Strung (Seaside) (17 page)

Damn. I was just — lost and making everything worse.

With a cry Nat beat her hands against Alec’s chest, shoving him against the wall and then ran out of the house. He cursed and chased after her.

The screen door slammed behind him.

I went over to the window and looked out. His hands were flying all over the place, Nat pushed him again, and then she cried harder.

Every part of my body screamed for me to go after both of them, to apologize until my voice was hoarse.

But… I was Demetri Daniels. Action was never my thing… no I hid. I took drugs and I hid. So when Alec reached over and cupped her face —

I slipped a pill in my mouth, crushing it between my teeth and letting the bitterness of it cleanse me.

They’d figure it out.

He’d tell her the truth.

And she’d tell us to go to hell.

I sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Alec’s footsteps neared behind me, and then something smacked me in the head.

“What the hell?” I jumped to my feet. “Did you just hit me?”

“Yes!” Alec roared. “You cheated then you lied about it, you deserve to be strangled!”

“I didn’t cheat,” I grumbled, “It was for the cameras, you know as much as I do what the media does.”

Alec relaxed a bit. “And your phone?”

I pulled it out. “Surprise.”

He was quiet for a few minutes then said, “I just don’t get you. Why make it so hard on yourself? You do realize you’re your own worst enemy right? You could be with the girl you love, kissing her, holding her hand, but instead you let her believe the worst? Why, Demetri? Why?”

I licked my lips and looked back at the TV. “Because I don’t deserve her man.”

Alec sat next to me on the couch. “And you think I do?”

“I know you don’t.” I sighed.

“Demetri…”

“I’m messed up…” I wrung my hands together. “I need… something. I need help or something. I don’t know. I’m just… Alec, I’m not well.”

My brother’s eyes went hard as he glanced at my face, his eyes focusing in on my pupils. They were probably so small he was having a hard time finding them. “You’re high.”

“Yeah.”

“All week?”

“Here and there.” I sighed. “I think” — I shrugged again — “I think I’m going to leave you here, with her, you guys can go be happy do your thing, whatever. I just… I don’t know. I need to fix me and I can’t do that when I’m constantly trying to be you.”

“Demetri—”

“Stop.” I choked on the word. “It’s true. I’ve looked up to you my whole life and then when everything happened last year you just… got better and you left me. All of a sudden you weren’t partying, you weren’t using, you weren’t doing anything that you used to say was totally fine. You abandoned me.”

Alec’s eyes narrowed. “So you’re pissed I don’t do drugs with you? Is that what this is about?”

“No.” I stood and started pacing in front of him. “I’m pissed you introduced me to them in the first place. I’m pissed that while you’ve made a mess of my life and yours — that in the end you still get the girl. I’m angry as hell that I still crave pills, I still crave pot, and you’re happy as a clam. I’m pissed because you left me in the pit of hell and I have no way of getting out.”

“Demetri…”

“I gotta run. I may stay at a hotel tonight or something, whatever, I’ll have my cell.”

I ran out of the house and got into my car, then slammed my hands against the wheel until the pain was so fierce that I wanted to cry.

The problem.

I was still in the dark.

And Alec deserved to be there with me — instead, the sun was shining on his face, and God had gifted him with an angel.

Life wasn’t fair.

And suddenly I wanted to drive off a cliff.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Alec

I WAS OFFICIALLY
breaking the law. I climbed into Nat’s window and stumbled a bit before catching my balance. Everything was blanketed in black. Making it from the window to her bed was like trying to walk through a mine field. Clothes were everywhere and I could have sworn I just stepped on a stuffed bear that talked, though I couldn’t be sure because its battery was clearly dying, meaning it just made a really creepy hoarse noise that I’m sure will come back to haunt me one day when I’m alone in my house.

Note to self, hide bear in Demetri’s room.

If he ever comes back.

Emotion clogged my throat. He was right about way too many things. How was it fair that I came out smelling like roses and he was stuck?

I just, I didn’t know how to unstick him.

With a muffled curse, I finally sat on Nat’s bed. She didn’t say anything; she barely even stirred. I wrapped my arms around her and lay down.

