Swagger (Radioactive Tales of Love) (4 page)

Chapter 6

Roxie

Nothing like a catnap to bring back focus and make one feel refreshed. That’s how I feel right now—refreshed. I let out a small yawn as I bring my head back up from his shoulder and realize that we’re already parked at the Boardwalk. Turning my head, I look to Cruz.

He’s staring back at me with a small smile. “How’d you sleep?”

“Great, how long have we been here? We’re already parked.”

“Not that long, but I let you sleep a little bit more. You seemed so tired and I didn’t want to wake you too early.”

“Yeah, I got up really early this morning I wanted to make sure everything was taken care of at home before heading in to work.”

“And did you manage to finish everything you wanted to?”

“For the most part, yes I got everything I wanted and needed to get done, done.” I didn’t mention to him how part of that was taking care of my mother. I lived with her still, though mom really lived with me. Yes, it is her house, but I manage her care, because she can’t fend for herself anymore.

Tonight just happened to be a night where mom had the live in nurse with her while I was working. I’d been selfish when he asked if I wanted to go for coffee. I did want to come out, see him and get to talk with him but the other part of me was running away from what waited at home. When the nurse was there, I would have a reprieve but usually, when I came home I took over, so  the nurse could get what she needed done.

Cruz got out of the car, and did the gentlemanly thing once again, by opening my door and helping me out. He held his hand out to me.

I didn’t hesitate to take it. Though, we were by the ocean it wasn’t as cold as it could have been but I was thankful my black slacks and summer sweater kept me warm.

There were still people roaming around it was still early evening and the sky still looks pretty bright from the last of the sun’s rays..

Cruz squeezes my hand and we began the short walk from asphalt to board planks. “How about we walk out to the end of the pier and see if the sea lions are there?” he asked me.

He still held on to my hand and I didn’t mind. “Sounds like fun, though you do know they’re loud and we may not get a word in edgewise.”

“Yeah, I just want to see if they’re there. I loved doing that as a kid. Watching them come in and play around, and then head back out to sea.”

I nodded and we both headed towards the area the sea lions frequented. More than likely, they’d be gone but if they weren’t, he’d get to see them again. I was hoping they’d be there just so I could see his reaction. This male who had to be tough I was sure and for so many reasons that shouldn’t ever be.

Cruz pulls me close to his side and I don’t protest. It feels way too good to fuss about. This was where we were headed if he hadn’t gone away. It’s really amazing how we just become so in sync with each other as we walk and our gaits match. I don’t feel awkward with him like I have with some other guys. I don’t want to want him like this, but it really is too late.

Once again, he squeezes my hand.

I look up at him and he smiles.
Damn the boy was fine!
His looks had never been the problem. I squeeze back and we continue walking. The closer we get, we can hear the barking of the sea lions and he speeds up until we’re standing there, peering down at them as they sit on the rocks. There has to be at least twenty of them of various sizes and ages. They’re so beautiful and strange looking at the same time, almost alien like.

I love the look on his face. I mean it wasn’t like he was watching a football thing—a manly thing. But it is truly fantastic to see the smile on his face. “What are you thinking?” I had to ask him, I need to know.

“I’m just remembering the first time I came here as a kid. My mom brought me here and we would count them together. I was about 5 years old then.”

His voice carries a wistful tone and I could see it was a pivotal moment for him. I just held his hand, if he wanted to talk about it, he would. It seemed like the sea lions could feel the need he had for the perfect moment because they weren’t crazy loud like the usually were. I didn’t have to wait long.

“Everything went crazy after the separation. My dad found out that she’d cheated on him with his best friend. I guess she wanted to start over because she didn’t take me or my younger brother with her. Though, why the fuck she’d start over with a family friend is beyond me. I also can’t understand why she didn’t take her kids with her. What kind of mother does that?” Cruz never turned his eyes to me while he spoke about his mom. He continued to look at the sea lions as if they might magically produce her. “Dad blamed us of course and shit just seriously went downhill then. I took my beatings along with the beatings meant for my brother.

I held his hand tight and I couldn’t stay silent a moment longer. “Cruz, you should have told someone. I mean I knew but I always wanted to keep your secrets. Perhaps that was wrong of me and I shouldn’t have.

“Honestly, I knew you had problems at home yourself. It was enough that I could talk to you about it. I didn’t want to let anyone else know. I was embarrassed.”

“Yes, I know which is why I didn’t say anything, though now I wish I had. That was the one thing we bonded over.” I gave a half laugh that trailed off into the sounds of the sea lions, who’d decided in that moment to make noise.

