Strung (Seaside) (16 page)

Like kissing another girl when I hadn’t even really broken things off with Nat.

In my mind it made sense. If she saw me for who everyone else saw me as… it would be easier for her. In the end that’s what I wanted. I wanted the choice to be easier because right now it was hard as hell. Her hesitation was because of my weakness, which just made me hate myself that much more. I think… I think deep down, I hope that, even if she sees me acting like a complete jackass, she’ll still want me, she’ll still want to save me.

And even if she rejects me, once she knows what Alec did.

I’ll be the broken bird she wants to put in a box and nurse back to health. Wasn’t that how things worked?

I ran my fingers through my hair, my legs shaking as I tapped my feet against the carpeted floor.

If I stayed in my hotel room I was going to go insane.

Yet, going out meant meeting up with old friends and drinking. Drinking always led to getting high, and then doing something else that was stupid, and for once I needed that clear head. Especially if I was going to go back to Seaside and ask her for forgiveness.

If she saw the kiss… I’d ask for forgiveness.

If she saw nothing… then I wasn’t sure what I’d do… but I’d do anything to get her to see that I needed her just as much as Alec did.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Alec

I WAS LIKE
Nat’s shadow. Even when she didn’t realize it — I was watching her. Right, that sounded way better in my head then out loud. Out loud, it sounded a hell of a lot like a restraining order just waiting to happen.

Worry was my constant companion. I was worried about Demetri and worried about Nat and to top it all off I was worried about me — worried my secret was already out.

Funny, because up until now I always thought I was really good at keeping my shit on lockdown.

Nat had been at my house every night that week — I kept making up excuses to see her… what if she got sick again? What if she fell? What if a giant shark emerged from the ocean, belly crawled up the beach, and freaking laid in wait in her giant ass bed?

Yeah, sounded like something Demetri would say.

I missed my brother.

He was coming back in a day — so that meant I had one more day where I hung out with Nat and didn’t maul her — or kiss her — or yell at her.

Speaking of yelling at her.

Where the hell was she? We were supposed to hang out. I ran over to her house and knocked on the door. No answer.

I called her cell.

And no answer.

Which really made me worry because Nat KNEW how I fell about answering phones. It was number one on a very long list of pet peeves.

Irritated, I started walking down the prom thinking she may have gone for a late run. When I looked to my left, I saw two legs sticking out from underneath a very sexy, and familiar body.

There was Nat, laying in the sand, eyes closed, looking all kinds of peaceful.

While I was having a heart attack.

When my blood pressure decided to finally return to a normal number — allowing me to adequately walk in her direction without shaking her to death — I made my way across the sand.

The mist from the ocean combined with the bite in the air should have woken her up. Nat’s teeth chattered as she tugged her sweatshirt tighter.

I nudged her with my foot. “So are you suicidal or merely stupid?” Yeah I could have said that way better…

Nat yawned, “Hello to you too, friend.”

“I didn’t know where you were.” I huffed, licking my lips to keep me distracted from physically shaking her where she sat.

“Well you found me.”

“I swear you’re aging me, Nat.” I grumbled taking a seat down next to her.

“Sorry?”

Not much of an apology but I’ll take it.” I moved my hands to her shoulders and pulled her close to me to keep her warm, then slowly started massaging her arms, moving up her neck, and down again.

After a few minutes Nat tensed, “Alec?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you trust me yet?”

Trusting her meant telling her — so I guess that was my answer. It’s not like I wanted to keep secrets from her, but telling her anything should be something I first discussed with Demetri, just like I needed to discuss with him about Nat in general and my feelings.

Sighing I answered, “Getting there, Nat. Getting there.”

“Okay.”

“So,” I changed the subject, “Do you have plans tonight?” Technically every night was with me, but I still felt the need to ask her to come over, not assume she wanted to be with me.

Nat laughed. “You mean besides my failed suicide attempt.”

My hands stilled. “Yes, besides that.”

“Nope.”

“Okay.” I helped her to her feet then dusted the sand off my jeans. “Let’s go watch a movie.”

