Take it Deep (Take 2)

Crystal, fire up that Mack truck
…. 

The bitch is back!!!

Take it Deep (Take 2).

By

Jaimie Roberts.

Chapter 1

I didn’t realize emotional pain could feel this bad, but it does.  Why did I do it to myself?  Life was pretty simple before all of this.  It was hard at times but bearable.  Why did I let myself get carried away and fall so hard for Jake? 

I clutch at my stomach
, moving into the fetal position as the thought of his name hits me like a ravaged bulldozer.  The betrayal I feel is enormous.  I don’t know how I am ever going to get over it. 

I have
been in Jessie’s apartment for three days now, and for three days I have hidden in her spare room, never seeing daylight, never wanting to get up, and being too sick to eat.  I remember the day I arrived here all too well.

“Oh my God, Ana, what in the hell has happened?” 

I walk
ed towards her living room at the back of the apartment.  I can barely speak, but I knew I had to get the words out.  I knew I had to tell her something.  “My mother’s back.  I came home and she was there with Jake, as if nothing had ever happened.  Jake completely ignored me, Jessie.  It was like I never existed.”  The pain stabbed right through my heart making me cringe with agony.   

“I don’t understand
, Ana.  Jake loves you.  I know he does.” 

I ga
ve her an undignified huff.  “Well obviously not that much if he has welcomed my mum back with open arms even after all that she has done, and acted like whatever was happening between us was nothing.  Like I am nothing. 

I couldn’t
stifle the sob that escaped my lips.  I have never cried like that in front of Jessie, but the torture was nothing short of unbearable.  I couldn’t help it. 

“That fucking asshole.
  Who does he think he is upsetting you like this?”  She looked off into space obviously in deep thought.  “I just don’t understand it, Ana.” 

She opened her arms out to me and gave
me a big hug, which I accepted with more than a welcome.  I could tell she was just as confused as I was.  “I know, tell me about it,” I said, as she released me from my hug and looked me in the eye.

“Tell me everything from the beginning.” 

So I did.  I tell her about my trip back home and how happy I was.  I tell her about getting home and seeing a car outside not realizing it’s my mum’s.  I tell her about seeing her with Jake and what she said, how I ignored her and tried to reach out to Jake, who just stood there with his gaze transfixed on the floor, not once looking in my direction. 

She took
a moment to process all that I had said. 

“What is t
he deal with your mom, Ana?  You don’t speak about her that much.”      

“
There’s not much to say, Jessie.  She raised me in London until she met Alan, and we moved to New Jersey.  When things didn’t work out with him she quickly met another guy called Jason, who owned his own business and was very successful.  We stayed with him for another year and then she moved onto someone else.  It is a regular pattern, Jessie.  She likes men who are successful and have lots of money.  She has hardly ever had to work in her life, as she picks only men she knows will take care of her.  The only man I have ever heard her talk about with any kind of affection is my dad.” 

“Who was your father?  What happened to him?” 

“He was a Corporal in the army back home.  He was sent to the Gulf war when I was only a couple of years old.  He went into Kuwait to help expel the Iraqi troops.  There was a ground assault where my father was shot and badly wounded.  They tried to get help in, but he died soon after he was brought to the medical station. My mum was obviously devastated and she concentrated for a while in bringing me up on her own.  It was tough for her though, you know, financially.  I think she feels that no matter what, she never wants to be like that again, a single parent on her own and a partner that left her with nothing.  I think she still blames him for dying and has tried her best not to get involved again.  The only problem being is, she has led this life for so long now, I don’t think she really knows anything else.  I have never once heard her say that she loves any of the men she has been with.  I don’t know how she can live life like that.  I don’t know why she has come back, that’s a first.  I don’t think I really want to know to tell you the truth.” 

Jessie shook
her head, “That is a mystery.  I’m sure we will find out soon enough what her intentions are.  I know she is your mom, but she hasn’t given you the best of childhoods, Ana.  She could have given you her love and tried hard enough to make it work for you both.  She didn’t need to keep going from one man to the next and dragging you along with her.  That’s awful.” 

She do
esn’t know the half of it.

“It’s a pity Jake wasn’t called Jack
, so I can call him a Jackass.  In fact, I think I’ll call him a Jakeass instead.”

I start
ed to laugh, but soon the laughter turned into more tears, as I sobbed on Jessie’s shoulder.  She held me for a while giving me the time I needed to get it out of my system.  I was going to owe Jessie a lot for this. 

I finally manage
d to gather myself up enough to ask her a question.  “Is it okay if I stay with you for a while, until I find my own place that is?” 

She gave
me a scornful look.  “Ana, you can stay with me as long as you want.  It will be quite nice to have a roomie.  I’m more than happy that you’re staying.” 

She stroked
my arm and I smiled at her.  Jessie is my best, and really the only friend I have.  I wouldn’t know what I’d do without her. 

