Take it Deep (Take 2) (31 page)

“I love you
, Ana-Lucia Sinclair.  You know that, don’t you?  Nothing and no one can ever change that.”

I wasn’t so sure if he would stil
l feel that way after I unleash the baby bomb on him.  I know I have to tell him, but again this isn’t the time or the place.  Matthew came first before this news.  I would never want to tell Jake he’s going to be a father under these awful circumstances.  I couldn’t do that to him.

I he
ld him in my arms, savoring every moment with him.  “I love you too, Jake ‘caveman’ Bennett.”  He chuckles in my shoulder, sighing, and I realize there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for this man.  The thought has me fighting back the tears again.

Chapter 28

The night was uncomfortable, but more so for Jake as he seemed determined to have me sleep in his arms.   I sometimes wondered who was here for whom in this situation. 

Matthew remained stable and was due for another MRI
and CAT scan in the morning.  The whole situation made me feel helpless looking at him strapped up to all sorts of wires and breathing tubes.

While
we were waiting I decided to get Jake and I a hot drink.  I got myself some tea and Jake a coffee, but the smell made me crave after it.  I missed coffee.  It was the one thing that made me sane of a morning.  As I was retrieving the drinks my phone buzzed.  I placed them down on a nearby table and took the phone from my cardigan pocket.

‘Just he
ard the news.  How is everyone?  I’m sending all my prayers your way, Missy.  Send Jake my love and let me know how Matthew is doing.  Love J. xx’

I quickly text her back to let her know the details and rushed back up the flight of stairs towards Matthew’s room.  On the way there
, I bumped into Cindy’s mom.

“Hi Ana, how is
Matthew doing this morning?” she asked, looking a little better than yesterday.

“He’s stable.  T
hey’re sending him for another MRI and CAT scan in a little while.”

“Oh, ok
ay.  I won’t keep you.  I just wanted to let you know that Cindy is awake and asking after you.  I also wanted to apologize for my husband’s behavior yesterday.”

I smil
e, feeling a little pang for Cindy’s loss.  I suddenly realized at that moment that, although the timing of my baby wasn’t perfect—and he or she wasn’t created out of the best of circumstances—I would be absolutely devastated if anything was to ever happen to my little miracle.

“Don’t mention
it; he’s a dad after all so completely understandable.  I’m just going to see to Matthew and I’ll be down as soon as I’m ready.”  I see her nod, but she looked lost.  “Listen, Claudia, she’ll be fine.  Give her time.  I’m sure it won’t be easy for her, but Cindy looks every bit the fighter.  I’m sure she will bounce back with a vengeance from all of this.” 

She smiled and grabbed my arm.
  “Thank you, Ana. You seem like a good friend to Cindy.  I’m happy she has someone like you in her life.  I do like Matthew; I think he is good for her also.  The way they are together, you can tell there’s definitely something quite intense there.  I just wished they had both decided to wait a little longer before venturing into that kind of relationship.”

I thought her sentiment was rather sweet.  It was great she was not just blaming Matt
hew in all of this—not that there was anyone to blame, shit just happens.

“It was all a bit of a shock for us to tell you the truth.  They’re both growing up and there isn’t a damn thing any of us can do to stop that, no m
atter how much you don’t want it.”

“Ana!
” Cindy shouts.

Claudia and
I both turn our heads to find Cindy coming out of her room.

“Cindy,
what are you doing out of bed?  You need your rest,” Claudia said.

“I want
to see Matthew.  What’s happened? I have to be with him.”

She runs towards me and comes in for a hug.  I’m starting to wish I never bought these drinks now
.  It’s just a little awkward trying to hug someone with your hands full. 

She started
crying into my shoulder, but thankfully Claudia took the drinks away.  I wrapped my arms around Cindy, giving her the comfort that she needed.  Feeling Cindy’s pain made me realize just how precious life really was—just how precious the life growing inside me is.

“Cindy, I’m so sorry about what happened, I really am.  You both should never have had to go through what you did.”

“Thanks,” she said sobbing.  “Can I see him?”

I nod, “Yes, but be prepared.  H
e’s a little knocked up.  The doctor says it looks a lot worse than it really is, so cling on to that when you see him.”

We
both move down the hall to Matthew’s room and the look on Cindy’s face when she saw Matthew had my chest constricting in agony for her.  There was only one thing I could do, and that was to race to her and comfort her, the only way I knew how.  I looked over at Jake and I could tell he was finding all of this extremely hard.

“You must be Matthew’s father,” Claudia said.

“Yes, I’m Jake Bennett, and you are?”

“Claudia
Shepherd, Cindy’s mom.  Nice to meet you finally.  I wish I could say under better circumstances than this, but that’s life sometimes I suppose.”

Cindy let go of me and we all watched as she moved toward Matthew.  She clasped at his hand and pulled it up to her cheek.  It was one of the most adoring sights I had ever seen.  We all stood
mesmerized as the tears came endlessly down my face.  No one could doubt the love they had for one another.  It seemed as strong as what I felt I had with Jake.  I remembered Jessie telling me about her parents and it made me think that Matthew and Cindy were that one in a million couple I protested to her about.  Sometimes I don’t get everything right.

Matthew went shortly after.  The porters wheeled him out for his scan
s while we sat patiently waiting for his return.  I wanted to go to Jake and comfort him, but Cindy had me in a vice-like grip.  It was almost like I was the only person she could cling on to.  Jake understood and I didn’t want to leave her when I felt she needed me so much.

