The Art of Seduction (72 page)

mance, travel. Now she was expected to play the role of the polite young wife, and it did not suit her. Lady Caroline was one of the first to read —DANIEL SIBONY,
L ' A M O U R INCONSCIENT

Childe Harold,
and something more than its novelty stirred her. When she saw Lord Byron at a dinner party, surrounded by women, she looked at his face, then walked away; that night she wrote of him in her journal, "Mad,
Just lately I saw a tight-
bad, and dangerous to know." She added, "That beautiful pale face is my
reined stallion \ Get the bit
fate."

in his teeth and bolt \ Like

The next day, to Lady Caroline's surprise, Lord Byron called on her.
lightning
—
yet the minute
he felt the reins slacken, \

Evidently he had seen her walking away from him, and her shyness had in-
Drop loose on his flying
trigued him—he disliked the aggressive women who were constantly at his
mane, \ He stopped dead.
351

352
•
The Art of Seduction

We eternally chafe at
heels, as it seemed he disdained everything, including his success. Soon he
restrictions, covet \
was visiting Lady Caroline daily. He lingered in her boudoir, played with
Whatever's forbidden.

her children, helped her choose her dress for the day. She pressed him to
(Look how a sick man

who's told \ No immersion
talk of his life: he described his brutal father, the untimely deaths that
hangs round the bath-

seemed to be a family curse, the crumbling abbey he had inherited, his ad
house.) \ . . . Desire \
ventures in Turkey and Greece. His life was indeed as gothic as that of
Mounts for what's kept out

Childe Harold.

of reach. A thief's attracted

\ By burglar-proof

Within days the two became lovers. Now, though, the tables turned:

premises. How often will
Lady Caroline pursued Byron with unladylike aggression. She dressed as a
love \ Thrive on a rival's
page and sneaked into his carriage, wrote him extravagantly emotional let
approval? It's not your
wife's beauty, but your own

ters, flaunted the affair. At last, a chance to play the grand romantic role of

\ Passion for her that gets
her girlhood fantasies. Byron began to turn against her. He already loved to
us
—
she must \ Have
shock; now he confessed to her the nature of the secret sin he had alluded
something, j u s t to have

hooked you. A girl locked

to in
Childe Harold
—his homosexual affairs during his travels. He made
up by her \ Husband's not

cruel remarks, grew indifferent. But this only seemed to push her further.
chaste but pursued, her
She sent him the customary lock of hair, but from her pubis; she followed
fear's \ A bigger draw than

her figure. Illicit passion
—

him in the street, made public scenes—finally her family sent her abroad to
like it \ Or not
—
is

avoid further scandal. After Byron made it clear the affair was over, she de
sweeter. It only turns me
scended into a madness that would last several years.
on \ When the girl says,

"I'm frightened."

In 1813, an old friend of Byron's, James Webster, invited the poet to stay at his country estate. Webster had a young and beautiful wife, Lady

— O V I D ,
T H E A M O R E S ,

Frances, and he knew Byron's reputation as a seducer, but his wife was quiet and chaste—surely she would resist the temptation of a man such as Byron. To Webster's relief, Byron barely spoke to Frances, who seemed equally uninterested in him. Yet several days into Byron's stay, she contrived
It is often not possible for

[
women
]
later on to undo
to be alone with him in the billiards room, where she asked him a question:
the connection thus formed

how could a woman who liked a man inform him of it when he did not

in their minds between
perceive it? Byron scribbled a racy reply on a piece of paper, which made
sensual activities and

her blush as she read it. Soon thereafter he invited the couple to stay with
something forbidden, and

they turn out to be
him at his infamous abbey. There, the prim and proper Lady Frances saw
psychically impotent, i.e.

him drink wine from a human skull. They stayed up late in one of the
frigid, when at last such

abbey's secret chambers, reading poetry and kissing. With Byron, it seemed,
activities do become

permissible. This is the
Lady Frances was only too eager to explore adultery.
source of the desire in so

That same year, Lord Byron's half sister Augusta arrived in London to
many women to keep even

get away from her husband, who was having money troubles. Byron had
legitimate relations secret

for a time; and of the
not seen Augusta for some time. The two were physically similar—the
appearance of the capacity
same face, the same mannerisms; she was Lord Byron as a woman. And his
for normal sensation in
behavior toward her was more than brotherly. He took her to the theater,
others as soon as the
to dances, received her at home, treating her with an intimate spirit that
condition of prohibition is

restored by a secret
Augusta soon returned. Indeed the kind and tender attention that Byron
intrigue
—
untrue to the
showered on her soon became physical.
husband, they can keep a

