StripperwithSpice (15 page)

But the wistful look in his eyes and the stiffness of his
face tell me he doesn’t believe it’ll ever happen, at least not with me.

Without another word, we leave the store.

When we get back to my place, Carlos asks me to try on my new
outfit, including the lingerie. I blink at the full-length mirror in my
bedroom. Is that sexy woman really me? Neither the unemployed Janice of my past
nor the overworked Janice of my present is anywhere to be seen.

“I’ll need to wear more makeup to pull this off,” I say out
loud.

Carlos appears behind me. His bare feet on the carpet didn’t
make a sound.

“Do you really like it?” he asks.

I nod to the reflection of his serious face in the mirror.
Shouldn’t he be trying to strip me now? Our somber mood, worse than a black
cloud, has followed us from the mall.

“Do you want me to spend the night?” he asks.

“Of course.”

I watch his image in the mirror as he strips down to his
underwear and slides under my covers. Warmth flares inside my cunt, reminding
me I haven’t climaxed tonight. Carlos doesn’t look as if he’s in the mood
though. Why couldn’t I be more appreciative of his generosity? We should be
having wild sex right now. He treated me like a queen at the mall and I wasn’t
even grateful.

Lying on his back, he gazes at me as I undress. I put on my
cotton panties and the simple nightgown I usually sleep in. When I pull back
the covers, it’s as if I’m getting into bed with a stranger.

Pulling up the covers, I lie next to him and he puts his arm
around me.

“Tell me what it was like,” he says quietly.

“What which was like?”

“Your hard times. Being unemployed.”

Staring at the ceiling as he does, I expel a breath. “I’d
rather not remember.”

His hand finds mine under the sheets and clasps it. “I think
you need to.”

He’s right. My past is lying between us in this bed and I
can only get rid of it by facing it.

“All right.” I take a deep, fortifying breath. “I had a
wonderful job for years. I guess it made me complacent.”

“What was wonderful about it?”

I begin by telling him the company’s philosophy of having a
well-balanced life and how my contributions were appreciated. My words are as
halting as a cold engine at first but gradually come to life.

“It was like one big family.”

“What was the worst thing about it?” he asks next.

It takes me awhile to think of something. “I guess it got a
little boring sometimes. I enjoyed my time off so much, though, I’d take it
back in a heartbeat.”

“Did you get laid off?” Carlos’ fingers gently stroke mine,
coaxing out an answer.

I nod. “I thought it would be easy to get another job, but I
was wrong. My skills got lax at the old job. The economy is bad so it’s very
competitive out there. Being over forty doesn’t help either.”

“What did you do?”

I squeeze his fingers, needing his strength to open the box
of bad memories I’ve locked away. My other hand, unoccupied, digs my nails into
my palm.

“Spent all my time on the job search while I lived on
unemployment. When that ran out, I lost my apartment. I had to move in with
some weird old bat I found from an ad in the paper. Cat poop everywhere. Had to
hock stuff, including my college ring. The only job I could get was the night
shift at a…fast food place. My great credit score…got wrecked…all to hell.”

Although my voice had started strong and steady, it broke
into a bunch of holes toward the end as if it were a piece of Swiss cheese.

My head thrashes on the pillow. “I’d see homeless people on
the street wondering…wondering when will I be next? Knowing it would…kill me.”

Pulling my hand out of his, I lurch into a sitting position
and press my forehead to my knees.
Crap.
I have a gorgeous man in my bed
and I’m bawling as loud as a baby. Even worse, I can’t seem to stop.

The old fears have such a strong grip on me I barely feel
Carlos’ arms around me, pulling me down to lie next to him face-to-face. His
strong, cuddling embrace absorbs the sobs that rack my body with no signs of
stopping. Time slows down, so I have no idea how long I cry.

By the time my cries turn into hard breaths and then slow ones,
my face is drenched with tears and his chest is also wet with them.

“I’m sorry,” I say, hiccupping.

“Don’t be sorry,” he whispers, kissing my forehead.

“I feel so weak.”

“You’re not weak.” He kisses my cheek next. “You’re strong.”

I wipe my face. “I usually keep this under control.”

His gentle lips move to my chin and kiss that too. “Maybe
you needed to let it out.”

