Tess Awakening (21 page)

But she and other women were still aware that
they faced greater scrutiny and restrictions than their male
counterparts.

Soldiers on the ground who did not know the
women operating the aircraft sometimes slighted them when speaking
over the radio.

On mission briefings, soldiers often deferred
to male aviators rather than higher-ranking women. If a woman
showed any emotion in her voice or even a crack, the guys on the
ground would transmit ‘Say again, you’re coming in soft.’ No one
would ever tell that to a man.

As an officer, Tess was conscious of walking
a fine line between leading men on the front lines and not
offending male soldiers who wanted to pay her courtesies, such as
opening doors for her.

Over dinner in a noisy chow hall, Tess,
Carmen, and other women shared their feelings. Despite their skill
as combat pilots, women in the military still faced restrictions
that made it challenging for them to integrate themselves in mostly
male units.

One rule barred female and male aviators from
entering each other’s quarters while another policy requires
escorts for women on base. While aimed at maintaining discipline,
the segregation was isolating.

Implicit in the separation, she felt, was a
mistrust that offended her as a professional. They trust me to make
combat decisions to defeat the enemy but don’t trust what I do when
I go to talk with a male colleague in his quarters. All the guys
hang out and play poker in one of the men’s rooms, and I’m not
allowed in there. I will never be part of that group. I will always
be on the outside, which makes it harder to cope with the pressures
of deployments and ultimately, to develop a career that elevates a
person to her fullest potential.

***

Tess had few female friends, but now she had
developed a mutually supportive relationship with Carmen, even
though the Warrant Officer was very different from her. Gradually,
they started sharing their life stories, and sometimes they talked
far into the night.

While Tess grew up in a privileged
environment, Carmen spent her youth in a brutal environment of
thugs, drugs, prostitutes and abject poverty.

Tess was reserved about talking about her
youth. Carmen, on the other hand, was far more communicative. “I am
the product of a multiracial union — my mother was black and my
father Latino. I spent my early years in an overcrowded tenement in
South Los Angeles. I learned early on how to evade danger and how
to protect myself by learning to be tough. I finally joined the
Army to escape my environment.”

Tess talked about the journey that led her to
join the military. “In my mind, I always saw a career in the Army
as a pre-ordained future. In a sense, I felt that it was up to me
to continue a family tradition. Practically all of the men in my
family had a career in the Army. We have pictures of my ancestors
wearing uniforms going all the way back to the Civil War. I was the
only girl born to the clan—unheard of until I showed up. I guess we
had a strange DNA that only produced males. My dad decided to call
me Morgan, the traditional name of every first born in the family
but was not a zealot. When my mom died, he did his best to
encourage girly things—ballet lessons, piano playing, doll
collecting. But I always felt an obligation not to break a hallowed
family history. I could have gone to study music at the
Conservatory, but I chose to pursue a career in the Army
instead.

Carmen stopped her. “But you said that your
dad did not push you in that direction, that he wanted you to have
a normal life as a woman.”

“Yes, I have to give him credit for that. The
problem was that my mom died early, and dad did not remarry. He
dragged me all over the world through various military assignments,
and when he was deployed to fight in wars, he parked me with my
aunt and her kids. Being an Army brat, that’s all I knew. The real
world of civilian life did not exist for me. The decision to go to
West Point was almost a foregone conclusion in my mind.”

Carmen listened intently while filing her
nails. “As a teenager, I felt that I needed to pursue a different
path from my friends in the neighborhood. The choices basically
were to work on menial jobs for a minimum wage, get married to
someone who was a minority with no real prospects in life, make
kids and live a life of poverty and hopelessness. The military
seemed to be a path that provided a more meaningful future. When I
joined and went through the standard military testing, I recorded a
high mechanical aptitude. What helped me most was my great
grandfather, who had been a fighter pilot in World War Two. The
Tuskegee Airmen were the first African-American military aviators
in the Armed Forces. At an advanced age, he took me away from my
drug-addicted mother when I was ten. My father had disappeared when
I was five.”

