Tears on My Pillow 2 (12 page)

                   “Qia, please, let me explain. I….” He begins to say when I see Azia moving out the corner of my eye. I whip my head around ready to go to battle when I notice that she is just picking up her trench coat off the floor.

                   “Yes, please cover your ass up.” She looks at me and opens her mouth to speak. I hold my index finger straight up in front of my lips. “Don’t! Before you even try to address me, you best to rethink that real quick, little girl.” I stare into her face until she averts her eyes again. I roll my eyes and suck my teeth before looking back at Jakari.

                   “So, this is Azia, huh? I thought you didn’t know any Azia? Remember that? Because I do and I had fucking amnesia.” He opens his mouth to reply but I cut him off before he can. “Don’t say shit to me Jakari, or should I refer to you as Professor, like Azia over there? I have the floor now, so why don’t you have a seat and just listen for a change.” I wave my hand towards the chair behind his desk and step aside, so that he can have a seat.

                   He sits down and I continue. “You’re a fucking whore. Even after I caught you cheating with this troll the first time, you still have the nerve to be fucking her? What, she got you pussy whipped?”

                   “Qia, she doesn’t mean anything to me.”

                   “Nigga, did my taking a breath give you the impression that it was your turn to talk? Because it’s not. Shut up, I’m not done yet,” I say, staring at him with invisible daggers shooting out of my eyes.

                   “If’s its ok, I am just going to leave because this doesn’t concern me.” I hear Azia say as she tries to slide towards the door.

                   I turn my head to look at her when I notice the huge lump forming in the middle of her forehead. I hold in my laugh as I say to her, “Oh no, bitch! The minute he stuck his dick into you, this became your concern! Sit the fuck down! I have something to show you.” She slides along the wall in the opposite direction that she was just going in, with her back pressed up against it, until she gets to the corner of the couch. She sits down, never taking her eyes off of me. I pull my phone out of my pocket and bring up the picture of Kelly sucking his dick.

                   As I walk towards where she is sitting on the couch, she throws her hands up, covering her face, and yells, “Look, I don’t want to fight you!” I stop and place my hand on my stomach. I bend over, laughing uncontrollably for a few seconds.

              “Girl please, Jakari and his community dick belong to you now. However, check this out.” I turn my phone around and let her look at the picture of Kelly, sucking his meat. Her eyes widen and I giggle. “Now, I know you are thinking how fucked up it must have been for me, his wife, to find a picture like this on his phone but here is the kicker. He flew this tramp to Jamaica while we were there on our honeymoon, apparently, just so she could suck his little pecker!” Azia’s eyes bulge out of her head and her eyes dart over to Jakari, so I know now that she wasn’t aware of this. I smirk, two hoes with one stone, and look at him as I continue.

                   “So, I can tell from the look on your face that your pussy hasn’t gotten you an all-expense paid trip out of the country.” I laugh again, loving her facial expressions as she processes everything that I tell her.

                   “My advice to you would be to get with Kelly and find out what she is doing, so you can get on her level,” I say, first pointing at me and then at her. I could see the bitch flinch cause she thought I was about to tag that face again. I put my phone back in my pocket. I notice a sparkle coming from my left hand. I snatch my wedding ring off my finger. I hurl it at Jakari’s face. It bounces off of his forehead and onto the carpeted floor. He just sits there, staring off into the distance.

                   I turn to Azia and say, “Look at him. That’s all yours now. Well, maybe not ALL yours, but you know what I mean. Ain’t he pathetic?” As she opens her mouth to reply, I haul back and punch her square in the mouth. “Bitch, I told you not to speak! Did you really think I was going to leave here without busting your fucking mouth?! Try sucking his dick now, you fucking whore!” As her hands go to hold her mouth, I kick her right in her nasty ass pussy and push her on the ground. “The kick is from Chandler, hoe!” Jakari just sits there, tears running down his face. “I wish the amnesia had erased you completely from my life. Goodbye Jakari,” I say as I walk away.

