The Art of Seduction (86 page)

surprise them, to be an endless source of entertainment. It is almost impos-
powder, to be sure, was
sible to resist a person who provides pleasure with no strings attached.
jealousy. That is why,
When they are with you, keep the spirit light and playful. Play up the parts
Chrysis, I advise you to act

likewise with Corgi as.

of your character they find delightful, but never let them feel they know you too well. In the end you will control the dynamic, and a haughty king —LUCIAN,
DIALOGUES OF THE

COURTESANS,
TRANSLATED BY

or queen will become your abject slave.

A . L . H .

3.
When the great jazz composer Duke Ellington came to town, he and his

"
A wife is someone on

band were always a big attraction, but especially so for the ladies of the area.
whom one gazes all one's

They came to hear his music, of course, but once there they were mesmer-
life; yet it is just as well if
ized by "the Duke" himself. Onstage, Ellington was relaxed and elegant,
she be not beautiful''
—
so
spake Jinta of the Gion.

and seemed to be having such a good time. His face was very handsome,
I'll is may be the flippant

and his bedroom eyes were infamous. (He slept very little, and his eyes had
saying of a go-between, but
permanent pouches under them.) After the performance, some woman
it is not to be dismissed too
lightly. . . . Besides, it is

would inevitably invite him to her table, another would sneak into his
with beautiful women as

dressing room, yet another would approach him on his way out. Duke
with beautiful views: if one
made a point of being accessible, and when he kissed a woman's hand, his
is forever looking at them,
eyes and hers would meet for a moment. Sometimes she would signal an
one soon tires of their
charm. This I can judge

interest in him, and his glance in return would say he was more than ready.
from my own experience.
Sometimes his eyes were the first to speak; few women could resist that
One year I went to

look, even the most happily married.

Matsushima, and, though

at first I was moved by the

With the night's music still ringing in her ears, the woman would show
beauty of the place and
up at Ellington's hotel room. He would be dressed in a stylish suit—he
clapped my hands with
422
•
The Art of Seduction

admiration, saying to
loved good clothes—and the room would be full of flowers; there would
myself, "Oh, if only I
be a piano in the corner. He would play some music. His playing, and his
could bring some poet here
elegant, nonchalant manner, would come across to the woman as pure the
to show him this great
wonder!"
—y
et, after I had
ater, a pleasant continuation of the performance she had just witnessed.
been gazing at the scene
And when it was over, and Ellington had to leave town, he would give her
from morning until night,
a thoughtful gift. He would make it seem that the only thing taking him
the myriad islands began to
away from her was his touring. A few weeks later, the woman might hear a
smell unpleasantly of

seaweed, the waves that
new Ellington song on the radio, with lyrics suggesting that she had in
beat on Matsuyama Point
spired it. If ever he passed through the area again, she would find a way to
became obstreperous; before
be there, and Ellington would often renew the affair, if only for a night.
I knew it I had let all the

cherry blossoms at

Sometime in the 1940s, two young women from Alabama came to

Shiogama scatter; in the
Chicago to attend a debutante ball. Ellington and his band were the enter
morning I overslept and
tainment. He was the women's favorite musician, and after the show, they
missed the dawn snow on

Mount Kinka; nor was I
asked him for an autograph. He was so charming and engaging that one of
much impressed by the
the girls found herself asking what hotel he was staying at. He told them,
evening moon at Nagané
with a big grin. The girls switched hotels, and later that day they called up
or Oshima; and in the end
Ellington and invited him to their room for a drink. He accepted. They
I picked up a few white

and black pebbles on the
wore beautiful negligees that they had just bought. When Ellington ar
cove and became engrossed
rived, he acted completely naturally, as if the warm greeting they gave him
in a game of Six Musashi
were completely usual. The three of them ended up in the bedroom, when
with some children.

one of the young women had an idea: her mother adored Ellington. She

—IHARA SAIKAKU,
THE LIFE OF

AN AMOROUS WOMAN,

had to call her now and put Ellington on the phone. Not at all put out by

the suggestion, Ellington played along. For several minutes he talked to the mother on the telephone, lavishing her with compliments on the charming daughter she had raised, and telling her not to worry—he was taking good
Men despise women who
care of the girl. The daughter got back on the phone and said, "We're fine
love too much and
because we're with Mr. Ellington and he's such a perfect gentleman." As
unwisely.

soon as she hung up, the three of them resumed the naughtiness they had

— L U C I A N ,
DIALOGUES

started. To the two girls, it later seemed an innocent but unforgettable night
OF THE COURTESANS,

T R A N S L A T E D B Y A . L . H . of pleasure.

