Tales of the Hood (15 page)

“I don't know. It sounds risky. How much do they pay?” he queried.

“Three bills every time you play.”

“Hmm that's good money still. I'm gonna think about that one is that alright?”

“Yeah let me know by tomorrow so I can tell the manager.” And with that short conversation over he was out the front door to greet the girls waiting for him. I shouldn't have to worry about him because He's a big boy but I didn't want all this minor fame to get to his head. He still had a long way to go and if he did make it big as a DJ then God knows what he was going to be like then.

That night was restless for me. Vanessa and Shakira were already fast asleep but Cameron's loud conversation on the phone was getting to me. Eventually I got up and went to knock on his door. “Keep it down rude boy, you're keeping me awake,” I laughed. I didn't want to make it seem like I was getting onto him but he was grating on my nerves.

“Yeah I'll come off the phone now. Sorry about that,” he apologised.

I closed the door and went back to my room. Over an hour went by and he still hadn't come off the phone. It seemed like he was getting louder and louder every minute. I couldn't be asked to get up again so I slowly dozed off but the next morning I was knackered. I looked in the mirror and despised the bags hanging from my eyes. I went downstairs to see Cameron and Vanessa in the living room eating breakfast.

“Had a nice conversation last night?” I smiled with minor annoyance.

“Yeah I was talking to some girl that I kind of like but I don't know if the feeling's mutual. If she likes me for me or for the money I'm making,” he explained.

“Just get to know her better and see how it goes. Just hope she isn't a fool like Vanessa,” I joked, kissing my wife on the forehead.

“Do you want a slap?” she said, returning the humour.

“Oh shut up,” I said, walking into the kitchen. Moments later Cameron came in. “I've been thinking about the job you were talking about and yeah I wouldn't mind playing in Dreams if you feel it's better for me. I recognised that if I want to excel in what I'm doing I have to be willing to play in areas that I'm not too keen on,” he said maturely.

“I'm glad to hear that. You can start next week if that's alright with you?”

“Yeah that's fine. I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling amped up to set the place alight,” he said confidently.

I was happy he'd said yes. It was an opportunity of a life -time. Dreams only hired the best DJs in London so he was lucky. I went to sit down in the living room and put my feet up on Vanessa's lap. I was starting my new album tomorrow so I wanted to think of some themes that I could create masterpieces from. Cameron was already getting ready to go out so there was no point asking him for any advice so I spoke to Vanessa to see what she thought.

“What do you think my next album should be about babe? In terms of general topics,” I asked spontaneously.

“Well since your last one was about the bad things about our community and past experiences, why don't you talk about something good? I don't know, maybe love or something to do with the success you've gained?” she suggested.

“Hmm I like that. Maybe it should be about you - not.” I laughed. I honestly believed I was hilarious.

“Ha-ha no. You would love to do an album all about me, love,” she replied boastfully. She bared her teeth into a smirk. She was right though; she was my everything.

***

I'd woken up early and decided to make my day a productive one. Last night I was thinking about how Cameron had lost all his equipment in the fire so I thought I would go out and buy him a new set. It was to get him started so he didn't have to depend on no one for nothing. The moral in this world is trust no one but yourself and your family. The moral on the streets is to trust no one but yourself. Sometimes it's difficult but if you don't do it you feel more pain and sorrow than anything else. People start to turn against you. Their happiness turns to jealousy when they see your success growing. He needed to learn this now or he probably wouldn't make it to eighteen with his sanity.

I got in the car and made my way to the electronics superstore. I don't know why I was up so early but these days my sleeping pattern was messed up with all the late night studio time I was putting in. The decks that I saw were all expensive but he deserved the best. £1200 for the whole set that he would need. I bought them as a gift for him. He'd taught me that when you save a life you grow an attachment that no one else can comprehend. Sometimes it still didn't register that he was a part of my family when it wasn't even a year since I had dragged him out of my old burning kitchen.

On my way back home I passed the burnt down house. There were now squatters moving in with their manky blankets and worn-out clothes. Seeing things like that made me feel grateful to have a roof over my head, a family that loves me and a solid job that helps me provide for my girls. I pulled up to the house and took the things out of the boot. It didn't seem like anyone was awake yet so that was good. I wanted to surprise him. I left it on the living room table and went upstairs to wake Vanessa. The girl was meant to be taking Shakira to nursery and she was banging out some big sleep.

