The Atonement (47 page)

“Tamiko’s not like Callie.”

“
That’s not the issue. You
need to think about finding someone that’s into you. There are lots
of other women out there, some that may be even better than
Tamiko.”

“Hmmm. Doubtful.”

“C’mon, man. Don’t put that face on. You
saying she has you that deep?”

“That’s what it feels like sometimes.”

“You know Dan said: if that’s how you feel
then you should be ready to pop the question. You think you’re
ready for that?”

“Did you want to marry Callie?”

“Between you and me – we were engaged. I was
going to let everyone know on Thanksgiving.”

“No way!”

“
No, I was serious. I
thought she was the one and I was willing to back it up with a
ring. Blood aside, Miko’s my sister, and I think any brother who
wants to step to her, better be prepared to do the same. She
deserves no less than that. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Absolutely.”

Forty-Four

It had been a while since Davis had called on
Tamiko privately, and he wished he had a more positive reason for
coming, especially with the way things had been going between them
as of late. But there was no use in delaying things. He’d had his
space and he’d made his decision and it wouldn’t be fair to keep
Tamiko in the dark any longer.

After knocking on the door, he stood and
waited, his heart racing as he tried to prepare himself. It never
really worked. Just like when he met with his old girlfriend,
Janice, the other day and she slapped him with a litany of insults
before letting him know she never wanted to see him again. At least
Stephanie was kind and forgiving. The rejection never ceased to
hurt, but he knew that he deserved it, and had to endure it. There
was probably going to be some rejection in store for him here, but
he had to man-up and go through.

“Who is it?!” asked a very stern voice that
was definitely not Tamiko’s.

“It’s Davis Martinez, ma’am. I was wondering
if I could talk to Tamiko for a few minutes.”

“What is it that you want?”

“It’s something personal, ma’am.”

“Personal! Did you hear that Pastor Bynum?
Too personal for us to know about in our own house?!”

“Mother, why don’t you just open the door
instead of making the boy stand out there all night,” said Pastor
Bynum from within.

“I’m not opening my door at
night for these strange men I don’t know who have personal issues.
Tamiko’s got this place like 42
^nd
Street in the 80’s. This is
going to have to stop!”

All of a sudden, the door opened and Davis
was greeted by the warm smile of Pastor Bynum.

“Hello, Davis. How are you tonight?”

“I’m fine, sir. I hope I’m not causing you
any trouble or nothin’ like that. I know it’s a little late.”

“Not at all. It’s only 6:30. Come in and have
a seat.”

“Actually, I’m not planning to stay long. I
was wondering if I could talk to Tamiko for a minute in
private.”

“What for?”

“Rose, please” he said to his wife before
turning back to Davis. “Is everything okay, son?”

“Yeah - I mean - yes. It’s just that we had
talked about something a little while ago and I just wanted
to…”

“Davis? I thought I heard your voice. What
are you doing here?” asked Tamiko as she glided down the stairs.
She was wearing a pink cotton dobby peter pan collared
short-sleeved shirt and a grey pencil skirt. Even with her hair in
a messy ponytail, she still looked pretty. It made his task even
harder.

“I just wanted to talk to you about
something. It’s kinda personal.”

“Alright. Let me get my coat. We’ll go
outside.”

“If she’s not back in five minutes. I’m
calling the police.”

“Nah, fa real, Mrs. Bynum, Pastor, I don’t
want to do nothin’ to her. I can talk to her right here, but…maybe
I should just go home and call you.”

“No, that won’t be necessary, son. Mother
Bynum and I will go upstairs. You two can talk down here”

“Pastor!”

“Let’s go, Rose,” said the Pastor as he
escorted her away leaving Davis and Tamiko by themselves.

“That’s all they better be doing is talking,”
said Mother Rose as she made her way up the stairs.

Tamiko rolled her eyes and sighed before she
addressed Davis.

“So…can I take your coat?”

“I’m not staying long.”

