Sweet Hope (Sweet Home #4) (21 page)

Gripping onto Aliyana’s hair, I finished. “There was no way I was gonna compromise all that they had now, the life my mamma wanted for them, so I cut all ties. Alessio and his fucking boys wouldn’t get any chance to get at my brothers unless they crossed the country and I knew the fuckers didn’t have the funds to go that far. If they got my brothers, it’d be when they were coming to see me. That shit wasn’t gonna fly.”

“So Austin never knew you stopped seeing him to save them?”

I shook my head to indicate ‘no’.

“They also never knew you were harmed… that you could have died?”

“No, and they never will,” I said sternly.

Edging closer, Aliyana pressed her lips to mine, kissing me three times. Lifting just above my face, she asked, “They should know what you went through to save them, Axel. If they only knew, if Lev knew—”

“I didn’t save them, Aliyana, I condemned them. When they were kids, I made deals with the Heighters to get them fighting beside me in the street war, thinking it was fucking important. Like a damn piece of shit trailer park was ever fucking important. But my brothers, nah, they weren’t like me. They were smart, they were talented… they were going somewhere in life. That is, once they got the hell away from me.”

Aliyana’s face darkened. “Axel, you’re the most talented person I know, look at what you create,” she said. I had to fight a smile at the conviction in her voice as she pointed to my work in progress.

But that smile quickly dropped when I cupped her cheeks and said, “I’m not a good person, Aliyana. I’m fucked up. I’ve got a real dark soul and more sins piled at my door than the Devil himself. You should be running away from me, not willingly running into the darkness holding my fucking hand.”

“It’s too late,” she said quietly, “You’ve already consumed me. There is no turning back from you, not now. My hand’s never letting go of yours, eternal darkness or not.”

“Then I pity you.”

Aliyana’s mouth parted and she sucked in a sharp breath. I pulled the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip and said, “I’ve killed people. Do you get that? I’ve put men in hospital. I’ve ruined lives… ain’t no redemption out there for me. There’s no beauty, no fairytale to be found by being
fused
to me.”

Aliyana shook her head and a determined look spread on her face. But then, something passed over her face as she looked to my marble boy crying bullets, and facing me again, she said softly, “The most beautiful art is often born from the most desperate of circumstances.” And in that one sentence, she obliterated my stone heart to pieces.

“Fuck, girl,” I growled, fighting over-emotion, but Aliyana pressed her finger on my lips before I could say anything else.

“Your art is your redemption, Axel.
Elpidio
is your rebirth, your second chance at life. You are a victim of circumstance, not a sinner by choice.”

Feeling my throat clog so tight I felt I would choke, I fought to gasp for air, only to whisper, “
La mia luce
,” as I stared at this woman beside me, completely fucking astounded by her defense of a loser like me.

Aliyana’s face blushed and she dipped her head to my chest, her arms wrapped around my waist. Reaching out to my side table, I picked up a smoke and lit it. I took a long a drag.

“I can’t smell smoke now without thinking of you,” Aliyana murmured. I ran my hand through her hair and she asked, “Why is there a crucifix now covering your Heighter star?”

Stiffening, I took another drag and said, “A couple of years after I went into prison, my Heighter inmates came into my cell and scrubbed it out with a needle and ink. They’d heard Alessio was coming in and didn’t want him to think they’d let me off for two years without some form of payback. I didn’t even bother fighting back, just let them erase a gang I no longer wanted to belong to anyway. After the shanking a few months later, I got a needle and ink off my cellmate and changed it completely.”

“But why a crucifix?” Aliyana asked carefully.

Sighing, I said, “Mamma used to cross my forehead with holy water every night when I was a kid. I don’t know why, but when I picked up that needle that had erased my past, the image was in my head and before I knew it, a cross was on my face.”

“Axel,” Aliyana said, and lifted her head. “About your mamma—”

Covering her mouth, I shook my head. “No more. Fuck, girl, I can’t take no more talking about all this shit tonight. I’ve told you more than I’d ever planned to ever tell anyone. I need you to leave it alone now.”

I just couldn’t go there about my mamma. It was one part of my locked heart I never wanted to open. I wouldn’t be able to take the guilt.

Aliyana nodded, getting I couldn’t talk no more. My head was spinning with whiskey, but more than that, it was spinning that Aliyana came back to me knowing who I was.