                   I head for the door, and that is when I notice a small crowd has gathered and has been watching the whole damn show. Between my full speed sprint down the hall and all of the fighting and yelling, I’m not surprised. They move aside and make a space for me to get through the door. When I get pass them in the hall, I run full speed to the nearest exit, as I feel my tears start to run down my cheeks.

                   I am so fucking embarrassed right now. This is where I fucking work! And this fucker has the nerve to be in his office serving dick to one of his students. I mean, niggas never learn. You were almost fired for fucking this same student but you go right back to doing it. Your wife threatened to divorce you for fucking this same bitch, but you still go back and fuck her some more. I don’t get it at all.

                   I know what though, she can have him. Kelly can have him. At this point, they can continue sharing him if they want to, but Qia Renaii doesn’t roll like that. I spot the rental car in the parking lot and pull the keys out my pocket. I run towards it while pressing the unlock button on the car remote. By the time I get to the car, I am drenched. The rain is really coming down out here. I guess God is feeling as sad as I am right now. I jump into the car and high tail it out of the parking lot as fast as I can, burning rubber and throwing sand, salt, and snow all over the parking lot in the process.

                   My eyes start stinging and my vision becomes blurred from my tears. I don’t want to chance having another accident, so I pull over on to the side of the road once I get a few miles away from the school. I scream at the top of my lungs “I HATE HIM!!!” I lean my head on the steering wheel and explode with emotion. I am crying so hard, my shoulders are shaking and my stomach hurts. I don’t know what I am going to do at this point but I know for certain, I won’t be going back to Jakari Roberson.

February 10
th
, 2014

Monday

Jakari

                  I want to get up and chase after my wife, the love of my life, my world, the first and last woman I will ever love, but my legs won’t move. I guess because even they know there isn’t anything that I can say at this point. I don’t even know what happened. How did she end up getting her hands on that photo again? I mean honestly, that is irrelevant, but damn. I did my best to prevent that very thing from happening. What am I going to do without Qia? I can’t even imagine not having her in my life.

                   I am so absorbed in my own thoughts that I had forgotten Azia was in the room until she spoke. “Are you okay?”

                   Normally, I would never let anyone see me cry but right now, that is the least of my worries. “Are you fucking stupid? No, I am not okay. Please leave.”

                   “Jakari, can I wait here for a few more minutes, please?” she asks, noticing that there are still a few onlookers in the hallway.

                   “Azia, if you don’t want to give them an encore, I suggest you get the fuck out. Now.” Even though my voice is calm and low, she heeds my warning, buttons up her coat and takes the walk of shame down the hall. I hear a chorus of yells and whistles following her as she walks down the hallway. With her gone, I am finally able to move, so I get up and close my office door.

                   I sit back down behind my desk and lay my head on top of it. The tears are still flowing with no sign of slowing down anytime soon. I don’t know why I continue to do the things I do, but trust me, it isn’t because I don’t love my wife. I lift my head up and decide to call the only person I can talk to about this situation.

     The phone rings like six times and I am on the verge of hanging up when she finally picks up. “Hello.”

                   I try to make sure my voice sounds normal so that she won’t know I am crying. “Hello, my favorite lady. How are you?”

                   “I’m doing well son. Now, what is wrong?”

                   “I’m fine, ma. I am just calling to check on you.”

                   “Boy, don’t lie to me now! I know my baby, so spill it.”

                   I sniffle into the phone, no longer having to worry about hiding my tears from her. I sigh. “Ma, I messed up real bad.”

                   My mom falls silent, like she always does when she wants me to tell her the truth and nothing but the truth. I close my eyes. I decide that if I want to get some advice from my mother, I need to suck it up and lay everything out on the table. “Ah…man…it’s so bad, Ma. Qia caught me cheating on her today.”

                   “Ummmm,” is all my mother says.

                   “I’ve been doing it for so long and getting away with it that it feels normal.  I love that woman with every fiber of my being, but I think I have lost her for good this time.” I try to hold back, but a sob escapes my throat anyway. My mother is still quiet on the other end. It’s like she can read my mind. She knows that there is more and she wants to hear the whole entire story before voicing her opinion.

