Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (20 page)

"I thought we needed a proper date." He got out of the car, and came around to open my door. The chivalry was not something I was used to, and normally, not interested in. The only person who normally opened car doors for me was Matt, and that was really more because his monster truck was much bigger than me. Somehow with Sebastian though, I enjoyed it.

"It's beautiful. Did you do all this?"

"Sadly, I did not. I had my assistant take care of it while I was finishing up work. Ms. Rivers is much more adept at such things.

The air smelled of lilac and jasmine. Small candles sat around three larger ones in the middle of the table. Two place settings in a flowery china were set at opposite ends of the small table. It was absolutely gorgeous. Marcus made dinner for me once. We had overcooked pasta that dissolved the middle of the paper plates it sat on, and red solo cups of soda. He did light some candles, but that was only because the power went out halfway through. The idiot probably spent the bill money on video games.

An older man in a tux came out from the tent with two covered plates, placing them down in front of us, removed the lid, and disappeared back inside the tent. Sebastian poured us each a glass of wine and soft music began playing from a speaker set up nearby. It was one of those moments you see on TV or read about in romance novels, the kind of thing you really never expect to happen in real life. Yet there I sat, across from Sebastian, in the middle of a romantic dinner, with butterflies doing back flips in my belly and soft music intoxicating my senses.

We had talked a lot when I came to Bas-Linc, but that was mostly about his work, his brother, and my career as a journalist. By the time dinner was over, I felt like he knew my entire life story. He asked question after question, about my family, school, hobbies, just about everything there was to ask. I carefully left out quite a bit, not bothering to mention any details about my parents or my views on relationships. Not that I was trying to keep the information from him, but the evening was going so well, I didn't want to talk about anything that would spoil it.

After dinner, we took a walk down past the tree line, to a large pond. He told me that the property actually belonged to his family and was where he spent half of his childhood. I tried to imagine Sebastian as a little boy, running through the grassy field and catching frogs in the pond. I couldn't hold back the smile that came to my lips.

"What's so amusing?" He nudged me with his elbow, stopping to look at me, the moonlight casting a halo behind his perfect head.

"I was picturing you as a child." I suddenly felt shy standing there with him.

"Makes sense then, I was kind of a funny looking kid."

"Somehow, I doubt that." I rolled my eyes at him. There was no way I could imagine that specimen of perfection as anything less.

"Well, it's true. I can show you photos. So Jamie told me your father is getting married soon."

"Yeah, he knocked up another one." It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

He pulled me down into the grass and rested his head on his arms. "I get the feeling you don't have the best relationship with your parents."

"That's an understatement."

"Tell me about them." He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow, giving me his full attention. That was the last thing I wanted at that moment.

"It's not really typical first date kind of conversation. Tell me more about your family. What was Justin like when he was little?"

I could see the corners of his mouth turn down into a frown even in the moonlight, making me want to do anything in my power to erase his sad look.

"I don't think there is anything typical about this whole relationship."

Relationship
.

Just the hearing the word made me uneasy. I wanted to get up and walk back to the table where there was more light, where I wasn't laying inches from him under the glow of the moonlight and where every breath didn't include fresh grass and the intoxicating scent of Sebastian.

He reached his hand for mine, his touch sent a tingling sensation up my arm. My whole body reacted to the tiniest of touches, making me want him in ways I knew I would regret. I jumped up from the ground and started heading back, unable to process the way he made me feel.

"Hey, where are you going?" he called after me, jumping to his feet.

"It's late. I should get home." I walked faster, trying to keep a pace or two in front of him. I was afraid he would take my hand again and I wasn't sure if I could deny my body what it wanted, despite what my brain screamed was the better choice.

"Lexi, stop. Did I do something wrong? Is it because I asked about your parents?" He grabbed my arm, stopping me.

My skin burned under his hand. I wanted to slap him, tell him to leave me alone. Everything I wanted became a distant thought when I was around him. He took away my ability to think or act rationally and I didn't know how to stop it.

Sebastian brought out feelings in me that I'd locked away so many years ago and I was too afraid to hand over the key and let him in. Even with Marcus, I'd never given him my heart. I cared about him, but not in any way that could ever be considered love. With Sebastian though, everything was different. I had no control and my emotions were on a runaway train headed for the end of the track.

"You wanna know about my parents, Sebastian?" I spat at him.

"Yes, I do. I want to know all there is to know about you, good or bad." His voice was calm, sincere, despite the fact that I was flipping out on him out of nowhere.

"Okay, well my father, the gem that he is, cheated on my mother every chance he got before leaving not only her, but me behind. Then he decided he was going to have another wife, and kid because he sure as hell didn't want me, or my siblings anymore. When that didn't work out, he got himself a new wife, and another and another. Now he's working on wife number seven and kid number five. He's really no different than any other man, except that he cycles through women a bit faster than most. My father is an overachiever in the relationship department."

He didn't say a word. He just watched me calmly, which only made me angrier.

"And let's not forget my mother. Dear old mom always liked to spend her afternoons with a cheap bottle vodka and whatever juice the food stamps got her that should have went to feed her children. Mom never blamed the bottle or Dad's man-whore personality for him leaving, it was always because she wasn't pretty enough or good enough to make him stay. She also never forgot to tell me how much like her I was, which was why he didn't want me either."

He stayed silent as I practically yelled at him. His hands bunched tightly at his sides and the corners of his mouth tilted slightly down were the only evidence of emotion.

