Terms of Service (25 page)

They clinked and each took a sip. Though he had no idea what she was thinking, he hoped he would once the wine took hold.  Gavin wanted nothing more than for the distance between them to disappear.  He would gladly wrap an arm around her and let her sink into him as they stared across the lake. 

Hannah was the first one to give in.  Standing, she announced, “I’m tired.  Tomorrow will be a long day.  I guess I’ll go to bed.”

Nodding, Gavin looked down at his feet a moment before he stood.  “I’ll join you as soon as I wash these glasses and get them put away.”

Stiffening, she asked, “Want me to help?” 

“With two glasses?”  He chuckled, a hollow sound.  “Nah, I think I’ve got this.”

By now it was long after midnight as they climbed below to go to sleep.  Somehow, this time was even more uncomfortable than the first night they ever shared a bed.  Somehow, this time held far more importance. By the time Gavin entered their berth, Hannah was changed into shorts and a tank top to sleep in.  Her arms were folded behind her head and her eyes were closed.  He suspected she wanted him to think she was already asleep, so he left her alone.  As quietly as possible, he changed and climbed in and lay down on his side.

It felt strange.  In the past, they would’ve spooned.  Hannah would’ve backed into him.  Gavin would’ve thrown an arm around her.  Within minutes, they would’ve fallen asleep or started making out and having sex.  Quite frankly, Gavin would’ve been comfortable with either outcome.  Instead, it was this forced co-habitation and an unnatural space between them.  After what seemed like an hour, Hannah’s breathing deepened and he knew she had fallen asleep for real.  Gavin rolled toward her, careful not to touch her, to respect her need for distance.  “God, Hannah.  I
love
you.  This is killing me.  Having you close but not touching you is killing me.  The thought we may only have two weeks left together is killing me.  The idea I may be living thousands of miles away from you and an ocean apart…slow death.  I don’t know how to do this.  I want you with me, but…”  He took a breath.  “I want you happy, more.  If it takes us being apart, then so be it.  Because when you love someone, you put their needs before your own.  I know that now.  I get it.  Life is different because I learned to love from you.”

He stayed there on his side, inches from her, as close as he dared without making actual contact and without the risk of waking her.  Gradually by degree, he fell asleep.

Chapter Twenty

Gavin was topside long before Hannah woke up in an effort to see one last sunrise over Lake Norman.  He wanted to watch the sky change and come alive with color.  It made his heart happy.  These next few weeks, he was going to have to find happiness as many places as possible.  If he could find peace on the sea, then maybe losing Hannah wouldn’t hurt so much.

Too soon it was time to wake Hannah and the girls. Standing he stretched, practiced smiling a few times, and prepared to go below.

***

Hannah woke up happy.  She was waking up even before Gavin came down to rouse her.  Today, she was feeling more herself.  She had plenty of time to make her decision and she wasn’t going to let it ruin this trip.  Who knew if she would ever make it to the Caribbean again?  She was going to treasure every minute, make every moment special for Gavin, and celebrate his decision to start living.

When Gavin poked his head in, she smiled brightly at him.  “I’m ready to get moving, chief.  Don’t worry.  We’ll be good to go within the hour.”

Clearly, this was just the reassurance he needed.  His shoulders seemed to relax and slowly a smile spread across his face. 

***

An hour later, the boat was loaded and traveling down the highway.  The car had arrived and they were driving to Charleston.  For the first time in days, Hannah and Gavin had nothing to do but interact.  Even the night before, the move had hung over them.  With this part of their lives over, they could actually talk.

“It’s so good to see you happy,” Gavin said suddenly.  “Life on the boat agrees with you.”

She nodded.  There was more than a grain of truth in his statement, but it was time for her to be honest with him.  She’d never told him about the phone call the other day.  “I do love life on the water.”

“Have you considered whether or not you could be happy living on a boat in the Caribbean?”  It was obvious the wondering and waiting were taking a toll on him.  He had taken to wringing his hands and sighing.

“Yes,” Hannah said quietly.  “I’ve thought about it.  And I have a tough decision to make.”

“What will you do if you if you come back here?”  He stared at her anxiously.

Swallowing, Hannah took a breath.  “I have a job offer.”  He sat back in the seat.  He couldn’t hide his feelings, not from her.  She recognized his distress.  She knew in his mind the choice was between living with him on a boat in the Caribbean, or living in the lake condo.  Now he knew he was competing with a career option too.  “The foundation, the one created because of me, they offered me a job…running it.”  It was impossible to hide her excitement when she spoke of the opportunity.

Gavin saw it. “Oh, I see.”  Looking down at his hands, he picked at one of his newly formed sailing calluses.