We walked arm in arm back to the house. Once we were inside, Nat made quick work with the popcorn while I filled some glasses with crushed ice and soda. Funny, how we didn’t even really need to talk to one another. We just knew, that was the drill, popcorn, soda, movie, done.

I grabbed Twilight and winced. Demetri would have me by the balls if he knew I was actually watching that shit. But I knew Nat would love it. And I wasn’t planning on watching the movie as much as I was planning on watching her.

See? And there go the stalker tendencies again.

“Twilight?” Nat laughed, “Really?”

“I’m hoping it will earn me points.” I grinned, pressing Play and moving towards the couch.

“For being an ass half the time?” she asked in a syrupy sweet voice.

“Of course not.” I smirked. “For being an ass three quarters of the time.”

“Aw you’re sweet.”

“Agreed.” I winked and put my arm around her, tucking her body into mine. It was the usual way we sat… it didn’t have to mean anything. Friends could… cuddle. Hell was that what I was doing with her?

Then again she had been chilled to the bone when I found her.

Near death.

Hardly breathing.

Turning blue.

I mean, first aid demands that in order to restore body heat you needed to strip and —

The movie flashed on.

Yeah, maybe Twilight was good. At least the ridiculousness of it would distract me from kissing her.

Two hours later, and I realized something, really, really unfortunate. The whole love triangle thing? Not so fun to watch when you’re actually living it. Shit. I swear beads of sweat were trickling down my face during a few of those scenes, each one of them saturated in guilt.

“Probably a poor choice considering…” My voice trailed off.

Nat nodded mutely.

“But I’m curious.” I turned down the TV and twisted my body to face her. “Would I be more of a Jacob or an Edward?”

Nat’s eyes watered with amusement as she covered her mouth and laughed.

“Forget it.” I cursed and tried to get up so she wouldn’t see that my face was probably red.

“I’m sorry, no, stay!” She laughed and tugged me down next to her. “You have to understand that guys don’t just go walking around asking things like that.”

“I know.” I clenched my jaw.

Nat let out a little gasp.

My eyes narrowed. “What?”

Red tinged her cheeks, “You’re kind of both.”

“As in a hybrid?” I asked, feeling cocky as hell. Did she say what I think she just said? That I was the best of both worlds?

My grin grew the more I thought about it.

“Yes, Alec. A hybrid, you’re like a vampwolf.” She burst out laughing and turned away like she was trying to escape. I pounced on her, tackling her against the couch so we were chest to chest.

“Is my man card gone now?” My lips almost grazed hers.

Nat’s eyes followed the line of my jaw before returning my gaze. “No.” She reached up and trailed her hand down my arm

I shuddered, unable to keep it locked in anymore. Her touch did not make me want to be in control. It made me want to lose it. “Damn it.” I snapped, my mouth was on hers within seconds. Damn, she tasted the same. I’d missed that taste, dreamt about it, wanted it so bad that even food wasn’t the same. Nat groaned as my body pressed harder against her, covering her, suffocating her with my presence, she gripped chaotically at my back, her fingers digging into my shirt. I broke the kiss off, turning my head to the right, so I could taste her neck. Nat wanted none of that; she wanted my mouth. On her. She said as much when she grabbed my head and forced my lips against hers so hard that a jolt of pain shot through me. Yeah, my control was shot to hell. I wedge my leg between her thighs and reached for her hips, grinding her against me. She let out a little gasp.

Everything about that moment was frantic, Nat reached for my shirt, meeting my hands as I was already trying to take it off. It flew to the floor. Her eyes went wide as she moved her hands across my chest.

“Nat, you drive me crazy.” I hissed when those same hands moved to my jeans, pulling me harder against her.

“Good crazy?” she asked breathlessly, her chest heaving.

I leaned over, my forehead touching hers, then tilted her chin towards me kissing the corner of her mouth, and then sealing the kiss with my tongue, “Crazy, crazy.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,
oh
.” I laughed against her neck then began sucking below her ear before returning to her lips. She reached for the buttons of my jeans, but I stopped her. Probably because I was an idiot, but even in that moment I knew I wouldn’t allow that innocent of a girl to lose her virginity on a couch.

