Tess Awakening (25 page)

Jake stayed silent for a moment. “Tess, I
can’t lie and tell you that it no longer matters. On the other
hand, I have done a lot of thinking, and I understand that you went
to Amir in pursuit of a noble cause. When you try to fulfill an
obligation, I know that there is nothing that stands in the way;
it’s who you are. I now understand this. The fact that you made
love to Amir and enjoyed it still drives me nuts with jealousy. I
want to eviscerate him for violating the only person in the world i
want to be with.

“That said, I now remember what my mom told
me when I last met her. One should allow a person you love to
harbor some secrets. Secrets are necessary because sometimes they
protect the other person from knowing things that will hurt him or
her. I violated that rule. I demanded a response to my question;
you were honest, told the truth, and I did get grievously hurt. I
went through hell afterward, agonizing over my loss and punishing
myself for not allowing you to keep hidden what should remain
hidden. But what I came to realize through the pain is that what
really counts is the privilege and joy to have you back with me. I
love you Tess, and I want to be with you forever.”

Tess was moved by Jake’s baring of his soul
and felt redeemed. She embraced him and gave him a long, lingering
kiss.

***

On the way back, Tess purchased a pregnancy
kit. At the Officer’s quarters, Carmen was reading a book and
raised her eyebrows when she saw her open the package.

“Okay, Carmen, your nagging worked. I am
going to do this and then, maybe, you will shut up.”

“You won’t get away that easy, kid. I want to
witness the proceedings.”

“Shut up. I will pee on this thing and
finally put your mind at rest.”

“You do that. I can’t wait to see what color
you get.”

Tess sported an exasperated look and opened
the door to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Carmen entered the
bathroom uninvited. “Okay, I read the package, and it’s easy to
figure out; two lines means you’re pregnant and one line means
you’re in the clear. You get results in about three minutes and the
test is over 99% accurate.”

Tess, still sitting on the toilet, held the
testing strip between two fingers and stared at it. Carmen wanted
to see. “So, what do we have here? Oh my God, two lines.”

Tess kept looking at the strip. “It can’t be.
I don’t believe it!”

“Believe it, hon; that’s what happens when
you have too good of a time with two sexy guys.” Carmen immediately
recognized that perhaps she should have exercised a little more
tact. “Congratulations, you are going to be a mommy,” she
added.

Tess stood up and propped herself on the sink
cabinet. “I think I am going to be sick.”

Carmen volunteered. “I’ll get the minty
stuff.”

Tess came out, looking white as a sheet, and
sat on the bunk.

“So, who is the daddy?” Carmen asked a
perfectly legitimate question.

“I have no idea.”

“Jesus!”

***

Tess went through the discharge motions,
paperwork and medical evaluations necessary to complete her
deployment in Iraq. The medical exam confirmed her pregnancy.

She said goodbye to Colonel Reynolds, her
crew, and colleagues and hugged Carmen, making plans to get
together soon.

Waiting to board the aircraft for Germany,
she retreated to a quiet corner of the terminal. She had run out of
birth control pills in Naples but got some from a pharmacy in
Istanbul. She was not familiar with the brand, and apparently they
didn’t work. Now she understood why she experienced strange
feelings in her belly, her cravings to be with a man, wanting to be
protected in his arms, alternately Jake and sometimes feeling a
hunger for Amir. The biggest question was: which one of them is the
father; it could be either of them. “Great job, girl,” she thought.
You really messed up this time. What am I going to tell Jake?”

Then she thought of the child within her. Her
feelings toward Aara had primed her with the cravings that women
have when they want to have a child. Her dreams of babies and
puppies were nothing more than manifestations of a primal need to
hold a baby in her arms, to nurture and to love. She felt an urge
to protect the miracle growing in her body. “I don’t care if the
father is Jake or Amir. I loved both of them. I will have this
baby.”

***

There was one more thing that she needed to
do. Amir had asked to see her before her departure.