After some more tears
, she led me into the room where I will be sleeping, which is lovely and cozy with a double bed, and lovely pastel pink sheets.  I was grateful with the fact it has its own bathroom, as I seem to be spoilt in that department.  The only problem is, I had no clothes or toiletries.  I was so intent on getting the hell out of there that I forgot all about it.  I turned around and looked at Jessie.  As if reading my mind she told me that I could use her things, that tomorrow she will organize getting a bag of essentials for me, and that I should not worry about a thing.  She was and still is my savior.

Once back in the apartment on Saturday with my bag, Jessie lets the horror of the story unfold.  Jake wants to speak with me to explain—which Jessie kindly told him to take a run and jump.  My mum wants to see me also, but she told her that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for now, and to give me some space. 

Then there was the real news.  The shocker of all shocks that sent me
into Jessie’s spare room and I haven’t surfaced since.  My mum is five months pregnant.  That was the kick in the gut right there.  I know Jake betrayed me, but knowing that he out and out lied to my face was the ultimate kick in the teeth.  How could he do this to me?  How could he say all those sweet things to me, make me believe every word he says, and all the time he was laughing behind my back?  The devastation I feel is beyond words.  How am I ever going to recover from this?

Chapter 2

For the next two days I’m lying on the bed, hearing all the text and voicemail messages pile up on my phone.  Not once do I look at them.  I just lie there clinging to the sheets like it’s the only friend I have to give me comfort. 

I turn and look at the time. 
It’s 6pm, so Jessie should be home any minute from work.  I asked her to say I was sick, as I really can’t face Jake right now after what he’s done.  I may even have to get a transfer now.  I don’t want to ever look at him again. 

I stare at the painting on Jessie’s wall.  It has a mother with her son.  I think it’s b
y Picasso.  The mother holds onto him lovingly and the thought makes me wonder why Jessie picked this particular painting. I never thought she was the maternal type.  Maybe I am wrong.  There seems to be a lot Jessie and I don’t know about each other, even though we’ve been friends forever. 

I’m lost in my own thoughts when suddenly I hear the door open.  My bedroom is the first door you come to on the right
, so I’m always the first to hear when the door opens or closes.  I’m shocked to hear voices.  Jessie is with someone and it distinctly sounds like Michael. 

Oh G
od, this is all I need. 

“I don’t know what else to do
, Michael.  She’s in a terrible state.  She’s been in her room since Saturday and hasn’t left.  She won’t eat, go out.  She doesn’t even leave her bed.” 

She timidly opens my door and calls my name.
  I don’t acknowledge their presence.  I don’t think I even have the strength to speak.  Michael takes one look at me, shock evident on his face. 

“Shit
, Ana, I’ve never seen you like this.  It’s like you’re half the woman I saw three days ago.  What the fuck has he done to you?  The fucking asshat.”  He paces the floor evidently annoyed and runs his fingers through his hair. 

Without warning a sound escapes my lips.  I didn’t intend for it to do so
, but suddenly the noise is getting louder.  It is a sound I haven’t heard for a while.  A sound of my own laughter. 

I can’t help
it; the thought of Michael calling Jake an asshat has me in sudden stitches.  At first, Michael and Jessie stare at me perplexed.  I wonder if they think I’ve finally lost my trolley, until their faces soften and they laugh with me. 

“Thank fuck for that
, Ana.  You really had me going there.  I thought I was going to have to get a doctor over to see you.  Don’t ever do that to me again.” 

Jessie’s right, I have been selfish.  She has done nothing but look after me these last three days and I’ve taken advantage
of that.  “I’m sorry Jessie.  It just hurts so bad.” 

Michael makes his way over to the bed
, sitting on the edge, he grabs my hand.  “Ana, I’m really am sorry about what happened.  Nobody understands it.  I just want you to know that I’m here for you.  We all are.  Don’t ever think there is no one out there who ain’t got your back.  We all love you and want you fit, well and happy, just like the Ana we know so well.” 

I squeeze Michael’s hand
, extremely touched by his sentiment.  “Michael, that’s really sweet.  I appreciate that, thank you.  How was work today?” 

Michael looks over at Jessie as if needing confirmation to speak.
 

“It was pretty shit to be honest
,” Jessie says.  “Jake was stomping around like the prick that he is and there were a few people who let it be known just how pissed we are at him.  He shouted at Mike in his office and stormed over to me demanding that he come round and see you.  He wants to know why you’re not answering any of your calls or texts.  You want to know the thing that really pissed me off, and I told him in no uncertain terms?” 

I shake
my head as if knowing what the answer will be. 

“He told me that Matthew was pining for you and that he really wants to see you.  I told him how
dare he use his son in all this mess that he has caused, and that you will see him or Matthew whenever you feel the time is right.  I can’t believe the gall of the man.” 

That hurt more than anything hearing that Matth
ew was hurting too.  In all my self-possessed agony I was neglecting the people I loved.  The tears started falling again. 

“Oh
Ana, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to—” 

I hold m
y hand out to her before she could finish.  “Jessie, its fine, I needed to hear this.  I will have to contact Matthew.  I miss him anyway.  It’s not his fault all this has happened.”  Michael grabs a tissue from a box by my bedside and hands it to me.