Tales of the Hood (9 page)

This bastard was tormenting me. He was the reason for all the faults in my life and he still hadn't given up. It went far beyond a joke after he killed my mum and raped my best friend, now he wanted to take away the little life I had left. I ran upstairs to pack some clothes. I got my gun and pushed it under my clothes. If he was coming for me and my girls I was prepared. I never thought I would be able to take a life but for Vanessa and Shakira I would do anything now. I made my way to Vanessa's house, looking over my shoulder with every glance I could spare. When I arrived I cleaned up the place for her return the next day then unpacked my stuff. I needed somewhere to hide the gun. I didn't want Vanessa to know I had it until I told her about the situation with Jamal but I couldn't keep something like this from her for long. We had a baby in the house now so I couldn't continue slacking the way I was. I went to lie down in bed. I thought about me getting signed and the threat Jamal had sent me. When I made it big - and I was going to make it big - Vanessa, Shakira and I were moving out the ends. It was the only way to ensure we were all safe and provide a better environment for Shakira to grow up in. I didn't want her living the way my generation lived. It was unfair. I loved the place I was raised in; it was a part of me and my mum, and I didn't want to leave, but it was time for a change. They say change is for the better.

I went to get Vanessa from the hospital the next day. The night before I had written down a few lines that I thought would be good for my first day at work, so I planned to go to the studio later. When I got to the hospital she was already packed and ready to go. Shakira was in a baby carrier, wrapped warmly in a pink blanket.

“How you doing there baby girl?” I said with raised intonation. She smiled at me, prompting me to smile back. “You set to go?” I asked Vanessa.

“Yeah, I can't wait to get home and have a proper shower,” she sighed.

“Yeah you need one still,” I kidded.

She gave me a weak punch on my arm as I picked up the baby carrier. Vanessa paid for the cab and when we pulled up outside the house I helped her out. “I see you cleaned up,” she said, smiling as she stepped inside.

“Yeah we got a baby living here now so we can't be living like shit anymore,” I replied.

“Excuse me! We weren't living in shit in the first place,” she cursed. She sat down and took Shakira out of the carrier. “Jayden, I'm going to put Shakira to bed, have a shower then I'm gonna sit down and talk to you because I feel that you're holding something back from me,” she said inferring, that I had something to hide.

“I'm sorry but I'm going to the studio now. We can talk when I come back. I won't be gone too long,” I said, rapidly avoiding an awkward situation. She sighed as she walked up the stairs.

I made my way to the studio, which was only minutes away. I needed to start small and work my way up, so I recorded the lines I wrote to see how it sounded then called it a night. I didn't want Vanessa getting irritated on her first day back home neither. I had my own agent now, whose job was to keep me on the straight and narrow and enhance my chances of success. I was so grateful for this contract it was unimaginable.

Walking back home, outside seemed lifeless. There wasn't much movement. There wasn't much sound. My surroundings resembled a graveyard. My thoughts seemed so much louder when everything else was quiet. Jamal was circling through my head constantly as I spent most moments wondering what he had planned next for me. For the first time it crossed my mind as to why he was doing this to me. Why was he so persistent in trying to ruin every part of my life? Was it because of a problem he had with himself? Did he have something to prove? All these questions repeatedly were burdening me and needed to be answered if my mind was to rest.

***

When I got back I heard Vanessa singing in the shower. I went upstairs and stood outside the door. She sounded great. All this time I'd known her and I never knew she had this hidden talent. It was then she stopped and I heard her talking to herself. “He's been lying to me all this time. I can't believe he would hide something like this. After we made an agreement to make this work and He's keeping secrets already.” I froze. She must have been talking about the gun, the letter and everything else. Now I had to come clean with her because I didn't want to lose her. I went in to the bedroom and lay next to Shakira on the bed. I looked at her pale face and automatically thought of Maurice. Maybe this was the blessing I'd asked for. I still hadn't got over the fact that she cheated on me with my closest friend, but Vanessa getting pregnant seemed to be a blessing in disguise. This little girl would change everything; change me. I heard the bathroom door open and footsteps walking towards the bedroom door. I took Shakira's hand and watched her sleep. Vanessa opened the door and stood in the doorway, dripping wet with a towel tightly wrapped around her.

