Strong (Kindred #1) (27 page)

“Is this show all sex?” I ask, moving closer so I can have some of the blanket.

“Not all sex, no. But it does have a lot in it.”

“And you like this??”

“Sex? Sure who doesn’t?”

“I mean the TV show,” I laugh. “Everyone enjoys sex.”

“Yes, it’s good. A little weird… but it’s good.”

“Is this the first episode?”

“No, the second. Do you want to go back? We can watch together?”

Her face lights up at the thought and even if I wanted to say no, I couldn’t. She takes it back to episode one and we sit back together and watch it. By the time we’re both yawning we’ve watched five episodes. Carmen shuffles slowly into the bedroom while I get us both some water and her pain meds. By the time I get into the bedroom, she’s changed into her Bears pyjamas and sitting on the edge of the bed.

“You’re staying in here with me, right?” she asks as I place her glass down beside her.

She looks beyond exhausted and her face is showing the pain she’s in. I pull back the covers and help settle her in, making her as comfortable as she can be before I slide in next to her.

“Of course. I’m here until you kick me out.”

“And if I don’t ever kick you out?”

“Then I’ll always be here.”

She wakes me in the night shivering and in pain. I fetch her one of my jumpers and snuggle her to me after she’s taken more tablets. As she begins to relax she starts to talk.

“Tell me more about Madison.”

“Why?”

“I’m just curious, Alexis mentioned her on the phone today, I just wondered why you two split up? You don’t have to tell me.”

“Lex and her big mouth,” I sigh. “We dated for two years, we were so unsuited in so many ways. She came from money and didn’t want to work, was happy to live off Mommy and Daddy’s money. After about a year, she started dropping not so subtle hints that she wanted us to get married, I didn’t. So I dodged the question any time it was asked, and towards the end it was asked a lot.”

“Why did you stay together?”

“Do you want the honest answer here?”

“Always.”

“Sex. I’m truly embarrassed to admit that, but it was easy… I told her to stop asking, stop pressuring me to propose to her and she did for a while… Then I went over to her apartment one night after work, it had been a long week and she sits me down and produces a ring.”

“She what?” Carmen laughs.

“Yeah, she tells me she’s taken the liberty of finding herself one, that she doesn’t need a big flash proposal… I left after a huge row and I didn’t go back. She’s taken to phoning Lex to try and get me to talk to her, I blocked her number so she can’t phone me.”

“She sounds…”

“Mental. I know, that isn’t even the worst of it.”

“There’s more?”

“Two weeks after we split up, she comes round to Mom and Dad’s one Sunday when we’re watching the game… She produces a scan picture. She’s pregnant and the baby is mine she says.”

“Oh, God, Carter.”

“She’s not pregnant, Carmen, relax.”

“How do you know?”

“I waited, no change to her body, then her best friend came to see me, told me she planned everything, she was going to get back with me and try and get pregnant. She thought I wouldn’t notice the time frame. She’s beautiful Carmen but she isn’t the cleverest person in the world.”

“That’s outrageous!”

“Tell me about it.” I laugh, remembering how ridiculous everything was.

“I’m a little lost for words, I was expecting her to still be in love with you, not to be like that.”

“So… Who have you left behind in Australia? Anyone?”

“Not really, I was seeing a guy named Sean. He was a good guy, but we kind of drifted apart. Then I got my diagnosis and wanted to move back here. I was always working when I was there, I didn’t have a lot of time to be social really and I didn’t want to. When Megs and Josie left, I always planned to come back, it just happened a little sooner than I thought it would.”

“Megs is going to love having you back.” I tell her, kissing the top of her head.

“I hope so… she might not forgive me after I tell her what I have to.”

“Y
ou’re healing well, how are you feeling?”

“Tired, sore, but okay.” I tell Judy who is my cancer nurse, honestly.

“All to be expected. Are you resting?”

“Yes, Carter, Mum and Dad won’t let me do anything. I’m doing nothing but resting.”

“Glad to hear it.” she smiles at Carter.

I’m given an appointment for meeting the radiotherapy team to plan my treatment and then we’re allowed to go home. I decide while I’m walking back to Dad’s car with Carter that today, I’m telling Megs and Josie. On the ride back I phone Megan to see if she’s free.

“Hey Megs, how are you and that gorgeous little boy?”

“We’re good, he’s putting on weight and is soooooo gorgeous. How are you? When are you going back?”

“I’m not… Actually Megs, I need to talk to you… Can you come over?”

“Come over? Where?”

“My apartment…”

“You have an apartment? How exciting! Where? What time? I’ll get Harry to drive us over.”

I tell her to come over in an hour, the drive back seems to go too quickly and before I know it, we’re parking outside the flat. When we arrive back, Carter still insists on carrying me up the stairs. He lets us in and settles me on the sofa then gets my laptop and sits it on the coffee table while we wait for Megan to arrive. When she knocks on the door I take a deep breath and Carter goes to open it.

“Oh, hey Carter.” Megan greets him, clearly surprised to see him here.

“Hey Megs,” he smiles, giving her a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good.” she eyes him suspiciously.

“Why are you here?” Harry asks from just behind him.

“I live here.”

“You what?” Megan half yells.

“Nice and slow, Carter.” I laugh from the sofa.

Carter shows them in and Megs immediately comes over and sits next to me, leaning over she touches my forehead and takes my hand with a worried look on her face.

“You’re ill. What’s wrong.” she asks, tears already filling her eyes.

“It’s okay, Megs,” I try and soothe her. “Carter, can you take Harry for a drink, please?”

