Stripped (12 page)

I
didn’t know and couldn’t think about it now. As confused and swirling as my
emotions were, I was looking forward to my session with Jake. I missed my role
as his submissive, the mental energy it took, and the emotional and physical
rewards I got from his dominance.

The
tower door was open when I pulled up beneath the portico but Jake wasn’t there
to greet me. I got out of the car, walking down the driveway, looking out over
the expanse of backyard visible past the end of the house. The bright sun
earlier in the day had vanished beneath a lowering bank of clouds. There was
that peculiar electric feeling in the air before a storm. It reminded me of the
day on the motorcycle with Chase, being caught in the thunderstorm. I shivered
involuntarily, hugging myself.

“Hey,
there you are.” I turned. Jake was walking down the drive, shirtless and
barefoot in faded blue jeans, tall and confident, his dark hair mussed and
sexy. I felt a swell of emotion in my chest, my eyes filling briefly with
tears. Turning away, I nodded toward the horizon, at the dark clouds building.

“Looks
like something pretty big out there.” I blinked rapidly, hoping Jake hadn’t
noticed. My emotions seemed just a bit too close to the surface, too raw from
my night with Chase.
Maybe tonight isn’t such a good idea.

Jake
wrapped his arms around me, his chin resting on the top of my head.

“Yeah,
it looks to be some pretty intense weather.” We watched the boiling clouds for
a moment, moving closer, blotting out more of the sun.

“The
tower room’s one of the best places to be during a storm. You feel like you’re
inside the clouds, with the wind and rain all around. I used to sleep out here
during really big storms, just for the experience.” He kissed the back of my
head.

“Unless
you’re afraid of them, then it’s pretty terrifying.” He turned me around,
pulling me against his chest.

“It’s
good to have you here, Abby. I’ve missed you, and this.” His hands were warm
and strong against my back, and I felt safe in his embrace. I wasn’t sure what
I had to be afraid of, but standing here, with storm clouds on the horizon, I
didn’t want to leave his arms.

Jake
held me away from him, looking down at me with those beautiful blue eyes. I
couldn’t remember the last time I’d looked up into them.

“Have
you decided what you want to do tonight, Abby? Anything you want to play with?”

I
shook my head. “Not really.” I hesitated, biting my lip. The memory of the
black-haired woman at the club flashed through my mind, the whip biting into
her skin.

“Unless
you have experience with a whip…”

Jake
laughed. “Sorry, I don’t have any experience with whips. They’ve always
frightened me a little. But, I think I can unearth a riding crop. It’s the
same, but different. You might find you enjoy it.” He cocked his head at me.

“Can
I ask why a whip?”

Why
indeed? “Just a thought.” I knew I was blushing to the roots of my hair.
You’re
pushing it here, Abby.

“I
see.” Jake was watching me. “Whip work takes a lot of practice. Guys who are
really good spend years perfecting their technique. I don’t have that
experience. But I think I can handle a riding crop, if that will make you
happy.” He kissed my forehead.

“Are
you ready to start?”

I
nodded; it was safer than opening my mouth. Jake led me up the tower stairs,
leaving me at the bathroom door. He pulled me to him, his skin warm beneath my
fingers, his deep rich smell washing over me, kissing me hard.

The
tears came when I was alone in the bathroom.
And the guilt.
I’d told
another man I loved him and here I was, preparing to let a different man use a
riding crop on me.
You’re losing yourself, Abby.

“If
you don’t want this, then just tell him.” I spoke to my reflection in the
mirror. “This is a no-strings attached relationship; you can get out of it
anytime you want.”

But I
didn’t want to get out. I wanted this relationship, and I wanted it with Jake.

I
splashed cold water on my face, tying back my hair, putting on my robe. The
stairs to the tower room seemed to go on forever.

Jake
was waiting inside the door, looking out the nearest window at the blackening
sky. The rain had started, long streaks slashing across the glass. Lightening
was visible in the distance, but no sounds of thunder yet.

“We
can leave this curtain open; it faces the house. We can enjoy the ambience of
the storm if you like.”

He
turned toward me, his hand on the edge of the curtain. “Are you okay, Abby? If
you’re not up to this, we don’t have to have a session.”

I
shook my head. “I’m fine. I want to do this.”

Jake
crossed the short distance between us. “Okay. We’ll keep it short then. Are you
ready? You’re in submission now.”

I
nodded my head, never quite so glad to not be allowed to speak. There was still
a slight frown on Jake’s face as he reached for my robe.

A
gust of wind-blown rain outside caught my attention. I looked toward the window;
saw Jake’s reflection in the glass. He was standing behind me, not moving,
staring at my back.

“Abby.”
His voice was cold steel.

A
crash of thunder made me jump. I turned around, looking up at Jake. But I
didn’t speak.

“Abby.”
His voice was sharp. “Turn around and look at me.”

I did
as I was instructed. I wasn’t sure what this was, if it was part of the
session. I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to disobey.

“What
is this?” I felt his hands on my arms. I shook my head, both because I didn’t
know and I couldn’t speak.

He
took me by the arm, pulling me across the room to the far side of the big cabinet.
There was a mirror hanging on the side, something I’d never noticed before. He
turned me so my back was to the mirror.

“Look.
Tell me what these are.”

I
looked in the mirror. Along the backs of both arms and along the backs of my
thighs were bruises, many bruises. All of them were the size and shape of
someone’s fingers. Of Chase’s fingers.

“Oh.”

“Oh?
That’s it?” Jake spun me around to face him, his own fingers now digging into
my arms.

“Who
gave you those bruises, Abby? Are you seeing someone else? Are you someone
else’s submissive?”

