Stanton Adore (28 page)

“I want another chance,” I close my eyes.

“That’s impossible Chris, I am in love with someone else.”

He glares at me. “Who? That douche bag who’s dancing with the stripper.” My eyes drop in embarrassment, I’ve got no answer to that. He’s right Josh is acting like a douche bag.

“That’s him,” Joshua snaps. Oh shit, where did he come from? “Not that it’s any of your business who I dance with.”

Christopher rolls his eyes. “Go back to your whore, pretty boy.” Joshua runs his tongue over the front of his top teeth and glares at Christopher. Christopher returns his angry gaze. I start to panic.

“Chris just go please, I don’t want any trouble.”

He grabs my hand. “Please Tash I need another chance, I can’t get over you. I’m totally fucked over.” Joshua stands back and waits for my reaction, I can feel the fury emanating from him. This is the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had, breaking my ex-boyfriend’s heart in front of my new boyfriend.

“Christopher please you know why we broke up. Our feelings aren’t mutual. You deserve better Chris. I’m sorry, I’m not that girl.”

He pulls a disgusted face at me. “You make me sick Natasha.”

Josh steps forward. “Careful,” he growls.

Christopher turns to him. “Has she told you that she loves you yet,” Josh continues glaring at him but doesn’t answer.

“I take it that’s a yes,” Christopher laughs. “You poor bastard. You’re next. I met up with the ex – ex – boyfriend the other day and she did the same thing to him. Expresses undying love and then poof………… up and left without as much as a hint of guilt. Don’t say I didn’t warn you mate. She’s the fucking ice queen.” Joshua glares at him and I grab his hand.

“Take me home Josh,” he nods.

“When your fucking heart is broken into a million pieces remember this warning,” Christopher snaps. I’m appalled. I have never been so embarrassed. Is that true am I an ice queen? Hot tears start to run down my face as we walk down the outside steps toward the car. He opens the door and I get in and break into full blown sobs. I have hurt two beautiful men because I was too selfish to let them go. Knowing all along in my heart that I could only ever love Joshua. Josh gets in and starts the car in silence, not looking at me. We drive in silence for fifteen minutes. I continue to cry and put my hand on Josh’s leg for comfort and he picks it up and flicks it off his leg. I frown at him.

“Am I fucking next Natasha!” he screams.

“Huh, what are you talking about?” I sob.

“It seems to me there is a pattern here, you’ve already broken my heart once. Is that it? Or are you planning on doing it again. You make men fall madly in love with you and then,” he shakes his head unable to articulate his words.

“What’s with dancing with that girl tonight Josh are you trying to send me insane?” I snap.

“Who are you kidding? You didn’t even care I was dancing with her, you were too focused on your ex.” I roll my eyes and my tears start again.

“Don’t start with the fucking water works, if anyone should be crying it’s me. I already know what’s coming for me as soon as you get bored. You will leave me just like that and move onto your next victim.” he yells.

“I would never leave you. You know that!” I scream.

“You already left me and I’m still not fucking over it.” He screams back. I wipe my eyes angrily with the back of my hands.

“Don’t you dare throw that it my face, I broke up with you for you. I had to save you from yourself you were going to give everything up to be with me and I loved you too much to let you do it.” He pulls up out the front of my building.

“So what’s the excuse with the other poor bastards, I suppose you had to save them from themselves.” I glare at him.

“I broke up with them because I was still in love with you. You asshole. God knows why.” I get out of the car and slam the door. He is hot on my heels. I look over and see the two bodyguards wisely staying in their car. God what must they think? It’s like frigging Jerry Springer around here. We enter the lift and I hit the button, he stays silent, his arms crossed in front of him glaring at me. We get to my floor and he gets his keys out and opens the door. I storm in and head straight for my therapy of choice, a boiling hot shower and he follows me.

“Get out!” I scream.

“No!” he screams back. He sits on the floor outside the shower and I turn my back to him.

“Why are you so mad at me, I’m the one who’s mad.” He snaps.

I frown. “I’m mad because you think you know everything about me and you know nothing. I’m mad because you dare even compare our relationship to any others I have been in. I’m mad because I have given you the best years of my life and you throw it in my face continually.” I can’t help it I break into full blown sobs.