The rest of the drive, he was quiet.  Hannah knew he would be.  The girls were so happy, so excited, which kept the adults from delving any deeper into the discussion.  Hannah watched Gavin.  She could almost feel his pain.  His fear was practically tangible.  He wasn’t the only one wrestling with the weight of her decision.

See, life with Gavin was easy.  Some would argue otherwise, but really, they meshed well.  He listened to her.  He was different with her.  Somehow, as nice as it was, it was equally scary.  Being alone, raising the girls alone felt safe. The career was a means to an end, a way to never have to trust, to never have to depend on anyone.  Suddenly, the life she imagined made her sad.  Maybe she wasn’t as tough and strong as she believed herself to be.  Maybe she was taking the easy way out instead of taking the risk with the bigger reward.

***

After what seemed like forever, they pulled into the Cooper River Marina.  They had already loaded the boat with all the supplies before moving it.  The plan was to board her and sail out with the next high tide.  While the comings and goings of a powerboat were unaffected by the changing depths, because of the keel, the same could not be said of sailboats.  The girls were excited, while Gavin was quiet and efficient, deep in thinking mode.  He could run the boat with both eyes closed, but he had been distracted by Hannah’s news.

“What can I do?” She held her hands out.  “The girls are playing in the air-conditioned cabin, thanks to shore power.  Do we need to charge the batteries?  Should I get more ice for the cooler?  I know that we’ve already battened everything down.”

“Yeah, more ice,” Gavin responded distractedly.  He was making sure they had all the spare supplies, extra motor oil, replacement bulbs for the lights, spare fuses, plenty of rope, that kind of thing.  He had a checklist.  It was long and time suddenly felt shorter and shorter.

***

They left as planned after working together like they’d had years of practice.  It felt nice.  Hannah especially appreciated it, since teamwork had always been missing from her marriage.  They relaxed under the shade of their new bimini and motored out of the marina.  Once they made it past day dock, they opened the main and caught the wind.

The plan was to sail for as long as the weather and daylight would allow each day.  For dinner, there were finger foods, the girls’ favorites.  As the day came to an end, they stopped in a Georgia marina to recharge batteries while they slept and restock supplies in the morning.  After plugging into shore power on day dock, Hannah took the girls to their berth to put them to sleep for the night.

“Mommy, I think I like Georgia,” Zoe said as she laid in the v-berth.  The porthole above them was open, allowing a cool breeze and salty air into the space.

“How can you tell?  We’ve only been at the marina,” Rory said with a hint of annoyance.

“I’m glad you’re happy, little ones.  Sleep well.”  She kissed the girls as she tucked them in before climbing the ladder and joining Gavin topside.

When she stood on deck, she realized Gavin had a new bottle of wine.  He uncorked it as she slid onto the bench beside him.  “Wine?”  He tried to be as pleasant as possible.

Given the darkness, she had to ask, “Is it red or white?”

“White,” Gavin answered.  “You know, because it goes best with fish.”  He waited for a reaction.

Hannah chuckled and lightened the mood instantly.  She reached for the glass he poured her.  “What shall we toast?”

He thought for a moment.  “How about two amazing weeks?”

“No,” she shook her head.  His eyebrows rose.  “Let’s toast to a wonderful new adventure.”

“Okay.”  Their glasses clinked and soon Hannah had her head on his shoulder.

They leaned back against the fiberglass, intent on enjoying the night sky.  They had been quiet for some time.  While it was a comfortable silence, Hannah decided it was time to break it.  “Listen, I’ve been thinking.”  She felt Gavin stiffen beside her.  “My conclusion…I’ve been thinking too much.  I need to feel more and think less.  I need to just
be
and
do
and
enjoy
.  Can we try that?  Can we try just letting life have a chance?”  She looped her arm through his and ran her fingers down his forearm until she found his hand, then she grabbed it and squeezed.

Silently, Gavin squeezed her hand back.  “I’d like that.”

***

When they went to bed for the night, they were more relaxed than the previous night.  Still, Gavin was wary of rejection and kept allowing her make the first move, to determine the course of events.  His heart was still hanging precariously in the balance.  When it seemed like Hannah was going to stay on her back, Gavin rolled onto his side and faced away from her, just as he had done the night before.  Minutes later, he felt her shift, close the distance and meld her tiny frame to his much larger one.  She wrapped her arm around him and laid a hand on his chest.

“Haven’t you ever just wanted to be close to someone, Gavin?”  She asked quietly against his skin in a way that made goose bumps break out all over.  If she noticed, she didn’t comment.  Instead, she continued.  “Haven’t you ever just wanted to snuggle and have no strings, no expectations?”