Tess was impressed. “Your great-grandfather
must have been at least in his eighties.”

“He was. Pops, as everyone called him, was
still working part time fixing small private planes. He managed to
buy a derelict Piper Club for little money and proceeded to rebuild
it—actually he had me do it. He taught me everything he knew about
planes.

His approach was strange. With help from
younger men, he removed the engine of the aircraft, set it up on a
makeshift wood frame, took it apart, and then told me to put it
back together. I had no idea what to do, but Gramps insisted that I
figure out by myself which part fit where. He only provided
guidance when I hit a brick wall; even then, he sent me to the
library to study technical stuff.

He doggedly spent every day watching me. I
had grease all over my clothes and black oil smudges on my face. I
took apart components, disassembled them, studied their function
and how they fit in relation of the other parts. Gradually I
rebuilt the craft with my own bare hands. Pops was my constant
observer, smoking his corncob pipe while perched on a chair on top
of a platform.

Later he had a young pilot teach me how to
fly the aircraft. By the time I was eighteen, I knew everything
about small planes and got my flying license. In the army, I
quickly qualified for flight school, and eventually gained the rank
of Chief Warrant Officer as a helicopter pilot. I am very proud of
that.”

“Wow, I am in awe of you, Carmen. You were
not born with a silver spoon in your mouth and got where you wanted
to go by sheer guts and determination. I was fortunate, in that I
did not have to struggle that way. I just pushed myself. After I
had decided to go into the Army, my dad did his best to help me
prepare me by basically raising me as a man. I bought into it,
focused on what had to be done and I missed out on normal things
like parties, dating and going through the teenage angst. It never
occurred to me to rebel, screw around and misbehave. I never sought
the attention of men because most of them were a pain, always
hitting on me. I am not sure why I got married. I guess at the time
I thought it would be just one of the necessary milestones on the
way to a disciplined life.”

Carmen had finished her manicure. “Girl, you
don’t know what you are missing. I was always acutely aware of my
femininity; I have always flaunted it, and I understood at an early
age that it gives me power over men. I am proud to be a woman and I
don’t mind showing off my cute butt and swinging hips. I am
intensely sexual, and I like to attract men like flies to honey. I
have no intention of getting into a serious relationship, at least
not now. I take pleasure every time I can. I pick the men that I
like, and they find out soon enough that they are not going to tell
me what to do in the sack. I am always the dominant partner in bed.
If they don’t like it, I throw them out of bed and get me a more
pliant dude that I can use as a living dildo.”

Tess smiled. “Wow, Erica Jong stole the
Zipless Fuck from you.”

“Perhaps, but there is a reason for how I
deal with men; I was raped twice by mindless brutes, but I refused
to let that experience ruin my life. My revenge is that I now treat
men the same way they treat women.”

Tess was shocked. “I am so sorry about what
happened to you. I am not in your shoes, but I am sure I would have
had great difficulty in overcoming such an insult to my body.”

“I am dealing with it in my own way, Tess. I
still retain my dignity.”

“I haven’t ever been so matter of fact about
men. I have only been with my Ex and Jake. Roger was a dud in bed,
hung up and lacking in imagination. Jake, on the other hand, is
truly a sweet man. He actually tried to understand what I needed
and managed to get me out of my shell. He has helped me to enjoy
lovemaking by going along with the flow, by pleasing me the way I
wanted to be pleased.”

Carmen adjusted herself on the chair. “Do
tell me. Please don’t spare the juicy stuff.”

“There really isn’t much more to say. Jake is
handsome, cute, gentle and loving. We have drifted apart, and I
don’t know where he is now.” Tess conveniently omitted the
circumstances that led to the estrangement.

Carmen was not one to dwell on things unduly.
“I don’t know what happened to you two, and obviously, you are not
ready to tell me about it. No matter. Out there, there is a
smorgasbord of horny men that would be more than happy to help you
forget a lost love. Just looking at you will get them to cream
their jeans.”

“You are incorrigible, madam” Tess
laughed.