Once Matthew was back
, the doctor told us the great news we’d been waiting to hear.  The swelling had gone down, so it looked like he was on his way to recovery.  They would have to continually monitor him, but his prospects seemed a great deal better than yesterday.  The relief was so enormous that my ice cream craving came back.  I could really do with some Rocky Road or Peanut Brittle.  Preferably together with a lot of strawberry sauce.  The thought had me salivating.

I settled in
the end to just getting a take out for us all.  It was the only thing I felt I could do to help.  I got fresh fruit from the grocery store, and bagels and sandwiches from the deli.  Jake and Claudia were very appreciative and even more so was Cindy.  She was hating the hospital food.

The next day
, things were looking even better, so Jake and I decided to go back home for a quick wash and change of clothes.  I wasn’t about to argue, I didn’t relish the thought of not having a shower for the last two days.  It was hard to leave Matthew, but Cindy wanted to be alone with him and we respected that.

We got to Jake’s house and I had forgotten how much I really missed his place.  I never intended for anything to happen between us after that fateful day after our lunch.  I got in the shower and couldn’t resist him when he joined me and sta
rted kissing me behind my neck.  He always knew exactly what spot to make me his—not that it would make a blind bit of difference whether he did that or not.  I was his and I always will be.

He washed me tenderly, prolonging the foreplay that little bit longer before making love to me up against the shower wa
ll.  He always amazed me how he had the strength to keep me up long enough before we both climaxed.  He would often still hold me there for a while after, until we both came down from our highs.  And what a high it always was.

We quickly ventured back to the hospital and it was only when
I saw the date on a board in the reception area, that it reminded me I was twelve weeks pregnant.  I had my first scan in three days time.  That in itself was going to be a challenge.

Two days
after that, we found out that the driver had eventually died from his injuries.  I can’t say that Jake was particularly sad about the news, but the guy was married, so I did feel rather bad for his wife losing her husband so tragically.

Matthew was a lot better
though, and because of it they were able to finally wake him up. It was torture for both Jake and I, sitting there, waiting for the first signs of him coming out of the land of nod. 

When he eventually came to
, he smiled at us and my heart sank.  “Oh Matthew, thank goodness, how are you feeling?” I asked.

His smile quickly fades as fear grips him in
realization.  “Cindy?” he asked, frantically.

“She’s fine
, Son.  She’s on her way to see you now.”

He visibly relaxes and I move in for a gentle hug.  “I missed you, you big lummox,”
I say whispering in his ear.  I start crying and he grips my hand tightly.

“Please don’t cry
, Ana.  I’m okay, a little sore in some places, but fine.”  He tries to smile, but the pain is etched on his face.

Jake is standing by me tenderly rubbing my shoulders.  He moves across to Matthew and strokes his hair.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” he choked. 

Matthew gripped onto Jake’s arm and we sat like that for a couple of minutes, enjoying the moment.

In no time at all, Cindy came rushing through the door desperate to be by Matthew’s side.  She hugs him and there are tears in her eyes.  “I love you,” she said.  “I’ve been going crazy these last few days not knowing whether you’ll be okay.”

He tenderly wipes the
tears from her cheeks and clasps her hand.  “The baby?” he asked.

She
shook her head sinking her face to the floor as Matthew sighed heavily into his pillow.  Water forms in his eyes as he shuts them tightly, the pain written all over his face.

“Matthew I—”
Jake began.

“Please, Dad,”
Mathew implored.  “Not now, okay?”

“I was going to
say how sorry I was,” Jake said, softly.

Matthew smiled up at his dad
, thanking him.  There was a time and a place for lectures and this wasn’t one of them.  He was grieving for the loss of his son or daughter.  Nobody deserved to go through that kind of pain.

I later found out from Cindy that they had been using condoms.  Unfortunately one of them popped, so Cindy was going to go on the pill once her period came.  The
only problem was, it never did.  They were naive to think that because it only happened that once, that the chances were very minimal for them to get pregnant.  She was ten weeks when she lost the baby and it’s something she says she will never get over.  All this only made me more determined that I had to hold onto what I had and be grateful.  You never know when life will throw you that curveball, and snap away something dear to you within the blink of an eye.

Chapter 29

The next morning, Jake and I were back to work as normal.  I stayed at Jessie’s, as I needed time out to think a bit more about what I was going to do.  Jake seemed a lot happier now that Matthew was well on the mend.  I can’t say Matthew will be better emotionally for a while, as he was really cut up about Cindy’s loss of their baby.  We actually had time to talk about it, and he said he was so afraid to tell his dad as he knew he wouldn’t approve.  He had always said that he had Matthew way too young and it was only because he had the support of his parents, he was able to cope.  Without that, he would have been a mess.  He certainly didn’t want Matthew to follow in his footsteps.

The conversation made it that much harder to tell Jake if he really felt so strongly about all
of this.  Every time it entered my head, it always made me feel so nauseous.

Jessie was sitting near me at our desks.  She had a glow about her and I knew it was all down to this up-and-coming wedding next year.  She was really excited and it showed.  I must admit, I did feel a little jealous, as everything has also gone so smoothly for her and Jerry.

“So how is Matthew now
?” she asked.

“Oh he’s fine,” I said a little distracted. 
“Getting better every day.  I’m sure he’ll be able to come home soon.  If we’re not there, he has Cindy with him so he can never get bored.  I’m so glad he is okay.  It’s not been the best few days for me or Jake.”

“When are y
ou going to tell him, Ana?  You’ve got this appointment later haven’t you?  Don’t you think Jake should be there with you?  Or at least be given the choice?”

“I know
, Jessie.  I was going to tell him last Sunday but then we got the phone call, so it didn’t seem the right time after that.  I wanted to wait until things settled down a bit first.”