The Atonement (4 page)

Davis knew that Tamiko liked him – really
liked him – as in romantically speaking. From his personal
experience, he knew that when a woman wanted a particular man, she
could lose her personality as she got caught up in the chase. The
only reason why Davis was willing to go along with the game was
because, despite everything, he knew the real Tamiko. That girl was
still his friend and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Davis
waved over a waitress who promptly took their order. When she left,
Davis decided to inquire about what had been on his mind.

“
Still no word from
Tim?”

“
I’ll check my phone,” said
Tamiko as she took it out of her purse and turned it on. She
perused the screen for a few seconds.

“
I hope he’s
okay.”

“
Looks like he sent a text
just as we were going into the theatre,” said Tamiko, “He said he
had stuff to work on at home, so he’d have to skip the
movie.”

“
What else is
new?”

“
I know. Lately it seems
like Tim is always busy. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun,
right?”

“
Yeah, I guess.”

“
You are having a good time,
aren’t you?” said Tamiko, as she eyed him curiously. It seemed as
if she were trying to read his thoughts.

“
I’m okay. Just a little
tired, that’s all.”

“
Worked hard
today?”

“
Yeah. It’s a big hotel.
People are always in and out and you know they gotta break
something before they leave. Today it seemed like everyone was
killin’ the showers. I think I re-installed about a hundred shower
heads.”

“
That does sound like a lot
of work. But maybe a good hot meal with a friend will make you feel
better.”

“
Yeah.” said Davis as he
slumped forward and leaned his head against his fist.

There was a moment of silence between them as
Davis tried to think of something to say. He would rather not say
anything because he didn’t know how Tamiko would interpret, or,
rather misinterpret it. He thought he had been clear months ago
when he said he thought they should just be friends, but it seemed
every time they were together like this, he couldn’t help but feel
pressured.

“So how’s things going on your job?” asked
Davis. He thought talking about work would be a safe topic.

“It’s insane as usual. There’s a new
evaluation system that’s about to be rolled out, and principal
Stone is like a raving lunatic now, but I’m handling things.”

“Do they still come in your classroom to spy
on you?”

“Technically, it’s not spying. They’re
supposed to be evaluating me. I still get observed. They come more
often now, but at least it’s not for a whole 45 minutes like
before. Stone still hates my guts for whatever reason, but this new
system is even more work for her. I’m sure she’d love to pick me
apart, but she just doesn’t have the time.”

“Well that’s something to thank God about.
Now you can teach the kids the way you know how and not worry about
it.”

“Oh, I wish. The curriculum has been totally
teacher proofed. Everything has to be according to the Department
of Education guidelines. Then there’s all of the paper work that
eats up so much of my time - like the six page lesson plans I write
every day.”

“But I know you’ve got some extra time, now
that you’ve finished your masters and everything. At least you
don’t have to worry about papers and classes anymore.”

“True. And I’m thankful for that. But now I
have to work on getting professional development credits, there’s a
new curriculum, and…I don’t know. I feel like I’m working all the
time. I had to plan this outing two weeks in advance, and only
because tomorrow is a professional development day for our school
and the kids won’t be there so I don’t have to write lessons. It’s
just a struggle to find the time to do the things that really
matter to me – like spending time with the people I care about,”
she said taking his hand. Davis looked away, abruptly withdrawing
his hand from hers, and started playing with the silverware on the
table. He knew what she was trying to do, and he didn’t want to go
there with her.

“I hope they don’t make us wait all night for
our food. I gotta get up early for work in the morning.”

“We could have them make it to go if you’re
in that much of a hurry.”

All of a sudden he noticed her usual cheerful
expression began to fade into a somber one. She looked down and
toyed with the charm bracelet she was wearing.

“Look, I wasn’t tryin’ to be…never mind.”

There was another tense silence between them
for a few seconds. Davis didn’t want to be rude, but he wanted to
make it clear to Tamiko that this was not a date. The situation
required that he be tactful, which was not something he was good
at. He was trying to think of a way to express himself, but it was
difficult because he had never been good with words. Davis was
trying to think of what to say when Tamiko interrupted his train of
thought.

“So how are things going in the program? This
is your last year, right?”

“Yeah. Everything’s been going aiight. I’m
still doing good and I’ve already started the process for applying
for my licenses.”

“That’s wonderful!” she said her face
brightening again. “What do you think you’re going to do when
you’re done? Like do you think you’re going to start your own
business?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

“Aw, c’mon. As good as you are, you’ll have a
lot of jobs in no time.”

“It’s just that I’ve been praying about it
and I know I need to wait for the Lord to give me the green light.
Know what I mean?”

“Of course. I can understand that.”

“But I figure, in the meantime, I’ll just
keep my job at the hotel and do a few freelance jobs here and there
on the side. You know, start to build my rep.”

“If you want, I could ask around the church
and see if there’s anyone who needs some work done. Who knows,
maybe there’s something my dad may need you to do around the
house.”

“Thanks, but don’t feel like you have to put
yourself out.”

“It’s no problem at all where you’re
concerned. Oh, and before I forget -” she said as she began to dig
down into her purse.

“Not again,” thought Davis to himself.

“Ta-da!” said Tamiko handing him a little
black box that was tied with a red ribbon.

“Miko, I really appreciate the gesture, but I
can’t – I mean you just got me those towels last week.”

“I know, but when I saw this I knew I had to
get it for you. Go on, open it.”

Davis took a deep breath as he untied the red
ribbon and opened the box. Inside were three neatly folded cloths
in different solid colors. Davis had never seen anything like
them.

“Do you like them?”

“What are they? Like fancy napkins or
something?”