I move my mouth to his, needing his kiss right now more than
oxygen. He strokes my hair as his lips open to mine. They taste of the emotions
I just shared with him.

When my fingers grip his bare shoulders, it’s as if I’m
hanging on to the side of a mountain with danger below my feet. Now that my
mouth has touched his, I can’t stop kissing him. As long as our bodies are
connected, nothing bad can ever happen again.

His tongue sweeps inside me, clearing away doubts and fears
and replacing them with warmth and caring. My pulse speeds up. Our bodies shift
in directions I can’t even track. I barely notice when Carlos pulls off his
briefs and fumbles in the nightstand drawer. The only connection that matters
is our mouths. Gentle but insistent hands undress me and spread my thighs. My
pussy lips, wetter now than my eyes, open with need.

I need this man. I need him as I’ve never needed anything.

When he leaves my bedside—tonight, tomorrow morning or ten
years from now—I’ll die. I’ll simply die.

Oh!
Now we’re connected in a place even more powerful
than our lips.

His cock is warm and reassuring inside me, hugging me from
the inside as his arms do outside. Each movement is a slow rise to the crest of
the mountain and back down, gentle as a breeze.

So tender. So sweet. God, what a wonderful man. We’ve never
done it this slowly. Up to now, we’ve just had sex. This is making love.

His arms encircle my torso and pull me close until we’re
lying on our sides. My thigh finds it way over his hip. Each muscle Carlos
tightens relaxes one of mine. The strong embrace cushions me with a safety I’ve
never felt before.

While he moves inside me, our mouths part, but our eyes keep
the other connection going. Those dark eyes that have always haunted me stare
into my mind and heart, probing close to my soul.

My eyes burn. The muscles in my eyelids twitch. I must look
away. Keep myself separate but I can’t.

We move again, turning to the other side but never losing
contact where our pulsing hips join. When his lips claim mine again, I close my
burning eyes in relief. My breath falters from the kissing and yet the air I do
breathe is the clearest my lungs have ever tasted. His breath fills me.
Accidentally? Don’t know. Don’t care. I breathe it in.

Our bodies don’t stay in one position long. The room lurches
when I find myself upright again, my arms and legs wrapping around Carlos as he
sits on his haunches and rocks his shaft into me. He dances, rotating us into
space. While my head swims in a haze from our constant movement, I’m aware
we’ve accelerated all along. We’re flying now.

The mountain is still there, but we’re not standing on it
anymore. Blue sky. Crisp air. Carlos’ hot cock plunging inside me, keeping us
aloft. Me hanging on, trusting him not to drop me.

His forehead is hot and slick with sweat against mine. So
are our bellies as they slap together with an unstoppable fervor. The scent of
our wet musk hangs around us in a damp cloud amid creaking bed springs and
rustling sheets.

After more restless movements, my body is horizontal again.
How did I get on my back? Before I can adjust, purposeful hands grip my ankles,
upending me and spinning the room out of focus. My knees come to rest near my
armpits while my pussy opens wide, split and completely exposed.

I grunt something insensible when his length penetrates
me—impossibly deep. My mind alternates from the physical world of my rumpled
bed to that airy sky we’re floating in. His sweating shoulders flex beneath my
ankles. He’s working so hard for me…for us. Or is this just a dream?

Arching his back, he thrusts harder, shooting us in a new
direction as the head of his cock connects with the mouth of my womb. No more
secrets… He knows me now, inside and out. Every fear, every weakness…

Don’t let me fall! Damn you, don’t let me fall!

But it’s too late. His shoulders are so slick my ankles slip
off them. We’re plunging into freefall and wind roars past my ears. My stomach
tumbles into my throat and I’m too terrified to scream. An eagle shrieks. No,
Carlos just cried out because he came.

Hot cum fills the condom nestled deeply inside me. The
release of the man I’m so close to flips a switch in the depths of my soul. My
pussy bears down, gripping his cock while my limbs flail against his with a
blind fury that’s completely out of my control as we hit the ground.

I scream as my body implodes and shatters into a million
pieces that float into the sky. This time I drive our movements and he never
lets go as I rock him back and forth across the bed.

Finally I flop on my back and every muscle in my body sighs
with sweet contentment.