"Look, Sebastian, this was really nice tonight, but I don't know what you think is gonna happen here. I'm not looking to get involved with anyone. It's just not worth it. Sex with you is amazing, but I just don't want anything more, so if that's what this whole romantic date thing tonight was about, you can just take me home now because it's never going to happen." I turned and headed for the car, not giving him a chance to respond.

He didn't follow right away. I didn't hear footsteps behind me until I was nearly back to the car. I was sure he thought I was some sort of lunatic by then anyway. I felt guilty for ruining the night when he tried so hard to make everything perfect. It really was the perfect first date. The problem with that was, dates led to relationships, and relationships never lasted.

We were halfway back to the apartment before he said anything. A few times, he turned his head toward me and looked like he wanted to speak, but then turned away, not saying a word.

"Let me be your date for the wedding."

Wait, what? Didn't he hear anything I said?

"I don't need a date."

"You want to go to a wedding alone?" He slowed down, as if he was trying to drag out the trip home.

"Sure, why not? I seem to recall a certain wedding recently that we both attended alone. Besides, I won't really be alone, Kat and my brother will be there."

"Okay, you got me there, but weddings are better with a date." He slowed to under the speed limit.

"Sebastian—"

"Bas, my friends and family call me Bas," he interrupted.

"Okay, Bas, I was serious before. I don't need a date, or romantic dinners or long walks under the moonlight. I'm done with relationships. They aren't worth the investment, or the heartbreak."

"I wasn't asking you to run off and get married, Lexi, just to have a little fun. You like fun don't you?" He let his eyes fall over me with a hungry look on his face, as he pulled up in front of my apartment.

Immediately, my body responded to him, betraying me. I wanted to lean close, feel his lips on mine, lose my hands in his hair. My body begged me to say screw everything I thought about men and relationships, and drag him upstairs to my bed.

He reached out and put his hand over mine. My breath caught, and a heat spread through me. My brain screamed for me to get out of his car, to tell him not to call me anymore. I had no control around Sebastian and I knew it was only going to end with me regretting the day we met.

"I can understand why you feel this way. After Laurie died, I was sure I'd never get involved again. It was too painful. But, then I met you and something changed. I changed. I know you think this won't work out, and maybe you're right, but why not give it a chance to see where it might lead?"

He leaned in closer, his breath hot on my skin. Every cell in my body begged for him, craved his touch. Whatever part of me wanted to fight against my feelings for him was nowhere to be found.

"No answer?" he teased, knowing full well the effect he was having on me.

Rather than closing the last inch between us, he pulled back, moving his hand off mine, sat back in his seat, and took a deep breath. For a brief moment, I wanted to protest, to grab him by the shirt and pull him back to me, to kiss him like my life depended on it. Instead, I sat back as well, feeling the warmth leave my body and my ability to think clearly returned.

"Nothing has changed for me, Sebastian. I don't need a date for the wedding. I also don't think we should see each other anymore." Before he had a chance to respond, I was out of his car and on my way up the front porch.

I hadn't even made it through the door before I realized what I'd just said. I wanted to go back, tell him it was all a mistake, that I wanted to believe it could be different, but before I had the chance to even process the idea of what I was thinking, he was speeding down the road, probably for good.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Getting on the payroll at the Ledger was something I'd been trying for since before I even finished college, but since it happened, I couldn't bring myself to be happy about it. I couldn't manage to be happy about much anymore.

Kat insisted my problem was Sebastian. I insisted she was crazy. Honestly though, I couldn't deny the way we'd left things wasn't how I wanted it. That day replayed over and over in my mind. I knew it was a mistake I wanted to take back, yet every time I picked up my phone to call him, I stopped myself.

There was a part of me that expected Sebastian to call or text, or even to show up pounding on my door over the two weeks since I'd seen him. I knew it was me that should be the one doing those things, apologizing. I was the one who repeatedly pushed him away and insisted I was not interested in a relationship, and I wasn't, but I just couldn't get him out of my head.

I threw myself into the new job, taking on any story I could get Pete to throw my way, far exceeding the hours I was actually being paid for. I tried to keep myself busy until it was so late I could barely keep my eyes open. When I didn't, I ended up laying awake in bed thinking about Sebastian or trying to keep myself from calling to apologize.

He certainly deserved an apology, whether or not he would accept it was another story. I knew though, that if I called him, I was likely to see him again and it was better to end it now rather than wait until I fell in love and then watch it fall apart.

Or was it already too late?

If it was this difficult to cut ties with him before it even got started, it would be so much worse later, when my heart got involved. A small pang in my chest tried to interrupt my denial, but I did my best to ignore it.

"Lex? Are you even conscious?" Matt waved his hand in front of my face, pulling my attention back to reality.

I hadn't even realized he was talking. Actually, I forgot altogether that he was even there.

"I'm sorry. What?"

Matt sighed, sitting down on the coffee table facing me. "What's going on, sis?"

"Nothing. Why?" I tried to stand, not wanting to have the conversation with him, especially after having to hear it from Jamie and Kat already. But he pulled me back down and locked his legs around mine, keeping me there. He used to do that to me when we were kids and I was trying to get out of telling whatever horrible thing our mother had said to me that day.

"Don't lie to me, babygirl. You aren't very good at it." He had a point. I was never able to lie to him, not that I was good at being untruthful to anyone else, but with Matt, I could never get away with it.