“Nooo, silly!” laughed Tamiko “They’re
handkerchiefs. You put them in the top pocket of your suit jacket –
you can use them when you need something to wipe the sweat out of
your eyes or if you want to make your suit look fancy.”

“Oh.”

“I tried to get colors that matched some of
the ties I’ve seen you wear.”

“Thanks for the gift, but…I don’t want you to
feel like you gotta waste your money on me like this.”

“Oh, don’t say that. I could never feel that
way. I like doing things for you. We’re friends. Remember?”

“I know, but - how ‘bout you hold onto these
until it’s like a holiday or whatnot,” said Davis as he put the
handkerchiefs back in the box and handed it back to her. “It would
help me to feel better about taking it.”

“Okay – if that’s what you want,” said Tamiko
who looked a bit disappointed and puzzled at the same time.

Suddenly, the waitress appeared with their
food, which gave Davis a convenient escape from heading into a
conversation that he was dreading. He dove into his meal to try to
satiate his anxiety rather than his hunger. He felt guilty about
not being able to reciprocate Tamiko’s feelings. At the beginning
of their friendship, there were times when he thought he could.
Tamiko was friendly, intelligent, beautiful, caring, selfless, and
best of all, shared his faith. In fact, he had been looking for a
girl like her to share his life with since he’d come to faith, but
he just couldn’t bring himself to commit to her. He didn’t know if
he was ready to handle a romantic relationship yet.

Davis had never been good at relationships
and had ruined the few stable ones he did have. So when she
approached him about the possibility of being a couple, he felt
compelled to keep things on the level with her. Unfortunately, his
honesty and frankness had done little to change her feelings. To
make matters worse, instead of giving him the space and time he
needed to talk to God and think about things, she started to crowd
him out. It seemed everywhere he went (with the exception of his
job), she was trying to be there. Then there was what seemed like
the constant gift giving and errand running. The last thing Davis
wanted to do was to hurt Tamiko, especially after all of the
support and affection she’d showered him with. He didn’t want to
lose her as a friend, but given the way things were going, he
couldn’t see things turning out well. He looked up at her and, he
noticed how she was only picking at her meal.

“Not quite your taste, right?”

“The rice is good, it’s just the seasoning on
the pork chops needs a little getting used to.”

“I could get you something else if you don’t
like it.”

“I’m fine, really. Actually, I was thinking
about something.”

“
Like what?”

“
I was wondering if you
wouldn’t mind helping me with something I’m working on at the
church.”

“What is it?”

“My mom is going to have this mixer for the
Christian singles in a few weeks.”

“What?”

“I know. It sounds lame.
It
is
lame. Think
of it as her way of helping people who want to get married, find a
partner in a safe or sinless way. Anyway, she wants me to host it
and I don’t want to do it by myself. I wouldn’t do it at all, only
it’s supposed to be a fundraiser for the grocery mobile program
that’s going to get groceries and supplies to the shut in elderly
folks who don’t have relatives to help them.”

“I don’t get it. Why can’t you do it by
yourself?”

“Because I don’t want people to think
I’m…looking for someone.”

“So I’d be there to block for you? Make the
guys think you’re with me?”

“I guess you could say that, but it’s not
like, I’d be really ‘with you’ or anything like that.”

“I don’t know, Miko.”

“It wouldn’t be a real date.”

“It might not be a real date, but it would
feel like it. Sorry, Miko, but I don’t think I can be down.”

“So you’re so afraid of relationships, you
can’t even be in the company of a woman for an evening?”

“I’m not scared of nothin’. I just don’t
think it would be a good idea.”

“Davis, it’s just a few goofy ice breaker
activities and dinner – just like we’re having right now.”

“Look, if I had known it’d be just the two of
us tonight, I…never mind.”

“You mean you never would’ve come?” she said
as her countenance dimmed again.

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that - I just –
we’ve talked about this before and I don’t wanna send you any mixed
signals. I need for us to be clear about where we stand.”

“Believe me, we’re clear. Just forget I asked
about it.”

“I don’t mean to upset you or nothing.’”

“I’m not upset. A little confused,
maybe.”

“
I told you before, this
doesn’t have nothin’ to do with you. I have to get my life straight
before I can share it with someone else.”

“That’s what I don’t understand. From what I
can see, you have a stable job, your making progress in your career
goals, you go to church and you have lots of friends. How much
straighter can it get?”

“It’s not that simple. I got a lot of
personal things I need to work out.”

“Was your last relationship that bad?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d rather not get into
it.”

“Even with me?”

“Don’t take it personal, Miko. You’re a nice
person, but I can only lean on you for so much. Some things gotta
be between a man and God. I know there’s probly things that you
think you can’t talk to me about.”

“Not really.”

“Not even your female stuff?”

“What do you mean, female stuff?

“You know. Things that women talk about with
other women.”

“I don’t get it.”

“In a way, I guess you wouldn’t. I kinda
noticed you don’t have a lot of female friends. Right or
wrong?”

“Wrong! Very wrong! I have a number of female
friends. There are the other teachers at my job…”

“I’ve never seen you hanging out with them
and you don’t bring any of them around. None of them are your
besties.”

“Allen has a cousin who is a female and we’re
really close friends.”

“How come I’ve never seen her?”

“Because she lives in North Carolina…”

“North Carolina! Miko, that’s not a best
friend, that’s a pen pal. You need to get you some girls in the
city to hang out with. Some ladies you can chill with and talk
about things with.”

“Wait a minute, why would you suggest I start
hanging with a bunch of women? Unless this is your way of saying
you don’t even want me hanging out with you and the guys
anymore.”

Tamiko’s defensive reaction made Davis regret
his words. She made it seem as if he was patronizing her, which was
not his intent.

“Nah! Nah! All I’m trying to say is - that
just like you spend time with the guys, you could spend time with
your girls, too.”