“Oi Oi! Get up man. I'm going to get Shakira ready so you can drop her off,” I said, nearly shaking her off the bed.

“Hmm, yeah man five minutes,” she said, pulling the sheets over her head.

“No. Now before she's late!” I replied strictly. My mum always told me that children needed routine.

She flung the covers off and jumped up in a huff. “You happy now?” she sighed.

“Yes, more than happy actually,” I said as I kissed her and went to wake up Cameron.

“Yo, wake up bro,” I said calmly. He poked his head from underneath the covers.

“What's going on?” “There's something downstairs for you.”

“What is it?” he asked, rubbing his red eyes.

“Get up and go look.” He slowly rose from his bed whilst I went to get Shakira dressed for Vanessa to take her to nursery. “Hello little girl,” I said, putting her clothes on. “Looking forward to going nursery?” She nodded and slid down the stairs to get her jacket.

I went downstairs and sat in the front room, waiting for Cameron to react to what I'd got him. When he walked in he looked at the decks, looked at me, then looked at the decks again. “No you're joking,” he grinned.

“What? Don't you like your new decks?” I asked sarcastically.

He opened the box and admired his new gadgets. “Blood this is sick. Thank you so much. I seriously have so much love for you,” he said, expressing love in his own way. I smiled as I saw the happiness splash over his face.

“I'm going down to the studio now but I'll be back to drop you to Dreams later. You going to be alright here on your own? Vanessa shouldn't be long,” I said.

“Yeah course. I'm going to try this out before she gets back and curses about the noise,” he laughed. I closed the door behind me and made my way to the studio on foot. Whilst walking I thought about how life had progressed from before to now. From the days when I used to be obsessed with Chipmunk, wondering if I would ever make it big like him; own the stage like him; make solid money like him. Now most of these artists from the hood rap about guns and knives; slandering women with disrespectful and degrading bars. Then they wonder why they can't settle down with anyone. And to think I used to be influenced by this kind of music. All it did was mess up the stable mind I used to have. Now I understand what real music is and the messages behind it are what are most significant to me. Rappers like Tupac and Biggy who spoke about how they rose from the gutter to become who they were. The good and bad experiences they had. That was real music; where raw emotion was seeping through every lyric. They would have had an impact on the gang life today. Whether it was for the better or the worst it would have happened if they were still here. It was the gang rivalry that took them away in the first place. I was grateful that I could put together lyrics that had something more to them.

When I got to the studio there was no one there. My agent had probably forgotten that we were scheduled for today. I didn't mind though. It gave me a chance to think of some bars in peace. I got a pen and a pad and let my hand flow. The words escaped from the tip of the pen with no hesitation. I literally just wrote down my emotions which formed into a deep song. Looking at my finished work I knew it was going to be good when it was produced. I looked at my watch and time just flew by. It was nearly time for Cameron to start his set at the club and I was still here. I grabbed my jacket and left hastily.

When I got back he was ready and waiting so we drove down to the south side. There were boys and girls everywhere, smoking and drinking. The atmosphere felt dodgy. I knew I couldn't leave him here alone so I stayed until he had finished and then we left. He was superior up there. The crowd loved him as anticipated. Most boys that realised he wasn't a familiar face were eyeing him up so as soon as he finished I wanted to leave. There was no time to party or dilly dally. It didn't look safe and it was only business.

“Why did we have to cut like that? I was feeling it,” he said as we got in the car.

“When you're a boy on the south side from the north side there's no such thing as ‘feeling it'. If these guys don't recognise you then things would get tense,” I warned him.

“So am I playing here again or was it just a one time thing?”

“It's up to you but remember this, the only aim in life is to keep yourself alive, There's nothing more important than life. The decision is all yours but I'll support you regardless of what you wanna do,” I replied.

“Yeah I hear that.”

“So how did the new decks work? Did you find it easy to get to grips with everything?” I said, making conversation.

“They were doing everything I wanted them to. I still can't believe you got those for me, it's ridiculous. You're spoiling me,” he laughed.