They met for lunch at the Officer’s Club, but
hardly touched the food.

“Amir, my deployment is over, and I am flying
to Germany tomorrow to be with Jake, my lover. I will go on with my
life.”

“If that is the case, why are you here with
me, Tess? Are you trying to hurt me again?”

“Amir, something happened between us. Much of
it was painful, and I will never forgive you for deceiving me about
Aara. However, I confess that there is something else: I can’t help
feeling that we now have a connection which is deep and profound. I
will not lie about what I feel. You helped me become a real woman.
I am struggling to forget about you, but can’t. For better or
worse, it is hard for me to contemplate not seeing you again.”

“Tess, I want nothing other than to be a part
of your life. I want you desperately, and I can feel that you want
me too. What will it take for us not to lose each other? I will
never be complete without you.”

“Amir, I came to acknowledge what I feel. I
love you in spite of what you did to me. When I see you, I am no
longer able to control a desire within me that was long dormant.
But I could never live with you because I would end up like a moth
to the flame. If I get too close to you, I will burn.”

“Tess, if you wanted to forget about me, you
wouldn’t be here.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to forget about you. I
came here to tell you that I want you in my life, somehow.”

“Tess, I understand that you think you can’t
live with me. If that is the case, and you won’t change your mind,
I have no choice but settle to see you time to time. How can we
make that happen?”

“I will be a married woman who meets her
lover whenever she can. It is good that we will live far apart, and
I don’t know how and when we can meet in the future, but we should
leave such a possibility open.”

“I know that you have a strong moral compass,
Tess. You don’t like to lie, yet you are already planning to
deceive you husband even before you marry him. Can you handle
this?”

“Six months ago, the thought of deceiving my
husband would not even occur to me. Now I have become more selfish.
You have helped me develop a lust for life. You opened my horizons
to a range of new possibilities; most of all, you have awakened a
powerful sexuality in me. It’s a tragedy that our being together
all the time would result in a catastrophic collision of wills that
would destroy both of us. But as I said, I now must have you in my
life, regardless. Forgiving you is the right thing to do. I hope to
compartmentalize our relationship so that others don’t get
hurt.

Will you tell your husband about us?”

“I don’t think so. Knowing about us would
hurt him, and he does not deserve that. But he understands the need
for secrets. This will be ours.”

“I love you, Tess. I will cherish our
secret.”

“Goodbye, Amir.”

She had one more secret that she chose not
share with him.

***

Amir had achieved a partial victory; Tess
did not plan to be away from him forever. In his mind, the
compromise just gained him time to pursue what he desperately
wanted. Somehow, he will find a way to persuade Tess to be
exclusively his. He could not bear the thought of sharing her.
Having her as a mistress was not enough. She must not be allowed to
be with another man, possibly bearing him children that should be
rightfully his own progeny.

He did not have children other than Aara. He
loathed his wife, a mindless cow whom he would not allow to bear
his children and contaminate his noble bloodline. He had instructed
his lawyers to commence divorce proceedings.

The only woman worthy to be his wife and to
bear his children was Tess, the fierce Amazon, who captured his
heart and soul.

He craved to be in her presence. He
remembered the horse race that finally brought them together, her
exquisite and passionate playing of the piano, her brilliant
mind.

He kept thinking of their night of love, the
exhilaration of locking their bodies together, her refusal to be
passive, and the thrill of feeling her body shudder and spasm with
him inside.

Making love to her from time to time would
just heighten his craving for her. He could not bear the thought of
another man tainting her with his seed. Tess was his and his alone.
He must find a way to change her mind and finally come to him
forever.

***

Tess left to catch her plane. The turmoil in
her heart raging, she struggled to justify her planned deceit even
before she went to join Jake — the gentle, caring and loving
partner with whom she felt safe, warm and protected.

Her aircraft landed in Germany. Every day,
planes land at Ramstein, carrying the severely injured from Iraq
and Afghanistan. The soldiers are taken to the U. S. Military
Hospital at Landstuhl, the largest American facility in Europe.
There, lives are saved, limbs amputated and gunshot wounds patched
up. The less fortunate will be maimed for the rest of their
life.

