The Atonement (2 page)

“
Hmm. I wonder how Tim is
taking all this. After all, the last time I was around, he was
after Miko like a spider after a fly in a web. Isn’t that what his
sudden conversion is all about?”

“
I know what you’re getting
at – but that whole thing was squashed. Tim’s really done a lot of
growing up in the past couple of years. The only thing he’s trying
to do now is get right with God.”

“
And you’re absolutely
certain of this because…”

“
You’ve spoken to him,
haven’t you? I know he’s been by here a couple of times. Can’t you
tell the difference?”

“
His talk is deep, but I
suspect his walk is weak.”

“
Why would you think that?
You know Tim – when he makes up his mind about
something…”

“
Is he aware that
fornication is a no-no?”

“
Yes.”

“
So you mean to tell me a
dude who’s used to having a different woman every month has just
quit the game cold turkey?”

“
Well – uh –
yes.”

“
What’s with the
hesitation?”

“
Okay, nobody’s perfect and
even Christians make mistakes now and again…”

Jim laughed out loud before he winced and
grabbed his side.

“
You okay, man?”

“
Yeah, I’m okay, but I gotta
be careful that I don’t pop any of my stitches. But back to what we
were discussing, I just knew it was too good to be
true.”

“
No, really! I’m telling
you, Tim’s not the same guy. Just wait ‘til you get out of here.
You’ll see.”

“
Now I’ve heard everything –
or almost everything. Are you going to tell me about what’s going
on with you?”

“
I already told you about
law school. I’m starting my first year and with work and all, it’s
been a stretch, but…”

“
That’s not what I’m talking
about. I want to hear about this new relationship thing you got
goin’ on.”

Allen paused for a moment and toyed with the
empty bag as he tried to think of a way to get off of the current
topic.

“
It’s not that big a
deal…”

“
Don’t try to front. Miko
already gave me the hint and she didn’t seem very happy about it.
She said I should let you explain it.”

“
I’m not surprised she put
it like that. There are a lot of people who aren’t happy with my
relationship.”

“
Why?”

Allen took a deep breath and braced himself
for what he was certain would be Jim’s reaction.

“
My lady is…a
single-mom.”

“
Wait a minute, did I just
hear you right? Did you just say, ‘single-mom’?”

“
Yes, I did. Now before you
go off the deep end, you have to consider the realities of the
present time. There aren’t many women our age out there that don’t
have kids.”

“
Allen, really?! ‘Cause I
could name quite a few.”

“
Still, it’s not an issue
for me.”

“
Well it should be! Look,
man, I know how much you like to help people, but…”

“
Save your breath. I’ve
already heard the speech about a dozen times…”

“
And you’re gonna hear it
one more time. Do you understand just how complicated a
relationship like that is? How big a commitment you’re going to
have to make? Do you know how much there is at stake in a situation
like the one you’re in? You’re only 24 years old – that’s way too
young to be a father and then to have to deal with some chick’s
baggage from a previous relationship! And let’s not forget all the
drama the ‘baby daddy’ is probably gonna have for you! How do you
plan to manage all that, your job, and law school at the same time
without going insane?”

“
Believe me, Jim, I’ve
counted the costs and so far I’ve been handling my business.
Anyway, it’s not like I just met this woman. I’ve known her for
most of my life. I’ve loved her for most of my life.”

“
Oh, really? Who is
she?”

“
It’s Callie.”

“
Callie?”

Allen noticed Jim’s confused expression and
immediately understood.

“
Yeah. You know how I feel
about her. I’ve been in love with her since high
school.”

“
Did she tell you how she
managed to end up pregnant?”

“
I think we both know the
answer to that.”

“
C’mon, Allen. You know what
I mean.”

“
She said when she stopped
hanging with us, she got caught up with some guy in a type of
friends with benefits situation. Then she got pregnant and when she
went to tell the guy, she found out he’d died of a drug overdose.
So the dad’s not in the picture and never will be.”

“
Sounds very
convenient.”

“
You think she’s
lying?”

“
I don’t know what to
think.”

Allen noticed how quiet and pensive Jim had
become all of a sudden. From the look on Jim’s face it seemed he
was a million miles away and it worried Allen.

“
Are you okay?”

“
I’m just blown away by what
I’m hearing.”

“
I know. It’s a
lot.”

“
All the time Callie’s been
up here, she hasn’t said a thing.”

“
We all agreed we wouldn’t
lay anything heavy on you until you were stronger. Callie and I
wanted to be together when we told, you, but since the subject has
come up, I thought it’d be best to just lay everything out
there.”

“
I can’t believe that
Callie’s a mom.”

“
Yeah. She had a boy. His
name is Darius. He looks just like Callie. I’ll show
you.”

Allen pulled out his smart-phone and showed
Jim the screensaver picture of Darius, Callie and himself. Jim
seemed to be examining it carefully.

“
How old is he?”

“
He’s thirteen
months.”

Jim turned away from the screen of the phone
abruptly and directed his attention to the voiceless pastor on the
muted television. The last thing Allen wanted to do was to upset
Jim, but it seemed all the new information was too much for him to
bear.

“
Are you sure you’re
okay?”

“
It just seems like everyone
has changed so much. I feel like I don’t even know who you guys are
anymore.”

“
But it doesn’t mean we
can’t go back to the way things used to be.”

“
With everything that’s
changed, I don’t see how we can.”

“
But that’s the way life
works. Yes, people change, but true friends stay together in spite
of all that. For the past two years, I’ve been praying to God to
put us all back together. Little by little, I believe He’s been
working things out on our behalf. Let’s not waste the blessings
He’s given us.”

