Stranger and Stranger (12 page)

after: STRANGE

Later

Am wondering about OtherMe. We were hanging out in the treehouse, and for a long time she was staring through the binoculars and laughing her cheeks off. I finally asked her what was so funny. She showed me where to look: Venus Fang Fang’s backyard, where her dogbeast, in obvious distress and agony, was throwing himself at the back door. A woman I assume was Venus Fang Fang herself would occasionally come to the window and stare out at him, looking bewildered.

M
E
: What’s so funny about that?

O
THER
M
E
: I threw my dog repeller into Venus Fang Fang’s yard.

M
E
: [Staring at her. Wondering if she had gone insane.] Why would you do that?

OM: [Staring at me. As if wondering if I were nuts.] Um, for fun?

Varking hamdacks! Am now sitting outside Venus Fang Fang’s backyard preparing to reinstall the polythermal-shielded ceramic discs on her fence, climb over, and remove the dog repeller. Am somewhat surprised that I am willing to risk my personal safety for the comfort of the dogbeast, but his yelps of anguish are truly haunting. Cannot just sit around while an animal is being tormented.

Hope he sees me as his rescuer from suffering, and I come out of this with all my limbs!!!!

Later—hiding in some bushes

Am real grumpy. Was confronted by Venus Fang Fang. She is obviously not the person who built the supercool obstacle course in her backyard.

She has a sour temper, a peculiar accent, and a strong hatred for anyone caught on her property. Our conversation went a little bit like this:

Venus Fang Fang

V
ENUS
F
ANG
F
ANG
: Chald! What are yao daoing in ma backyard?

M
E
: [Her accent grating horribly on my ears.] Ugh! What? Oh. Just…getting my cat collar. Be out of here in a flash.

VFF: And haow dad yao gat in haere?

M
E
: Climbed the fence.

VFF: [Shooting poison glance around perimeter of fence. Zeroing in on my polythermal-shielded ceramic discs. Stalking over to them and snatching them down.] Indaeed. Ah’ll be aover to spaeak with yaor mather in the marning.

Crabs! Am not pleased. OtherMe owes me big-time for this. Am heading underground for some peaceful art-style self-therapy. Am NOT bringing OtherMe. And Binary Larry had better go easy on the cheerful conversation. Am in no mood for it!!!!!

Later

Am hanging out in the lovely sewer, prepping a few north-and east-facing walls for a grand sewer mural. (Sewer Mural = great name for a band.)

Binary Larry got here shortly after I did, but I managed to snap a photo of his insanity/art before he arrived.

Later

Am feeling better. Art-style self-therapy is GOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Am heading home to bed.

June 12

Was just woken from a lovely nightmare about rolling around from one thundercloud to another, getting zapped with painful bolts of lightning, by Mom knocking at the door. OtherMe hid herself in the blankets as I went to answer it.

M
E
: Mornin’, Patti.

M
OM
: So, I hear you disarmed Mrs. Fang Fang’s alarm system and snuck into her yard?

M
E
: [Wishing I could just tell her, “IT WAS THE OTHER ME!!!”] Yep. But I was on legitimate business. Fetching a cat collar.

M: Couldn’t you have just knocked on her door and asked for help?

M
E
:….….….….….….….….….….……….….……………No.

M: [Sighing.] Well, if that’s how it is, you’ll have to deal with the consequences.

M
E
: What consequences?

M: Mrs. Fang Fang would like you to walk her dog, Viscer, once a day for the next week. And look, do me a favor, E. Don’t let me hear about any
more trouble with THAT character. Her accent is brutal.

M
E
: Indaeed.

M: Seriously, she seems like the suing type. And…I don’t know…I’d just like for there to be ONE town on earth where the neighbors don’t fear and/ or loathe us. K?

M
E
: You got it.

M: [Handing me my polythermal-shielded ceramic discs.] [Sighing.] [Leaving in silence.]

Am going back to sleep. Hope I dream of a nice, efficient way to get some payback from OtherMe.

Later—nighttime at last

OtherMe woke me up at nightfall with some truly awful guitar playing. Was giving her the benefit of the doubt for the first five minutes or so, and pretending to myself that she was playing some like really advanced space-jazz-skronk-noodling, but as the moments passed, and her curses got more creative, I realized that she really can’t play the guitar.

Curious!

Am now feeling bad that I wrote such mean-spirited things about her. Still, SHE’S going to be walking that dog.

Later

OtherMe was surprisingly agreeable about walking Viscer and has just left to go over there. As a very mild payback, I told her nothing about Venus Fang Fang. Ahahhahhah. Dogwalking + Venus Fang Fang…should make for a hilariously aggravating session! Cannot wait to hear her report.

Also, as soon as she stepped out the door, I picked up the guitar to see if I had also somehow lost my skills, but a howling rendition of “Blood Gets in Your Eyes” has proven I am as virtuo-spastical as ever. Curiouser and curiouser!!!!!

Later

Have tinkered with the duplication device—3 minutes. Attempted an overhaul of the Oddisee’s memory backup devices—12 minutes. Started to reorganize music collection using an elaborate system of color-coding—6 minutes. I have serious attention deficit tonight. REALLY want to get out of the house, but Mom already saw OtherMe leave to walk the dogbeast…and I DID promise not to hurt her mind with evidence of our duplication…

Am sneaking out the window and heading down to the sewer.

Later

Gabfrax. Not so sure about Binary Larry right now. He was hanging out writing his epic code until around midnight. Have never met anyone so squirrelly. The one thing I cling to is that he is not
nocturnal like me, though he thinks he is. In fact, we had the following discussion about it:

B
INARY
L
ARRY
: Yeah, so, I been coming down here every night since that first night, it’s really great, I really can’t sleep at night, you know, there’s just too many thoughts. Are you like that too?

M
E
: What, manic-psychotic?

BL: Hahaha, no, man, I mean nocturnal!!!

M
E
: Oh. Yes.

BL: Man, do you ever wonder why there isn’t a word for the opposite of nocturnal? I mean, what would that even be, like, “un-nocturnal”? Wow!

M
E
: Um, there IS a word for that. It’s “diurnal.”

BL: Nooooooo…waaayyyy! What does that even mean?

M
E
: [Sighing.]

BL: Oh…right.

Anyway, he eventually rolled out when his true diurnal nature kicked in and he could not keep his eyes open. I should be able to avoid him most of the time, as long as I show up after midnight.

Documentation of my progress on the mural.

Later

OtherMe says she has nothing special to report about her dogwalking episode. That’s right. Nothing…Special…To…Report. Interesting. Anyway, we are heading over to Town Hall now for some quality work on our Manifesto prank. Will write more later.

Later

Shellac!!! Am in lots of pain right now! I bailed out on the skateboard, hard. No bones broken. Not much skin broken. Some bruising. Ego somewhat crushed. Feelings slightly hurt when OtherMe ran to pick up the skate before checking on me. When she saw my look, she was all like, “What, I knew YOU were OK.” But STILL, give a girl the courtesy of checking on HER first, before you pick up the SKATEBOARD, right????

Must shake it off. Visualize the lovely sewer mural. Imagine still, calm, beauteous pools of liquid black rock. Think of the magnificent Master Prank. Reflect on the eyes that will be opened, the souls that will be freed from their Chains of Normalcy by the glorious Manifesto of Strange!