Smoothing back the lines on my forehead Aliyana confessed, “I can’t believe that I am completely and utterly infatuated with Axel Carillo.”

I froze at her confession, my heart slamming against my ribs and, smiling, she peppered kisses all over my neck. “No one will be happy about us. They won’t understand. But I can’t bring myself to care.”

She might not. But I did.

I could hear the sadness in her voice when she thought of her friends, of her fucking cousin finding out she was my woman. They wouldn’t go for it.

Needing to protect her, I said, “They can’t ever know, Aliyana. It’s better all ‘round if they never know ‘bout us. I don’t want them thinking bad of you for wanting me.”

Aliyana nodded, then her head tilted to the side and she smiled. “I do want you, Axel. Flaws and all. And call me
Ally
, okay? Outside of work only my mama calls me Aliyana.”

I took one last drag of my smoke, flicked the cherry to the floor then rolled Ally onto her back, working my hips between her legs. “No more talking. I want in that wet pussy again.”

One month later….

“You good, darlin’, you don’t look too well?”

I’d been standing in the hallway waiting for Molly to come down the stairs to go to Austin and Lexi’s, and I frowned when she appeared at the top of the stairs looking weak and frail.

Molly batted her hand in front of her face. “Ally, I’m fine, just tired,” she said, but my eyes narrowed in concern. Over the past few days she’d been real quiet and tired. I was worried, and by the way Rome wouldn’t leave her alone, fussing twenty-four-seven, I knew he was too.

“You ready to go?” she asked. I nodded my head, not wanting to push my concerns. Molly didn’t like to be fussed or pitied.

Cassie and Jimmy-Don had arrived from Texas for a visit and they were staying with the Carillo’s.

The Carillo’s
… including
my
Carillo. My dark and tortured Axel Carillo. The man I had fallen head over heels for.

Tonight, Lexi was throwing her best friend and husband, Cassie and Jimmy-Don, a small party to welcome them to Seattle. Of course I was going, they were some of my best friends after all, but after not seeing Axel in nearly two days because of work commitments, I also couldn’t wait to go to see him… to hopefully steal a moment to hold him… to just be in close proximity.

After weeks of being almost nightly in his bed, I was addicted. More than that, I was captivated, obsessed and completely enamored.

He was my fast becoming my everything—my sun, my stars, my moon,
everything
. Although I believed he felt the same way about me, I was never completely convinced. Axel Carillo was a fortress, an enigma. His cold demeanor spoke of him being one way but with me, in bed, when he stroked my hair or pulled me close after making love into the shelter of his thick arms, I felt it in him
more
. He still didn’t open up much, had never again talked of his past, kept his feelings buried deep, but I knew I made him happy, and on occasion, I was able to make him smile…

There was nothing more beautiful than a smiling Axel Carillo.

I yearned for him to open up to me. I could see he was haunted. He barely slept. He worked every hour God sent on his heartbreaking sculptures, as if purging his past. I knew that if he just shared his demons with me, he could perhaps begin to heal, but for now, I was content to just have him in my life. I knew, that to many, the idea of being in this man’s company would be a living nightmare. But, to me, being in his strong arms was the sweetest of dreams… my heartfelt wish come true… my bolt of lightning.

“I’m ready, darlin’,” I said to Molly. I tried not to show my growing excitement at seeing my man in a matter of minutes, as we walked outside toward my rental underneath a drizzly Seattle sky.

Striding slowly next to Molly, we got in the car and my heart began to race as I pictured his hard stare penetrating mine. Only the two of us aware of our forbidden relationship. It made everything we shared so much more intense, like we knew every moment spent kissing, discussing art and joined to one another was
more
because it was solely for us.

“You look beautiful tonight,” Molly said, her head leaning back against the leather headrest, her hand running gently over her growing stomach.

I blushed as I ran my hands down my knee length black high-waisted pencil skirt; my white three-quarter sleeved crop top showed about an inch of flesh between it and my skirt. My hair was down and curled, pinned to one side, and on my feet I had my four-inch black painted leather Louboutins.

I had dressed for Axel. And literally couldn’t wait for him to see me. I wanted to see that flare of desperation in his eyes, the one he shows when I’m naked before him, his sculptor’s hands stroking every inch of my body as though I was a muse.

