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Authors: Barbara Keesling

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166 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love

Before the talking starts, it is crucial that you both agree that nothing either one of you says, asks for, or begs for has to be acted on, ever.
Nothing
. This agree-ment will leave you completely free to explore your eroticism to its fullest extent without ever feeling pressured to deliver the goods. If you cannot agree to these terms, I must discourage you from going any further.

I must also discourage both you and your partner from going any further if it is clear to you that talking sexy is something you simply do not want. Reading through the book, or even skimming it, could help you make that decision. Talking sexy is not the only way to spice up your lovemaking (you may not even
want
to spice up your lovemaking), and if the thought of it disturbs you, scares you too much, or turns you off, the time to let your partner know is
now
. This will minimize hurt feelings, anger, and confusion for both of you.

You Don’t Have to Say a Word (But I
Wish You Would)

I want you to read this book to get you prepared, to avoid unpleasant surprises, and to minimize conflicts, but those aren’t my only reasons. More than anything, I want you to read this book because I want
you
to start talking sexy too!

It is incredibly exciting to have a partner who likes to talk sexy, and for you, that may be more than enough. Maybe you’re the “strong, silent type.” Maybe you’re more than content to just sit

Appendix: For Men Only / 167

back and listen to what your partner has to say (and say, and say, and say). As long as you are doing this in a loving and accepting way, it’s perfectly okay to play the role of passive participant. But believe me when I tell you that talking sexy is
far
more exciting when two people start talking to each other. Let me try to explain.

Excitement is contagious. Have you ever noticed, for example, how an argument heats up when both partners are going at it? Have you also noticed how it tends to fizzle out when one partner refuses to get involved? Well, it’s not any different when it comes to talking sexy. Nothing adds to the mix more than an enthusiastic partner. When two people are putting all of their energy into the connection, it isn’t long before the temperature starts to rise. Pretty soon, you’ve got a chain reaction going that can shake the chandeliers.

(By the way, I hate to argue with my partner. This is just an analogy, not an endorsement.)

You will notice that in Chapters 12 through 16 there are a number of partner exercises—exercises specifically designed for a couple to practice together. Now, doing exercises may just not be your thing. You may have your own ideas about how to talk sexy with your partner, and that’s perfectly fine. But if you need some icebreakers, and some creative new ideas, I think these exercises will help a lot. I’m just trying to make it as simple as possible for both of you to get into the act.

These partner exercises are pretty hot, and pretty sensual, but they’re also a lot of fun. I hope you try them all.

Now I need to let you in on another little secret.

168 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love

Do you know what I’m
really
hoping? I’m hoping that the partner exercises alone are not enough for you. I’m hoping that you want to try
all
of the exercises in this book and learn just as much as your partner is learning.

And you can. While it is true that the exercises in Chapters 4 through 11 were written for a woman to practice in private, it does not take a lot of imagination to adapt them to the needs of a
man
who wants to practice in private. So don’t let yourself feel left out if you really want in. Follow the entire program if you wish. Just do me one favor. If you’re going to highlight, dog ear, and make notes on every page, please, buy your own copy.

Always Remember that She’s Doing This
for You

Right now, you’ve got a lot of options. You can sit on the sidelines and be supportive of your partner’s efforts, you can participate in the partner exercises, or you can

“go all the way,” and try all of the exercises in this book. Right now, it’s not important which route you choose. What
is
important is that you remember that your partner is learning to talk sexy because she cares about you and wants to be able to express that more fully.
You
are the single most important motivation for your partner’s process. It is her love for you that makes her want to talk sexy. If you can remember that, I think that regardless of whether or not you participate, you’ve already gained a great deal.

About the Author

BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D., is the author of
Super
Sexual Orgasm
,
Sexual Healing
,
Sexual Pleasure
, and
How to Make Love All Night
. She has taught human sexuality and psychopathology at Pepperdine University in southern California.

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

ALSO BY BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

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TALK SEXY TO THE ONE YOU LOVE. Copyright © 1996 by Barbara Keesling, Ph.D.. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

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ISBN 978-0-06-125751-3

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