TAUT (22 page)

“What is
mizu
, water?”

“You’re smart, Miss Li. I like that. And you phrased your answer in the form of a question, so you’re a
Jeopardy
watcher. I like you more now.”

She turns over with the baby, who is miraculously still asleep. “My turn. Face the other way. And since you think you’re so smart, let’s do kanji to English for one thousand, please, Alex. I’ll even repeat the pattern three times for you, just so you’re not at a disadvantage.”

I smile and turn over.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

She traces the lines on my back and I shudder before I can stop the reaction. “You OK?” she asks.

“Yes. Keep going.”

She starts again. “This is the first character.” She draws a lot of lines. One is slanted and almost connected to a vertical one. The rest are horizontal with a box at the bottom. “OK, second one.”

“I’ve already guessed it.”

“You have not, now quiet.” She traces the second character, which is much more complicated than the first. I know the answer, but I want to see what she’ll make me do if she wins, so when she finishes, I lie.

“What is
shinkou
, faith?”

“Ha! I got you! It’s
shinrai
, trust.”

“Your characters are sloppy, it’s not my fault.”

She puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “I think you knew it was trust and you’re lying. But I don’t care. I’m gonna take the win because cheating means you forfeit.”

“You got me. Now how can I please you?”

“You have to turn around first.”

“No kissing,” I say as I change positions.

“No, no kissing. I’m not gonna force a man to kiss me, that’s ridiculous. I want to ask a question, but it’s an easy one, is that OK?”

She stares at me in the dim light. She’s not pretty—she’s beautiful. I’m appalled that I didn’t see it immediately. Her dark hair is straight and long, even in the front. So it hangs over her eyes a little and she is constantly brushing it out of her face. Even now, she does this with a gentle sweep of her fingertip. Her nose is small and has a little upturn to it. And her lips. Fuck, her lips are plump in the center and then thin towards the corners of her mouth. I want to bite them, to see if they are as soft as they look, but I take a breath instead. “It’s your win, you can ask away.”

She smiles, but it’s not the devious one like when she ambushed me back in Vail. It makes her eyes lift up a little and the stray light catches them with a glint that makes it impossible for me to look away. “Why do you think you’re weird?” she asks in a whisper. Like it’s a secret.

“I am weird. Everyone knows this.”

Her eyes dart back and forth, watching me like I’m watching her. What does she see? My unshaven jaw? My dark eyes? My thoughts? Is she a mind-reader too? “You’re very handsome,” she says in that low voice. “You’re strong and confident. You’re smart, like super-smart, I think. I found a journal with equations in your closet.”

We’re still watching each other, on the verge of something. A new opinion. A new direction. Something. “You really are a snoop.”

She takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry, did I cross a line?”

“No. Equations are not personal.” She’s visibly relieved. “Are you afraid of me?” I’m not even sure where that came from, the words just fall out of my mouth.

Her head moves, just the slightest shake. “No.” Her voice is so soft, like our lives depend on this perfect discretion in the darkness.

“Even after I spanked you?”

She looks away at the mention of the spankings. She did not like it. Not the way I did it. “We talked about that afterward. It was a game.”

“It’s not a game, Ashleigh. I like that stuff.”

“You don’t like me, do you?” Her lips are frowning now and I hate it. I want more than anything to make that frown go away.

“That’s not true at all. I like you. I’ve told you things over the past few days that I’ve never told anyone.” Her frown remains. “Why are you asking me that?”

“I’m not the girl for you.”

“Is that a question or an answer?”

“Did he send you?”

“What?” That question again. “Did who send me?”

“Never mind. Obviously that’s a no.” She lets out a long breath like she’s disappointed. For a moment I think she’ll turn away and we’ll end the night confused and sad. But then she looks back at me and meets my gaze. “You’re not strange. You’re nice, Ford.”

“Nice?” I shake my head. “Nice? I’m certain no one has ever called me
nice
before. I’m a dick. Asshole. Emotionless freak is what most sexual partners end up calling me. But never nice. I think I’ve given you the wrong impression, Ashleigh.”

“No, Ford,” she sighs. “I think you’re trying to make the world believe you’re something you’re not.”

“Now why would I do that?”

