Teleport This (3 page)

3.

It was a short time later that Gilbert stepped onto the teleport, nodded to Simon and said, “Energize.”

Gilbert disappeared in a quick fizzle leaving Simon to wonder if he had just sent his friend on the trip of a lifetime or killed him dead. Simon thought about it a moment longer and decided either way, he sent his friend off on a trip of a lifetime.

Gilbert and Simon had speculated on the duration and comfort experienced during the teleport. Based on the elapsed time of the guinea pig’s journey, it seemed likely to expect the trip to take only a few minutes, if that. Since the guinea pig was returned with a note, they also surmised that someone or something was at the other end waiting for them. They also assumed that since the guinea pig was returned, Gilbert would be able to return. The agreement was that Gilbert would return or send a message as soon as he could.

It was with these expectations that Gilbert stepped onto the teleport. He knew that in the next minute or so he would be conversing with someone not of Earth. He just wasn’t sure if it would be St. Peter or E.T.

The trip was in fact so close to instantaneous that Gilbert barely had any sensation of movement. One second he was in the lab looking at Simon and the next he was sitting on a sofa in what looked to be a somewhat stark, but nicely kept room.

“I’ll be there in a second,” a voice said.

Gilbert evaluated his surroundings. Is this the way this room always looked or was it done up special to put him at ease? The voice spoke in a very colloquial tone without any accent, hard to believe it may have only recently learned English. Try as he might, Gilbert found it hard to imagine that voice coming from something non-human, but he was preparing himself for the worst. It was almost anticlimactic when a very normal looking man entered the room a few minutes later.

“Hello,” he said, extending his hand. “You must be Simon. My name is Jon. A pleasure to meet you.”

“Actually, I’m Gilbert,” said Gilbert as he stood and took the outstretched hand, “I’m an associate of Simon’s and the pleasure is mine, I assure you. Where are we, Jon?”

“Oh, quite far from where you were a few seconds ago,” said Jon. “A different galaxy entirely, I believe. Does that bother you?”

“No, not really,” said Gilbert. “Should it?”

“Well, some people it does and some people it doesn’t. Most get used to it.”

“Where are you from, Jon?”

“Not Earth, Gilbert, but someplace like it.”

“Are you human?”

“Close enough. I’m sure if you compared all 25,000 genes in our respective DNA strands, you may find a few differences here and there, but nothing all that significant.”

“What is this place?” asked Gilbert looking around at his surroundings.

“Ah, this is the Initial Contact Center and, as the name implies, this is where we monitor and manage the integration of newly discovered worlds, such as yours.”

“What exactly do you mean by managing the integration?”

Jon’s face went entirely blank of expression and he yelled out, “We are the Borg, resistance is futile!”

“What!”

“Ha! Just kidding, I really had you going there for a minute, didn’t I? You should have seen your face, I’ll show you the video later, believe me, you’ll laugh.” Jon motioned to the sofa and he and Gilbert sat down. “Managing the integration is kind of like the first few dates with a new girl. You chat it up a bit to get a feel for each other and then you make some decisions on how far you want to take the relationship.”

“And what happens if you decide the relationship won’t work out?”

“No need to think about that,” said Jon. “You’ve already made it to first base. The only question is if and when we go all the way.”

“And ‘going all the way’ means what?”

“Same here as it does there. Applied to our little situation, full disclosure with Earth’s governments on what’s what and who’s who in the universe. But don’t worry, I think that’s still a bit further down the road.”

“Why’s that?” asked Gilbert.

“Earth is in a volatile phase that will likely take it a couple hundred years to work through. And since there’s no need for us to make our presence known, we’ll just let it play out and loop back in a few centuries.”

“So you don’t intervene and help out newly found planets?”

“No, we don’t. I’m afraid we’re not set up for that type of involvement.”

“Excuse me?”

“You need to think of it in larger terms,” said Jon. “Oh sure, Earth would get a lot out of the exchange, but what do we get out of it? No offense, but the planets that contact us are what we consider underdeveloped and they don’t have anything to offer that we haven’t seen before. Think of it as an adaptation of Star Trek’s Prime Directive, but instead of non-interference based on respect for other civilizations, we just don’t want to put ourselves out.”

“I can’t help but think that that’s a very irresponsible position. And how do you know so much about Star Trek?”

“Think about it, one of the best ways to understand how a civilization will respond to extraterrestrial contact is to peruse their literature on the subject. I’m sorry that you think we’re an irresponsible people, but put yourself in our place, a multitude of planets with billions of people each, all needing to be babysat because we plopped ourselves down in the middle and waved ‘hi.’ That’s an immense undertaking.”

“I suppose so. Well, at least there are people such as yourself that feel strongly enough about us so-called underdeveloped civilizations to watch out for us and monitor us here at this facility.”

“Yeah, well, as to that, most of this operation is automated and doesn’t require a lot of supervision.”

“So how many people are here now?” asked Gilbert.

“Just me.”

“Wow, okay, well at least you’re here, doing your job, a job that must give you a great deal of personal satisfaction, knowing that what you do may help billions of people.”

“About that, I don’t really work here so much as it’s a court ordered community service stint I have to do to avoid some really serious prison time.”

“What?” said Gilbert, as he tried to get a grip on the situation.

“Can you hang on a second?” said Jon. “I’ve got a call coming in that I really have to take.”

So while Gilbert sat on that comfortable sofa in that stark, but tastefully decorated room, trying to convince himself that this was just some type of test or joke or combination test-joke, and that he and the Earth weren’t about to get royally screwed, Jon moved out of earshot to take his call.

