Sweet Hope (Sweet Home #4) (23 page)

Throwing on a smile, I slumped beside Cass, she linked her arm through mine, and I asked, “So, what did I miss?”
 

*****

The night seemed to drag by as I listened to all the conversations my friends made, but I felt disconnected. In my head, I was back in that kitchen with Axel. I was being stripped of my clothes. I was being devoured by his hungry mouth and wet tongue… And I was clutching onto his back as I cried out my release.

Molly and Rome left after a few hours, Molly finally admitting that she wasn’t feeling too well. She’d looked uncomfortable all night. I was genuinely worried for her.

Finally, when midnight hit, I rose from my chair, calling off early under the pretense of having to get up early for the gallery. It wasn’t completely a lie, I would be at the gallery tomorrow, but first I had to spend quality time with the sculptor.

As I got outside, a shadow moved to my side and I smiled knowing that Axel had received my text. As I pressed the fob to open my car, I climbed inside, my pulse thundering as the passenger side door opened too. Axel quickly slipped into the seat, switching off the interior lights, plunging us into darkness.

The air in the car seemed to thicken with electricity. Placing his hand on my knee, Axel squeezed my leg and growled a single command.

“Drive.”

Licking along my lips at the heat of his touch, I said, “I just need to go grab my overnight bag from Rome’s. I’m at the gallery early tomorrow for the final positioning of your newest sculpture. Then we’ll be almost done.”

Axel’s hand froze on mine. “I can’t come with you to Rome’s, the fucker hates me, and if he sees you with me....” he trailed off. I could hear the concern for me in his voice.

Drifting my fingers down his cheek, I said, “Just stay in the car, I’ll be in and out in less than five minutes. He and Molly will be in bed anyway. They’ll never know.”  I looked across at Axel. His facial expression was glacial. Leaning across the seat, I pressed a kiss to his bearded cheek and assured him, “It’ll be fine. No one will know you’re with me…” I smiled and added, “then you can take me back to the studio where I’ll be all yours, to do with whatever you please…”

Axel grasped my head in his hands and pulled me in for a brief hard kiss. Breathless, he ordered, “Fucking drive fast.”

I pulled out of the Carillos’ driveway as fast as I could, and in record time, arrived at Rome’s electric gates where I furiously pressed the fob for them to open.

Every time we halted at a stop sign, I’d had to fight to not pull back the seat and beg Axel to just fuck me in this car. I’d never had, nor had I ever felt, this before; an irrational need to give myself to a man wholeheartedly for no other reason than wanting him as close as we could physically get.

The gates opened slowly. Seeing Axel grip the thighs of his jeans, I tore down the graveled driveway and slammed the car in park.

Looking to Axel, I said, “I’ll be back in five minutes.” Just as I gripped the handle and cracked open the driver’s door, the house door flew open. I heard a pained groan from Rome and my blood ran cold.

My eyes narrowed on the darkened entrance, trying to see what was happening. Suddenly Rome ran out the door… Molly lying lifeless in his arms.

“ALLY!” he shouted as he headed for my car, fear lacing his voice. I sprinted from the car...

“Rome?” I asked nervously. I caught the gutting expression on his face as Molly, dressed in a long silken nightgown, hung pale and unresponsive in his arms.

“Help me!” he begged, “She won’t wake up! I can’t fucking wake her up!”

Tears began pouring down my face. I froze not knowing what to do. Rome was shaking as he pressed his wife to his chest, sobs ripping from his throat. “Baby,” he whispered, his fingers running over her face, “Baby… please… wake up…”

Choking on my cries, Rome looked up at me. The utter helplessness etched on his face brought me to my knees. “Ally,” he cried, “I can’t lose her, not my Mol, I can’t…” He broke off and rocked her to his chest.

I tried to think, I tried to unscramble my frantic mind as I stared at my unconscious friend. I couldn’t think rationally, couldn't think clearly.

Suddenly, the sound of the car door opening had my head turning to where Axel was walking round the car. Rome’s head lifted up as he spotted the movement. His eyes frosted over.

Before my cousin could speak, Axel threw open the car’s back door, and looked at Rome. “Get in,” he ordered, “I’ll get y’all to the hospital.”

Rome, clearly needing someone to take charge, ran forward and slid very carefully onto the backseat, all the time murmuring to Molly for her to wake up.