Allen hoped that what he’d said had calmed
his friend’s fears about the future. They were both wiser than
they’d been before. Their time and experience had helped each of
them to mature and develop a more balanced outlook toward their
friendship. This time Allen was sure there was no way anything
could come between them – not even the invisible wall.

Two

Callie paced up and down her apartment
cradling her little Darius who had been fussy for the past two
hours. His wails would wane at intervals, and just when Callie
thought she could put him down, his cries would suddenly become
more intense and she was back pacing the floor again. It was almost
as if her son was playing a game with her.

“
C’mon Darius, give me a
break. You’re not messy, you can’t be hungry because I just fed
you, and I checked your temperature so you’re not really sick. Why
can’t you just settle down?” Callie said to herself. She would’ve
had more patience for her son if she weren’t so apprehensive. Allen
said he’d gone to visit Jim at the hospital today, and would call
her after he got home from school. It was the hospital visit that
had her worried. She knew Jim was getting stronger, was able to
stay awake longer, and was talking more. It was Jim’s ability to
talk that had her on edge.

She had made a number of attempts to visit
Jim herself today, but the emergency room had been really busy. She
tried again during her lunch break, but when she saw that Pastor
Bynum was already there, she decided to try again later. When she
went back, Mr. Sharpe was there. By the time Jim was free, it was
time for her to leave and pick up Darius from daycare. She had
hoped she could talk to Jim before Allen got to him again. “Allen
said he wouldn’t bring it up, so there should be nothing to worry
about,” pondered Callie who was still trying to reassure herself.
Even if she was sure of what Allen would say, there was no telling
what Jim would.

Callie was so distracted she could hardly
keep her mind on her little boy. She took him over to the couch and
put him over her knees and rubbed his back. She remembered Allen
doing this to Darius on a couple of occasions. He’d said his mom
had told him it had worked on him when he was little. Not long
after, Darius let out a burp and passed gas several times before he
began to quiet down.

“Finally,” thought Callie with some relief as
she turned him over and looked at him. Despite what Allen thought,
Callie was convinced Darius didn’t look like anyone on her side of
the family. Instead, Darius tended to favor his father’s side and
his people weren’t very good-looking at all, in her opinion. In
fact, she often wished Allen could’ve been his father so he could
have gotten some better looks. To make matters worse, Callie felt
Darius had also inherited his father’s cranky and whiny nature,
which caused him to be given to fits of crying for what seemed to
be no reason at all. Darius’s constant crying was a major source of
irritation and frustration for Callie, making it hard to cope with
her son. Allen was a lot better at dealing with him at such times.
Allen had helped her to get through a lot in the past couple of
years. Callie just wished she had been able to talk to Jim and set
him straight before Allen’s visit. She couldn’t help but wonder
what they were talking about, and how Allen would feel afterward.
Callie was becoming tense and she didn’t want the vibe to make
Darius fussy again, so she took him to his room and put him down in
his crib to get some sleep. As she watched her son fall asleep,
Callie reflected on the life she had built with Allen and Darius.
It was a far cry from how she thought it would be.

When Callie found out she was pregnant, she
felt as if her world were ending. Allen had just walked out on her;
she had just thrown Jim out of her life, and had written off the
rest of their clique. Looking for family support was not an option:
her sister lived out of state and her mother couldn’t be bothered
to care much for Callie even when she was little. Callie was
completely alone. At first, she believed an abortion would be the
only sensible thing she could do, given her circumstances at the
time. As a single woman trying to work her way to head nurse, the
last thing she needed was a child, especially since she didn’t know
if she had the time or the emotional and financial resources
necessary to care for him or her. After deliberating on the matter
for a while, she began to reconsider her options. Her child was the
only tangible person in her life at that moment. Aborting the child
meant losing yet another person in her life, which was becoming
lonelier by the minute. “If I don’t have anyone else, at least I’ll
have this child,” she thought to herself at the time. So it was
settled. She was keeping her child.

It took some time to get used to the idea of
being a mother. In the beginning, Callie was overwhelmed by all the
responsibilities she had to assume as the sole provider and
caregiver for her unborn child. She had to find a new apartment
because the studio she lived in at the time was barely enough room
for her. Callie also had to think about all the different supplies
she would need, child proofing the living space, and finding
reliable yet affordable daycare. There were a lot of challenges
involved and Callie tried to remain positive about her situation.
After all, if her mother had raised two kids by herself, she should
be able to handle one. “Scores of African-American women have been
raising children by themselves for generations,” she told herself.
Her situation was nothing new, however, this fact only helped to
calm some of her fears. Just because Callie could go it alone
without a man didn’t mean she wanted to. Being a single mother was
doable, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy for her or her
child; her own childhood had taught her that. Callie had always
envisioned having children with a loving husband who would be there
for her and their child. Callie had given up hope for her fantasy,
and giving her child the life she never had, until a chance
encounter changed everything.

She had gone shopping at a local supermarket
when she ran into Allen unexpectedly while he was on an errand for
his mom. At the time, Callie was six months along and her condition
was painfully obvious to anyone who saw her. She could tell that
Allen was shocked by the way he couldn’t take his eyes off her
midsection, much to her embarrassment. They greeted each other
briefly before running off in their separate directions and Callie
didn’t think much more of their meeting. “With his Christian
beliefs, he’s probably thinking the worst about me,” thought Callie
afterward. She was sure Allen would never want to see or hear from
her again, however, that night she received an unexpected phone
call.