“Just thought I’d make an effort,” I said with a nonchalant shrug when I caught Molly curiously watching my face.

Molly smiled in reply, but I could tell by her assessing gaze that her genius mind was working overtime. I changed the conversation to the latest developments at the gallery, trying to throw her off the scent. In ten short minutes, we arrived at the Carillo residence.

It made me laugh when I realized weeks ago how close they lived to Molly and Rome. Not that Axel stayed here much now, he’d practically moved into his studio, running from his unresolved problems with Levi… but mainly so we could be together. I knew Austin and Lexi questioned where he was most nights, I’d heard them talking in hushed whispers, worried Axel was up to no good again, but they didn’t push it. I think Austin was afraid if he did ask, Axel would close himself off completely. He was probably right; Axel's shield was about as easy to break into as Fort Knox.

I wished he’d tell them about his art, about the fact that he’d changed his life and was an exceptional man, with an unrivaled talent, but he wouldn’t. Instead, he’d rather they think he worked at a fish market, paying back society for his illegal wrongs.

He kept himself in such a state of self-loathing that it broke my heart. He deserved the world, but until the day came that he welcomed that world in, I bestowed on him all the grace I could muster.

As Molly and I got out the car, the front door opened and Rome came hurrying out, his eyes immediately seeking out his wife. He’d been at Seahawks training with Austin, then came straight here. Jimmy-Don had gone with them, and I’d agreed to bring Molly.

“Baby, you okay?” I heard Rome ask Molly as he helped her out of the car. “You don’t look so good.”

“Rome, don’t start. I’m fine,” Molly remarked in exasperation, but Rome flickered a concerned look toward me. I shrugged. Honestly, I didn’t think she looked well either, but she was one stubborn woman who insisted she came.

Hanging behind Molly and Rome, I scanned the windows for signs of life. We slowly entered the house, and as soon as I did, my eyes sought out Axel. My stomach dropped in disappointment when he was nowhere to be seen. I was like an addict, craving just a glimpse of his brooding form.

Rome took the lead, holding Molly, and led us to the left into a huge TV room. On the couch right in front of me was a pregnant Cassie, her blonde hair and red cheeks as bright as ever.

As soon as her eyes clocked mine, she hurriedly rose from the couch and plastered on the biggest smile. “Ally friggin’ Prince!” she bellowed out in her loud Texan accent, her usual rhinestone jeans and plaid shirt covering her large baby bump.

“Cassie!” I squealed in excitement and crossed the room to take her in my arms. “I’ve missed you so much, girl!” I said in her ear and she held me in her tight strong grip.

Cassie pushed me back and, looking down my body, whistled low. “Shit, girl! Just when I thought you couldn’t get any hotter, you go and fucking hit it outta the park. You make me wanna buy a strap on and DP your ass.”

Frowning, I shook my head and tried to accept her words for what they were: a compliment!

Bending down, I rubbed my hand over her stomach and glanced up at her smiling face. “You look amazing, darlin’. I can’t believe you’re pregnant again! What’s this now, number three?”

She shrugged on a ‘eh’, and pointed at JD, “Yep, number three. Blame it on this one, he can’t keep his damn hands off me. Which I get by the way, I’m one fucking hot bitch.”

Laughing at her usual boisterous antics, I looked round Cass to see JD stood beside Austin and Levi, all drinking beers, watching a basketball game on Austin’s wide screen.

Shifting around Cass, I moved to the ever-smiling JD and crushed him in a bear hug. “How’re you, darlin’?” I asked and stepped back.

“Not too bad, Al, how’re you? Heard you’re curating some fancy ass exhibition here in Seattle.”

I rolled my eyes and looked at Austin who was smiling. “Let me guess, Austin told you that?”

Next to me Levi started laughing as Austin shrugged. “Well it is, right? Fancy ass, I mean.”

Shaking my head, but smiling at how they viewed the art world, I threw my arm around Levi’s shoulder, ruffling his sandy hair. “Don’t you laugh, Lev, you’re meant to be more cultured than this sorry lot!”

Levi laughed, then his face beamed bright red as he glanced down to my outfit. “You look real pretty, Ally,” he said quietly, and my heart swelled. He was such a good kid. But then my heart quickly deflated as I wished I could make him see that Axel was a good man too. A man who had done more for his brothers than they knew. A man who loved them so much, but didn’t know how to express it, because he’d never been shown how.