I met Axel’s eyes as he opened the passenger side door. My mouth opened but no words came. Quickly rubbing the tears from my face with the pads of his thumbs, his expression softened and he said, “Get in,
carina
. We’ve gotta go.”

Nodding numbly, I dropped into the passenger seat and turned to see Rome pressing kisses along Molly’s forehead, cheeks and lips.  His face contorted in agonized pain. A loud cry escaped his mouth as he rocked back and forth with Molly on his lap, looking every bit as helpless as I felt.

In seconds, Axel was gunning down the driveway, heading to the hospital. “It’s… It’s… gonna b-be o-okay,” I stuttered to Rome in between sobs.

He looked into my eyes. “What… what if she dies?
Christ
, Ally, what if I lose her and the baby… I can’t… I can’t… I wouldn’t survive… I… ”

Reaching out my hand, I laid it on his and squeezed tightly. “She’s gonna be just fine.” My eyes lowered to take in Molly’s prominent baby bump. I added, “They both are. I promise.”

Feeling a hand stroke soothingly along my thigh, my gaze darted to Axel who was concentrating intently on the road. My heart felt like it would burst. He wasn’t one for showing affection, but that one gesture, that one touch of support made my eyes fill with tears of gratitude for having him in my life.

“Text Austin and Lexi,
carina
,” Axel whispered. I nodded my head, doing what he asked. My hands were shaking like leaves in a storm as I fumbled with the touch screen. I managed to string a sentence together, telling our friends what had happened. Seconds later, a reply came from Lexi saying they would meet us at the hospital.

As I turned my attention back to Rome, he looked... broken. Memories of the night in College when Molly had lost their first child ran through my mind. He couldn’t do that again. Molly was his universe… she was his
more.

As I sat, I intently watched Rome beg his wife to be okay. I knew he hadn’t registered exactly who was driving us to the hospital or why Axel was in my car to begin with. But I knew one thing for sure; when Molly pulled through, because she
would
pull through, Rome would now know who had captured my heart… and before the night was over, so would all my friends...

Rome and Molly were rushed straight through into the OB unit as soon as we arrived. Molly had begun to move slightly—the fidgeting of her fingers and low breathy moans, but it was enough to give me hope that she would be okay. Axel and I had parked up the car and made our way inside, a nurse telling us to go to the waiting room.

As I walked, lost in a daze, Axel guiding me through a maze of sterile hallways, I began to notice nurses and doctors warily eying Axel. He kept his head down, seeming to block it all out, but
I
noticed. They were judging him. They were seeing the tattoos on his face, his intricately inked arms and hands. Add this to the fact he was heavily muscled and formidable in size, they were obviously viewing him as dangerous.

Each security guard we met turned their head as Axel walked by, eyes assessing. And with each encounter I grew more and more annoyed. My best friend could barely wake up, my cousin was falling to pieces, and the man who had kept his cool and brought us to help, was being judged a threat to people in this hospital.

Feeling my hands clench in frustration, my heart began to race. As we passed two security guards in an empty hallway, they turned on their heels and began to trail us as we made our way to the unit where Molly had been taken. My emotions wrought, I decided I’d had enough.

Spinning round, I met the shocked eyes of the two men, and confidently asked, “Why are you following us?”

They stood stoic trying to stare me down. As Axel placed his hand on my arm to pull me back, their gazes focused on him. It broke me. The way they were staring at this man who was fast becoming my world, who’d had nothing but chaos and tragedy in his young life, well, it shattered my heart.

Wrenching my arm from Axel’s firm grip, I stepped forward only imagining how I must have looked with my hair in disarray and black mascara tracks dried on my cheeks. “Is it because of
him
?” I asked coolly pointing at Axel whose face expressed no emotion.

“Just doing our jobs, miss,” the larger of the two replied.

I laughed without humor and stepped forward again. “Well before you judge my
boyfriend
, know that this man has just saved the life of a pregnant woman who couldn’t wake up. He’s a good man. Has more talent in his little finger than you two could ever dream of. And just because he looks the way he does, you think it appropriate to stalk us while we are heading to hear if our friend is going to be okay?” I hissed and seethed as their faces remained impassive.

“
La mia luce
,” Axel said from behind me, his voice stern and low, “
Vieni qua
.” My heart raced faster and faster still as I stayed on the spot, glaring. Then Axel threaded his hand through mine, shocking me to all hell.

My gaze automatically went to our joined hands. I sucked in a breath at his public display of affection.

