Sudden Hope (12 page)

Lea laughs. “I guess you really are hungry.”

“I've got it, your favorite!” She is holding something behind her back.

“What is it? Don’t tell me.” I am getting happy now. There is only one thing in the world that Jenny would get this happy about, when it comes to food anyway.

“Yep, a Texan hero.” I reach out and grab the godfather of sandwiches out of her hand.

“Holy hell!
I have died and gone to heaven.” I open the sandwich and take the biggest bite I can. Lea's face almost drops. “What is in that?”

“Only the best food groups ever
,” I speak in between bites.

Jenny speaks up for me
, “Well its bacon, chicken, ranch dressing and mozzarella cheese.”

“
Mmm.” Is all that I can say as she hands me a Cherry Pepsi. I take a drink and close my eyes. “What is it, my birthday? Damn.” It sure feels like it, my favorite sandwich and my favorite drink.

“Jenny, don’t forget the ice cream, we’re on a roll here
,” I said with a wink.

“I would never
,” she answers back and I almost laugh right off my chair when I see that in her hand, she has a half gallon of Death by Chocolate and three spoons. The three of us sit here and finish the whole half gallon. I feel so much better by the end of the night. There truly is nothing in the world that ice cream cannot fix.

Chapter Fourteen

“Hey, baby girl. Sweetheart, wake up.”
That voice I know it, who is it that keeps calling my name? I can’t open my eyes no matter how hard I try.

“Honey
, it is time to wake up.”

“
Daddy, is that you?”
But how can it be?

“Sweetie
, I've never left you. I've been right here the whole time. CC, open your eyes, please.”

I open my eyes and there he is, my dad. Right here in front of me. How is this possible? Has it all been a dream? I reach out and grab him, it must have been a dream, because here he is, right here, with me. I hug him tighter than humanly possible. He smells like I always remembered. I must be going crazy. I move to pull away from him and he grabs me hard.

“Ouch! Dad you’re hurting me.” His hands begin to dig into my arm. Blood starts dripping from his eyes like red tears. I try to speak but someone or something wraps around my mouth. I am pulled away and my father falls to the floor. Blood starts pooling around him. His body is limp and I can’t do anything but watch as he slowly dies in front of me. He takes his last breath and I watch as all life seeps from his body. The restraints around me release and I fall. I wait to hit the floor but it never comes. I just continue to fall into a black void.

I wake in a cold sweat
as I roll over and throw my pillow against the wall. The window is letting in enough light that I can see the emptiness of the room in every sense of the word. The loneliness is not just the room itself. It is the lack of love in the air. My father would have come to see about me if he had heard me screaming in my sleep. The only thing I hear in the house is the sound of music, which I'm sure, was left on when the last drunk person fell asleep. There are no footsteps coming to check on me and that in itself is lonelier than the empty room I used to love.

Getting
up, I turn on the light. It is only five am but I know there is no use trying to go to sleep again. I have had these nightmares too many times that I know sleep will not come back to me tonight. Looking around my pathetic room I try to remember what it looked like less than a year ago. I still cannot believe my mom threw out all my stuff one day while I was at school. All that remains is my bed and dresser. There is one chair that remains in the corner, but everything that ever meant anything to me is gone. She claimed it was for my own good, to help me get over the loss of my father. I know better. It was payback because she lost everything when my dad left her. It was her way of getting back at me. I never let it show in front of her that it hurt me to the core. I would not give her that satisfaction. My pride is all I have left to call my own and I will never let her take that from me.

In a daze,
I pick out my clothes for school, a pink sweater and a black pair of boot cut jeans and decide to take a shower. Grabbing a towel I head for the bathroom. There still isn’t a sound in the house, which as far as I am concerned is a good thing. I don’t want to see if anyone is awake or what disaster is waiting for me downstairs.

Stepping
into the shower, I let the hot water run down my body. It is the best feeling in the world. Showers have always been my favorite part of the day. People always laugh when I say that, but it is true. The only time anything is ever perfect, is when the hot water is running over me. There is peace and quiet, the comfort of the warmth and the wondrous smells of jasmine and lavender from the mix of shampoo and body wash. I close my eyes and let the blanket of water wash everything away.

As
I am finishing up my normal routine of brushing my teeth and applying body lotion, the bathroom door flies open.

“Get out of my way.” My mom is running for the toilet and shoving everything out of the way.

Her eyes are stained with eyeliner and mascara. There are black streaks running down her cheeks and her red lipstick is smeared all over her mouth. It is the worse I have ever seen her.

“Are you okay
, mom? Do you need help?” As much as I don’t like her and know she will never be there for me, she is still my mom, and a part of me wants her to want me, or just wants me to help her. I kneel down and start rubbing her back while she throws up, over and over again. I pull her long light brown hair back from her face because I hate seeing her like this. She turns to me and smiles. It is a soft smile but all the same it is the first time she has looked at me with anything other than hatred. I get up to get a washcloth. I run it under the cool water and lightly pat her forehead. She is so pale and looks young and fragile in the dim bathroom light. She places her head on the seat of the toilet and looks at me again. This time there is no love. No smile on her face.

“What are you doing?” She seethes at me. “What, do you think you’re better than me?” Where is this coming from? I look at her in shock.

“Mom, I'm just trying to help you.”

“Well I don't need your help. Just get out of here now!” She tries to get up but falls back to the floor.

“Gladly,” I snap back at her. Although that is never how I speak, it feels good to snap at her and not just stand there and take it from her. I walk out the door and without a care in the world slam the door as hard as I can behind me. It is so loud I flinch. I laugh to myself at what it must feel like to her.