“Oh. Can’t we at least sit down?”

“Aiight.”

They both took seats on the couch and faced
each other.

“What’s on your mind?”

“I know that a little while ago, I said that
we needed to put some space between us so we could think about
things.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“First off, I really appreciate you hearing
me, and giving me time so I could figure things out.”

“Of course.”

“During that time, I had to come to terms
with a lot of things - a lot of stuff from past relationships that
I had to deal with - and a lot of stuff about myself, too.”

“Okay.”

“Lemme get to the point. You’re a really good
friend, Miko. In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve really put
yourself out there for me and that means a lot. I don’t want to
lose that. I think us being in a relationship might mess all that
up.”

“Sooo, you can’t date me because I’m such a
great friend, is that right?”

“Friendships can last a lifetime. Can’t say
the same for relationships or marriages for that matter.”

“Where’d you get that? An episode of Dawson’s
Creek?”

“Look, Miko, I know you’re upset and I can
understand why, but you should know me well enough by now to know
I’m not some player running game.”

“Then be honest with me instead of pitching
some lame, patronizing, excuse! Tell me the real reason, you don’t
think we should be a couple, like maybe I’m not your type, or
there’s something about my personality that bothers you, or maybe
there’s someone else you’re interested in.”

“This isn’t about none of that. I’m just
trying to protect you.”

“Or maybe you’re trying to protect you,
because you don’t have the guts to actually put yourself out there
and risk being hurt.”

“I’m not afraid of being hurt, okay. I don’t
want to end up hurting you.”

“It’s a little late for that,” said Tamiko,
who was beginning to choke up.

“Okay, you’re right. This is my fault. I
should’ve never even given you the idea that there could have been
anything between us, I just thought that…”

This was a lot harder than Davis anticipated.
He couldn’t leave her there like this. He had to tell her
everything. It was the only way she would be able to
understand.

“Listen, I’m not like Allen, and Daniel, and
Tim, okay…I have problems…”

“Don’t tell me you’re going into the ‘it’s
not you it’s me’ speech again.”

“
That’s right, because it is
me. It’s not a line it’s the truth…I’ve hurt people…”

“Sometimes that happens in
relationships…”

“Tamiko, please! I’m not talking about them
silly little games people play! I’m talking about stuff I should’ve
been put in jail for…”

She was now stunned into silence. Davis
didn’t know if he could go on, but he had to. It was as much an
admission to himself as it was to her. Over the past couple of
weeks when he apologized to his former girlfriends, he had never
come out and said it – what he’d done. Often he’d refer to it
indirectly, talk around it, but that wasn’t enough. He needed to
hear it come out of his own mouth as much as she did.

“I – I was in a relationship with this girl
named Evie a while back, and one time – one time, we was at the
crib and she got a phone call from her sister, but her sister was
using her male friend’s phone and when I saw his number come up, I
thought he was calling her. I got angry because I thought she was
playing me…so I snatched the phone from her and I grabbed her by
the hair, punched her in the face, and threw her into the
table…”

“What?”

“One time, I even held a girl over the edge
of the roof and threatened to drop her because she wanted to leave
me. That the kind of dude you lookin’ to hook up with? A
beater?”

“Was this when you were…I mean before you got
saved?”

“Most were before. But even after I got
saved, I still had problems. I’ve prayed about it. I’m still
praying about it.”

“He can help you overcome this.”

“I know, but, sometimes –
it’s like the Word says – if your hand offend thee, cut it
off.
¹
I
think I gotta cut this relationship stuff off. Sometimes I feel
like there’s a spot on my soul that just won’t come off. But that’s
my problem. I’m not gonna force nobody else to deal with my
madness. I promised myself and I promised God, that I’m not going
to hurt anyone anymore.”

“Davis – I – I’m sorry I – I didn’t
know.”

“Bet you’re glad we didn’t get together, now.
Maybe you’re even rethinking our friendship, too.”