Axel had never held my hand. He never came near me when people were around... not like we were ever really around people anyhow, but this surprising action left me completely speechless.

Axel used his hold on my hand to pull me close to his chest and he pushed his free hand through my hair. Our dark gazes collided and he whispered, “We need to go upstairs to check on Molly. We need to meet Lexi and Austin. Don’t do this, just leave it alone.”

Water filled my eyes at how calm and accepting he was at the way people regarded him without even knowing him. I couldn’t bear it. He was worth so much more than people thought. Yes, he had the gang tattoos. He looked, to most people, sinister and dark, but he was so much more than the armor he wore. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that he was so so much more! He was creative, artistic… and even though he tried to portray himself otherwise, he was a good man who cared for his own. 

He cared… somehow I had to make him realize it too. I had to crack open the high wall he had built around him.

Wanting to wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close, I resisted. “But they shouldn’t be allowed to take one look at you and judge you as a danger. They can’t do that! It’s not fair!”

Axel's eyes closed momentarily and he inhaled. “Ally,” he said as he breathed out slowly, “Fuck them. Let them follow us. They’re nothing to me… I’m used to it.”

As a tear fell over my cheek at this injustice, I let Axel lead me away, staring up at his expressionless face as his fingers tightly held mine.

He was so used to being looked down upon by anyone outside his gang, that he didn’t bat an eyelid when it happened, even when it was so uncalled for. At that moment I understood this closed off man just a little more.

He didn’t know how to be in this everyday world.

He was brought up in a no good trailer park on the wrong side of town. He was the eldest son to a drunken and abusive papa who hit him and his mother regularly. He joined the Heighters as a child because that’s all that was available to him at the time… but he was a child for fuck's sake! Conditioned to live their way...  he’d made mistakes,
big
mistakes.  I got that; still couldn’t wrap my head around most of it. But he’d served his time. He’d survived being a target, attacked in prison for abandoning his gang to save his brothers. His brothers who had no idea what he’d endured to make sure they could escape their shit lives and be free. And despite all that, this lost man life had been so unfair to, had found his calling and completely changed his life with the simple tools of a hammer and chisel.

He’d influenced so many lives already with his art… including mine. He couldn’t see it yet, but he’d completely changed my life in every conceivable way.

This man, clutching my hand like a vise to save me from getting in trouble in his defense, deserved people to give him a chance. I was enraged that he accepted so casually people’s blatant dismissive and hostile behavior toward him.

Grinding my feet to a stop, my emotions forfeiting my logic, I glanced behind and realized that the security guards were no longer trailing us. Axel had stopped too, his attention still forward focused but I could see his jaw working underneath his beard. I could see his neck muscles straining in anger.

“Why do you let people treat you that way?” I asked, hearing the cutting edge fueling my voice.

Axel’s lower neck muscles bunched, his traps and thick arms seeming to increase in size as his eyes squeezed shut. He blew a slow calming breath through his nostrils, his olive skin flushing with red.

When he didn’t say anything in reply, I added, “It’s not fair how they look at you. Because you look this way, they assume you’re a gangbanger who’s going to cause nothing but trouble. It makes me sick!” He still didn’t respond, so I stepped closer to him and made him look into my eyes. “Why are you staying silent? Say something, Goddammit! Why are you not saying a damn word?”

Axel’s hand became bruising in mine. With a frustrated grunt, he spun, dragging me along the empty hallway, until he stopped in front of a door with the sign ‘Store Room.’

Turning the doorknob, he pulled me through and released my hand. He began to pace the floor. I watched him carefully, but adrenaline was still pumping wildly in my blood.

Running a hand over my face, I asked, “Why are we in here?”

Axel stopped dead and, spinning to face me, his face contorting in rage, he reached over my shoulder to the door and snapped the lock shut.

Using his chest, he pushed me back against a set of metal shelves. “You don’t think I care?” he hissed low.

I swallowed… I’d pushed him to his breaking point.

“You don’t think every time one of those cunts, like those asshole guards, looks at me like I’m nothing more than trash, I don’t wanna turn around and fuck them up? Because I do! I fucking hate
everyone
. I hate people and their fucking ‘
I’m above you’
attitudes, the ‘
this guy is gonna hurt me’
opinion of me when they see me walking down the street. I have an anger inside of me that I’m pretty fucking sure will never leave, an anger if unleashed it on fuckers like that, I’d end up killing. And I would kill them, I know it. I wouldn’t be able to stop. ‘Cause that’s what I’ve been fighting my whole life, assholes like that! Judging me and fucking wanting me to fail, to disappear so I wouldn’t be society’s problem anymore.”