Carter looks at Harry and back to me, we didn’t really have chance to talk about how this was going to go, but I need to be alone with Megan if I’m going to be strong enough to tell her what’s going on.

“Sure,” he smiles, coming over. “I’ll have my phone, call me if you need me.” he whispers into my ear then kisses my head.

“Harry, leave Henry, please.” Megan tells him.

“Are you okay?” he looks completely lost and so serious, it’s not the usual Harry look at all.

“We’re fine, I promise you.” I tell him, trying to smile.

“I don’t believe you,” she frowns, taking their son from Harry. “But I want to know what’s going on.”

Harry and Carter leave, I can see from the look Harry gives us that he really doesn’t want to leave, but he does anyway. When the door closes Megan looks at me and refuses to look away. I take a deep breath and reach over for the laptop. The stretching causing pain to rip through my stomach and I wince and take a few steadying breaths.

“Carmen, tell me what’s going on. Now.”

She’s crying and getting more and more distraught as we sit there. I put the laptop down and hold her hand, trying to let her know I’m okay.

“We’re going to call Josie, okay?”

“Why? Can’t you just tell me what’s going on?”

“I can’t say it twice, Megs, please, let me phone Josie.”

I pull up the FaceTime app on the laptop and call Josie. The first call goes unanswered, so I try again. This time she picks up. Her beautiful face comes onto the screen and she squeals seeing us both sitting there. Then she must notice the look on Megan’s face and she frowns.

“What’s going on? Why is Megs crying and looking like she’s about to be sick.”

“She won’t tell me, Jose. I’m scared.”

“Won’t tell you what? What’s going on?”

I take a deep breath and then I tell them, I tell them everything; getting the diagnosis in Australia, knowing I had to come back and what I’ve been doing the last week. how Carter told me he would stay with me and not go back home so I have someone to help me. I tell them everything and when I’m finished Megan is holding Henry to her and sobbing and Josie is crying too.

“Why didn’t you tell us? We would have been there, we would have helped.” Megan looks between Josie and me, tears spilling over her cheeks.

“Because you just had a baby sweetheart, and you,” I point at Jose. “Were getting married. I wasn’t about to spoil two of the most important times in your whole life with something that I couldn’t change, it was happening, regardless of whether I told you or not.”

“But we could have been there.” Josie repeats the same words Megan said.

“I know and that’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you worrying about me, I didn’t want you spending the first few weeks of married life at the hospital with me, I wanted you to do all those things newlyweds do. And Megs, Henry needs you more than I do. I have Carter.”

“About that,” Josie suddenly looks serious, “You meet him at our wedding and suddenly you’re renting a place together? Living together? And you tell him everything but choose not to tell your friends who have been with you since you were at school? I know you’re fighting this fucking bastard disease but truly? I’m pissed at you right now.”

“That’s okay. I deserve that,” I tell her. “I’d be pissed too.”

“You stopped us being there when you really needed us.” Megan whispers, rocking Henry in her arms. “I’m so sad you went through your surgery and didn’t tell us.”

“I know, I’m sorry but I had to do what was right for me. I’m telling you
now
, I need you
now
. Have I lost the right to ask that?”

“No, never.” Josie looks at both of us and I can she’s hurting.

“I love you both, I really do, but I did what I thought I needed to… Mum and Dad weren’t there when I went into surgery either, just Carter.”

“What’s going on with you two?” Josie asks, wiping her eyes. “Are you in love with him?”

“It’s been a couple of weeks.”

“I didn’t ask how long it’s been, I asked if you’re in love with him.” she frowns at me.

“I might be… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? You’re living together, he’s been there for you when we couldn’t, you better feel something for him Carmen or I really am going to fly back to England and kick your arse.”

“I feel a lot for him, but it’s all muddled and it’s too soon and I don’t have any space in my head to try and process what it is I feel for him right now.”

“You don’t need your head, listen to your heart.” Megan, always the romantic one, smiles at me.

“What does it say?” Josie leans closer to the screen eager to hear my answer.

“It says… He’s incredible and sweet. He’s caring and funny and being with him is as easy as breathing.” I admit.

“Megs, I’d say that sounds like she loves him, wouldn’t you?”

“Yep,” she grins at me, kissing the top of Henry’s head. “Totally in love.”

“Can you two please stop it!” I scowl at them.

“Hey, we’re not done being mad at you yet, Reid.” Josie scowls at me.

“Okay, okay…”

“When does radiotherapy start?” Megan asks.

“I’ve got my first appointment next week, but it’s just to plan everything out.”

“Will you lose your hair?” Josie asks.

“No, I don’t think so, it’s chemo that does that.”

“But…” Megan looks at me and her eyes are overflowing with tears.

“But?”

“You… You can’t have children.”

I look down at Henry asleep in his car seat and blink back tears too. I lost the ability to have children, that choice has been taken away from me, I’ll never be able to carry a child, it hurts, it hurts so much I don’t allow myself to think about it.

“No… Not naturally. But there are other ways, Megs, there are other ways I can become a Mummy.” I say it as much to remind myself as I do to comfort her.

“I’m so sorry, Carmen, I’m so unbelievably sorry.” Megan suddenly cries, leaning over to hug me.

I spend the next few minutes trying to get her to calm down. Megan is the sweet, sensitive one. The one who seems to feel everything so deeply, she is absolutely distraught and it hurts my heart to know I did this to her. When she stops crying, I wipe her eyes with my sleeve and look at Josie who’s crying too.