Sometimes several of these far-flung mistresses would show up at the same concert. Ellington would go up and kiss each of them four times (a
I shall endeavor briefly to
habit of his designed for just this dilemma). And each of the ladies would
outline to you how a love
assume she was the one with whom the kisses really mattered.
when gained can be

deepened. They say it can

be increased in particular

by making it an infrequent

Interpretation.
Duke Ellington had two passions: music and women. The
and difficult business for
two were interrelated. His endless affairs were a constant inspiration for his
lovers to set eyes on each
music; he also treated them as if they were theater, a work of art in them
other, for the greater the
difficulty of offering and
selves. When it came time to separate, he always managed it with a theatri
receiving shared
cal touch. A clever remark and a gift would make it seem that for him the
consolations, the greater
affair was hardly over. Song lyrics referring to their night together would
become the desire for, and

feeling of love. Love also
keep up the aesthetic atmosphere long after he had left town. No wonder
grows if one of the lovers
women kept coming back for more. This was not a sexual affair, a tawdry
shows anger to the other,
one-nighter, but a heightened moment in the woman's life. And his care
for a lover is at once sorely
afraid that a partner's
free attitude made it impossible to feel guilty; thoughts of one's mother or
Beware the Aftereffects
•
423

husband would not spoil the illusion. Ellington was never defensive or
wrath when roused may

apologetic about his appetite for women; it was his nature and never the
harden indefinitely. Love

fault of the woman that he was unfaithful. And if he could not help his de
again experiences increase
when genuine jealousy

sires, how could she hold him responsible? It was impossible to hold a
preoccupies one of the
grudge against such a man or complain about his behavior.

lovers, for jealousy is called

Ellington was an Aesthetic Rake, a type whose obsession with women

the nurturer of love. In fact

even if the lover is

can only be satisfied by endless variety. A normal man's tomcatting will
oppressed not by genuine

eventually land him in hot water, but the Aesthetic Rake rarely stirs up ugly
jealousy but by base
emotions. After he seduces a woman, there is neither an integration nor a
suspicion, love always

increases because of it, and

sacrifice. He keeps them hanging and hoping. The spell is not broken the
becomes more powerful by

next day, because the Aesthetic Rake makes the separation a pleasant, even
its own strength.

elegant experience. The spell Ellington cast on a woman never went away.

—
ANDREAS CAPELLANUS

The lesson is simple: keep the moments after the seduction and the

ON LOVE,
TRANSLATED

separation in the same key as before, heightened, aesthetic, and pleasant. If BY P. G. WALSH

you do not act guilty for your feckless behavior, it is hard for the other person to feel angry or resentful. Seduction is a lighthearted game, in which you invest all of your energy in the moment. The separation should be
You've seen the fire that

lighthearted and stylish as well: it is work, travel, some dreaded responsi-
smolders \ Down to
nothing, grows a crown of

bility that calls you away. Create a memorable experience and then move
pale ash \ Over its hidden
on, and your victim will most likely remember the delightful seduction,
embers (yet a sprinkling of

not the separation. You will have made no enemies, and will have a lifelong
sulphur \ Will suffice to
rekindle the flame)? \ So

harem of lovers to whom you can always return when you feel so inclined.
with the heart. It grows

torpid from lack of worry, \

Needs a sharp stimulus to

4.
In 1899, twenty-year-old Baroness Frieda von Richthofen married an
elicit love. \ Get her

anxious about you, reheat

Englishman named Ernest Weekley, a professor at the University of Not
her tepid passions, \ Tell
tingham, and soon settled into the role of the professor's wife. Weekley
her your guilty secrets,

treated her well, but she grew bored with their quiet life and his tepid love
watch her blanch. \ Thrice
fortunate that man, lucky

making. On trips home to Germany she had a few love affairs, but this
past calculation, \ Who can
wasn't what she wanted either, and so she returned to being faithful and
make some poor injured

caring for their three children.