She tried again. Damn, was she trying to kill me? I slapped away her hands playfully, and then pinned them to her side.

“Seriously?” She sounded as sexually frustrated as I felt.

I laughed and nuzzled her neck “I’m not that kind of guy.” Then again, pinning her down was kind of hot — I could definitely be that guy, the one that tied her up and tortured her until she was panting my name with reverence.

Sighing, she tilted her head, giving me perfect access to her neck. “Right now, I kind of wish you were.”

My hands stilled, blood pounded in all the wrong places, “You can’t say things like that to me, Nat. Not when we’re like this, because I want nothing more than to take you on this couch and very aggressively, very slowly, very purposefully, have my way with you.”

“Okay.”

“Nat,” I warned, my arms flexing so painfully hard that I wasn’t sure if I was causing physical damage to the upholstery.

Her eyes raked me over like she was imagining me without clothes. I loved it so much that I almost stripped for her right there. Her eyes were dilated, hair mussed, she was so aroused she couldn’t think straight — which meant I had to be the voice of reason. Oh joy.

“I know what you’re thinking,” I said. Maybe if I talked I wouldn’t be thinking about letting her unbutton my jeans.

“No, you don’t.”

“But I do.” I kissed her lips, softly tugging on the bottom one, then biting down causing pain I knew she’d find pleasurable. “You think it would be worth it, but I promise you, that’s not the case.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t know what kind of guy I am.” And things just got serious.

“But I do!” she whined.

I couldn’t look at her, if I looked at her she’d see the guilt, the pain, she’d see it all. “Nat, you don’t.”

“Then tell me, and let me make my choice.”

“What if by telling you, I lose you?”

“Do you really think I’m that kind of person?”

“Yes and no.” I wrapped my hands around her head. I was done talking. I pressed my mouth against hers, deepening the kiss, my tongue swirled around hers mimicking what I would do if I could… what I would do if I was free.

She pressed a palm flat against my chest and then the fight, the fun cat and mouse game we’d had going? Totally left her. It was as if she was me letting in despite my warnings. It was something my soul needed, something my body craved. With a growl I lifted her into the air so that I could press myself against her, so I could do what I’d been wanting to do for weeks. It was one of those moments that if she reached for me again. I’d let her. I wouldn’t stop her. Because I’d told her I was bad news — and she still wanted to kiss me. My hands moved beneath her shirt.

I would have pressed her further.

But I didn’t have the chance. Because Demetri chose that exact moment to come home.

He tapped my shoulder.

I turned around and swore. Out of anger and disappointment in myself I said, “Second again, brother. Don’t you have a little starlet to go screw?”

Nat’s hand hit my cheek so hard my teeth hurt.

Tears streamed down Nat’s face as I held her against the couch. She couldn’t leave, I didn’t mean it; she had to know. What the hell was wrong with me!

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Demetri

“I CAME HOME
early to see Nat.” My first lie.

Tears streamed down that gorgeous girl’s face. I was the cause of them, me and my ass hole of a brother.

Alec and I stared at one another. Neither of us willing to say anything. I liked watching Alec struggle, but only as much as I liked stabbing myself in the foot, after all we were brothers, no matter what, when he hurt I hurt.

“I lost my phone,” I said glancing at Nat. “Some Hollywood starlet was irritated that a nobody was texting me.” The second lie fell easier from my lips. I hadn’t lost my phone. Nor was it broken. It was in my damn back pocket where it had been for the past week, receiving her texts but not sending any out.

I was stuck.

In limbo.

I felt like Nat was a lifeline — but the type of lifeline that if I took her, if I allowed her to help me, I would never really escape the drowning — just prolong the inevitable. That didn’t make letting my brother have her any easier.

I shouldn’t have lied, but I hated seeing her sad.

I didn’t want her to think I was ignoring her… I didn’t want her to know how weak I was, that I was so freaking weak that I did nothing but scroll through those text messages until I fell asleep with my phone in my hands.

They kept me from taking more drugs when I wanted them. They kept me from jumping from that hotel building. They kept me from sleeping with random chicks. But it couldn’t always be Nat. It couldn’t always be Alec.