“Ha-ha, as I said you're my little brother now man. My money is your money but don't get too excited. I want you to be able to stand on your own two feet from young.”

“Nah not even. I'm making my own money too so It's cool but I understand where you're coming from.” We spudded each other then pulled up outside the house. As he walked in with his stuff I watched him. I could tell he was putting on a brave face. He was still grieving and it was showing through the fine cracks he tried to hide. Just thinking about the fire made me think about when I found my mum's body. I didn't want him to see so I turned around a let a tear fall free. I was glad he was settled but It's what goes on inside that makes you worry whether someone's truly coping or not.

Round here we were all living in a gangster's paradise; trying to make enough money to evacuate our distorted surroundings; working with what we had to make ends meet. As for evacuation, for me that was just around the corner. I had done some hard core saving in order to move me and my girls out of this area for good - not to mention the new comer in our family. I didn't have to worry about Cameron; he was making his own money and seemed happy doing what he was doing. He was playing at Dreams again tonight to earn some big bucks. The owner had people from all around America gathered to hear him play. He was a damn genius on them decks. Even though he'd told me that he didn't feel comfortable playing because of the other night, when I convinced him that it was a great opportunity to get discovered he had a change of heart.

I left Vanessa snoozing and got ready to take Shakira to nursery. I was so tired but it had to be done. As I was leaving the house I heard Cameron get up. “You cool bro?” I asked.

“Yeah I just got a headache. Don't think I'm up to playing tonight with all the loud music and that,” he lied. I should have taken the hint that he had a bad feeling about the night and left it at that but I was persistent.

“It should wear off by the time we're ready to hit the road. Take a painkiller,” I replied confidently. He huffed then went into the kitchen.

I dropped Shakira off at the nursery then headed to the studio from there. I wanted to record the lyrics I had written down yesterday. I felt them in my bones, crying to get out. When I got there my agent was ready for us to start.

“I see you forgot about us working yesterday,” I said, pulling him up on his mistake.

“I know. I'm sorry something came up. I should have let you know but it completely slipped my mind,” he replied.

“It's cool. I wrote down some lines that I wanted to try out when you weren't here so we can start with that.”

“Okay let's hear it. Oh yeah, have you considered the offer about the job in America yet? I've been meaning to ask you?” he asked hesitantly. I kind of figured that I was holding things up but I had to be sure about my final decision. It was a big step for me.

“Not really. I've had a lot to deal with recently but I'll let you know soon,” I said, trying to dodge any form of confrontation. I went in to the booth and put the headphones on, leaving myself to gradually sink into my zone. He played a beat and I started rapping; letting the words leak from my heart and onto the mic. He gave me the thumbs up to let me know he was feeling it as much as I was. When I finished he came up to me and began one of his long praises as usual.

“That one's going to be a hit for sure. I don't know how you think of these words. It's like you have experienced everything you talk about and if you have it's like watching you relive the moment all over again. Good job Jayden.”

“Thanks and yeah there's some experience in it still,” I said solemnly, rejecting the urge to reminisce.

“Well that should be enough for today. Make sure you come back tomorrow refreshed and full of life so we can make more hits like this. You look a bit run down. Go home and get some sleep. You need to be on best form to produce your best work,” he said, patting my shoulder.

“Thanks but I feel good. I will rest up for the night though. Safe I'm out,” I said, leaving him to work his magic on the recent track.

I jumped in the car and drove back home. I don't know why but my mind ran on Jamal's name. There hadn't been any funny business since the fire all those months ago so maybe it was finally over. Maybe he had finally let go of that grudge and stopped the destruction he was causing. But it was only a maybe. I tried not to think about it and when I got inside I went upstairs, lost in the world of thinking.

***

The next thing I remember was Cameron shaking me.

“What's the problem?” I said, infuriated at the disturbance of my sleep.

“Didn't you say you're dropping me to Dreams tonight? I'm playing a set remember?” he replied.

“Oh yeah I forgot. Okay give me five minutes to fix up and I'll be down in a bit. You got all your stuff together?” I asked, looking to save time anyway we could.

“Yeah Vanessa let me put the stuff in the boot already. We're good to go,” he said as he left the room.