girl \ Torture herself over

him, lose voice, go pale,

One day in 1912, a former student of Weekley's, David Herbert
pass out when \ The
Lawrence, paid a visit to the couple's house. A struggling writer, Lawrence
unwelcome news reaches

wanted the professor's professional advice. He was not home yet so Frieda
her. Ah, may I \ Be the

entertained him. She had never met such an intense young man. He talked
one whose hair she tears

out in her fury, the one

of his impoverished youth, his inability to understand women. And he lis
whose \ Soft cheeks she rips
tened attentively to her own complaints. He even scolded her for the bad
with her nails, \ Whom she

tea she had made him—somehow, even though she was a baroness, this ex
sees, eyes glaring, through
a rain of tears; without

cited her.

whom, \ Try as she will,

Lawrence returned for later visits, but now to see Frieda, not Weekley.
she cannot live! \ How long

One day he confessed to her that he had fallen deeply in love with her. She
(you may ask) should you

leave her lamenting her

admitted to similar feelings, and proposed they find a trysting spot. Instead
wrong? A little \ While

Lawrence had a proposal of his own: Leave your husband tomorrow—leave
only, lest rage gather

him for me. What about the children? Frieda asked. If the children are
strength \ Through

procrastination. By then

more important than our love, Lawrence replied, then stay with them. But
you should have her

if you don't run away with me within a few days, you will never see me
sobbing \ All over your

424
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The Art of Seduction

chest, your arms tight

again. To Frieda the choice was horrific. She did not care at all about her
around her neck. \ You

husband, but the children were what she lived for. Even so, a few days later,
want peace? Give her
she succumbed to Lawrence's proposal. How could she resist a man who
kisses, make love to the girl

while she's crying
— \ was willing to ask for so much, to take such a gamble? If she refused she
That's the only way to

would always wonder, for such a man only passes once through your life.
melt her angry mood.

The couple left England and headed for Germany. Frieda would men— O V I D ,
THE A R T O F L O V E ,
tion sometimes how much she missed her children, but Lawrence had no

patience with her: You are free to go back to them at any moment, he would say, but if you stay, don't look back. He took her on an arduous mountaineering trip in the Alps. A baroness, she had never experienced such hardship, but Lawrence was firm: if two people are in love, why should comfort matter?

In 1914, Frieda and Lawrence were married, but over the following

years the same pattern repeated. He would scold her for her laziness, the nostalgia for her children, her abysmal housekeeping. He would take her on trips around the world, on very little money, never letting her settle down, although it was her fondest wish. They fought and fought. Once in New Mexico, in front of friends, he yelled at her, "Take that dirty cigarette out of your mouth! And stop sticking out that fat belly of yours!" "You'd better stop that talk or I'll tell about
your
things," she yelled back. (She had learned to give him a taste of his own medicine.) They both went outside. Their friends watched, worried it might turn violent. They disappeared from sight only to reappear moments later, arm in arm, laughing and mooning over one another. That was the most disconcerting thing about the Lawrences: married for years, they often behaved like infatuated newlyweds.
Interpretation.
When Lawrence first met Frieda, he could sense right away what her weakness was: she felt trapped, in a stultifying relationship and a pampered life. Her husband, like so many husbands, was kind, but never paid enough attention to her. She craved drama and adventure, but was too lazy to get it on her own. Drama and adventure were just what Lawrence would provide. Instead of feeling trapped, she had the freedom to leave him at any moment. Instead of ignoring her, he criticized her constantly—

at least he was paying attention, never taking her for granted. Instead of comfort and boredom, he gave her adventure and romance. The fights he picked with ritualistic frequency also ensured nonstop drama and the space for a powerful reconciliation. He inspired a touch of fear in her, which kept her off balance, never quite sure of him. As a result, the relationship never grew stale. It kept renewing itself.

If it is integration you are after, seduction must never stop. Otherwise boredom will creep in. And the best way to keep the process going is often to inject intermittent drama. This can be painful—opening old wounds, stirring up jealousy, withdrawing a little. (Do not confuse this behavior with nagging or carping criticism—this pain is strategic, designed to break up rigid patterns.) On the other hand it can also be pleasant: think about
Beware the Aftereffects
•
425

proving yourself all over again, paying attention to nice little details, creating new temptations. In fact you should mix the two aspects, for too much pain or pleasure will not prove seductive. You are not repeating the first seduction, for the target has already surrendered. You are simply supplying little jolts, little wake-up calls that show two things: you have not stopped trying, and they cannot take you for granted. The little jolt will stir up the old poison, stoke the embers, bring you temporarily back to the beginning, when your involvement had a most pleasant freshness and tension.

Remember: comfort and security are the death of seduction. A shared journey with a little bit of hardship will do more to create a deep bond than will expensive gifts and luxuries. The young are right to not care about comfort in matters of love, and when you return to that sentiment, a youthful spark will reignite.

