Strife: Hidden Book Four (20 page)

Nain and I drove through the city, back toward the loft. He kept his hand on my thigh, and I let him. We seemed to come to an understanding: I wanted and needed him, and he wanted and needed me, but we weren’t moving forward until I was ready.

I put my hand on his, and he twined his fingers with mine. We drove in silence, and I would have been fairly content (even with all the insanity with my house) if it hadn’t been for Nether fighting against me again. I closed my eyes and started focusing on calming my emotions. Too much. For someone who was supposed to not be feeling anything I was feeling way, way too much of late. The anger and sadness over my house, the panic when I thought we wouldn’t get Shanti to a safe place in time. Nain.

I took deep breaths and tried to settle down. When I’d first started trying to close myself off from my emotions, a few years after my powers manifested, I’d always pictured smooth white marble. I wanted to make myself like that: cold, hard, and pure. I found myself going back to that at times like this. The only problem was that back when I’d done that, I’d had nothing in my life that mattered. It was just me, living in my car and then my house. I had no friends. No family. No interaction with people in general, other than what my job required.

Life was way more complicated when it had other people in it.

My life before had been simpler, sure. The only life I really had to worry about was my own, and I honestly didn’t care all that much. It had taken dying, over and over again, to realize that I’d spent the early part of my career with some kind of death wish.

And now, I couldn’t die even if I wanted to. My life wasn’t the important thing. But now, I had people in my life I cared about. People I loved like family, which is something I’d never thought I’d have. And I wanted to keep them safe. When you have stuff like that on your mind, it’s hard to get to that cold, calm place.

Really, I needed some alone time. As much as I loved my friends and team mates, the fact that I was never alone was making me feel like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I liked solitude. I could recharge when I was alone. It seemed like my life was one extreme or the other; I’d spent the first twenty-four years of my life totally alone, and now it seemed like there was no such thing as being alone.

I would make some time to be alone for a bit somehow, I promised myself as I continued to try to fight Nether back.

Why do you fight me so hard? The demon is right about that, Mollis Eth-Hades. You are a frustrating woman.
Nether’s sinuous voice in my mind. I was surprised. She hadn’t talked to me since that night I’d killed Terror.

I didn’t answer her.

Your line has always believed I’m a monster. That I’m something to fear. Do you even know why I was punished by Nyx?

I focused on staying calm.

“You okay, Molls?” Nain asked, and I nodded, kept my eyes closed.

I was punished because I made the mistake of falling in love. My duty, my life itself was owed to Nyx. But I fell in love with Aether, and he and I became consumed with one another.

I could barely breathe.

We were not supposed to love. We, the Creators, were born of chaos yet our duty was to bring order to the universe. We created everything. The immortals, the very land beneath your feet. There is no place in that for things like love. Devotion. Happiness or sadness.

Yet Aether and I felt it anyway. And we loved, and we kept it a secret.

We fought, as lovers do. Our fights were intense. At one point, Nyx decided we had gone too far. That we’d lost our focus. And she needed places to house her next creations. The immortals came only after Aether and I had been captured and transformed into the realms they call home.

Think about it, little Fury. I have spent millennia serving as a realm, as a prison. My prison all the worse because I watch beings live who are no better than I am. When you needed saving, remember who it was that saved you.

You keep hurting me.
I couldn’t even believes I was talking to the thing in my head. Time to be fitted for a straightjacket.

It hurts me when you use your powers You are only feeling what I am forced to feel.

Why?

You use a lot of power. It is agonizing, and you feel what I feel. I am not doing it on purpose, I swear to you.

I wanted to believe her. She was good. I felt sorry for her, and she already knew me well enough to know that I believed in second chances.

And the fact that she knew me made it harder for me to believe her, because I was almost sure she was playing me. I mean, everyone who’d talked about her had talked about how insane she was. And I’d seen it, the night she’d taken control of me. This wasn’t some poor, helpless, innocent being. She’d purposely caused destruction and used my body to do it.

I can prove to you that I can be trusted. I can help you find the one you seek.

Strife?

I know her as Eris, but yes. I can lead you to her.

Now?

Silence for several moments.
No. Not now. We will need to rid ourselves of the demon first. He interferes with me.

And that did it. She knew what Nain did for me, the way his presence strengthened me and made it easier for me to fight her.

Not a chance, Nether.

And that was when she started raging, calling me every foul name I’d ever heard and some I hadn’t. Her anger, her frustration that she’d believed she’d been close to pulling one over on me and failed, was overwhelming.

I will destroy everything you hold dear.

I will take your life the way mine has been taken from me.

Believe it, little Fury. I will get my chance.

I focused harder, pictured that white slab of marble. Nain squeezed my hand, seeming to know that I needed a little extra something just then, and, eventually, her raging was nothing more than a dull roar at the back of my mind, muted but still very much there. I knew my breathing was elevated.

She was getting harder to fight.

I opened up my eyes and looked at Nain. We were in the parking garage. I had no idea how long we’d been there, but he was still holding my hand, watching me.

He reached into the glove box and pulled out a tissue. He brought it to my nose, and when he pulled it away, there was blood on it. I hadn’t even realized it. He brought it back, held it there, and put his other hand on the back of my neck. His fingers rubbed along the back of my neck as he held the tissue to my nose, and his eyes stayed on mine.

Nether’s pretty pissed at me.

You are white as a sheet right now, baby. I could feel how much power it was taking to control her. Nearly made me puke you were using so much of it.