“Hello,” said Jon in a somewhat singsong voice.

“Hello, Jon. It’s Macnair,” said a much more serious tone.

“Macnair, wow, great to hear from you. How have you been? How’d you get this number?

“Wasn’t easy, old buddy, but you know I’ve still got a few contacts here and there.”

Now Jon tried very hard not to show it, but he was very concerned that Macnair was able to track him down. If Jon had known more about Macnair, he wouldn’t have been so surprised. You see, Macnair saying that he still has a few contacts is like the Amazon rain forest saying it still has a few trees. Macnair being able to contact him was just the first step in arranging a face to face meeting and that was something that Jon didn’t want to happen. Macnair is what could only be described as an intergalactic mob boss, one that currently finds himself in a tight spot and that’s the worst kind. He is being indicted on various charges, most of which stem from a single testimony given in exchange for an extremely reduced sentence.

“Now look, Macnair, you’re the one that took advantage of me. I didn’t want any of this to happen, but you involved me in your schemes and that was that. It surprised you that I was smart enough to get out with my butt intact? Didn’t realize exactly who you were dealing with, did you?”

“I know now, Jon boy, and I’m not going to forget. You’ve caused me some trouble, you have.”

“Look, the deed is done, all the evidence has been collected. Coming after me won’t change anything.”

“I know, but it’s the principle of the thing, you see. They knew I’d be coming after you. Why do you think they put you where they did? It’s as impossible for you to get out as it is for me to get in, but don’t worry, I’m working on it.”

So am I, thought Jon, but instead he said, “So why’d you call, Macnair, just to give me a heads-up? That’s mighty nice of you.” Jon knew that the only reason Macnair contacted him was to scare him into doing something stupid. So far it was working halfway, he was becoming scared.

“Don’t mention it, Jon. It’s all part of the game. See you soon,” and the line went dead.

Now Jon was a bit put off by Macnair’s call, but he was able to calm himself down. He wasn’t about to do anything rash. As Macnair alluded to, the ICC was purposely way out of the way and pretty much inaccessible to anyone. It’s set up in this fashion as a countermeasure just in case contact is established with a very advanced and very hostile group of party crashers. It’s designed more as a quarantine center than a welcome center, but nobody ever notices. It’s the decor mostly; a pleasant color scheme and comfortable furniture behind armor plated walls and a toxic atmosphere can give anyone, except a complete paranoid, the wrong impression.  

“Okay, sorry about the interruption. Where were we?” Jon asked, returning his attention to Gilbert. “Oh, yes of course, Earth. Now am I correct in assuming that you and Simon have picked up the universal communication signal all on your own and haven’t told a soul about it?”

“Err,” was about all Gilbert managed before Jon continued.

“Because I’m tapped into all of your government agencies, the CIA, NASA, OSI, DOD, National Enquirer, I’m even listening to your president’s phone conversations and not a word of this has been on anyone’s lips over the past four weeks. I also tracked your teleport signal back to a small building with a single occupant whom I’m guessing is Simon.”

“Well, sure,” said Gilbert, “that’s how our government works. They typically allow scientists to pursue their own discoveries.”

“Please, stop. After studying your world for the past few weeks, and by studying I mean a level of surveillance you would find almost incomprehensible, I think I know how your government works far better than you. Believe me, you would have made one phone call, then sooner or later someone would have come out to take a look and that would have been it for the Gilbert and Simon show.”

“Look,” began Gilbert.

“Don’t worry about it,” interrupted Jon, “Things will actually work out better this way.”

“Really?”

“Seven out of ten times, you bet. But right now, I need you to relax.” And with that Jon sent a signal to the room’s control system and Gilbert’s eyes closed as he went into what seemed to be a deep sleep.

Another reason Jon wasn’t overly concerned about Macnair’s call is that about four weeks ago he began formulating an escape plan just in case such a situation arose. The contact with Earth came at a very opportunistic time. The first step was getting them to build the transport station. That will provide Jon with a way out of the ICC and back in control of the situation.

As Jon looked down at Gilbert, a feeling of compassion went through him. He did feel a bit sorry about having to knock him out, but he justified his actions by reminding himself that his life was on the line and no real harm should come to Gilbert. After all, he’s in the ICC, one of the most secure places in the universe. You see, it’s equipped with all sorts of specialized systems designed for dealing with unruly arrivals, one of which just put Gilbert to sleep for a few hours. Jon had spent the past few months unlocking the inner workings of the ICC and has it programmed to take good care of Gilbert. A few final things to take care of and he will be on his way.

4.

“Wake up, Sunshine.”

“Err,” was all Simon could manage.

“It’s a new and exciting day outside.”

“Come on, Mom,” said Simon. “Let me sleep.”

“Oh, I’m afraid Mom isn’t here at the moment. Are you expecting her?”

An eye opened. “Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?”

“My name’s Jon and I’ve come for a short visit. As to how I got here, well I came through that secret teleport device you keep in the back.”

That was enough to jolt Simon right back to reality. He sat up and looked around.

“What have you done with Gilbert?”

“Nothing,” said Jon. “Why, what do you usually do with him?”

“What?” said Simon shaking the cobwebs out of his head. “Where’s Gil?”

“Gilbert is enjoying a tour of the universe,” Jon lied, “and I’m here to enjoy a tour of Earth. It’s kind of a swap thing we do when we’re first contacted and then we all get together a bit later to discuss what we’ve experienced.”

Lucky bastard, thought Simon, feeling more than a tad envious of Gilbert.

Poor bastard, thought Jon, feeling more than a tad guilty for setting Gilbert and Simon up.