He smiled as he remembered the first night he’d used those same words on her.  It seemed like a lifetime ago.  Yet because she had pulled them out, they inspired hope for a second chance, even as they struck a sad chord in his heart.  Clearing his throat, he managed to respond.  “In the past, yes, but now, now I want strings.  Lots and lots of strings.”  He felt as Hannah drew even closer and smiled against his back.  He laced his fingers through hers, and soon they fell asleep.

***

When he woke, Gavin discovered he was relaxed, happy and…alone.  Hannah and the girls were nowhere to be found.  As he replayed the previous night in his head, he decided not to worry.  Taking advantage of the moment of quiet, he hoped to check on Bitty at the office.  Picking up his cell phone, he discovered where they had gone.

Hannah: Morning, handsome! Gone to check the tide charts and shower with the girls.  Don’t eat without us.  I have a surprise.

Before he could even ponder how long until their return, he heard them.  The girls were carrying their bags; wet hair slicked back, just like their mother, only Hannah also carried a bag and a box from Dunkin Donuts.

“Gavin,” the girls squealed in delight and ran to the boat.  “Look!  Breakfast!”

“And we rode in a golf cart!”  Zoe added.

“And Mommy said no Munchkins!”  Rory complained.

“Well, I’m sure she had a good reason,” Gavin said with a smile.  He took the food from Hannah so she could help the girls and climb aboard. Leaning in conspiratorially, he murmured in her ear.  “You did have good reason, right?”

“Of course,” Hannah said smoothly.  “All I could see in my mind were Munchkins rolling all over the boat.”  She gave the girls an eyebrow.  “And we should leave in an hour,” she warned.

***

After eating, they caught the tide, and set sail making incredible time.  As much as Gavin enjoyed the sailing, he soon realized he wanted the days to fly and the nights to linger.  He wanted more alone time with Hannah. Because there was still too much distance between them, he savored the time of day when she stopped being a mommy and could focus on being a friend and a lover.  Not soon enough, he had his wish.  They stopped for the night in Miami.  Once tied off, spring lined, and plugged into shore power, they explored the marina.

“I love The Keys,” Hannah said happily as she studied the charts.  “Forget about the Caribbean, I could be happy there.”  She sighed and dug her feet into the sand.  The girls were walking around, hunting for shells.

“We can stay there for as long as you want,” Gavin said.  “I’ll be happy anywhere you want to be.”

She seemed to be studying his face and decided he told the truth.  “Let’s just stay one day more than you planned.  We’ll get there early tomorrow, right?  Then I’ll have had my fill and we can move on.  Fair enough?”

Part of him wondered if she had made a decision or if she was leaning toward going back and this was why she didn’t want to go so far so fast.  Then he remembered he simply needed to enjoy every possible moment.  Reaching for her hand, he gave it an affectionate squeeze, and then he avoided eye contact and traced her hand on his.

***

The next few days were spent sailing The Keys.  There were so many of them, they could’ve spent the entire two weeks there, but instead, they just focused on the main ones.  By the time they arrived in Key West, Hannah seemed like a whole new person.  The water, sand, and sunshine were healing her soul.  If Gavin had his way, the time with him would heal her heart.

He could feel the change in her.  Something was different.  He just couldn’t name it.  They were back to spooning at night.  They were back to snuggling during the day.  They were joking and playing again.  Gavin had never been happier.  Then a thought occurred to him as they were walking on this beautiful deserted beach on Islamorada.

“You’ve made a decision, haven’t you?”  He spoke quietly and hoped the sunglasses and hat were cloaking enough of his face to hide the fear.

***

“Yes.  I have.” Hannah admitted under her breath.  She looked down at the sand.  Ever since she had decided to feel, to let it be and see what happened, she was happier.  She followed her heart.  She stopped planning and lived in the moment.  Those resulting moments were beautiful.  It wasn’t only the weather, which was ideal, or all the sunshine she simply thrived on.  It wasn’t that Gavin was more relaxed, or since the girls had never been so happy and carefree.  Hannah had come to realize her heart was where it wanted to be.  For her, this was scary.

She had called Rick one afternoon when they were out and about.  Gavin had gone into a gift shop to look at t-shirts and she stayed with the girls in the playground across the street.  The conversation with Rick had been so hard.  On the one hand, she felt a sense of responsibility for making the foundation a success.  She loved the idea of helping others so much.  She loved the idea of being able to put her marketing degree to good use.  What would she do if she stayed with Gavin?  She couldn’t teach sailing.  She would possibly have to homeschool the kids.  Or was it home boat?  Her only outlet was her jewelry making using whatever the beach supplied.  Would it be enough?