The Adventurer (18 page)

Devon nodded sympathetically. “Have a carrot stick. “

Crandall tightened his robe tie and sat glumly at the table. i thought you were going out for the evening. ” “I changed my mind. ” Devon shifted in his chair, hoping his father would drop the subject.

He didn’t. “

“Why? ” “I guess lurking around a smoky bar waiting to be picked up has lost its appeal. “

“Unless, of course, Jessica Newcomb happens to be there. “

“Wtiat in hell is that supposed to mean? ” “Nothing. ” Crandall offered an innocent smile, then his gaze dropped to the glass Devon was twirling. “Is that real milk? “

“Hmm? ” Devon glanced down. “Yeah, I guess so. “

Crandall sighed wistfully. “

“All I get is chalk water. “

“Skim milk isn’t all that bad. “

“Would you drink it? “

“Not on a bet. ” Devon finished his milk and set the empty glass aside.

“Now you can explain that remark about Jessica. “

Crandall casually removed his spectacles, holding them up to the light for inspection. “There’s nothing to explain. “

“You implied that she spends her time hanging around bars. ” ‘

“I did no such thing. ” Crandall blew on each lens before polishing it with the edge of his velour robe. “The comment was merely based on my observation that you seem to enjoy her company. Of course, I could be mistaken. ” After a final inspection, he set the glasses low on his nose and peered over the sparkling lenses. “Jessica being away for the weekend is probably coincidental to you sulking in the dark like a lost puppy. “

Devon stiffened. “I am not sulking. “

“If you say so ” Crandall pushed back his chair, eyeing the pantry door.

“I wonder if Gunda hid any cookies in there? “

“She threw them away while you were in the hospital. ” ‘ “Remind me to fire her. ” After readjusting his chair, Crandall emitted a dejected sigh and propped his elbows on the table Devon skewered his father with a hard stare. “You know where she is, don’t you? “

Crandall blinked in bewilderment. “Gunda? “

“No, Jessica. ” Frustrated, Devon crossed his arms and leaned anxiously forward. “If you know that she’s left, you must know where she’s gone. ” A loose string on his robe cuff caught Crandall’s eye. He was instantly engrossed, fiddling with the stupid thing as though it was the first thread he’d ever seen. “Perhaps she had some personal business to take care of. ” Irritated by his father’s evasiveness, Devon gritted his teeth and spoke through them. “You’ve spoken with her, haven’t you? ” Crandall pursed his lips and wound the wayward string around his fingertip.

“As a matter of fact, I believe she did call this morning. “

Devon tensed, ready to spring as he peppered his father with a barrage of frantic questions. “Was she all right? What did she say? Did she tell you-?” “Good Lord!” Crandall held up his hands as if warding off blows. ” Slow down and let me catch my breath. ” Devon un balled his curled fists, forcing himself to lean back in his chair despite the fact that feigning apathy at this point was ridiculous. “I was simply curious, that’s all. ” “Evidently so, ” Crandall replied, his dark eyes sparkling’ Now let’s see if I can deal with your, uh, curiosity at a reasonable pace. As far as I know Jessica is perfectly fine. She simply requested a vacation day. “

“For what? “

Crandall again seemed fascinated by the stupid string. “It wasn’t my business to ask. She did, however, mention that you’d dropped by last night.

Apparently she was concerned about something the two of you discussed. “

Devon’s be art sank. “Did she mention what that something was? ” “She was rather vague, actually. ” Crandall coughed, cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “But she did state with considerable emphasis that you had something important to discuss with me and she was quite insistent that I should give you the opportunity to do so. ” Baffled, Devon thought back to last evening, wondering what on earth Jessica could have been referring to. He didn’t have a clue and said so. Crandall sighed. “She said it was in regards to something that happened when you were a child. ” A numbing tingle slid down Devon’s spine. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that Jessica had been referring to his time at Blackthorn Hall. He absently fingered a scratch in the table laminate top, angry that she’d revealed something he’d told her in confidence. Well, she hadn’t exactly revealed it, but she’d certainly offered a stingingly blatant hint. He felt betrayed. When Devon didn’t respond, Crandall continued to speak quietly. “Of course, I didn’t have any idea what she was talking about but she was so passionately insistent that I spent the entire day thinking about those years and the good times we’d shared together. What I discovered was frightening”

Devon looked up, frowning and wary. “And what exactly did you discover?