Tess hugged Jake and went with him to talk in
the lounge.

Jake sensed that Tess had something important
to say. “What is it, Tess? Do you need to tell me something?”

“Yes, I am resigning my commission in the
Army. I have seen too much blood and tears during this deployment.
I now believe that you have been right all along. It’s no longer
acceptable for me to continue saluting the flag just because I am a
professional soldier duty bound to follow orders no matter what. I
am shocked that misguided naïve fools in Washington have created
this calamity, assuming that we would be able to bring democracy to
that part of the world. I feel guilty for letting others continue
the fight, but I can’t do it anymore.”

“For my selfish point of view, that’s
wonderful news, Tess; I know it’s a big step for you. You worked
your whole life for your career. What are you going to do now?”

Tess caressed his cheek and swept his lips
with a finger.

“Jake, I have a new career now. I am
pregnant. I don’t know if the baby is yours or Amir’s.”

Jake’s face went white. He did not know how
to react. Having a baby was a beautiful thing. He always wanted a
family. But he was not prepared for this new surprise. All he could
manage to do was to ask a practical question:

“Tess, weren’t you taking the pill?”

“Yes, but I ran out them in Naples and
substituted something I got from a pharmacy in Istanbul. Obviously,
it didn’t work.”

Jake was blindsided.” “What are you going to
do?”

“I will not have an abortion nor allow a DNA
test at this time if that is what you are thinking. I have
something precious growing inside me, and I will not kill it.”

“I didn’t suggest anything of the sort.”

“Jake. I love you very much, but I need to
know that you are okay with this.”

“At the very least, the baby is part of you.
I will love you both.”

“I love you, Jake. You will make a wonderful
father.”

Chapter 39

Tess and Jake flew to New York.

The first stop was to have dinner with
General Morgan Turner, her dad, now a top executive for a defense
firm. Dad was delighted to meet Jake. He was impressed with Jake’s
intelligence and broad knowledge of contemporary politics and
international issues.

Jake and Tess had planned a simple wedding in
Sleepy Hollow, where he owned a beloved small farm. They only
wished for close family members and friends to attend. They
instantly met objections from Tess’s dad, Jake’s siblings and
Carmen Cabrera, her co-pilot in Iraq, who was visiting them.

Carmen was the most vocal: “Tess, getting
married is a big deal; it’s unthinkable not to throw a big party in
New York. We are all looking forward to it.” Dad insisted that he
wanted a lavish function so he could invite fellow executives and a
host of top military leaders, not to mention several Arab leaders
who were on a shopping spree for advanced weapons.

Tess stated unequivocally: “I have been
married once before, Carmen. I don’t see how a big wedding is
necessary.”

“Of course it is necessary; after all we have
been through, we are entitled to have a little fun.”

Tess finally gave in to the pressure.
Reluctantly, the betrothed went through the whole process including
pre-marital counseling and rehearsal. They also hired Blanche, a
wedding planner, a peripatetic perfectionist who usually managed to
drive everyone around her nuts. She correctly pointed out that a
large wedding in New York needed a minimum of three months’
planning. Six would be better. General Turner informed her that
money was no object, thus getting her attention. Blanche was so
good at what she did that things came together within a month.
Everything went as planned.

Tess designed her own wedding dress and hired
a skilled seamstress and her team to make it. The fabric of the
dress was iridescent metallic bronze silk. The top sported a
generously dropped neckline, showcasing her beautiful breasts, a
suggestion from Carmen whose philosophy was ‘if you got it, you
might as well flaunt it.’ The dress bared her beautiful shoulders
and back; long sleeves provided a measure of modesty. An empire
waist hid her slight bump. The whole ensemble was a stunning sheath
with a mermaid tail skirt broken above the knees. The fabric fell
languorously into a magnificent soft drape.