Spark (22 page)

“Eric?” I shout over the loud roaring of helicopters in the air.
A handful of them turns around and look at me, stopping their conversations.

And then I see his beautiful emerald eyes.

Oh, holy hell.

“Velaney?” I finally hear his sweet
voice. God, I miss that voice…that southern tone. He drops his helmet and jogs to me, passing the other guys to get to me. Eric’s face shows fear and confusion as his face gets clearer and closer to mine.

I’m not sure what I expect him to say, or even what I might say. I want to erase everything horrible I said to him
, and just kiss him. I want to rip off his uniform and feel his skin against my skin. I want him…
I want everything.

“
Wh-what are you doing here?” he asks, inches away from my face. I can tell he’s been out here a long time. He has dark circles around his eyes and his skin smells like smoke.

“I needed to see you,” is all I say. I want to tell him a million reasons why I’m here, but I just can’t. I can see the heartbreak in his eyes. The heartbreak I gave him…

“You can’t be here, Velaney. It’s too dangerous.” Little did he know how much danger I had just been in.

“I need to talk to you!” I plead, making sure he hears the eagerness in my voice. He has every right to push me away, to ignore me, and want nothing to do with me. But I’m relieved and happy when he doesn’t.
Instead, without saying a word, he grabs my shoulders and leans in. He presses me hard against his chest crushing his lips to mine. My whole body releases against him, giving in to every need and desire. The kiss begins sweet and gentle, but as the eagerness increases, he presses his lips harder against mine, making the kiss greedy and rough.

I wrap my arms around his bulky waist and press myself against him as hard as I can.
With his uniform still on, I can’t feel his skin against mine, but I’ll take whatever I can right now. The way his kiss makes me feel—it’s undeniable what he does to me.

He suckles my bottom lip with his teeth as he lets out a deep moan. It completely sets me off, and I further the kiss, pushing my tongue deeper into him. The way he tastes is unimaginable—like perfection.
His hands make their way to my face, placing a hand on each side of my face. Our bodies are pressed up against each other, leaving little room to move my arms. I want to touch him, feel him, and caress every inch of his flesh.

The kiss heats up as the intensity increases. I miss him. I miss us. He has given me more than I could ever explain—he’s given me my life back.

I completely melt into him, letting his body support mine. It feels incredible to be in his arms again. The way they wrap around me so effortlessly—as if they were made just for that purpose…to hold me.

He breaks the kiss slowly, giving us both a chance to catch our breath. It wasn’t the smoke or ash this time leaving me breathless. He leans his forehead against mine, clinging his hands to my cheeks
. I close my eyes, letting our breathing sync together.

Before I can begin talking, Eric speaks up. “You need to go back home, sweetheart. This isn’t safe for you.”

“It isn’t safe for you, either. I need you, Eric. I need to explain,” I plead, not wanting his body to separate from mine.

“This is my job. I have to be here, you don’t.”

“Please, I have so much I need to say, Eric.”

“I know, sweetheart. But now isn’t the time. Let’s just leave it at th
is—most beautiful and perfect kiss I’ve ever had.”

I back up slightly, looking into his eyes. They look torn—as if I just gave him an ultimatum.

“What do you mean ‘leave it’? I ask confused, heartbroken almost.
No, he can’t mean that…no way.

“Velaney, please. I’ve spent the last few weeks miserable and shattered. That was a perfect goodbye.”

“I don’t want it to be goodbye, Eric! No! That’s why I came all the way out here. You need to let me explain, please!” I beg as he begins to push away from me.

“Sweetheart, please. Don’t make this harder for you than I know it must be. You aren’t ready for this. You aren’t ready to be in a relationship. I finally understand that now. And I love you enough to let you go—to let you grow, develop, and figure out what you want.”

“Eric, no. You don’t understand. I am ready. I was ready! It wasn’t what you think, I swear!” The tears unwillingly streak my cheeks. I can’t believe he’s saying this. Why won’t he let me explain? Why is he pushing me away?

“I have to go.” He begins to back up, locking his eyes on mine. I see the pain…the sorrow…the damage I’
ve caused. “I love you, Velaney.”

“Eric, please! Don’t leave me!” I yell, dropping to my knees as I beg him to stay.
I hear a few of his friends yell for him as their chief gives them orders to move to another location. He glances at me one more time before putting his helmet back on, and leaving with the other firefighters. “Eric, I love you!” I scream, but it’s too late. He’s already gone.