Augusta was a devoted wife with three children, yet she yielded to her
second order of faith with

the lover.
•
In my opinion
half brother's advances. How could she help herself? He stirred up a strange
the necessary condition of
passion in her, a stronger passion than she felt for any other man, including
forbiddenness in the erotic
her husband. For Byron, his relationship with Augusta was the ultimate and
life of women holds the

same place as the man's

crowning sin of his career. And soon he was writing to his friends, openly
Stir Up the Transgressive and Taboo
•
353

confessing it. Indeed he delighted in their shocked responses, and his long
need to lower his sexual
narrative poem,
The Bride of Abydos,
takes brother-sister incest as its theme.
object.
. . .
Women
Rumors began to spread of Byron's relations with Augusta, who was now
belonging to the higher
levels of civilization do not

pregnant with his child. Polite society shunned him—but women were
usually transgress the
more drawn to him than before, and his books were more popular than
prohibition against sexual
ever.

activities during the period

of waiting, and thus they

Annabella Milbanke, Lady Caroline Lamb's cousin, had met Byron in
acquire this close association
those first months of 1812 when he was the toast of London. Annabella
between the forbidden and
was sober and down to earth, and her interests were science and religion.
the sexual.
. . . •
The
injurious results of the

But there was something about Byron that attracted her. And the feeling
deprivation of sexual
seemed to be returned: not only did the two become friends, to her bewil-
enjoyment at the beginning
derment he showed another kind of interest in her, even at one point
manifest themselves in lack
of full satisfaction when

proposing marriage. This was in the midst of the scandal over Byron and
sexual desire is later given
Caroline Lamb, and Annabella did not take the proposal seriously. Over the
free rein in marriage. But,
next few months she followed his career from a distance, and heard the
on the other hand,
troubling rumors of incest. Yet in 1813, she wrote her aunt, "I consider his
unrestrained sexual liberty
from the beginning leads to

acquaintance as so desirable that I would incur the risk of being called a
no better result. It is easy
Flirt for the sake of enjoying it." Reading his new poems, she wrote that his
to show that the value the

"description of Love almost makes
me
in love." She was developing an ob-
mind sets on erotic needs
instantly sinks as soon as

session with Byron, of which word soon reached him. They renewed their
satisfaction becomes readily
friendship, and in 1814 he proposed again; this time she accepted. Byron
obtainable. Some obstacle
was a fallen angel and she would be the one to reform him.

is necessary to swell the

tide of the libido to its

It did not turn out that way. Byron had hoped that married life would
height; and at all periods of
calm him down, but after the ceremony he realized it was a mistake. He
history, wherever natural
told Annabella, "Now you will find that you have married a devil." Within
barriers in the way of
satisfaction have not

a few years the marriage fell apart.

sufficed, mankind has

In 1816, Byron left England, never to return. He traveled through Italy
erected conventional ones in
for a while; everyone knew his story—the affairs, the incest, the cruelty to
order to be able to enjoy
love. This is true both of

his lovers. But wherever he went, Italian women, particularly married no-
individuals and of nations.
blewomen, pursued him, making it clear in their own way how prepared
In times during which no
they were to be the next Byronic victim. In truth, the women had become
obstacles to sexual
the aggressors. As Byron told the poet Shelley, "No one has been more car-
satisfaction existed, such
as, maybe, during the

ried off than poor dear me—I've been ravished more often than anyone
decline of the civilizations
since the Trojan war."

of antiquity, love became

worthless, life became

empty, and strong reaction-

formations were necessary

Interpretation.
Women of Byron's time were longing to play a different
before the indispensable
role than society allowed them. They were supposed to be the decent,
emotional value of love
could be recovered.

moralizing force in culture; only men had outlets for their darker impulses. Underlying the social restrictions on women, perhaps, was a fear of the —SIGMUND FREUD,

" C O N T R I B U T I O N S TO THE

more amoral and unbridled part of the female psyche.

PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE,"

Feeling repressed and restless, women of the time devoured gothic nov-
SEXUALITY AND THE

els and romances, stories in which women were adventurous, and had the
PSYCHOLOGY OF LOVE
, TRANSLATED BY JOAN RIVIÈRE

same capacity for good and evil as men. Books like these helped to trigger a revolt, with women like Lady Caroline playing out a little of the fantasy life they had had in their girlhood, where it had to some extent been permit-
354
•
The Art of Seduction
This is how Monsieur
ted. Byron arrived on the scene at the right time. He became the lightning
Maudair analyzed men's
rod for women's unexpressed desires; with him they could go beyond the
attitude toward prostitutes:
limits society had imposed. For some the lure was adultery, for others it was

"Neither the love of a

passionate but well-
romantic rebellion, or a chance to become irrational and uncivilized. (The
brought-up mistress, nor
desire to reform him merely covered up the truth—the desire to be over
his marriage to a woman
whelmed by him.) In all cases it was the lure of the forbidden, which in this
whom he respects, can

replace the prostitute for the
case was more than merely a superficial temptation: once you became in
human animal in those
volved with Lord Byron, he took you further than you had imagined or
perverse moments when he
wanted, since he recognized no limits. Women did not just fall in love with
covets the pleasure of

debasing himself without
him, they let him turn their lives upside down, even ruin them. They pre
affecting his social prestige.
ferred that fate to the safe confines of marriage.
Nothing can replace this

In some ways, the situation of women in the early nineteenth century
bizarre and powerful
has become generalized in the early twenty-first. The outlets for male bad
pleasure of being able to

say everything, do
behavior—war, dirty politics, the institution of mistresses and courtesans—

everything, profane and
have faded away; today, not just women but men are supposed to be emi
parody without any fear of
nently civilized and reasonable. And many have a hard time living up to
retribution, remorse, or

responsibility. It is a
this. As children we are able to vent the darker side of our characters, a side
complete revolt against
that all of us have. But under pressure from society (at first in the form
organized society, his
of our parents), we slowly repress the naughty, rebellious, perverse streaks
organized, educated self

and especially his
in our characters. To get along, we learn to repress our dark sides, which
religion." Monsieur
become a kind of lost self, a part of our psyche buried beneath our polite
Mauclair hears the call of
appearance.

the Devil in this dark

As adults, we secretly want to recapture that lost self—the more adven
passion poetized by
Baudelaire. "The
turous, less respectful, childhood part of us. We are drawn to those who
prostitute represents the
live out their lost selves as adults, even if it involves some evil or destruc
unconscious which enables
tion. Like Byron, you can become the lightning rod for such desires. You
us to put aside our

responsibilities."

must learn, however, to keep this potential under control, and to use it

— N I N A EPTON,

strategically. As the aura of the forbidden around you is drawing targets into
LOVE AND THE FRENCH

your web, do not overplay your dangerousness, or they will be frightened away. Once you feel them falling under your spell, you have freer rein. If they begin to imitate you, as Lady Caroline imitated Byron, then take it further—mix in some cruelty, involve them in sin, crime, taboo activity,
Hearts and eye go traveling

along the paths that have
whatever it takes. Unleash the lost self within them; the more they act it
always brought them joy;
out, the deeper your hold over them. Going halfway will break the spell
and if anyone attempts to
and create self-consciousness. Take it as far as you can.
spoil their game, he only

makes them the more

passionate about it, God

Baseness attracts everybody.

knows. . . . so it was with

—JOHANN WOLFGANG GOETHE

Tristan and Isolde. As

soon as they were forbidden

their desires, and prevented

from enjoying one another

Keys to Seduction

by spies and guards, they

began to suffer intensely.

Desire now seriously

tormented them by its

magic, many times worse
Society and culture are based on limits—this kind of behavior is acceptable, that is not. The limits are fluid and change with time, but there are always limits. The alternative is anarchy, the lawlessness of nature, which we
than before; their need for

one another was more
dread. But we are strange animals: the moment any kind of limit is im-
Stir Up the Transgressive and Taboo
•
355

posed, physically or psychologically, we are instantly curious. A part of us
painful and urgent than it
wants to go beyond that limit, to explore what is forbidden.

had ever been.
• . . .

Women do lots of things

If, as children, we are told not to go past a certain point in the woods,
just because they are
that is precisely where we want to go. But we grow older, and become po-
forbidden, which they
lite and deferential; more and more boundaries encumber our lives. Do not
would certainly not
do if they were not

confuse politeness with happiness, however. It covers up frustration, un-
forbidden. . . . Our Lord
wanted compromise. How can we explore the shadow side of our person
God gave Eve the freedom
ality without incurring punishment or ostracism? It seeps out in our
to do what she would with
dreams. We sometimes wake up with a sense of guilt at the murder, incest,
all the fruits, flowers, and
plants there were in