Faking a smile, I hugged him hard and replied, “And you’re not too shabby yourself, Lev. Tell me, you got a girl yet? The chicks at college must be clamoring after you. If I was younger, you’d have been on my radar.” I winked.

He gave me his usual shy smile and shook his head. “No, ma’am, no girls as yet.” Austin was watching Lev as his younger brother closed in on himself. I could see the racking worry in his gaze.

“Hey Ally!” Hearing Lexi enter the room, I turned and walked to kiss her on the cheek. Within minutes I had a glass of Moscato in hand and was crushed beside Cassie on the couch, Molly and Lexi sitting in chairs in front of us.

Glimpsing something flicker in the darkened hallway, my heart began to race when I caught sight of Axel, hiding in the shadows, watching me. Knowing he could see me, I smiled in his direction and I caught his lip hook into a smirk as he stepped further into the light. God, he was beautiful. As always, he was dressed all in black, his long hair falling like a curtain over his face, but those dark eyes I loved so much stayed on me, drinking me in, making me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

God, I wanted to go to him. I wanted my friends to welcome him into the room, talk to him because they liked him and he belonged to me. I wanted them to watch me openly walk up to him and kiss him without shame. I wanted them to accept him because we belonged to one another, no matter how difficult it was for them to understand.

But I knew it couldn’t be. My friends,
his brothers
, wouldn’t understand. So instead, I had to make do with furtive glimpses into the shadows, where the man who held my heart hid from the world... the world that had shunned him… the world that, at age thirty, he didn’t understand.

“Axel?”

My every muscle froze on hearing Axel’s name being called from behind me. I turned to see Austin rushing forward, a huge smile on his face.

Glancing back to the shadows, I saw Axel trying to duck his head and get away, but it was too late, Austin had already seen him.

“Axe!” Austin called, “Come have a beer with us… with
me
.”  He belatedly corrected himself, clearly embarrassed at his slip.

Rome’s eyes narrowed as he stood beside Lev and JD. Levi cast his eyes down on seeing his big brother and Rome muttered something to himself.

Anger burned in my veins at my cousin’s change of mood. Thankfully, Austin stood before Axel, a hopeful look on his face. “I  didn't think you’d come down when I invited you to join us earlier. I’m so damn glad you did,
fratello
.”

My heart sank when I heard how happy Austin was that Axel had shown face. Because I knew Axel would never have come down here to sit with us. He shunned any contact with people or crowds. Yet here he was, skulking in the safety of the dark just so he could watch me.

Suddenly I felt like crying. Axel should feel welcome in his own family’s house. He shouldn’t have to keep what he felt for me a secret, for fear of my friends turning their backs on me... because of the man I’d chosen to lo—

My hand flew to my chest as I realized what I’d been just about to admit. I couldn’t… I didn’t, not yet, right? It was impossible… it was…

Shit… it was true…

I glanced up to check no one had noticed my strange reaction, and nobody had… until I locked gazes with a familiar pair of golden eyes, Molly Prince’s golden eyed gaze was firmly glued on me.

Forcing my attention back to the darkened hallway, I was convinced Axel would refuse to come in. He’d make some lame excuse and bail. I knew this was his idea of hell, so I had to prevent my mouth from dropping open when, rather awkwardly, he walked fully into the light. He looked so damn sexy and brooding that, for a moment, I couldn’t catch my breath.

I did love him. I loved this tortured man before me with a breathless intensity.

Austin, clearly also in shock at his brother’s appearance, threw an arm around Axel's shoulder and led him toward a bucket of beer, handing  over a bottle of Bud.

“That’s Axel?” Cassie whispered from beside me. Swerving in my place on the couch to face her, I silently nodded my head. I wanted to tell her it was
my
Axel,
my
Elpidio, the man who’d brought me to life with his deep soul and magnetic dark force, but I couldn’t.

Watching Cass assess my man, I braced for her to talk shit about him, feeling like she’d be stabbing me with a dagger in the process, but in typical Cassie fashion, she did the opposite.

“Fuck me, that guy is sin on a stick!” Cassie exclaimed with an impassioned sigh.

Molly and Lexi shook their heads at Cassie whose eyes bugged out at Axel. Her blue eyes tracked every inch of his built body, a body I now knew better than my own, his every tattoo etched in my memory.