Tessa Ever After (30 page)

I barely resist the urge to punch a hole through the drywall behind me. “A future where I’m married to a girl of your choosing who’s popping out at least one heir, am I right?”

“But don’t you see? Now that doesn’t have to happen. It can be someone you’ve chosen. All the better that it’ll fast-track the family portion, at least in the partners’ eyes. Of course, I’ll have to . . . finesse the truth of Tessa’s history with the girls at the club, just to make sure she’s accepted, you understand.”

And I do. I understand every word that comes out of her mouth, because it’s some version of the same thing I’ve heard my entire life. It’s then that I realize this is never going to end. None of it. They’ll always have a stake in my life, always pull the strings whenever they get the inkling, whenever they think I won’t fight back. And the thought of them doing this to Tessa and Haley . . . the thought of my parents tainting the two most vibrant and beautiful women I know, the two girls I love most in the world, bleeding their toxic nature into them . . . No. It can’t happen. I won’t
let
it happen.

Quietly, calmly, I say the words that will get her off my back. The words that will make sure Tessa and Haley stay mine and mine only. “There is no me and Tessa, Mother. There’s nothing there for you to build into something it’s not. There’s no wedding bells and no built-in family coming my way.”

“But . . . but you invited them for Thanksgiving. Surely it’s serious. I’ve never once met a girl you were seeing.”

A bitter laugh escapes my mouth. “Like I would willingly bring someone to meet you two? I invited her because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. That’s it.” I step toward her, not caring that I’m towering over her as she sits perched on the couch, and I’m finally pleased to see a crack in the facade she wears all the time. And then I say whatever I have to so I can keep the only pieces of light in this life my parents are bound and determined to orchestrate for me. “Let me repeat it for you, so you can run off and tell my father and the partners: There is no me and Tessa. She was there to scratch an itch, and I let her. That’s it. I learned a long time ago not to get involved with anyone. She’s no exception.”

TWENTY-EIGHT

tessa

Paige’s words ring through my head as I take the elevator up to the third floor, the surprise trip she urged me to make showing up sooner than I expected. With Becky watching Haley until after nine—when my shift was supposed to end—and a cancellation for a cut and full foil leaving me a huge chunk of my evening wide open, I have time to kill. And after talking to Jason earlier, I know exactly how much he could use a little distraction.

I repeat my mantra since leaving the salon—
this isn’t a big deal
—over and over as the elevator slowly climbs to my destination. Jason left me his key because he wants me to use it. In fact, he’s asked me repeatedly
when
I’m going to get around to using the thing. With this in mind, I take determined steps toward his door—317—but hesitate when I finally get to it. I don’t even know if he’s home, if he came here after talking with me earlier this afternoon, or if he’s out with friends, trying to forget what awaits
him in a couple short weeks. I don’t know if I should knock and wait for him to answer, or if I should go ahead and use the key he gave me. But then I figure it would sort of defeat the purpose if I came all this way and just knocked, waiting for him to answer.

I imagine a hundred different scenarios if I were to use my key and let myself in, just like I’ve done every day since finding it under that bright pink Post-it note. Where he’s in the shower and I strip naked before walking in behind him and wrapping my hand around his length, stroking him into a frenzy until he spins and takes me right there against the shower wall. Where he’s sitting on his couch, watching TV or playing a video game, and I surprise him by licking, then biting his earlobe like he loves before I walk around the couch and straddle him, rocking against him until we both get off.

With renewed urgency, I finally slip the key into the lock, holding my breath as I twist it and turn the knob, pushing through into his space. His building isn’t what I’d expect, having seen where Jason lived for eighteen years, but it’s exactly what I’d expect knowing just
Jason
. It’s nice, but not ostentatious, a solid brick building with large balconies and a small outdoor pool and clubhouse. I passed a tiny gym with only a couple machines on the way to the elevator. No sprawling indoor pool. No Jacuzzi. No on-site spa like I would expect from someone coming from the wealth Jason has available to him. His parents probably shit a brick at the non-extravagant conditions he’s living in, and I smile at the thought—his subtle way of giving them the finger, of keeping some of the control he’s so desperate for when it comes to them.

I take gentle, tentative steps down his hall, the plush carpeting under my feet muting the sounds of my footfalls. A long corridor leads to what I assume is the kitchen and living room.
No pictures hang on the white walls, but that doesn’t surprise me. Jason’s a no-frills kind of guy. He’d want everything simple and uncluttered.

The sound of muted voices reaches my ears when I get closer, and for a minute I think it’s the TV until I recognize one of the voices as Jason’s. A soft, feminine voice sounds next, and my stomach jumps into my throat, fear and uncertainty paralyzing me at why a woman would be alone in Jason’s apartment with him. And then I catch the end of something he says— “. . . me and Tessa, Mother.” I breathe for half a second as I realize who he’s addressing until the rest of what he says registers, and then I’m frozen once again, braced against the wall, but for another reason entirely.

“. . . something it’s not. There’s no wedding bells and no built-in family coming my way.”

“But . . . but you invited them for Thanksgiving. Surely it’s serious. I’ve never once met a girl you were seeing.”