My eyes were so heavy with sleep that I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep until the sun started piercing through the window.

Nat moaned next to me.

I kissed her cheek, then her mouth, then her eyes.

“Hey,” I mumbled.

“Hey yourself.” She blinked her eyes a few times as if trying to focus. I smiled at her confusion… and inability to fully wake up.

After a few minutes of silence I cleared my throat. “He’s sorry.”

“I don’t care if he’s sorry. Sorry means he realizes what he did was wrong. Sorry means he wasn’t lying to me the entire time we were together. How the hell can you defend him?”

I cursed. “He’s my brother. It’s my job to protect him. Even if it’s from himself. You don’t understand. It’s complicated.”

“And me? What about me?” She tried to wriggle away from me, but my arms braced her shoulders as I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

“I’m pretty sure my only job from here on out is to show you how much I love you.” I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but… keeping it in? Was damn near impossible. Especially with the hurt in her eyes.

“Alec?” Her voice cracked. “Was he lying the whole time?”

I jerked back the covers and got underneath them, pulling Nat’s warm body into mine. “No, Nat. He really did care about you. I think in his own twisted way he thought he was doing us a favor.”

“By being a bastard?”

“Come on, take his age into account, he’s immature.”

“He’s a year younger than you,” She pointed out. “Besides, how is him being a complete ass helping anyone?”

“It’s com—”

“I swear if you say it’s complicated one more time I’m going to throw you out the window.”

I laughed and nuzzled her neck, “I’d like to see you try.”

“You doubt me?”

My tongue slipped past my lips drawing circles down her neck. “Absolutely.”

A little moan escaped her lips and then a hiss of air.

I pulled her body against mine then dipped my hands behind her head pulling it so she was resting on my shoulder staring directly at my lips.

“Now what?” she whispered, her eyes focused on my lips and then my jaw.

“I have my way with you?” Too much honesty.

She rolled her eyes and pushed away enough to look up at my face. “You’re so romantic. Really, you take my breath away. I almost swooned just now. Good thing I’m lying down.”

Brat. I chuckled and brought her hand to my lips kissing it softly. “Fine, I won’t have my way with you yet… but” — I laced my fingers in between hers — “I’d really like to take you out on a date.”

Nat’s eyes went really wide. “People are going to say I’m a whore.”

“Don’t.” I tightened my grip on her hand pulling her closer to me. “This is my fault, not yours. I should have stayed away from you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

Damn. Hearing those words. It was like… a peace suddenly blanketed itself over me.

We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, both of us searching the other’s eyes, willing the other person to say something, to confess that it’d been like this since our first meeting.

With Nat it wasn’t just a coincidence, right place, right time. It wasn’t just about a stupid pen, or her tripping her way down the hall. It was the pull, the magnetic attraction I felt for her the minute I set eyes on her. My physical response was strong — but the response of my heart? Never before had I felt like someone had the power to reach into my chest, pull out my heart, and hold it. Nat had the power to do that. She had the power to give me life or death. I’d never given another person that type of control over me; I wasn’t the type of guy to ever relinquish control. But with her? I felt safe, like for the first time in my existence, someone really saw me.

“Stupid pen,” Nat grumbled.

“Huh?” I shook my head.

She giggled. “Never mind. So…” She played with the hair on the back of my head, twisting it between her fingers. “About this date.” Holy shit. She had magic hands! I seriously had to tell myself not to moan out loud lest I freak her out.

“I’ll do anything. Just don’t stop.” I rested my head against her chest. A groan escaped my lips before I could stop it. Holy Hell. No wait. Heaven. Holy Heaven?

“Our date?” she reminded me. Her hands stilling, damn it! I almost growled again.

“Uh-huh.” My hands wrapped around her body hugging her close to me. She must have gotten the hint because she kept rubbing my head. “I think I may like this better than sex.”

She froze.

Whoops. Over share. High five Alec you just scared the shit out of an innocent virgin.

“Damn, did I say that out loud?” I tensed above her. Nat burst out laughing.