“Axel, that’s not right—”

Raising his hands to the metal shelves, he hit his hand against the top one and snapped, “And I don’t need you to fucking defend me!”

My eyes widened and any anger I was holding dissipated, only sorrow creeping in as his words took over. “I couldn’t take it. You’re not the man they see! They’re so wrong about you!”

Axel laughed in my face, but it was a dark mocking laugh.  He shook his head, looking at me like I was stupid. “They’re
not
wrong!” he bellowed. “They’re fucking right! I
am
the man they think I am! I’ve been that man for so long I don’t know how to
be
anyone else. You just don’t let yourself see the real me! You’re blinded by all this art,
Elpidio
shit!” he rushed forward and cupped my face in his hands. “Wake the fuck up, Ally! I’m Axel Carillo. I’m bad, I’m no good for you… Jesus Christ! I’m a motherfucking coke dealer! You keep trying to make out I’m this great guy, looking up at me with those big ol’ doe eyes like I’m your sun, but I’m the damn opposite! I’m midnight! I’m a fucking eclipse that steals the light! I’ve done it to everyone in my sorry piece of shit life! Look at Austin! Levi! My mamm—”

Axel’s voice cut off, breaking with emotion as he tried to utter his mother’s name. He paled; even saying her name irreparably crushed him.

He
cared
…

“You’re more than that,” I argued, gripping his arm and pulling him round to face me. “Don’t you dare pull this shit on me, Axel. Not
me
.” I took in a shuddering breath as he watched me with an unmoving tough expression chiseled on his rugged face. “Don’t you dare do this. The man I’m with
is
a good man.”

His hands gripped his long hair. “You have no fucking idea. You like the idea that I’m this reformed bad boy turned sculptor you’ve given your heart to. The truth is, there’s no reformation for me, Ally. I just cover the evil inside me real well. When I went to jail, I had to learn to deal with prison life real damn quick. I had to learn to rein in the anger or risk being killed. I had to pretend to be a good guy so I could get the fuck out alive… you have no idea what it was like…”

“Shut up,” I snapped. Axel’s muscles began twitching at how tightly he was tensing in response to my attitude.

“What the fuck did you just say?” he questioned through gritted teeth.

Unafraid, I met his feet, looked him right in the eyes and said, “I said
shut up
.”

Axel Carillo stood there, his pumped up body radiating waves of pure menace, but he didn’t scare me. This was what he did. He
intimidated
. He evoked
fear
. He chased people away. But deep down, he was a frightened little boy who didn’t know anything else to do in life but fight; fight to protect his family and those he loved, fight against a society which had forgotten about him, which had brushed him aside since birth.

“You need to back the fuck off, Aliyana. Right now. I’m warning you,” he said, threateningly. Slowly, I shook my head, pushing my nerves down deep so they wouldn’t show. Axel’s nostrils flared. I knew I had him where I needed him to be. He had no idea what to do with me right now, no idea what do now I was standing up to his typically successful bulling ways. Because I
knew
him. There was no way in hell he would hurt me… I could see it in his eyes… I could feel it with every beat of my heart.

“I won’t back off. I won’t let you do this,” I pushed harder.

His eyes narrowed, small lines appearing on the edges of his lash lines.

“Let me ask you something. And this time, actually
give
me an answer,” I demanded. Axel watched me like a hunter watches his prey, but I didn’t let myself falter. “Why did you start dealing drugs for the Heighters? Not
why
you joined the gang, I know that, but why you started dealing coke when you were older?”

In this quiet room, I heard his teeth grinding together. I could see his pulse throbbing on his neck. I knew this is what he needed. He needed to see for himself that he wasn’t inherently evil. Being innately evil and having evil thrust upon you were competently different things.

“Answer me,” I snapped.

Clenching his fists, he hissed, “Because I was crew, and that's what we did to protect our turf. The best of us sold the coke, the rest of us looked out for cops, for threats from our rivals.”

“Bullshit,” I challenged. Fire lit up his eyes. I prodded his chest. “Tell me the
real
reason. Why did
you
deal drugs? Not the gang,
you.
Why did
you
recruit Austin
and
Levi into the crew so young?”