thought he was ‘the one’?”

“
Uh-hunh.”

“
Well, now I’m not so sure.
We’re not even dating and I got the “I need space”
speech.”

“Uh-oh. Now this confirms it. I’ve been away
for too long. Y’all done turned into a heap of hot mess. I’m going
to have to come up North for one of my visits and help y’all get
things straight.”

“For real! When are you thinking of coming?
This summer?”

“Try Saturday. I started makin’ plans when I
heard about what happened to Jimmy a couple of weeks ago. Since
Uncle Vern’s is going to be a little crowded, your dad said I could
stay with you.”

“Really? I can’t wait! Girl, we gon’ have a
good time – hey, wait a minute. They let you take off on your job
like that?”

“No, but when you don’t have a job, you can
go when you please.”

“Aww, Riley. What happened?”

“The salon where I was workin’ closed up. The
owner had mortgage troubles and that’s that.”

“I’m so sorry. When did this happen?”

“A month ago. But you don’t have to worry
about me. I still catch a few dollars here and there from the kids
and the old ladies I work on in the ‘hood. Besides, now I have time
to do what I want to do, like visit my favorite cousins in the Big
Apple.”

“Well, I’m certain I can speak for everyone
when I say we can’t wait to see you. You know we’re going to have a
celebration for Jim when he gets out. It’s going to be Saturday
afternoon. You think you’ll be here in time?”

“Miko, you know I hate parties.”

“It’s not a party. It’s a celebration - just
a few friends that sit around and have dinner together, that’s all.
Besides, we just want to cheer Jim up and show him that he has our
support.”

“Call it what you want, but I don’t want to
have to sit around and try to make small talk with a bunch of
people I don’t really know. If it’s just you, Allen, and Jim that’s
one thing, but I can do without all those other characters you and
Allen have been tellin’ me about.”

“Are you saying you’re not even the least
little bit curious about Davis?”

“Not if he’s like the last dude you were
seeing. What was his name again? Calvin?”

“It was Kevin, and Davis is nothing like him.
He’s a genuine Christian.”

“So why are you talking like you’re done with
him?”

“I still like Davis. The problem is, I don’t
think he feels the same way.”

“Miko, life’s too short to waste your time
with some loser who doesn’t know how he feels. If he’s not into you
there’s nothing you can do to change his mind. I learned that the
hard way with Marcus. I gave that dude 10 months too many and I
don’t want you to end up wasting your time like I did.”

“Davis hasn’t put any pressure on me like
what Marcus was doing to you.”

“Really? You sure he’s not…”

“Riley!”

“Just wait ‘til I get up there and I’ll let
you know if this Davis character is worthy or not. Until then, send
the others my love and tell Allen to keep his line open. I been
able to catch everybody ‘cept him.”

“You’re not the only one that has encountered
that problem. He turns it off when he’s at work, or he’s at school,
or he’s at Callie’s place, so it’s off for pretty much all day. You
know what? I’ll drop by his place and tell him to call you.”

“Okay. But don’t tell him I’m coming. I want
to let him know myself.”

“No problem.”

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way, okay. See
you in a few days.”

“See you, girl.”

“Yes!” said Tamiko after she had ended her
call. She was certain this was the result of divine intervention:
sending her favorite cousin just in time to help lift everyone’s
spirits. Riley Sharpe was actually Allen’s cousin. Her dad,
Henry-Lee was Vernon’s older brother. Old Henry-Lee started sending
Riley to spend summers with Allen and his parents when she was
eight to keep her from getting into trouble with the rough boys she
used to run with in her neighborhood. After a while, Tamiko and
Allen would repay visits to her at times during winter and spring
recess. They spent summers and breaks together every year until
they graduated from high school. Over the years, Tamiko and Riley
became the best of friends and pen pals. In fact, Riley was the
only female best friend Tamiko had ever had. Thinking back on what
Davis had said earlier, it really was going to be nice to have
another woman around to talk to about things, and she knew that
Riley could probably talk some sense into Jim and Allen. Finally,
Riley and Tamiko always had a good time when they were together.
Tamiko couldn’t wait until Riley came. She would be just what
everyone needed.