I turned on my back and stared at the ceiling. I really couldn't be bothered to get up but I didn't want to let him go on his own. I went in the bathroom to freshen up before meeting him downstairs in the living room. When I stepped into the living room I saw Cameron looking fresh. He was all co-ordinated in a blue jumper; jeans and simple but effective blue trainers. In the eyes of the girls he was looking tasty.

“Check you out! You're going on like you're going out to a big party,” I joked loudly.

“Ha-ha well there's going to be big names there so I have to look kitted out, not just for them but for the ladies too,” he smiled boastfully. I laughed as he strutted around the room like a model.

“Alright let's get cracking” I said keeping it moving. I said bye to Vanessa and kissed Shakira then we made our way to the south side.

When we entered the club inside looked so posh. Decorations were hung up and the strobe lighting was intense. It was jam-packed with people and it was already getting heated. By the time it was Cameron's turn to play there was hardly any room to move. I went to stand outside for some fresh air. Inside was getting hot and stuffy and I was starting to feel slightly faint. I had only been out there for about fifteen minutes before a sea of girls rushed out the door screaming. I tried to grab one to ask her what was going on but she punched me in the face and told me to piss off. I had no time to worry about that. I forced myself up the stairs to see a huge brawl taking place. There were bottles flying everywhere and people lying on the floor, groaning. At that moment in time I didn't care about anyone except Cameron, but I couldn't see him. Behind the decks was empty so as I fought to get through the crowd, ducking and diving, punching and kicking, I scanned to see if I could spot him. It was no use. He was actually nowhere to be seen.

I sat behind the decks out of harm's way and shouted his name a couple of times. There was so much noise but I channelled my mind to somewhere far away in order to listen definitively. I got no reply. The sound of sirens pulled up outside so now everyone was running to the exit, everyone just wanted to get out. I sat behind the decks until everything calmed down and the only people in the hall were the people who were hurt. I got up and shouted Cameron's name again and again but he still didn't answer. I walked around until I spotted one of his trainers. At the sight of it I knew something was wrong but I didn't want to believe it. I didn't believe it. I walked up a bit more and saw him huddled against a speaker. He'd been stabbed in the chest and bottled. I sat next to him and tried to keep him talking.

“What happened? Talk to me!” I shouted, holding back the tears.

“It just started out of nowhere, a fight then this,” he struggled.

He was bleeding heavily and I didn't know what to do. I took off my hooded jumper and pressed it against his chest hard to stop the bleeding. It was drenched in a matter of minutes.

“Just stay with me yeah. We're going to get through this man you're strong, stay with me,” I begged as I desperately tried to think of what to do next. In a situation like this my brain was as chaotic as what I'd just witnessed. I knew he couldn't understand half of what I was saying because he kept blacking out but I still carried on. I pulled him in my arms and finally just cried over him. Upon realisation that I couldn't do anything but comfort him at this time, I still tried to keep him talking. “Cameron! Cameron! Open your eyes! Don't leave me bruv, open your eyes!” I shouted as I saw him draw his last breath. It was too late. His arms fell; his lips tightened; his eyes slowly closed. He was gone.

I sat there for a while. I sat there thinking about the irony. The same boy I saved and took in as my own was now lying in my arms dead. I brought him here knowing a big night like this may have caused trouble and now look at us. Was I his saviour or his killer? I stood up and kicked the speaker until it was unrecognisable. The hurt metamorphosed into sheer wrath. I ran downstairs and outside to ask people what had happened but no one wanted to talk. All this crap about not wanting to be a snitch. I felt like I was on fire. Burning up at every face I saw. Indirectly I found myself standing next to a group of boys and overheard their conversation.

“It's all that dickhead DJ's fault. How the fuck you gonna wear blue on the south side when we're strictly a red zone. It's like you're asking for a death wish. Now my trainers are all scuffed up and the party got locked off early,” he said, acting as if that was the only thing wrong with tonight. I grabbed him by his neck and slammed him against the wall in a in an instant of fury.