5.
In 1652, the famous French courtesan Ninon de l'Enclos met and fell in love with the Marquis de Villarceaux. Ninon was a libertine; philosophy and pleasure were more important to her than love. But the marquis inspired new sensations: he was so bold, so impetuous, that for once in her life she let herself lose a little control. The marquis was possessive, a trait she normally abhorred. But in him it seemed natural, almost charming: he simply could not help himself. And so Ninon accepted his conditions: there were to be no other men in her life. For her part she told him that she would accept no money or gifts from him. This was to be about love, nothing else. She rented a house opposite his in Paris, and they saw each other daily. One afternoon the marquis suddenly burst in and accused her of having another lover. His suspicions were unfounded, his accusations absurd, and she told him so. This did not satisfy him, and he stormed out. The next day Ninon received news that he had fallen quite ill. She was deeply concerned. As a desperate recourse, a sign of her love and submission, she decided to cut off her beautiful long hair, for which she was famous, and send it to him. The gesture worked, the marquis recovered, and they resumed their affair still more passionately. Friends and former lovers complained of her sudden transformation into the devoted woman, but she did not care—

she was happy.

Now Ninon suggested that they go away together. The marquis, a married man, could not take her to his château, but a friend offered his own in the country as a refuge for the lovers. Weeks became months, and their little stay turned into a prolonged honeymoon. Slowly, though, Ninon had the feeling that something was wrong: the marquis was acting more like a husband. Although he was as passionate as before, he seemed so confident, as if he had certain rights and privileges that no other man could expect. The possessiveness that once had charmed her began to seem

oppressive. Nor did he stimulate her mind. She could get other men, and equally handsome ones, to satisfy her physically without all that jealousy.
426
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The Art of Seduction

Once this realization set in, Ninon wasted no time. She told the marquis that she was returning to Paris, and that it was over for good. He begged and pleaded his case with much emotion—how could she be so

heartless? Although moved, Ninon was firm. Explanations would only

make it worse. She returned to Paris and resumed the life of a courtesan. Her abrupt departure apparently shook up the marquis, but apparently not too badly, for a few months later word reached her that he had fallen in love with another woman.

Interpretation.
A woman often spends months pondering the subtle changes in her lover's behavior. She might complain or grow angry; she might even blame herself. Under the weight of her complaints, the man may change for a while, but an ugly dynamic and endless misunderstandings will ensue. What is the point of all of this? Once you are disenchanted it is really too late. Ninon could have tried to figure out what had disenchanted her—the good looks that now bored her, the lack of mental stimulation, the feeling of being taken for granted. But why waste time figuring it out? The spell was broken, so she moved on. She did not bother to explain, to worry about de Villarceaux's feelings, to make it all soft and easy for him. She simply left. The person who seems so considerate of the other, who tries to mend things or make excuses, is really just timid. Being kind in such matters can be rather cruel. The marquis was able to blame everything on his mistress's heartless, fickle nature. His vanity and pride intact, he could easily move on to another affair and put her behind him. Not only does the long, lingering death of a relationship cause your partner needless pain, it will have long-term consequences for you as well, making you more skittish in the future, and weighing you down with guilt. Never feel guilty, even if you were both the seducer and the one who now feels disenchanted. It is not your fault. Nothing can last forever. You have created pleasure for your victims, stirring them out of their rut. If you make a clean quick break, in the long run they will appreciate it. The more you apologize, the more you insult their pride, stirring up negative feelings that will reverberate for years. Spare them the disingenuous explanations that only complicate matters. The victim should be sacrificed, not tortured.
6.
After fifteen years under the rule of Napoleon Bonaparte, the French were exhausted. Too many wars, too much drama. When Napoleon was

defeated in 1814, and was imprisoned on the island of Elba, the French were more than ready for peace and quiet. The Bourbons—the royal family deposed by the revolution of 1789—returned to power. The king was

Louis XVIII; he was fat, boring, and pompous, but at least there would be peace.

Then, in February of 1815, news reached France of Napoleon's dramatic escape from Elba, with seven small ships and a thousand men. He
Beware the Aftereffects
•
427

could head for America, start all over, but instead he was just crazy enough to land at Cannes. What was he thinking? A thousand men against all the armies of France? He set off toward Grenoble with his ragtag army. One at least had to admire his courage, his insatiable love of glory and of France. Then, too, the French peasantry were spellbound at the sight of their former emperor. This man, after all, had redistributed a great deal of land to them, which the new king was trying to take back. They swooned at the sight of his famous eagle standards, revivals of symbols from the revolution. They left their fields and joined his march. Outside Grenoble, the first of the troops that the king sent to stop Napoleon caught up with him.