Jason laughs, the sound bitter and so unlike the man I’ve come to know, the man I’ve come to love, and my heartbeat speeds into a gallop, my palms sweating. “Like I would willingly bring someone to meet you two? I invited her because she didn’t have anywhere else to go. That’s it.”

A protest gets caught in my throat, and I press my hand to my mouth while the butterflies in my stomach that have always been present when Jason’s around twist and turn and spin like a swarm of hornets. I take a tentative step forward so I can peer into the open space, my tunnel vision seeing only Jason standing in front of his mother, his face cold and harsh and unlike everything I’ve come to know of him.

And then Jason puts the last nail in the coffin and pounds his point home. “Let me repeat it for you, so you can run off and
tell my father and the partners: There is no me and Tessa. She was there to scratch an itch, and I let her. That’s it. I learned a long time ago not to get involved with anyone. She’s no exception.”

That shoe I was waiting to drop just fell from the sky on top of me, a steel-toed boot right to the temple, and even knowing it was coming, even
expecting
it, doesn’t lessen the harsh blow. I gasp in disbelief, hurt and anger warring inside, and how did I not expect this exact scenario? Somehow I thought he’d get spooked, run when it was getting too serious. And even though I worried about it, I wasn’t actually prepared for all my doubts to get thrown back in my face.

I wasn’t prepared for him to discard me so easily.

jason

As soon as I say the words to my mother, I want to take them back. I hate saying them, the lies sitting bitter on my tongue, but I won’t give Tessa and Haley to her, not like this. Not to simply please a group of old men I give zero fucks about. Not just for appearance. My parents are getting my
life
, they don’t get the reason it’s worth living, too.

A choked gasp sounds from off to the side, and I whip my head toward the noise, my back going rigid to see the one person I was trying to keep away from all this staring at me like she doesn’t even know who I am. She’s bundled in her bright pink coat, a wool beanie pulled down over her head, and I want to kiss her and tell her to get the hell out of here because she doesn’t belong anywhere near the woman who’s spent the last twenty-four years slowly sucking the life out of me.

Tessa opens her mouth to say something, but snaps it shut, her jaw clenching and eyes narrowing. She throws something in my direction before spinning around and walking back down the hall, the door banging open against the wall in her rush to leave.

“Tessa, wait!” Without thought to my mom still sitting there witnessing this, I hurry after Tessa, past my apartment door and out into the hall, watching as the elevator doors start to close on her red, furious face. I sprint the last few feet, sticking my arm in to keep the doors from closing, then slipping inside. She’s braced against the back wall, her expression livid, and I’m glad she’s pissed as hell. I can handle that more than I can handle tears. I step toward her and reach out for her hand.

She jerks away like I burned her. “Don’t you
dare
touch me. You lost that right about three minutes ago.”

I shake my head, forcing my hands to my side so they don’t reach for her again. “No, baby, you don’t understand. Just let me explain.”

She laughs, and even I can admit how lame it sounds. “Explain what? Your words were pretty clear back there, and I don’t think I missed much.” She shakes her head, looking into my eyes like she’s searching for the truth. “I can’t believe I fell for it. I really thought you’d changed.”

“I
did
change—”

She holds up her hand, stopping me as she says, “Save it, Jason. When this whole thing started, when you
pushed
this thing between us, you knew exactly what I was looking for. A man, not a boy. Someone who wanted to be with me and Haley for the long haul, someone who was mature and knew what he wanted.”

“I know, and I—”

She interrupts me again. “I had to grow up way too young, and
that sometimes makes it hard to be a twenty-two-year-old, but it’s who I am. And it’s who I need. I want to be in a relationship with a grown-up, and you’re never going to be one, are you?” She shakes her head, taking a deep breath as she closes her eyes for a minute before staring at me again, her jaw set and fire in her eyes. “My car . . . the pipes, and then Thanksgiving—was that all just because you
pitied
me? Well, fuck you,” she says with a jab of her finger into my chest. “I don’t need your help or your pity. And I sure as hell don’t need you.”

The doors to the elevator open on the main floor, and she doesn’t hesitate as she walks around me and through the lobby, leaving without even a backward glance. Her words, though hurtful and pride-filled, seep into me, and I have nothing to say—no response that will come. All the fire drains out of me, because she’s absolutely right. She doesn’t need me or my fucked-up family screwing up her life and the life of that little girl I love so much. Because of that, I don’t stop her when she opens the main door and steps outside. When she gets into her car and backs up. And I don’t stop her when she drives away.

I just let her go, because if there’s one thing my mother taught me by coming here today it’s that it’s never going to end. As long as they’re in my life, I’m always going to be a pawn for them, everything in my life nothing more than easily movable pieces, and I refuse to let Tessa and Haley just be pieces in my parents’ puzzle. They deserve so much better than that.

Numbly, I take the elevator up to my floor, head hanging in resignation. My door is still open when I get to it, which means my mother is still inside. I walk through, slamming the door behind me, and head to where I know I’ll find her. She’s sitting primly on the edge of my couch, stiff as a board, and I hate everything my
life is because of her . . . because of my father. Yes, they’ve given me everything I could’ve ever asked for—except the one thing I wanted more than anything, the one thing my grandfather gave me but took with him to the grave: acceptance.