“So all of this was over my boy wearing blue garms? Are you sick in the head? That DJ; that kid you were just talking about is lying dead in there and you're moaning about your scuffed trainers? Do you want me to show you what real fucking damage is?” I said, as I raised my fist to smack him but was stopped swiftly by a police officer.

“Sir please can you calm down and move on. We're trying to resolve the situation as quickly as possible.”

I didn't wait around to listen to what he was saying. I got in the car and raced home filled with anger. When I got in Vanessa's eyes widened when she saw the expression on my face. “Why have you been crying Jay? And where's Cameron?” she asked, rushing to hold me.

“He's dead blood. Man played his second gig down there and the boys killed him. A big brawl broke out and he must have got caught up in it. And you would never guess why; because he was wearing blue in a red zone. Can you believe that shit? They killed Cameron because he was wearing blue!” I hollered. Even explaining it to her didn't make it register any quicker. We were living in a day-dream. Her eyes swelled with water.

“What do you mean because he was wearing blue? Is this some kind of joke? How did you let this happen Jayden, you said he was going to be fine!”

“Does it look like I'm fucking joking Vanessa? He'd been bottled and stabbed because he shouldn't have been wearing blue on the south side. I know it's my entire fault. He said he wasn't up to going but I didn't listen. I pushed him too hard. I was just thinking about the fame and the money that he had the potential to get when I really should have been thinking about his safety,” I replied, lost as to what to do with myself. I sat on the sofa and held my head in my hands tightly. I wanted to rip my head off and squeeze this day out; to be forgotten forever. “That should be me in there lying dead on the floor, Vanessa. How could I go outside for fresh air and leave him in there alone? Am I a prick? This is Dreams we're talking about. Where not a night can go by without some sort of conflict breaking out and me like a fool left him in there when people knew he was from the north side. I got too carried away because the big names were gonna be there and I wanted him to grab at the chance to make an impression.”

“Jayden I don't understand. Stop beating yourself up and explain to me what happened,” she said firmly.

I took a deep breath then spoke. I wanted to get everything correct so I could get my mind correct. “We got to the club but it wasn't his turn to play yet so we just hung around. When his set came I watched him for a bit then I went outside to get some fresh air because it was hot. I was out there for less than fifteen minutes before a whole load of girls came charging out of the exit. I tried to ask one of them what was going on but she hit me in the face. I ran back up the stairs and there was a massive fight going on. I don't know how it started and why it started but I didn't care. I tried to look for Cameron but I couldn't find him so when everyone ran out I got up from behind the decks and looked for him. Then I saw him sitting up against a speaker bleeding at the back. I rushed over to him and tried to keep him talking but he died in my arms. He died in my arms, Vanessa,” I replied, causing tears to fill my hands. It was real. Everything I'd been refusing to believe for the last two hours was real.

“Oh God, how do you know it was because he was wearing blue?” she queried.

“Because when I went outside to find out what was going on I heard these little pussy's talking about it like it was some joke. Cameron's lying dead inside and the waste man was worried about his trainers getting dirty. I would have shattered his face if the police hadn't held me back,” I said, sweeping everything off the table in front of me with frustration. It didn't help but I needed to do something to get this pain that I was feeling to go away.

Vanessa buried her head in my shoulder and bawled her eyes out. It was one of the hardest things seeing her cry. How many deaths had to come before God would forgive me for all the wrong I had done in the past? The only thing I could put this all down to was pure karma. Whether I'd turned my life around or not it was going to come for me regardless. I stood up and ran upstairs into Cameron's room. I stood looking around in some sort of trance. His bed wasn't made, waiting for him to come back. His clothes were folded, waiting to be packed away. Some time later Vanessa joined me with a red nose and swollen eyes.

“What are we meant to do now? Maybe we should go to bed. We'll have to go to the morgue to identify the body tomorrow,” she suggested carefully.

“I'm not going sleep tonight. I can't sleep with this resting on my conscience.”

***

The next day was distressing. Accepting the fact that someone so close wasn't close anymore. Speaking to this someone only yesterday; joking with this someone only yesterday. I hadn't slept the whole night and my eyes were burning but I couldn't care less. I was getting dressed and ready to go to the morgue. Vanessa tried to tell me to slow down but I wasn't having any of it. I wanted to see him and I wanted to see him now.