“How in the hell have you given me the best years of your life. We only just got back together.” Oh my god. I grab a bottle of shampoo and hurl it at him. “I said, get out!”

“No. Why is our relationship so different to others, you’re talking shit?” He blows out a breath as he links his hands on top of his head.

“You really want to know? Do you!” I scream. “While you were whoring yourself around the United States of America, I was here waiting like the absolute idiot that I am………… I have never slept with anyone else Josh. You’re the only man I’ve ever let make love to me.” He steps back stunned. “So when you dare compare, what we have, to the platonic relationships I had with other people, I find it insulting.”

His eyes widen. “I don’t understand.”

“No you wouldn’t, because you’ve slept with anyone with a pulse.” I start crying again, frigging hormones.

“Why haven’t you slept with anyone else?” He really is stupid.

“Because I belong to you Josh. My body belongs to you and I could never betray you. When I said that I loved you, I meant it. Unfortunately my love has had to be unconditional, because you never loved me with the same depth that I loved you. I told you once………… Once! That I slept with someone else and you believed it………… and you never came back for me. That’s not love Josh………… trust me I know love……you have no fucking idea. Every god damn morning my google alert would tell me about the tenth girl you slept with that week. And I being the stupid fuck that I am, would cry myself to sleep every night missing you and still deny myself the intimacy that you got from everyone else. Because I couldn’t betray you!” Hearing myself state the pathetic truth hurts and I slump to the floor and burst into full blown sobs. It’s true I have given him the best years of my life and he doesn’t love me the way I have always loved him. He showed me that tonight on the dance floor with that girl.

My god……I’m shocked. Surely this can’t be true. She sits on the bottom of the shower sobbing. I have never felt like such a total prick in my life. It’s true, I have fucked my way around the United States………… and she’s never…………I put my hand over my mouth. I feel sick to my stomach. Tears fill my eyes but I quickly blink them away. It’s not………… possible………… is it? I don’t deserve her. Brock is completely right, she is out of my league. My eyes flick back to her as she sits hysterical on the bottom of the shower. What do I do? How in the hell can I ever make this up to her? And here I am accusing her of planning to break my heart when I’ve been breaking her heart all along. I walk into the shower fully clothed, drop to the floor and pull her onto my lap.

“Baby I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?” I gently kiss her forehead, her chest is racking with sobs. We have put each other through hell. My denial of intimacy with another woman. Her denial sexually with another man. My heart breaks as I watch her sob in despair. I don’t know what to say, I feel helpless. The lump in my throat is back. Why in the hell are we related? I close my eyes in pain. We deserve an easier path. I have never felt such deep regret. I have always loved her, but deep down I couldn’t forgive her for betraying me and now I find out that she never………… God what a mess.

“Precious why didn’t you tell me? When we got back together, you didn’t tell me.” She continues crying and doesn’t answer me. We sit in silence for fifteen minutes as she continues crying. I’m so fucking angry with myself I could punch a hole in the wall. The feeling of raw guilt brings bile to my stomach.

“At first I didn’t want you to be easy on me………sexually,” she whispers.

My eyes widen. “Oh god, did I hurt you” my stomach drops as I remember how hard I was on her the first few times and I close my eyes. FUCK. What’s wrong with me? I should have been able to tell.

“And then I was embarrassed to tell you,” she whispers.

I frown. “How could you be embarrassed to tell me that, it’s the most fucking perfect thing I have ever heard?” She slowly calms down as I continually kiss her forehead. “Come on baby, let’s get you up and dressed,” I stand and take my wet clothes off then I wrap her in a towel. She’s distraught. I’m such a fuck up. She looks up at me.

“I love you Josh,” a lump in my throat forms and I am unable to speak. It happened the other night in the hotel too. The sound of Natasha’s voice. Hearing her speak those words. It makes me weak.

“I……I love you Tash. I never stopped. Please forgive me. I will never doubt you again,” She reaches up and runs her hand down my stubble.

“Don’t leave me,” she whispers with tears in her eyes. Unable to speak I shake my head and bend to take her lips tenderly in mine.

Seven years………seven long years………I’ve waited for this and now I realize the sick truth that I’m undeserving of her love. My heart breaks. It’s been five days since we got back together. Five days she has taken to break down my defences and I have never been more in love in my life, I’m in serious trouble.