“Oh well, your loss. I am sure you will
eventually come to your senses,” Carmen said on her way out. “Gotta
go; all this talk about dudes put me in the mood for love and I
need to find a volunteer to set things right. Tada.” Walking out
with her trademark swagger, she went on the hunt; it didn’t take
long to bag a suitable candidate.

Carmen’s style of lovemaking was assertive
and no-nonsense. She and the chosen stud took off their clothes,
got in bed and briefly kissed. To make sure he was properly
motivated, she allowed him to fondle her body for a few minutes.
The guy obviously enjoyed munching on her nice tits and nibbling on
her adorable ass. Then it was time to get to business. Carmen
insisted that the man lay on his back. She licked and sucked the
guy to make sure he had a proper erection. That was also good
enough to make her nice and wet. The man usually tried to take
control, but she slapped him down, insisting that he be a good boy
and lie there with his hard dick up in the air. She always made
sure to put a rubber on the guy; then she got on top of him and
enjoyed a delicious, wet descent on the man’s stiff rod. She moved
up and down, rotating her hips for maximum effect, and soon enjoyed
her climax. The guy grunted, thoroughly relishing getting off
without having to do much work.

Generally, at this juncture, Carmen was
satisfied. She kissed a guy off and left, leaving the man
disconsolately holding on to his swollen rod, but this time, she
decided to reward the nice fellow for good behavior. She got on her
back, spread her legs, and allowed the soldier to get into her. She
appreciated his enthusiastic pumping, climaxed a second time,
relaxed and allowed him to keep moving inside her until he grunted.
‘Simultaneous orgasm is so overrated,’ she observed. Mission
accomplished. Hardly a word was spoken, and that is how she liked
it. She gave the guy a wet kiss on the mouth as a sign of
appreciation and left. The man never knew her name.

Meantime, Tess, awake in her bunk, missed
Jake terribly and kept faulting herself for deceiving him. She also
started to doubt the direction that her life was taking. Is this
what she really wanted to do? Did it really make sense to kill and
be killed because politicians, safely ensconced far from the
conflict made horribly misguided decisions? Are we really the good
guys? Yes, the other guys were bad but were we responsible for
creating conditions that led to chaos, bloodshed, and mayhem? Is
all this horror just a means to fulfill the political ambitions of
a few men?

Carmen, back from her escapade, was in a good
mood; Tess was still in a blue funk. “Girl, you need to get
yourself some honey to take your mind off things. Are you sure you
don’t want to try one of my studs? They can make you feel really
good.”

“Thanks but no thanks, Carmen. I appreciate
that you are trying to cheer me up, but at this time meeting guys
is not what I want.”

“You don’t know what you are missing, boss.
Me, for one, I am really, deliciously relaxed now. Let’s catch some
sleep, and tomorrow we can go back to make the bad guys
miserable.”

In the morning, Tess felt nauseous. She
vomited in the bathroom and was considering skipping the upcoming
mission when Carmen gave her some mint extract that seemed to help.
On the way to the tarmac, she started to wonder about what was
happening to Tess. The sickness was becoming more frequent, usually
in the morning. She made a mental note to talk about it when they
got back from the mission.

Chapter 31

Jake, in spite of his misgivings, was back
in Baghdad to his old job. Paul Saunders, the CIA station chief,
had never processed the paperwork to release Jake after his stormy
resignation. He was glad that he did so because Jake now was
sitting across from his desk.

“I am glad you changed your mind, Jake. We
need you here.”

“I must be out of my mind to get back into
this mess, but I hope to be of help, somehow. I could not live with
myself if I left the fight up to everyone else.”

“You were right, of course. The people in
Washington engineered a horrible mess. I am not sure where all of
this is going, but at the very least we need to calm things down
and allow the new Iraqi government to seek peace among the various
factions.”

Jake shook his head. “Paul, you know as well
as I do that the new Iraqi government is headed for trouble. They
are filling all the posts with Shiites and are assiduously
marginalizing the Sunnis and Kurds. Their short sightedness is
breathtaking. In trying to assure power for themselves they don’t
seem to care that they are creating perpetual chaos in the
country.”