He moved and tugged me forward. “Come on, let’s walk to the other end of this place and sit in the sand. It’s beautiful and the stars are coming out.”

I knew this was his way of trying to make it a little less cloying with the subject we were talking about. I nod and move with him. We walked in silence and I thought about all the times we snuck away for kisses and collaboration on how we would run away together—how we would make our parents realize they were hurting us.

It’s almost comical how innocent we’d been. Love would always conquer all. We were fourteen and thought we knew it all. I exhale and he tugs me close to his side again, wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we walked. The Boardwalk still looked brightly lit with others walking about, but all of that didn’t matter, except for the man holding me. It only takes us a few minutes to get to the far end, where no one else is.

Cruz spins me forward into his arms and I gasp as his mouth covers mine. I put my hands on his chest, but not to push him away. This is what I’ve dreamed about for a long time. One of the reasons I compared my last boyfriends to Cruz. When he kisses you—he kisses you with his whole being and it’s almost as if you reach a zenith you don’t want to come down from. It isn’t the sweet peck from earlier. No…This one is hot, needy and makes me wet between my thighs.

He gives a soft groan and breaks the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine.

I can hear him panting softly. My lips feel bruised but it isn’t unpleasant. I touch them gently, reverently.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, Cruz?” I pull back, staring into his beautiful sea green eyes. His eyes were courtesy of his Spanish heritage and I  always felt  hypnotized by them as if I were drowning in them…Drowning in him.

Cruz rubbed his fingers over my frown. “I’m sorry for just kissing you like that without warning and without asking if I could.”

“You kissed me like that earlier. Well not exactly like
that
.” I laugh. “Don’t apologize I liked it and it was bound to happen.”

“Bound to happen, eh?” A small smirk shows on his flawless lips.

I nod. “Uh huh, bound to happen because you and I have been doing this dance for years and it basically went on hiatus when you left.”

He chuckles, and leans against the railing, pulling me forward and between his legs. “All I thought about when I was gone—was you.”

I open my mouth as if to speak and then close it again. What does one say to that? I mean he’s practically telling me that all he thought of for the last nine years was me!

I must have looked like a fish out of water, but Cruz seems patient with me. He waited with me, still there between his legs and his hands loosely at my waist.

“That’s a long time to think about someone, especially someone from your past.”

“You weren’t just my past Roxie. Back then, it was like you were the only future that I could ever believe was mine to have.”

Blink.

My god, did he just really say that?

Once again, his fingers were on my forehead and he was smoothing it out gently with his fingertips. “I keep making you frown and it seems I’ve made you go mute a second time around.”

“I just find it a bit humbling that you would feel this way. It’s probably just a phase.”

“Phases like you’re talking about are something you go through as a kid. We aren’t kids anymore.”

“But we were kids the last time you saw me. We were sixteen year olds, who thought we were in love.”

“Who’s to say we weren’t?” Cruz reaches up and brushes my hair behind my ear.

Even though I seem to be I protesting, I keep giving him a lot of leeway to touch me. The real reason for it is like he said, but admitting it seems even harder. “Who’s to say we were?” I ask.

Chapter 7

Cruz

Boy, this girl loves to argue. It makes me smile. I love the fire in her and wouldn’t expect anything less. I have her where I wanted her. I was holding her and I could even smell her perfume.
Damn. She was so sexy.
I wasn’t going to make any fast moves though. That would be a mistake with Roxanne.
Oh, my sweet Roxie, Roxie, Roxie.
I shrug and answer, “I say we
were
.”

Roxie laughs, it is melodic and sensual—all things I love about her. “So, because you say we were it’s a fact?”

“Tell me that you didn’t feel the same. I know most adults will say kids don’t know what love is or what they want. We lived lives that made us grow up quickly. I loved you and you loved me.”

“It was a long time ago…” She cast her eyes down.

I don’t know what she’s looking at, but I put my finger under her chin and lift gently, so we’re eye to eye again. I stroke my finger lightly under her chin. “Not so long ago that we can’t remember.”

“It’s been long enough, Cruz. There’s so much that’s happened to the both of us, we were silly back then.” Roxie places her hands on my chest.

I’m wondering if she’s going to push me away. She doesn’t and her palms heat my skin through my shirt. I breathe deep to calm myself, so that I’m not going for the gusto. She deserves better than that and hell, I wanted more than just a quick fuck. I just enjoy her touch. “We weren’t silly. We knew what we wanted, it just got cut short.”

Roxie huffs, “You’re so damn stubborn.”