“That I couldn’t remember any good times because we hadn’t shared any. ” Avoiding his son’s gaze, Crandall stared across the kitchen with an expression of profound sadness. “Then it occurred to me that I couldn’t recall any details of your childhood. I didn’t know whether your grades were good or bad, or even if you liked school. I couldn’t remember what sports you participated in-if any-nor could I recall when you went on your first date or learned to drive a car. One minute you were an infant, the next you were graduating from college. All the years in between are a blur, as if you’d grown up in a vacuum. I don’t understand how that happened. “

Devon set his chin, hunched over the table and massaged his stiff neck.

“You were a busy man. I understood that. ” ‘ That was true enough. Devon had always known that his father’s business came first. He hadn’t liked it; but he’d understood it. ” What I didn’t understand is why you wouldn’t take me to Europe so we could be together. ” ‘ Crandall’s chest heaved, then he exhaled slowly. “It never occurred to me that you’d want to go. Besides, I was always traveling. Over the years, I rarely spent more than six months in one place. Your home was here, your friends were here. I thought you needed that stability. “

“I needed a father, ” Devon said simply.

“Of course you did. Unfortunately I didn’t know how to be one. “

“I was under the impression that you didn’t want to be one. “

Crandall took off his glasses, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re wrong, son. There was a time that I wanted to be a father more than anything in this world. My desire for a family was so intense that your mother gave up everything to sate it. ” He shuddered, replaced his glasses and looked Devon straight in the eye. “You’re just like her, you know. ” Devon straightened. “So you’ve said, but I don’t know how. You rarely talked about her. ” ‘ Crandall didn’t dispute that. Instead, he glanced into space, his eyes warm, his face flushed with the memory of youth. “Marlena and I met in Aspen. She was a world-class skier training for international competition. I was at the slalom course watching one of her practice runs when she hooked a gate, tumbled halfway down the mountain and slid right into me. I helped her up, brushed the snow off her nose and fell hopelessly in love. We married two months later. ” The fact that his mother had been a competitive skier was a jolt. Devon was hungry to know more yet said nothing, fearing even the sound of his voice might break his father’s fragile link with the past. He held his breath and waited. Crandall gazed across the room and smiled. “We were so different. I was always the cautious one, so pragmatic and wary, while Marlena plummeted through life as though it were just another snowy mountain. She was always eager for excitement, always anxious to conquer a new challenge, be it hang gliding, scuba diving or aerobic skydiving. She adored danger and I adored her. ” The smile in his eyes faded. ” We both wanted children, although we’d agreed to wait a couple of years so Marlena could complete her competitive career. But her adventures frightened me. I began to nag her about giving up her career so we could start our family right away. Because she loved me, she agreed. ” A heavy silence fell over the room. Devon felt sick. One of the few things he had known about his mother was that she’d died in childbirth; he’d always suspected that his father had blamed him for that. Now he was sure of it. He propped his elbows on the table using his hands to conceal his anguish. When his throat spasm stopped, he peered over his fingertips. “How you must have despised me. ” Crandall jolted upright with a dumbfounded expression that under other circumstances would have been amusing. “Is that what you think? “

“If not for me, she might still be alive. “

The older man’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. “No, son. I never blamed you. Initially I blamed myself, believing that if I hadn’t insisted on starting a family so soon…” The words dissipated like so much steam. Crandall shook his head slowly. “But Marlena desperately wanted children We both did. The complications that occurred during your birth could just as easily have happened a year later or two or six. Eventually I was able to accept that your mother’s death was a fluke of nature, a horrible tragedy for which no one could be blamed. “

“But you were never able to accept me. “

Crandall considered that without denying it. “At first I was too consumed by grief to do more than acknowledge your existence. I’d convinced myself that you were only an infant, too young to care who held the bottle as long as your belly was full. So I immersed myself in work, not only to alleviate the pain, but because I realized that for the first time in my life, I was establishing a future for someone other than myself. ” Devon placed his hands flat on the table trying to sort out the surge of conflicting emotions. Empathy for his father’s grief still mingled with the anger of abandonment. “There came a time when I outgrew bottles, ” he said quietly. “You still weren’t around. ” “I know. ” Crandall toyed with his robe cuff. ” The older you became, the more you resembled your mother-that crooked smile, the stubborn way you set your jaw, your fearless nature. You were so like Marlena, inside and out, that I co ulan look at you without reliving her loss. ” Devon was deeply moved by his father’s painful disclosure yet it was almost too much information to digest. His head was spinning. “I wish we could have talked about this a long time ago. “