Napoleon dismounted and walked on foot toward them. "Soldiers of the Fifth Army Corps!" he cried out. "Don't you know me? If there is one among you who wishes to kill his emperor, let him come forward and do so. Here I am!" He threw open his gray cloak, inviting them to take aim. There was a moment of silence, and then, from all sides, cries rang out of

"Vive l'Empereur!" In one stroke, Napoleon's army had doubled in size. The march continued. More soldiers, remembering the glory he had

given them, changed sides. The city of Lyons fell without a battle. Generals with larger armies were dispatched to stop him, but the sight of Napoleon at the head of his troops was an overwhelmingly emotional experience for them, and they switched allegiance. King Louis fled France, abdicating in the process. On March 20, Napoleon reentered Paris and returned to the palace he had left only thirteen months before—all without having had to fire a single shot.

The peasantry and the soldiers had embraced Napoleon, but Parisians were less enthusiastic, particularly those who had served in his government. They feared the storms he would bring. Napoleon ruled the country for one hundred days, until the allies and his enemies from within defeated him. This time he was shipped off to the remote island of St. Helena, where he was to die.

Interpretation.
Napoleon always thought of France, and his army, as a target to be wooed and seduced. As General de Ségur wrote of Napoleon: "In moments of sublime power, he no longer commands like a man, but seduces like a woman." In the case of his escape from Elba, he planned a bold, surprising gesture that would titillate a bored nation. He began his return to France among the people who would be most receptive to him: the peasantry who had revered him. He revived the symbols—the revolutionary colors, the eagle standards—that would stir up the old sentiments. He placed himself at the head of his army, daring his former soldiers to fire on him. The march on Paris that brought him back to power was pure theater, calculated for emotional effect every step of the way. What a contrast this former amour presented to the dolt of a king who now ruled them.

Napoleon's second seduction of France was not a classical seduction, following the usual steps, but a re-seduction. It was built on old emotions
428 • The Art of Seduction

and revived an old love. Once you have seduced a person (or a nation) there is almost always a lull, a slight letdown, which sometimes leads to a separation; it is surprisingly easy, though, to re-seduce the same target. The old feelings never go away, they lie dormant, and in a flash you can take your target by surprise.

It is a rare pleasure to be able to relive the past, and one's youth—to feel the old emotions. Like Napoleon, add a dramatic flair to your re-seduction: revive the old images, the symbols, the expressions that will stir memory. Like the French, your targets will tend to forget the ugliness of the separation and will remember only the good things. You should make this second seduction bold and quick, giving your targets no time to reflect or wonder. Like Napoleon, play on the contrast to their current lover, making his or her behavior seem timid and stodgy by comparison.

Not everyone will be receptive to a re-seduction, and some moments

will be inappropriate. When Napoleon came back from Elba, the Parisians were too sophisticated for him, and could see right through him. Unlike the peasants of the South, they already knew him well; and his reentry came too soon, they were too worn out by him. If you want to re-seduce someone, choose one who does not know you so well, whose memories of you are cleaner, who is less suspicious by nature, and who is dissatisfied with present circumstances. Also, you might want to let some time pass. Time will restore your luster and make your faults fade away. Never see a separation or sacrifice as final. With a little drama and planning, a victim can be retaken in no time.

Symbol:
Em-

bers, the remains of the fire on the

morning after. Left to themselves, the embers will

slowly die out. Do not leave the fire to chance and to the

elements. To put it out, douse it, suffocate it, give it nothing to
feed on. To bring it back to life, fan it, stoke it, until it blazes
anew. Only your constant attention and vigilance will keep it burning.
Beware the Aftereffects • 429

Reversal

To keep a person enchanted, you will have to re-seduce them constantly. But you can allow a little familiarity to creep in. The target wants to feel that he or she is getting to know you. Too much mystery will create doubt. It will also be tiring for you, who will have to sustain it. The point is not to remain completely unfamiliar but rather, on occasion, to jolt victims out of their complacency, surprising them as you surprised them in the past. Do this right and they will have the delightful feeling that they are constantly getting to know more about you—but never too much.