“That’s what they tell me.” I flash a smile.

She giggles.

The beauty of her laugh is trilling through me, setting me on edge in a good way.

Her smile turns into a grand grin that takes over her whole face.

“There’s my smile.”

Roxie nibbles on her bottom lip as she has a penchant to do and my cock hardens
. Shit.
This is going to be harder than I thought, literally and figuratively. If she presses any closer, she would know my secret. I have the proverbial devil and angel on each shoulder and I’m truly battling with what I want to do. Taking a deep breath, I calm myself.

“Your smile?” She asks me, and then her full lips spread into an even bigger grin. Roxie has a smile that lit up a room. Yeah, that sounds so cliché but it’s the plain and simple truth of the matter. I’d give anything for this girl.
Anything.
All she needs to do is ask. No…that isn’t true, even if she didn’t ask—if I could do it, I’d stumble over hands and feet to get it done. “Yes, it’s my smile, I’m claiming it.”

“I see.” She keeps grinning, so I suspect she’s okay with the claim. Moving from between my legs, she went to stand in front of the railing, looking out towards the water.

I stay where I am letting her have some space because yeah—I’d been all up in her space since we left the motel. I will admit it. “What do you see?” It was a loaded question from me.

“I see the sea and I see us—before everything went to hell and I see you, right this moment. I’m trying to see beyond this time with you. I wonder where we go from here?”

She delivered. I wanted her honesty and she gave it to me.

“Do we have to know where we’re going from here yet? Can we just enjoy
us
and get to our destination slowly?”

She turns to me with one of her eyebrows arched.

It seems funny to me, because I could almost hear her saying to herself, ‘What bullshit is this?’ It’s like I know what she’s thinking. ‘That from a guy?’ I chuckle.

“Wow.” She licks her lips.

At the sight, I couldn’t stop the groan that fell from my lips. “That’s all you can say to that?” I tease.

“Well, you know it isn’t really what I expected to hear from you.” Her eyes search mine. 

I look at her straight on. “Because it wasn’t a manly thing to say?”

“Yes, cause guys usually don’t say shit like that. Guys want to rush and hell if it’s in a car and not in a bed, they don’t care for the most part.”

“I’m not most guys.”

“Cruz, I’d like to agree with you but that is something guys usually say as well.” She laughs.

I move over to her, this time I’m standing between her legs with my hands at her waist. I feel her tremble and I wait to see what she’ll do. It doesn’t take long and she leans up, offering me her beautiful lips. There is no way I’m going to let the opportunity pass to kiss her again. If I could be rational right now, I’d move away quickly but I’m beyond being sane. Thoughts of her have driven me insane for years and I have to explore this.

I press my lips to hers and Roxie gives a soft whimper.
Fuck!
She isn’t making it easy to be a gentleman. I have to prove it to her and to myself that I can be one. So, I just continue to kiss her lips, nibbling softly then sucking her bottom lip into my mouth as she puts her arms around my neck and puts her body to mine.

I continue to suck on her bottom lip until she’s making soft mewling sounds in the back of her throat. She has to know by now—how hard I am. She is so close to me, she can’t help but feel it. I groan into her mouth. She puts her fingers into my hair and tugs me even closer. Roxie tastes like cinnamon and spice—so hot. She’s just plain delicious. I dip my tongue into her mouth, teasing my tongue across hers. She sighs into my mouth, and then our tongues danced.  Wet velvety silk wrapped around my tongue. I suck her tongue into my mouth.

The whistling and the jeering break us apart and I turn to see some teen boys waving and making some obscene gestures. I shake my head with a laugh, if they only could recognize how silly they seem. I turn back to her, then reach for her hand and she takes mine.

Roxie has a slight blush on her cheeks and once again, she nervously bites her bottom lip.

“Now, tell me you don’t feel it?”

She scrunches her nose up and gives me a sidelong glance. “Feel what?”

I can hear the warmth in her voice.
I have her.
I could take her and she would let me. I recognize this for what it is and I still intend go slow with her. She deserves it and in truth—so do I. I have to wonder where the guy who said he would walk away went. This girl makes me want to wax poetic. The ugliness I’ve seen in life fades when I’m in her presence.
How the fuck did this happen?

I don’t know, I just know I want something I can hold on to, something that’s tangible. That something is Roxanne Waters. The problem is, would she want me in her life too and with all of my demons? Excitement courses through my body in anticipation for the unknown. I want to hold on to this excitement and to her. For the first time in a long time—I’m thrilled to be alive and to be breathing.