“Would it have made any difference? “

“I don’t know, ” he replied honestly. “I’m not sure our relationship would have been any different but I might have felt better about myself. “At the time, I thought it would make you feel worse. Another miscalculation on my part, I suppose. ” Crandall sighed. “If I’d done things differently, you wouldn’t have felt the need to punish me by repeatedly risking your life. ” “What? ” Devon straightened so quickly his chair rattled’ My job has nothing to do with you. ” ‘ “Doesn’t it? ” Crandall smiled sadly. “You are your mother’s son, but you also have my blood in your veins. From me you’ve learned that work is an escape, a way to shield your heart and bury your anger. It’s the only lesson I taught you. I wish I could take it back. ” Devon sat there, stunned, while his father gazed across the room with a bemused expression. “

“You know, ” Crandall said suddenly. “

“Watching you and Jessica together reminds me of how things were between Marlena and I. Of course the roles are reversed, but the interaction between free spirit and pragmatist is very much the same. ” He swung around in his chair and looked straight at his son. “You care about Jessica, don’t you? ” Taken aback by his father’s directness, Devon found his words stumbling over his tongue. “I… well, of course… she’s, uh, a very nice person.

“

“Actually, she can be a bit prickly at times. “

“She speaks her mind, if that’s what you mean. ” Devon didn’t bother to hide his annoyance at the criticism. “I appreciate her candor. “

Crandall’s smile widened. “Do you, now? “

“Yes, I do. ” Devon folded his arms and glared across the table “What’s more, I think she probably has more business sense than any of those pompous vice presidents of yours who earn twice her salary. “

“Ah. So you believe her talents are being unfairly exploited ?”

Devon swallowed a cross retort and realized that his father was enjoying this verbal repartee entirely too much. The shrewd sparkle in the older man’s eyes reflected a hidden agenda that gave Devon pause. “What’s going on here? “

Crandall smugly steepled his fingers. “

“We’re simply discussing a mutual acquaintance. As I recall, you were the one who initially broached the subject. ” Devon watched his father with a narrowed gaze. “I asked if you knew where she was this weekend. Your answer was evasive, to the say the least. ” “Yes, it was. ” Crandall’s satisfied expression suddenly faded. “Jessica is a courageous and fiercely independent woman. I admire her. I respect here I wanted to see that same admiration and respect in your eyes before- ” He glanced away but not before Devon saw the sadness in hie eyes.

A fris son of fear tickled his nape. “Before what? “

“Before I betray her confidence. ” He faced Devon squarely. “Jessica planned to tell you next week but these next few days will be difficult for her. If you have the strength and the love to help her through them, I’ll tell you what you want to know. ” Devon’s gaze wavered. He was being asked to label his feelings with a word he’d never uttered or implied, a word that conjured images of permanent, commitment, emotional vulnerability and struck fear in his bachelor heart. He didn’t know how to respond because he didn’t know what love felt like. So he silently searched his soul; and Crandall awaited the answer. After heaping a final mound of mozzarella atop thick la yen of pasta and sauce, Jessica glanced at the wall clock in her mother’s tidy kitchen. Since the lasagna wouldn’t go into the oven for a while, she covered the baking pan with foil and set it aside. Normally she enjoyed cooking, particularly for an audience as appreciative as her parents. Today, however, she was physically tired, emotionally drained and simply grateful that the bulk of her kitchen duties were done. She glanced through the doorway and saw that Frank, her stepfather, was still in his study, immersed in work. She felt suddenly alone, with the walls of the comfortable home closing in on her. Outside the birds were singing, the sun was shining and the ocean glimmered like a sea of sapphires. Desperate for fresh air and sunshine, Jessica wiped her hands on a kitchen towel, protected her sensitive scalp with a baseball cap and went into the garden. A cobblestone path meandered between beds of lush foliage and colorful blooms, providing a restful stroll from the main house to the guest cottage. At the hub of the garden was a small fountain surrounded by a circle of terra-cotta pavers, each of which had been lovingly laid by her stepfather. Beyond the fountain, a ribboned sun hat protruded above a hedge of emerald cotoneaster. The hat appeared to levitate a moment before a pair of exquisite gray eyes appeared beneath the straw brim. “I thought I heard footsteps. ” Aysla stood, still clutching a garden spade in her gloved hand.