“Move from my baby with your filthy hands!” she scorned.

“Why you carrying on like this?” I said, amazed at her insensitive attitude.

“You know why, so don't act dumb with me Jayden because I'm far from stupid!” she replied coming closer.

“Seriously, explain yourself,” I said, calling her bluff. I wanted her to tell me what the problem was before I said what I thought it was.

She walked to the other side of the bed and bent down. “What is this doing in the house?” she asked, holding up my gun. I quickly stood up and grabbed it from her hand.

“You shouldn't be looking through my stuff. You had no right!” I shouted. Shakira began to cry.

“Don't try blaming this on me. We have a baby in this house and you're rolling with a gun. You must be foolish! And there's me thinking this music thing would help you realise that this street life isn't the way to go. You're the same one that made out like it was our root to happiness but you're back tracking already,” she said as I saw tears build up in her eyes.

“Blood don't tell me anything because you don't know the half of it. You don't know what I've been through and you want to cuss me after I'm trying to protect your scrawny ass!” I shouted defensively. Shakira cried harder and louder. I dashed the gun on the floor and picked her up.

“Put my baby down before I have to get wicked on you Jayden!” she threatened. I ignored her chat, ran down the stairs and out the door. “Where the hell are you going? Come back with my baby now!” she cried from the doorway.

I didn't care. I was tired of this; tired of life. I needed to get away for a bit; have some alone time to get my mind right. I was feeling so incredulous. Things were moving faster than I expected and faster than I wanted. What was my next move going to be now? I had to tell her everything even though I didn't want to. I didn't know what her reaction would be. Would she be angry that I didn't speak up earlier? Would she leave me because she and Shakira were at risk if they stayed? I just didn't know.

I sat in a park with Shakira wrapped in my jacket. We were there for a good hour, just sitting in silence. It was dark and the moon was bright. I tilted my head towards the sky and looked at the stars; imagining my name in dazzling lights. I looked back down at Shakira and asked myself,
why couldn't this be my child? Why did Vanessa have to sleep with Maurice out of all the boys in the world?
A tear trickled down my cheek and on to Shakira's forehead. Her petite body wriggled out of her sleep with the sign of wetness on her face. She opened her eyes and smiled at me. Her smile told me it wasn't fair to keep her away from Vanessa. She was only a few days old and needed her mother. Who did I think I was running out with her like that? I think she knew that we were somewhere we weren't meant to be and was trying to say that I should go back and sort things out. I touched her hand and it was cold. It was time to go back. I couldn't sit out here for myself when she was getting cold. I stood up and made my way home slowly. I felt weak. My body was hurting all over with all the excitement. I was trying to cope but it was an immense struggle. I was always worrying. Tomorrow was never promised and right now I was living in fear; more like existing in fear. All my actions were influenced by one boy and one boy only. Every decision I made was to avoid direct confrontation with Jamal but I was being weighed down. I didn't know how long I could be like this for; constantly on edge. Is this what the roads do? Destroy everything they encounter. I made a vow that no matter how hard life got I wasn't going to let Shakira go through none of the bullshit I had been through. With that vow resting on my head, I walked home holding her precious hand.

***

As soon as I opened the door a glass flew past my face.

“What the fuck are you doing!” I bellowed. Vanessa ran up to me and snatched Shakira from my arms.

“Where the hell were you? I was so worried,” she said, checking if Shakira was okay.

“I had to clear my head, then I come in the house and have a dumb bitch throwing glasses at me when I'm holding the baby!” I said, trying to contain my antagonism.

“Don't ever take my child again!” she replied loud and clear.

“What did you really think I was going to do to her? Kill her?”

“Don't run jokes like that because you could have done anything in your state of mind.”