                   “Before her accident, she found out that I had cheated on her. She was toying with divorce but after she woke up, she didn’t remember any of that. Like an ass, I went right back to my old ways. And today, she walked in on me having sex with another woman, at work, in my office.” I hold my breath, waiting for my mother’s reaction, which comes quickly.

                   “Jesus Jakari!” she yells into the phone.

                   I hang my head down as I hear the disappointment dripping from her tone. “Son, I told you years ago, when you first decided that you were interested in Qia, that you needed to stop the cheating. I warned you that you would lose something special if you messed up with her. So, all I can say is you’ve made your bed, so go on ahead and lay right on in it, baby.”

                   “Ma, I called you for your help and that is all you can say? You are basically saying that I deserve what I am going through right now!” My pain causes my voice to elevate a little.

                   “Boy, you better watch your damn tone with me, I know that! What do you want me to tell you? You want to come over here so that I can rock you in my lap like a little baby? I told your butt that your philandering ways were going to send you up shit’s creek without a paddle, and now that you’re there, you want me to come and get you. Qia is a good woman. She did not deserve to walk in and catch you with your talliwacker hard at work! You can’t blame her if she cannot look pass the fact that her husband has been unfaithful over and over again. You also can’t blame her for not wanting to experience her heart breaking because her husband can’t keep it in his pants. I know you love her son. I know that this is not what you want to hear but I gave you all the advice you needed before this all happened. So, unfortunately, you may have to learn to live without her.”

                   I know my mom is right but that shit still stings. I can hear the hurt in her voice as she talks about Qia’s pain and what she is going through because she is talking about it from personal experience. My father ran through many women over the years, and my mom turned her head and looked the other way. She sighs during our brief silence.

                   “Son, I hate to say this, but you are just like your father. You’re not charismatic or smooth like your brother, but you just naturally attract women. And you have no impulse control. You’ve never been faithful to anyone. Not since you were a teenager, chasing that girl that lived down the street. And her friend. You don’t deserve Qia, and I hope she does have the strength to leave you and not waste the rest of her life with a man who will never change. Because she deserves better. And you can’t give it to her.” I am crying so hard; I can barely hear my mother’s soft spoken voice as she says these harsh words.

                   “Honestly, you should have let her and Channy be together. They were so cute hanging around my house together. She would have been enough for him and I would probably have some grand babies by now.”

                   “Ma, that’s fucked up! Why would you say that?” I have never in my life screamed at my mother like that before. I don’t even remember having ever said a curse word in any conversation that she and I have ever had, but that shit was below that belt.

                   “Jakari Amir Roberson, I know you did not just yell and curse at me! You lucky you ain’t here because I would smack the piss out of you! Matter of fact, when I do see you, I may still do it! I know you’re hurting but you brought all of this on yourself! You thought you had it all figured out. You figured you were so good at hiding your women that it made you invincible. You thought that keeping her under your thumb and providing her with all types of materialistic things, she would remain happy, but what you failed to realize is that Qia can provide for herself. She didn’t need your ass for that! Lawd, you got me so hot, I’m cussing! All she needed from you, boy, was your honesty, commitment, and love. So, at this point, your relationship has no value for her. I hurt for her! She has it worse than me because at least I never witnessed it first-hand. You are beyond blessed that she left you breathing. Um, um, um.”

                   All I can do now is what I was doing before I called my mom. I lean back in the chair and begin to cry a river. “Ma, you really don’t think I can fix this?” I ask with my voice trembling.

                   “Kari, my baby boy, it can’t be fixed. The time where you were in control is long gone. If Qia forgives you, it will be because she wants to not because of anything you say or do. Give her some space and let her make the next move.”

                  “Thank you, Ma. I love you.”

                  “I love you too, Son.”

                   I end the call in disbelief. My mother did not hold back or sugar coat a damn thing for me tonight. This has been a long fucking day.