Good at least she thought I was kidding — I wasn’t. So clearly I’d been having some really bad sex. Then again, memory was fuzzy it had been over a year.

“At least I know what I need to do to get you to confess to me all your dirty little secrets,” she joked.

“That’s bribery and manipulation, a federal offense…” My words trailed off, feeling heavy in my mouth as I moaned against her.

“You were saying,” she whispered wrapping her hands around my shoulders then digging into my neck. Shit, did she do like hand workouts or something? She was freakishly strong and hit every nerve, every… my body shook. Never. I was never letting her go.

“Marry me.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you only asked so you’d have a personal masseuse.”

“I have other reasons.”

“I’m sure you do.”

“Fine, but I’m asking again tomorrow,” I grumbled turning my ear so that my head was resting against her chest again. Not only had I freaked her out by talking about sex, but I just proposed to someone still in high school. Seriously, I was just racking up those points.

Nat shivered beneath me.

“You cold?”

She shivered again. “Nope.”

“Nat.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

And there went number three. I mean things always happened in threes right? I needed to tell her. Instead of making it romantic, I blurted it out, almost shouting at her.

I waited, holding my breath, every muscle in my body tense as Nat went so still beneath me I thought I’d possibly suffocated her.

Three breaths later, she said…

“I love you, too.”

Four words.

That changed my life forever.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Demetri

I DIDN’T SLEEP
all night.

Instead, I chose to stare at my ceiling.

And think.

I thought about Alec, I thought about Nat, I thought about school, about touring.

And I came to no conclusions. Nothing. I was still on a merry go round and I still had no answers. If I got myself into this mess wasn’t I supposed to be able to pull myself out of it? How do people suddenly just get better?

I mean I’d seen stuff on TV where people say they just stopped being depressed or chose not to be anxious but that wasn’t realistic! I still felt — off. And the more off I felt, the more I wanted pills to at least give me a fake sense of calm.

My entire stomach was in knots by the time we were supposed to leave for school.

I popped two pills.

And made my way out the door to the SUV. Nat was already in her seat waiting.

“Hey Nat,” I called, getting into the car. Alec followed behind me. The air was so freaking tense I would have cracked a joke had I not been so hurt.

“Hey, Demetri.” Nat’s voice quivered.

“Listen—” I turned around while Alec drove the car out of the driveway. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” Her jaw dropped. Really? I apologize and she’s surprised? Was I that big of an ass?

I shrugged it off. “I’m sorry I lied.” I turned back around, the awkward silence getting worse by the minute. But what the hell else could I say? I’m sorry I fell in love with you? I’m sorry I want you so bad it hurts? I’m sorry you love my brother more? Or how about this. I’m sorry I’m so messed up that if you asked me to stop doing drugs right this minute — for you. I wouldn’t be able to do it. Yeah, maybe that was it. I was sorry — for every damn thing.

Suffocation by awkwardness was seriously taking place in that SUV — by the time Alec parked, I was ready to jump out the tiny ass window and face plant onto a seagull.

I jerked open the car door and made my way across the parking lot. Ah yes, and this was always my favorite part.

The stares.

You know what sucks about being famous?

Everyone wants to be your friend, everyone wants to freaking be you, they want your life, they want your secrets, they want your damn soul — until you mess up.

The minute you do something shitty — they hate you, they loathe you, they think they have some sort of right to talk about you as if you aren’t a real person. So yeah, it sucked that people were whispering about me cheating on Nat, but what sucked more? Was the fact that they felt they had a right to even talk about it right in front of me. Was I not a human? Did I not bleed? Were my feelings any less important than someone else’s?

That’s what mere mortals didn’t understand about celebrities… we aren’t different. We still wear pants. I still shit my pants in the first grade. I still get the flu, I still get rejected, I still eat cereal and drink milk. But none of that matters, because once you fall from the pedestal, you’re fair game.

So you may as well make the fall fun — on the way down.

By the time lunch rolled around, people were in a frenzy that I hadn’t sat next to Alec and Nat, like I was pissed or something.