I sat down and let my head fall back. That hurt my feelings. I wouldn't do anything to harm her in any way. Vanessa took Shakira upstairs then came to sit next to me and took my hand.

“Babe what's going on? You've been acting funny and it's starting to scare me now. I'm sorry for wiling out like that but what are you doing with a gun?” she asked calmly. I had to tell her now. I couldn't keep it in any more. This whole Jamal situation was taking over my life.

“I have something to tell you,” I said softly. I took out the letter Jamal sent me and let her read it. Then I told her everything that happened, from my mum getting killed to Maurice getting raped. By the end of it she was in tears.

“Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Maybe then I would have understood why you were behaving so oddly. It doesn't matter now because we're gonna get through this,” she assured me.

“How? I want him dead, Vanessa, you don't understand. He damaged my life. He's still making threats to this day. If anything was to happen to you or Shakira it would rest on my conscience for the rest of my days. I can't let that happen,” I replied, painting the bigger picture. If he was going to give up he would have done so a long time ago. He was out for blood.

“I hear that but we have to put it behind us for now. We have Shakira to think about.”

I looked at her and her puffy eyes. It made me recognise that I had to put my problems on hold to give them a better life. I lay on her chest and listened to her racing heartbeat. “I love you, Vanessa. I know I've been throwing that concept around a lot lately but I know now. It's you and only ever been you,” I explained delicately.

“I love you more, Jay. We've both been through a lot but this is the fresh start we needed; to realise that you were made for me and I was made for you,” she replied affectionately.

We got comfortable in bed over a good horror movie and must have fallen asleep soon after. I was woken by the sound of broken glass. With instinct I grabbed my baseball bat from beside my bed and tiptoed downstairs. As I turned on the light I prepared to take off someone's head but no one was there. I got closer to look out the window and saw some kids running away. I wanted to go out there and twist them up but I couldn't be asked. It was late and the motivation wasn't there. I went in the kitchen to get the broom and sweep up the broken glass. I couldn't wait to move out of this shallow place; to somewhere that kids actually had respect for other people's homes instead of smashing up damn windows. When I bent down to pick up the glass I cut my finger. Blood dripped on the floor as I dashed to the downstairs bathroom to clean it. I wrapped it up in a little bit of tissue and went to clean up the rest of the glass and board over the window. All of this work at this time in the morning was sure to leave me irritated during the day. I heard the faint sound of Shakira crying so I walked upstairs to see what the matter was. Vanessa was fast asleep and didn't even notice when I picked Shakira up off the bed.

“Why you crying angel?” I hushed. I took her downstairs to make her a bottle then I lay on the sofa and placed her gently on my chest. Lying there I thought about all the good and bad points in my life. When I first moved to this area and met Maurice; I was only ten but he took me under his wing and we lived life together from then onwards. Both our mum's go out raving, leaving us to fend for ourselves for the night. Those were the good old days. Me and Maurice would blaze music until all hours in the morning and avoid answering the door when the neighbours were complaining. That all stopped when Maurice's mum ran off with a Spanish man and left Maurice alone to grow up. We were only thirteen when the roughness came along. We both got kicked out of school for smoking weed. We picked fights with anyone that looked at us in a way we thought was an insult. We ran the blocks by the time we were fifteen because everyone was scared of us. That didn't change the way we acted when we were in our home environment. We both had the deepest respect for my mother, no matter how we were feeling. If we ever gave her lip she would only have to put us in our place one time! It was funny when we were getting into trouble. We were living life to the fullest in our own deviant way. I remember the time I walked in on my mum crying. It was the hardest thing I ever had to watch but I couldn't do anything but hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay; so much for being okay. It was only a couple years later I found her lying in my living room with a bullet in her head. I was meant to protect the only real woman in my life from when I had the ability to walk and talk, but I'd failed. I wasn't going to fail Vanessa and Shakira the same way. This was the time to fix things. Make it right and make my mum proud. Just thinking about my past hurt me but in a way it made me happy. It was the only thing I had of my fallen; the memories.