Going
back into my room, I grab my things for school and my overnight bag. I’m not coming back to this house today. I need to be as far away as I can, as far as I can run from the nightmares that wake me up at night and the nightmare that is my life in this house with the two of them. That's when I notice the manila envelope from Ms. Gina. With everything going on I somehow forgot about it. There it is under my bag. I am so afraid to open it. Bad news is not what I need. Honestly I don't think I can handle anything more going wrong with my life at the moment. I play with the tab on the back as I stare at it. Maybe I will wait. I stuff it into my overnight bag and figured maybe I will open it with Jenny later. At least I will have moral support.

I drive over to Jenny’s house to finish getting ready for school. It is still early and I am watching the sun come up over the trees in the distance. It is going to be a beautiful day. The birds start chirping and the cool air is rushing through the windows of the car making it seem colder than what it really is. April is a beautiful time of year in New York. It is never too hot or too cold, the one-time of the year where it seems just right.

The road to Jenny's is curvy and has a lake, if that is what you want to call it, on one side so the view is just remarkable. Jenny and I have spent many nights sitting on an old wooden log staring out at the water. It is peaceful and always brings a sense of calmness to me. I would live on the lake if I could. I stop at the local deli to get two cups of coffee. I figure if I'm going to show up unannounced I should at least bring coffee.

I pull up to Jenny’s house and she is running out the door. Her head shoots up and her eyes, I can tell are panicked. She stops running to her car and runs to mine instead.

“Thank God! I was just coming to get you.” She is already buckling her seat belt before I even have the chance to ask what is going on. “What are you waiting for? Go!” She is yelling at me.

“Go where?” I ask completely lost.

“To Danny's, isn’t that why you are here? Never mind just go to Danny's now. I’ll explain on the way.” She is calming down, but not much.

I put the car in drive and floor it. If something is wrong with Danny, I am getting there before she can finish explaining what happened. “I had a crappy morning
so I was coming to get ready at your house,” I explain. I figure I will try to the conversation because she is not talking.

“Okay, so why are we hurrying to Danny's house?”

“I think Danny got attacked last night, CC.”

“What?” I scream.

“Yea, I got a call from Chris this morning saying Danny was hurt last night.” She looks at me sadly. I speed to Danny's and jump from the car. Grace must have heard us pull up because the door is open before I get to it.

“No
, Celeste. You cannot go in there.” She puts her hand on my shoulder and shakes her head. “Danny does not want to see anyone. He is fine but he said he can’t see anyone.”

“Please Grace, I have to see him, you know that!” I plead with her as much as I can.

She looks at me apologetically “I know CC, but I was told no one.” I can hear footsteps inside the house. I know it is Danny and this means he knows I am here.

I look at Grace and close my eyes. “Grace, I'm sorry.” She looks at me confused. I bolt past her and take off running around the house screaming for Danny. He comes around the corner and stands there looking at me. He has a black eye and his lip is cut. I have seen Danny fight so I wonder how bad his attacker is. I become instantly calm and walk towards him. I raise my hand to his face. His eyes meet mine and I lean in to kiss him.

He pauses for a moment then whispers “It's about time.” That is it. Instantly, we are embraced in the most sensual kiss I have ever experienced. It is gentle, but captivating, the kiss grows with enthusiasm with every second that passes. We both feel the meaning behind the kiss without speaking. As our lips pull apart, he looks at me and laughs a soft sweet laugh. He brushes his hand against my lips, leans into me and our lips meet again. This is what I have always wanted. I feel a warmth rush over me, a feeling of hope. I have waited so long for this moment and it is everything I have ever imagined.

He leans back again and I realize Grace and Jenny are standing only feet from us. I don't know who is more embarrassed me or Grace, her face just about matches Jenny’s hair. I blush and turn away. To find Danny's mother watching me makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I run into the bathroom and try to compose myself. There is a light tap on the door and I calmly tell whoever it is they can come in. To my alleviation it is Danny.

“I told Jenny to go home. I had my mom take her so we could be alone for a little while.” I nod slowly as I sit down on the edge of the tub. He reaches out and I take his hand. He looks around the bathroom and leers. “Um, let’s go somewhere a little more comfortable.”

He leads me upstairs to the den. I love this room. There are bookshelves lining one wall from the ceiling to the floor that make it look
more like a library than a den. There is only one loveseat in the center of the room and a small round table next to it with an adjustable table lamp sitting on it. The walls are a cream color adorned with crown molding running around the top. It is simple but elegant. We sit next to each other and hold hands. I can’t help but gaze into his eyes.

“We need to talk
, Celeste.”

“Yes, I know
,” I say while looking down at our hands. He lifts my hands to his lips and I feel the warmth of his breath just before his lips brush against my skin.

“I love you
, Celeste, and I need you to be mine. You are mine,” his tone is so matter of fact that my breath catches.

“I love you too, Danny
. I do but...”

“No buts
, CC. No. I can’t deal with the excuses you need to tell Chris. It is over and you are mine.”

“I know
, Danny, I do, and I will, just give me time.”

“Fine,” he said fine in a tone that made me feel like I am a child and he is giving into a temper tantrum. I stand to leave and he catches me around my waist.

“Tell me, Celeste. Tell me what you feel.” With those words leaving his mouth he pushes me up against the wall. His hand has not left my waist and his other hand is wrapped around my chin. He holds my head still as he once again presses his lips to mine. I gasp just as his soft lips meet mine. It is as if the world has stopped and everything is perfect. My heart races and my knees start to quiver. He presses his body to mine and I cannot keep the control that I need. I part my mouth and it becomes a dance of tongues, a passionate tango to a beat of our own. He releases me but keeps his forehead pressed against mine. He whispers softly, “You are mine.” I cannot disagree because I am his.