Chapter 22

I wake to
find Josh not in bed, I sit up startled. Is he still here? I hear the toaster pop and I smile. He’s making me toast, not protein. That makes for a nice change. He walks in and smiles at me before pulling me into a gentle embrace as he kisses me.

“Hello my beautiful, are you feeling better this morning?” I smile and nod. “I’ve made you breakfast,” he announces. “Come to the table,” he smiles warmly as he pulls me up by the hands. I look down at myself and smile, I notice he hasn’t said anything about my flannelette PJ’s. I must be allowed to wear them when I have my period. I walk out to the table and frown, it looks like a buffet breakfast that hotel had where we stayed at the other night. Croissants, bacon and eggs, muffins and toast and three types of juice. Ok, he’s lost it, I screw my face up.

“So yesterday I got tough shit because I wanted an egg and today I get this,” I gesture to the table. He smiles a little embarrassed.

“Yesterday I was a prick.” I smile as I walk over and give him a gentle kiss, I stroke his face.

“I happen to like you yesterday,” I smirk. He smiles a proud of himself smile. “Sorry about last night”

He frowns at me. “What for?”

“The whole Drama Queen thing.”

He puts his toast down. “You are not a Drama Queen, I was thinking about it while I made you breakfast. If I was you, I think I would have killed me by now.”

“Lucky you’re not me then. What are we doing today? I smile.

“Whatever you want.”

Five o clock after a day of kissing and cuddling and sleeping I wake up toasty in our bed. Josh is lying facing me and I smile as we lie and stare into each other’s eyes. The emotion between us is palpable. As if in silence we have both realized how deeply in love we are, how much we need each other. He holds my hand and gently picks it up and kisses the back of it.

“I know you saved your body for me, but you must know I saved my heart for you. I love you more than anything.” He kisses my hand again and I smile a shy smile. We hold hands as we lie facing each other not speaking………… no words are needed. I have never felt so deeply connected to another human being. Nothing has ever felt so right. He leans and tenderly swipes his tongue through my open lips.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

I frown. “For what?”

He smiles. “For waiting for me.” My heart swells and my eyes tear up.

“You’re worth the wait Josh. I would do it again.” He runs his hands through my hair and kisses my forehead.

“How long do we have to wait? I need to make love to you desperately,” he whispers as he rests his forehead against mine. How is it a twenty seven year old man does not know about women’s cycles?

“How do you not know this?” I tease.

He frowns. “I’ve never had a girlfriend Tash, how would I know these things?” he does wide eyes at me. I smile, I know we could but I’m going to make him wait the week out, let him suffer for a change. And boy is he going to suffer.

Its Wednesday lunch time and I am in the lift on my way up to Josh’s office. We have had the most wonderful week together. Josh has been attentive, loving, funny, and hot as hell. Ridiculously hard the whole time. It’s a wonder he has any blood left in his body. I have been at a conference this morning and have the afternoon off. I purposely dressed in a tight black high waist pencil skirt and silk white blouse with the top button undone and high closed in heels, my hair up and my glasses on. I know Josh loves me in naughty secretary get up. I had a business suite on when he picked me up from work on Monday and he stopped the car twice on the way home to try and molest me. I had to smile when he asked me if I was deliberately prick teasing him, he’s going to kill me when he finds out I have been. It’s just too delicious watching him beg. The lift opens and I am confronted with wall to wall marble and amazing views. There is a large reception area on the left with two pretty blondes sitting behind the desk. I tentatively walk to the desk.

“Natasha Marx to see Joshua Stanton,” I smile nervously. The girls glance at each other and buzz the intercom.

“Yes,” Adrian’s bored voice comes through the speaker.

“Natasha Marx is here to see Mr Stanton.”

“I’ll be right there,” the girls frown at each other. Is that not normal? I stand awkwardly on display as the girls look me up and down. Adrian bursts through the security door.

“Hi baby,” he gushes and wraps me into an embrace and kisses me on the temple. Way to embarrass me in front of the staff. He smiles and pulls me toward the doors. “Show’s over ladies back to work,” he snaps. The two girls immediately put their heads back down and start to look busy. Shit, Adrian’s a mean boss………who knew. I thought he was a butter ball. He pulls me by the hand through a large room that is surprisingly empty with only about fifteen desks with computers and men sitting behind them, they are typing so fast it looks like they are pretending. “What are they doing?”