That little bit of light filtering in through the sheer curtains is just barely enough to make out the brown of her eyes in the darkness. “I’m not sure. But I think you’re trying to keep people away. Mrs. Pearson said you got in a lot of trouble, but she never said you were weird. She said you were”—Ash stops for a moment, like she’s trying to remember the exact words—“unnaturally bright and curious.”

“I think that was her very diplomatic way of telling a woman who might be in a relationship with me that I’m weird.”

“I think it was a compliment. And you said you have trouble with emotions, but you feel all kinds of things. You were upset with Rook. Mad, maybe sad. Maybe lonely, like me. But you’re loyal to your friend, Ronin. So loyal that you refused to allow yourself to be tempted and you left town in a blizzard on New Year’s Eve. So I think you should give yourself another chance. Stop seeing yourself as Weird Ford and start seeing yourself as Nice Ford.”

“I’m not Nice Ford, Ashleigh.”

“OK,” Compliant Ashleigh says. The girl I saw the first two nights we were together is back. She did promise me she’d be calm, after all. “I like you either way, so it doesn’t matter to me. It’s just a suggestion.” She smiles and then hugs the baby to her bare chest and turns back over. “I’ll sleep facing this way so you’re not uncomfortable. Night, Ford.”

“You’re not even gonna give me a chance to win a round in our game?”

“Nope. You let me win you tonight.” She turns her head a little, but I can make out her profile in the dark. “I’ll let you win me tomorrow.”

I’m glad it’s dark, because I’m grinning big and I don’t feel like hiding it. “I look forward to it, Ashleigh.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

I’m the first one up the next day, mostly because I’m horny as fuck and I need to take my mind off the fact that Ashleigh’s ass is right up next to my dick, but also because I’m in a hurry to get the hell back to civilization. Ash was right yesterday—being lost in the wilds is cool for a while. But then things start closing in on you. And for me, it’s my erratic feelings towards this girl and her baby.

I like them.

There. I admitted it.

I like them. I could get used to them. I’d like to see Kate crawl and throw a tantrum in the store because she wants a toy. I want to watch her develop a personality and learn new things. It’s got a certain appeal. I’d like to watch Ashleigh cook me dinner and the three of us sitting at a table that is not in a restaurant. I’d like to try this.

But I sure the fuck know how to pick them. First Rook and now Ash. Why can’t I fucking find a girl who is not taken? Although I have no trouble stealing Ashleigh away from this Tony fuck. None at all. If he left her with a newborn baby, that’s just wrong.

I’m safe. I never fuck without protection. Never. It’s not difficult putting Ashleigh off because I know I can’t have sex with her until I get some condoms. It’s not even an issue for me, that’s how firm I am in this doctrine.

So I would never get a girl pregnant by mistake. Ever.

But this guy did get her pregnant and she kept the baby. Which says a lot of things about her. And they never married. Which says a lot of things about him.

Or maybe these two planned this baby and things didn’t work out?

Regardless. If I did get a girl pregnant I’d never—
never
—walk out. I have a very solid image of what a family is. Mine. The one I was raised in. That’s a family. And if I create a child, it’s going to be with a woman I’m married to and plan to grow old with.

That’s naive, maybe. Whatever. I don’t care. Because I’m patient. I want it all or I want nothing. I was not just saying that to Rook to make her feel guilty. I meant it. I’ve got the slutty girls, the ones who want me to use them any way I want. I have them to keep me satisfied—because I’d rather be alone than be in a relationship with a woman I don’t love or who doesn’t love me back.

And if Ashleigh wants to get back with her ex, then I’ll just have to step aside and go back to my old life—the life before Rook and girls in blizzards who need saving. Concentrate on work. We’re filming on location in New Zealand for six weeks starting in nine days. I’ve missed a shitload of meetings, my email is probably going off, and I’m definitely running out of text excuses. My assistant has been fielding all calls since last week, but pretty soon life is gonna catch up to me.

And Ashleigh’s life will catch up to her at the same time.

As soon as we get to LA in fact. We could make it there today if we wanted to. Ten hours, give or take. But I’m not ready to let this go just yet. Maybe her ex is a total dick. Maybe she just needs to see more of Nice Ford and less of Asshole Ford and she’ll change her mind about Tony?