I think she’s getting stronger.

His eyes were still on mine.
I hate this. How the fuck am I supposed to destroy something that’s living inside of you?

You can’t. No one can. I just have to be stronger.

He pulled the tissue away from my nose, and I took it and shoved it in my pocket. I’d throw it away later. He kept his other hand on the back of my neck, still soothing, still trying to calm me down and lend me his strength all at the same time.

“She tried to tell me she could help us find Strife. She tried to get me to trust her. She was pissed when I didn’t bite.”

“She knows how bad you want it.”

“She told me why Nyx imprisoned her. I think she was trying to make me feel sorry for her,” I said.

Nain was watching me. “Did it work?”

“Kind of. Doesn’t mean I’m going to give in though.”

“I love it when you’re all badass like that,” he said, and I rolled my eyes and opened my door.

We got into the loft and went our separate ways. I spent the rest of the day with E, scouring the city for Strife, and he went out on patrol with Stone. By the time E and I got home, it was very late but I was still full of energy. I took advantage of it and went up to the roof, pounded on the punching bag for a while. I sat and thought, and enjoyed being alone for a little while. I wasn’t ready to climb into bed with Nain again just then, so it’s a good thing I didn’t need much sleep. Not because I didn’t want to be near him, because I very much did. More because if I climbed into bed with him I’d probably end up doing a lot more and that wasn’t a step I was ready to take.

A little after dawn, my phone went off and I glanced at it. Text from Nain.

“Good morning.”

I texted him “good morning” back.

“Feel like going out for coffee w me?”

I smiled. “Are you asking me out on an actual date?”

“We never went on one of those before. Yeah.”

“OK. Give me a few minutes.”

“K.”

I shook my head and smiled again and headed back into the loft. When I got down there, I could feel that he was in his office. I went to his/our room to shower and dress.

A date with my ex-husband. I must be insane.

Chapter Thirteen

I showered and dressed, tossing on my favorite pair of jeans and a red top I hadn’t worn yet. Shanti and Ada were still trying to get me to dress like a girl and every once in a while a new shirt or something would show up in my laundry. Ada had already enjoyed replenishing my clothing stock after the fire. I put on make up and brushed my hair out, left it down. I made sure my enchantment was in place, my wings hidden, my eyes not glowing.

When I went out into the loft, Nain was standing at the kitchen counter. He was on the phone. He watched me hungrily as I headed across the loft and grabbed my shoes from the entry hall.

“Damn,” he said after he hung up. He walked over to me, still staring at me. “The only thing that would be better was if you didn’t have to hide your eyes and wings.”

“They make me look freaky,” I said, shaking my head.

“Not a chance.”
You’re goddamn beautiful, woman. You can feel what you do to me.

I blushed.

“Are you ready to go?”

He nodded and pulled the door open, gestured for me to go through. We drove a few miles, ending up at the Fisher Building.

“There’s a good place in here. Really I just like this building. The coffee could be shit and it wouldn’t even matter,” Nain said. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.”

We parked and walked down the street. Walking into the Fisher Building always kind of took my breath away. Majestic was the only word for it. The tile mosaics, the gleaming floors, the soaring ceilings and amazing Art Deco chandeliers. It was almost impossible to believe that there could be that much beauty put into one building.

We walked through the lobby until we found the little cafe Nain was thinking of, which was the same one I’d come to with Ada once or twice. My hand was in his, and I was caught between wanting to stare at the magnificent surroundings or ogle him.

For the most part, I looked at the building. I’d have time to ogle Nain later.

We walked into the cafe and ordered coffees and croissants and found a table just outside of the cafe, in the lobby. We sat down and I sipped my coffee while I looked around. We chatted about the team, Shanti. How I was feeling regarding Nether. When I glanced back at Nain, he was watching me.

“Of all the things to be looking at in here, why do you keep looking at me?” I asked him.

“Because you’re the best thing here,” he said, and I shook my head.

“This building is amazing. Ada brought me here a few times for lunch. Every time I’ve been in here I find more to look at.”

“I remember when they built this,” he said. “I was on the construction crew.”

I stared at him. “No way.”

He nodded. “I worked on the exterior facade. I still remember the way the stonemasons obsessed over cutting every slab just right. They were like artists. I was just brute force, helping get the slabs up.”

“Wow. So you worked construction and you worked in the factories, right?”

He nodded. “I did a certain job for as long as I could. Once it got to a point where I should have started looking like I aged, I’d move on. There was a lot to do. By the time it started getting hard to find jobs here, I’d already saved up and bought the buildings I wanted.”

“What was your favorite time?” I asked him.

He looked like he was thinking. “I liked the early twentieth century a lot. The city was really starting to become something. And I liked it when I first spawned, when it was nothing more than a fort surrounded by wilderness. Watching all the people start flooding into the city over time was interesting.” He shifted his glance to me. “But my favorite time is right now.”

“What’s so great about now? Things are falling apart. The city’s in decline. We have raging immortals causing trouble.”

“You’re in my life now,” he said, voice low.

I shook my head. “I never knew you were so smooth,” I said, taking a sip of my coffee, trying to cover the fact that I was about to start freaking swooning over him. I am not a swooner.

Not usually, anyway.

He was watching me. “Well I’m hoping to get laid eventually,” he said, and I laughed. He reached across the table and took my hand. “I wish we’d had the chance to do shit like this more often before.”