Where did he go? The core he filled so deeply a second ago
is now hollow and empty. No!

“That was—” Because my throat is raw from the scream, a
cough swallows my words.

He puts a finger to my lips. “Don’t even try to find a word
for it. There are none.”

Taking a deep breath, I grapple my way back to reality. “I
never knew emotional outbursts could be an aphrodisiac.”

“I wish I’d met you sooner so you wouldn’t have had to go
through your hard times. What about your family?” he asks. “Didn’t they help
you?”

“My father died after I graduated from college and my mother
about five years ago. I have a couple of cousins living out West, but we’re
practically strangers.”

Carlos frowns. “What happened to your hand?”

Because I lifted it when I spoke, he can see where my
fingernails dug into it.

“Nervous habit.” I force a laugh. “It’s a good thing I don’t
have long nails.”

“Well, I have enough family for both of us.” He leans over
and cups my face. “I want you to know you’ll never have to face that alone
again. I’ll always be here for you.”

So much emotion fills me, every bone in my face aches with
it. Did I really tell myself a few moments ago I’d die if he left me? Where did
that come from?

“Thank you. You’re such a wonderful man, Carlos.”

His jaw hardens. “But you still don’t trust me.”

“I want to. I know you have the best of intentions, but your
career has worse age limits than mine. Starting a new one is always risky.”

“The investments I made will get me through.”

I lean up on one elbow. “And what happens when I turn fifty
and won’t look like I do now? You’ll still be gorgeous enough to have women
dropping at your feet.”

“You’ll always be beautiful to me.”

I shake my head. “You’re too good to be true.”

His mouth twitches into a half-smile. “
Gracias
.”

“Carlos, your career is creating fantasies. I don’t want to
wake up one morning and find out this has all been one big fantasy.”

With his dark eyes blazing, he sits up on his knees, pulling
me into the same position. “This is no fantasy. This is real. I have feelings
for you.”

He doesn’t have to tell me. I see them burning in his eyes.

“Hell, I might as well say it.” He dips his head for a
moment and then looks into my eyes again. “I love you.”

He enunciates each word slowly so there’s no mistaking what
he says. Each one pierces me with a million tiny bittersweet darts.

“Carlos…” I whisper.

How did this happen? This was supposed to be a one-night
stand. But no, I had to let it go on and now I’m in a relationship with this
most amazing man. And, Christ, now he loves me! And I’m too messed up to return
it or even appreciate it. He deserves so much better.

The absurdity of it makes me want to cry all over again.

He puts a hand to his forehead, covering his eyes. I can
tell he wants to take those three powerful words back but he can’t. They’re out
there, dangling between us.

“I hope Friday night at the club will change your attitude,”
he says.

“What exactly do you have planned? Spontaneity is great for
sex, but when it comes to life, I need to know what to expect.”

“All I can say is I’m going to prove something to you.”

His gaze locks with mine. Now is my second chance to declare
my feelings. Unfortunately I don’t know what they are right now. Some of them
are so strong and scary I don’t even dare open the door and let them in.

“It’s late. Good night, Carlos.”

We lie next to each other without touching.

“Good night, Janice.”

Although I’m exhausted from my outburst, the thought of
Friday night releases butterflies into my stomach. The night that will make or
break us is only four days away.

Maybe then I’ll know whether or not I can love him.

* * * * *

As Zena and I make our way across the Stallion Palace
parking lot Friday night, I occasionally grab her arm when the spike heels
twist on me. I can’t believe I’m here again.

“Stop slouching,” Zena orders. “Sport those hot clothes
Carlos bought you.”

This girl obviously has expertise in wearing revealing
outfits. Dressed in a tight yellow dress with a faux-fur jacket, she juts her
breasts forward and rolls her hips as she walks.

Inside we show our IDs to the hulk of a door guard and walk
to the window to pay our cover charges. The cashier cocks his head as he takes
in my short skirt, clingy top and mile-high heels. What’s wrong with it? Does
he think I’m a slut?

“Are you Janice Sullivan?” When I nod, he returns our money.
“Your tickets are on the house tonight, ladies. The front-and-center table is
reserved for you. Oh and here are your backstage passes. Enjoy.”