Adrian shrugs. “Some are designing and some are hacking.”

I frown. “Hacking……… Do you hack? I thought this was a reputable business,” I ask.

He smiles. “We are just checking facts, medical stuff. Nothing important.” Some are dressed in suites and some are in jeans and hoodies. Hmm, what is the dress code for this place? I am then lead through another set of double doors to a huge office. The whole back wall is glass with an amazing view over Sydney. There is a huge desk in the middle of the back wall facing the door.

“This is my office,” Adrian smiles.

“Nice,” I nod, impressed.

“Josh is just training, he will be about ten minutes. Do you want to go into his office and watch?” I smile and nod. I walk through another set of doors and into in the most impressive office I have ever seen, holy shit. Another huge glass wall looking over the city adorns the space. There is a conference table with at least twenty seats to one side of the room, a desk at the back and then to the left is a glass wall looking into another room. And there he stands………my prince. Looking unbelievably hot in a grey pin stripe suit and I have to say, unbelievably smart. He is standing in front of about twenty students writing on a whiteboard. A huge computer screen hangs behind him erected on the wall. They are all in front of computers and are following his instructions. Every now and then he grabs his mouse and shows them on the large screen what he is doing as he talks into a microphone thing attached to his ear. Intelligence is just so………… sexy.

“Who is he training?” I ask.

“He runs these competitions where computer kids from around the world have to hack into his set traps and uncover the hidden formula.”

“Why does he do that?” I frown.

Adrian smiles. “Because he likes to set the traps more than they like to do them and it exposes him to the most talented computer geeks on the planet.” Ah, the penny drops.

“He’s recruiting” I ask.

Adrian smiles. “Yes they think they are here to learn and they are, but what he hasn’t told them that the top five will get internships with us.”

“And an internship is valuable is it?” I frown.

“Learning from Josh is like winning the frigging lottery, the man is a genius.” My mind goes into overdrive and I ask the question I have been dying to.

“Adrian why is Josh so heavily guarded?” He gives me a sympathetic smile.

“Josh has a lot of jealous people around him Tash. It’s not so much him that they are after, as his mind.” I frown as I try to comprehend what it must be like to be that smart. I shrug my shoulders and smile, guess I’ll never find out. I sit on his desk. A smile plays on my lips as I imagine him in this office when we first started hooking up. Now that I know him better and am fully aware that he had feelings for me all along. I know he would have been unbearable to be around during those first few weeks. Poor Adrian………and Cam. What did Cam say the other night? Hmm that’s right, Josh follows him around stressing him out, I smile at the thought………why do I find that funny? I look back to my Adonis in front of his class and I feel a familiar pull to him, never have I been so attracted to another human being. No other male even exists when he’s in the room. As I sit in his office hanging off his every word his eyes drift over to where he spots me sitting on his desk. Our eyes lock across the room. I can hear what his body is saying to mine, my body instantly softening under his gaze. Preparing itself for his onslaught. He looks me up and down and immediately cracks his neck. Bingo. I smile and he calls for lunch and wraps up his class. He walks into his office, grabs me by the hand and pulls me around the corner away from the sight of his class and pushes me up against the wall. Then he is on me. His powerful kiss leaves me breathless as he grabs both sides of my face.

“Jesus, what the fuck are you wearing Miss Marx. Are you offering me yourself on a platter? Just looking at you is driving me crazy with lust. But you already know that, don’t you?” he smiles into my neck as his lips fall down to where my shirt meets my shoulders, his mouth hungrily running over my goose bump covered flesh. I smile and pull his mouth back to mine, it has been five days since we made love and I have to say in all honesty. I am gagging for it, his words not mine. His hard erection digs into my thigh and he grabs my behind to pull me onto it. I won’t even make it to lunch at this rate.

“Josh we are going out for lunch remember.”

“I’ll have you for lunch,” he whispers, smiling into my neck. Hmm that does sound more appealing I have to admit.

“We can’t, I invited Adrian.”