“That’s not what I’m thinking.”

“It’s what you should be. I wouldn’t hold it
against you. No woman in her right mind should want to be with
someone like me.”

“That may be who you used to be but that’s
not the you I know now.”

“
You don’t know me like you
think you do. I can’t even say I know me like I should.”

“
A lesser man wouldn’t be
doing what you are right now.”

“
I don’t deserve credit for
telling you the truth, especially when I should have done it
sooner.”

“
Davis…”

“
Believe me, Miko, we’re
both better off this way. Anyway, I’ve said what I came to say.
I’ll see you around.”

“Davis, wait!”

Davis rushed out of the house and down the
street, not bothering to look back. It was over now. All of the
skeletons were out of his closet. He thought he should have felt
relieved, but there was a shadow of uncertainty that followed
behind him. He wondered what Tamiko thought of him, and if she
would be afraid of him now. He knew she probably was, despite her
brave front. He had to admit that he even scared himself sometimes.
That’s why he had to give up this part of his life. There was no
way that he could risk that darkness taking control again.

Forty-Five

Allyson was sitting at her desk in the
offices of the Columbia Spectator, putting the finishing touches on
a story she had been working on that was due within the hour. The
controversial Professor Wayland Gibbons had been invited by one of
the African-American student organization groups to speak at a
fundraiser event, to the chagrin of other students on campus.
Gibbons was widely known for his outspoken, liberal views on police
reform, and had also been associated with what was being called
reverse racism due to some off-color comments he’d made about the
police that caught a sound bite. Allyson had been assigned to cover
the event, which turned out to be a lot of drama: exactly the way
she liked it. From the start, the event was plagued by protests
from other student groups that had surrounded the venue. At the end
of the day ten people were arrested and Gibbons had to be escorted
out by police. It was the biggest story Allyson had ever done for
the paper so far, and she wanted to make sure it was perfect. She
knew that if she did well on this kind of a story, she’d get more
of the same, rather than be limited to reporting on changes in the
menu at JJ’s place.

Reporting was the only other thing in the
world that Allyson liked aside from shopping. She was particularly
good at it because her early family life had trained her for
investigative reporting. Tim had trained Allyson in how to snoop
around and find information on all the things the grown-ups tried
to hide from them. He’d taught her how to ask questions that on the
surface seemed innocuous, but in a series of other leading
questions would eventually get the interviewed person to give up
the information they needed and then some. So that’s what Allyson
did when she was at the conference: ask an open-ended question that
people would not be afraid to answer and then allow them to
implicate or exonerate themselves.

Allyson had just saved and sent her file to
her editor, when the phone near her desk rang.

“Spectator. Allyson Russell, speaking.”

“Before you hang up, please hear me out,”
said Jason.

It was the tenth time he called since that
Wednesday Allyson wanted to forget. He knew she wasn’t answering
her cell or email, so of course he’d try the paper.

“What would I hear that I haven’t heard
before?”

“I really miss you, Ally.”

“You’re not acting like it. You have to put
some work into this you know.”

“I know that. Didn’t you get the roses and
the necklace I sent?”

Allyson got them indeed. At first, she was
more than ecstatic. The necklace was platinum with four carats of
diamonds and emeralds each. Couldn’t have been worth less than
$11,000.00. She made sure to rub Trish’s nose in it. But the glory
was short lived. Allyson remembered that Hurst used to treat her
mother the same way.

“I got them.”

“I want to make things up to you. Let’s go
out tonight.”

“Where would we be going?”

“Anywhere you want.”

“Hmmm. Then I think I’ll cash my rain check
for Menagerie. I love their eggplant cutlets.”

“I don’t know about that, they’re pretty out
of my way. I was hoping you’d pick that Bar and grill you love so
much that’s close to the magazine.”

“Why tell me anywhere if you don’t mean
it?”

“I’ll rephrase it: Anywhere within driving
distance of the Expose offices.”