Anger
flashed in Jake’s eyes. Seeing that in his eyes lit a corresponding spark of
anger in me.

“And
if I am? You said this is a no-strings-attached relationship, Jake. Your words,
your arrangement.”

“Who,
Abby? Who is it?” He was still holding me, almost lifting me on my toes.

I
struggled in his grip. “You’re hurting me, Jake. Let me go.”

He
did, stepping away from me, breathing hard, color rising in his cheeks.

“It’s
Chase, isn’t it.” Not a question; a statement.

“Yes.”
I brushed past Jake, grabbing my robe from the back of the door, pulling it on,
tugging the sash tight.

Jake
ran his hand through his hair. “Why, Abby?”

“Why?
Why not?”

“Isn’t
this enough for you?”  He spread his hands, gesturing around the tower room.
Outside the storm was intensifying, rain pelting the windows, thunder booming
in the distance.

“I’m
not seeing Chase as a sub, Jake. He called after our session, had my necklace…I
went to see him…and it just happened. You were gone.” My voice was ragged,
anger and tears competing, making me gasp. But I refused to give in to the
tears. Not now, not here.

“So
the minute I’m gone, you run to Chase?”

“No,
not like that. I went to get my necklace…and things just spiraled out of
control.” My voice dropped.

“But
it got to be more…” I looked down at my bare feet.

“You’re
seeing Chase, as in a relationship?” Jake sat on the edge of the bed, looking
up at me. He was quiet for a long time.

“Do
you love him? Is that it?”

I
looked up at Jake, tears spilling down my face. I swiped at them angrily.

“I
don’t know. Really, I don’t.”

I
took a step toward Jake. He looked up at me, the pain in his eyes obvious.

“For
what it’s worth, he hasn’t told me he loves me. He can’t…or won’t.”

He
shrugged, shook his head. I knelt on the floor at his feet, my hands on his
knees.

“Jake,
I never meant for this to happen and I never meant for you to get hurt. I can’t
explain why this happened. All I know is I have never stopped thinking about
you.”
Tiny white lie, Abby.

“This
relationship is important to me. I cherish this, what you’ve given me. I would
never have tried this, come this far, experienced what I have if it weren’t for
you, Jake.” I took one hand in mine, kissing his fingers.

“You’ve
shown me things I could never have known.”

“But
that’s not enough, is it. Do you want a relationship? More than this, I mean?” Jake’s
voice was low, still with an edge. I realized he was still very angry, holding
himself so tightly controlled. He could never let go.

I was
exhausted, from my time with Chase, and from Jake’s inability to let go. It
sent me over the edge.

I
stood abruptly. “What I want from you Jake is complete honesty.” I flung the
words at him. He looked startled, before frowning at me.

“I’ve
been honest. More so than you, I’d say.”

“No.
I mean with whatever it is in you that keeps you from just letting go. You
start…you’re so angry now you’re barely holding it back. But you don’t let it
out. Why? What’s making you hold it back? Chase said things that make me think
there’s a whole side of you that I don’t know. He said if we were to have any
kind of relationship, I should ask you what your secrets are. I thought he was
just saying things at first…for whatever reason. But now I think he’s right.”

I was
breathing hard, hands on my hips. I realized I was rambling, words bubbling up
from some deep well of emotion, fueled by my exhaustion and by Jake’s stubborn
ability to let go.

He
looked up at me, the anger back in his eyes.

“You
want the truth? You want to know why I ‘don’t let go’.” He stood, striding
across the room before abruptly turning around, his eyes blazing with what
looked like pain and anger fused into bright blue-white.

“Her
name is Jane. She was my ex-girlfriend. I have no idea where she is right now,
or even if she’s still alive.”

I
sank down on the bed, my legs suddenly shaky.

“We
met here, in Houston, while I was in college, sometime right before I
graduated. She seemed the perfect girl; we were inseparable. It was Jane who
introduced me to this whole damn thing…” he waved his hand around the room.

“She
was an experienced submissive, but her dominant had moved away. She wanted me
to take his place, but I was in way over my head with her.”

He
was pacing in front of me, the words coming out slowly at first.

“I
didn’t have any idea what to do, I told her that. She threatened to leave me; I
guess she manipulated me into becoming her dominant. It wasn’t that I didn’t
have an interest…I did. But it was all or nothing with her. I loved her so
much, and she knew it. She made it clear if I wanted her, she wanted me as her
dominant.

“She
knew about Chase’s club so she took me there a few times, to ‘learn the ropes’
as she said…” His smile was bitter and it scared me. I pulled my knees up,
wrapping my arms around them. I was suddenly cold, as if the temperature of the
room had dropped ten degrees.

“It
wasn’t until we’d had a few serious sessions together that things started going
badly. Our sessions were always very intense, exhausting for both of us, right
from the beginning.
She wanted me to be…forceful, aggressive. And
I was. I held nothing back, not emotionally, not physically, even verbally.
But she started ending the sessions abruptly and then
leaving, with no reason. Not that she needed one, but she would leave with no
aftercare, no explanation. I didn’t know what to do, but then I’d see her the
next day and she’d be fine. Or she’d be back, asking for another session. I
should have asked someone, anyone, for advice. But I believed her when she said
she was fine. And I loved her; I didn’t want to lose her.”

Jake
had stopped pacing. He lowered himself to the floor, sitting down a few feet
from the edge of the bed. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, staring somewhere over my
left shoulder.

“One
night she showed up for a session and it was clear that she was high. I told
her I didn’t want a session if she was drunk. But she insisted,
threatened—again—to leave me. So out of desperation I agreed. We
started, I don’t remember what we’d planned…I don’t think we even got past
getting her on the bed. She disobeyed me purposely. So I told her she needed to
be punished.”