But then I’d constantly be in his shadow. He’d probably get partial custody of Kate. I’d have to share them.

I picture what that might look like. The weekends that Kate would be away from us. The phone calls when Tony wanted something from Ashleigh. The split holidays and dealing with Kate’s paternal grandparents. Knowing Kate’s bond with her father is stronger than her bond with me.

I’d be crazy jealous.

But I’d do it. I’d share if Ashleigh loved me. I’d do it to make her happy, make Kate’s life less confusing. I’d be nice to Tony. Shake his hand maybe. Be a graceful winner.

I get out of bed as quietly as I can and get dressed. I’m putting on the clean socks that Ashleigh packed when she wakes. “You’re up early today.”

“Yeah.” I grin at her from across the room. “We have a date in Vegas tonight.” That makes her smile and my whole body floods with warmth. “We need to get there, you need some fancy clothes, Kate needs a babysitter. We have a big day ahead, so let’s get on it.” Ashleigh actually sighs and I laugh. “What’s got you sighing?”

“I think this is going to be a good day. Maybe a great day. Maybe the first great day I’ve had in a long time.” She throws the cover off and Kate stirs. “She’s not hungry, I just fed her like an hour ago. So I’ll feed her on the road if she needs it.”

“I didn’t hear you all night. How many times did she feed?”

“Like four.” Ash snorts. “I was half asleep for most of it. Except the last one. I watched you sleep.” She gives me a seductive smile as she tugs on a white t-shirt of mine that has a black diamond on it and says
I’m difficult
across her chest
.
“Stop staring at me.”

“Why?”

“Why?” she giggles. “Because it makes me feel weird.”

Life gets a little more interesting. “Weird how?”

“Like you’re looking at me naked.”

“You just rolled out of bed topless. And you just admitted that you were watching me sleep, so that’s the weird shit.”

“I know. But you don’t just look nice when you’re sleeping, you’re like…” Her words trail off and she shakes her head.

“I’m what?”

“I can’t say it. I’m not allowed to talk dirty to you anymore or you’ll spank me.”

I stand up and walk over to her, pull her hair aside and lean down into her neck. “Miss Li? Your ass will be red no matter how many good deeds you perform today to try and make up for your unladylike behavior. So you might as well get your dirty talk over with so you can concentrate on behaving tonight when I have your ankles tied to your thighs and your pussy open for inspection. Because I’m going to have a lot of rules, Ashleigh. And a lot of commands you’ll have to follow. I’m going to touch you in places that will make you scream. I’m going to let you please me in ways you’ve only dreamed of, and then I’m going to fuck you sore.”

Her body stiffens and her head goes back a little as she looks up at me. “I think I just came, I swear to God, I’m not even joking.”

My laugh is so loud the baby startles and starts crying. Ashleigh takes a step to go after Kate but I pull her back and rub my hand along the crease of her pussy. She’s sopping wet even through her panties. “You are in a lot of trouble for cheating.”

“Cheating?” she exclaims and Kate is getting ready to wail now. “You talked me into it! It’s your fault, Ford. I should get to spank you for
making
me come!”

I push her away gently and laugh. “I think someone needs a rule book.”

“Yeah, you!” She picks up the baby and rocks her a little before turning back to me. “You need rules, Ford. Not me. How come you’re allowed to call all the shots anyway? How come I can’t make
you
do things? How come I can’t tie you up and parade you in front of a window? You’ve got a nice package. I bet I could charge money to see that shit.”

I have no words for this girl, that’s how fucking cute I think she is right now. But I tuck down my amusement and put on the serious face. “I like control, remember?”

She thinks about this for a minute. “So I have to do everything you say? It just makes no sense. I might need that rule book. Do they sell it online? I could read up on the way to Vegas because I found an old eReader of yours in your room and I plan on using it today.”

“You can read it out loud, so we’re both on the same page.”

She sighs. “I’m gonna come again if you don’t stop making me think about sex. And it’s not even my fault, you’ve been teasing and denying me for days!”

“Welcome to my world, Ashleigh. Tease and deny is my MO.”

She lays Kate down on the bed and grabs a diaper. “It’s not fair, you know. You get to make all the decisions and I just have to follow orders.”