He immediately pulls back and frowns at me. “Why? I wanted you to myself.”

I smile. “Because I need to get to know him seeing he is probably going to be my only friend in LA.”

“You have me and I can be a friend with very, very” he pumps his hips into me, “good benefits.” He runs his lips down my neck again and my eyes close at the contact. I can’t even play hard to get, who am I kidding?

“And Cam, you will have Cam,” he raises his eyebrows as if talking to a child.

“Cam’s going to be a Doctor doing shift work at a hospital and when he’s not there………Let’s face it, he will be playing Dr Dreamy in bed. Besides I have a lot in common with Adrian.” He smiles and nods as if understanding my point.

“Come on then,” he releases the tight hold he has on my body and I feel the loss of the contact. “Let me give you a tip Miss Marx,” he growls as his eyes drop to my skirt and then back up to my breasts. “If you want to make it through lunch without being fucked on the table, you had better change clothes, this whole secretary thing you have going on,” he waves his hand up the length of my body “Is making me so hard I might break you.”

I smile and bite my lip. “I didn’t bring any spare clothes………Mr Stanton. I hope I don’t get into trouble………sir,” I whisper darkly. Two can play this game, if he wants to play bosses and secretaries, he had better well be good at it. He smirks a smile and does up my top button. His eyes linger on my lips.

“You’re a beautiful slut,” he turns me so my back is to his front and pulls me against his erection. “I can’t wait to fuck you with those glasses on,” he bites my neck hard from behind and smacks me hard on the behind as he pushes me forward.

We walk out through to the lobby to wait for Adrian with our hands linked and I am immediately made aware by the amount of attention we are getting, it is obvious that they have never seen Joshua with anyone. All of his workers are taking a double take at the affection between us. The two female secretaries literally swoon at the sight of him, so much so I don’t think they even notice I am actually on the other end of his arm, silly bitches. Hmm mental note, watch out for secretaries, he seems a little too interested in secretary get up for my liking. Adrian joins us and the three of us head to lunch together with our three bodyguards trailing behind us. Is this necessary, it all seems a bit dramatic? We go to a place a few blocks from the building and head into the reception. We are greeted by a waitress who’s eyes linger a little too long my two lunch dates, she doesn’t even look at me, how annoying. Honey wipe the drool from your chin it’s kind of embarrassing. While we are waiting to be seated a bustle comes through the restaurant, a group of reporters have just spotted someone and are rushing toward him as he leaves the restaurant. I turn to see who they are looking at and I see my boss Henry walking towards me.

“Hi Natasha, you guys having lunch?” I nod and smile and turn to introduce Adrian and Joshua when I am literally stunned to silence. My absolute guru, Nicholas Anastas is walking up behind Henry. My eyes literally pop from their sockets and luckily Henry knows what’s going on in that messed up head of mine and takes over the introductions.

“Hi I’m Henry, Natasha’s boss and this is Nicholas Anastas”. Joshua shakes Henry’s hand first “Joshua Stanton,” he smiles and then shakes Nicholas’s hand. “Joshua Stanton,” he smiles again. I am standing stunned to my core. This man is the most brilliant Psychologist on the planet and has written the very Bible of Psychology. He is a world famous Author. I am totally dumbstruck…I have no words.

“This is Natasha Marx she works with me.”

Nicholas shakes my hand and smiles. “Hello Natasha.”

Oh my god he touched my hand………freaking out right now. “Hello,” I nervously smile, he then turns his attention to Adrian and they shake hands.

“Nicholas Anastas,” he nods and smiles.

“Adrian Murphy,” Adrian smiles. They stay shaking hands a little too long and I have to say the chemistry between them is off the charts. Nicholas is an older……maybe forty ish, European, 6ft2, gorgeous man and in perfect physical condition. He is wearing a Charcoal suite and I am a little in awe of his beauty, he is so much better looking in person than I ever imagined. He has a presence…………like Joshua and Adrian. I think all powerful and dominant men have it. His and Adrian’s eyes are locked on each other. What the hell? Adrian’s eyes widen at the contact and Nicholas frowns as he looks down at their hands.
Shit, what is going on here
? Adrian pulls his hand out of Nicholas’s grip a little too quickly and looks nervously to me as he swallows.