Gone.

“The wildfire is roughly sixty percent contained. However, it remains to be extremely violent and dangerous—killing anything in its path. Residents of Santa Fe are being told to evacuate until the fire is under control.”

I sit in my hotel room and watch the news religiously, hoping and praying for a miracle.
I’m not sure why Eric is being the way he is, but I’m not leaving until I talk to him. Nope…the new me—strong, brave, and determined me—is following through. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get Eric to listen to me. There’s no way I can tell him about Aiden because I fear he’ll then go after him. However, I’ll need to convince him I can handle this—handle a relationship.

I never knew this feeling existed. It’s foreign, strange, and
heart wrenching—but now that I have it, I’m not letting it go. Eric has made me feel whole again. He makes me feel needed, loved, and the way he’s always saving me—he makes me feel desired.

A faint knock sounds at the door,
jerking me from my thoughts. I ease off the bed quietly, wondering who could be here. I look through the peephole and see Eric standing there. I’m so frigging excited that it’s him, I rush to unlock the door.

“Eric!” My eyes light up at the very sight of him. God, he looks gorgeous.
I can tell he’s been working nonstop by the way his eyes and face look—exhausted and overworked, but still stunning.

“Velaney,” he says in a rough, quiet tone. Not exactly the reaction I was
hoping for. “You can’t be here. You have to go home.”

“
You are my home, Eric.” I plead, standing my ground. My eyes are begging him to listen, but knowing he has every right to hate me. My plan is to prove to him how much I want him—how much I need him.

“I can’t do my job knowing you are in danger,” he replies quieter this time, almost desperate.

“Then please, talk to me,” I beg, hoping he hears the eagerness in my voice.

He checks his watch quickly and says, “Fine, but I don’t have much time.”

I’m saddened by the way he’s acting, but I guess I should have been prepared for that. I’m trying as hard as possible not to straddle him right now and forget everything bad that’s happened with us.

He sits on the edge of the bed and waits while I shut and lock the door again. I slowly walk back to him and make my way in between his legs. I need to be able to focus, yet I can’t help the desire I feel to have him close.

He continues looking down—defeated almost. I place a finger under his chin and push his face up to look at me. It surprises me to see him like this—so down and worried.

“I’m sorry, Eric.
I’m so sorry for everything I said…everything I did…for hurting you like I did. I didn’t mean it. Any of it. I swear.” I keep my voice soft, keeping my eyes locked on him.

“I’m so in love with you Velaney. It’s so fucking hard to see you right now.” His voice is low, sounding hurt and frustrated.

“That’s why I came to see you. You have no idea how bad I’m hurting, how bad I wish I could take everything back—how bad I miss you.”

“How bad
you’re
hurting?” He raises his voice, opening his eyes wider to scold me. “You broke my heart! I gave you everything! I opened up to, I…I—you slept with me, Velaney and the very next day, you break up with me!”

Shit. He’s mad.
No…make that frigging furious.

“Eric, you have every right to be mad—”

“Mad? No…no…no. Apparently, you don’t know me as well as I thought. I have
never
told a girl that I loved them. I gave you that, Velaney. You.” I want to burst into tears right now. I feel like a complete jack-hole. His face is hurt, battered, and torn. I feel like dying.

“Eric, please. I am so
so sorry. I can explain—”

“You can’t explain, Velaney. You told me how you felt. There’s no taking that back.” He stands up, making me back away from him. He begins
to walk toward the door and I panic. I have to do something.

“Wait!” I beg, pulling on his arm. It doesn’t do any good considering he’s practically all muscle. “It was because of Aiden,” I accidentally blurt out.
Crap.

He whips his body around, now facing me. His eyes go from
sad to furious. I regret saying it the second it comes out.

“You broke up with me because of Aiden?” he asks, raising his brows
. I can tell he’s mad…but curious.

“I didn’t want to tell you.
”

“Well, now you have to, Velaney.”

“Aiden threatened me. I was scared. I was afraid he’d come after you, so I had to break up with you.” I keep my voice low, hoping he sees I’m being honest. Instead of engulfing me into his arms as I had hoped, he turns back around and walks out—slamming the door behind him.

I fall to my knees, crashing my hands against my face as the tears fall down.
This pain—this feeling—is the worst feeling I have ever felt.

I don’t run after him because I can’t
bear to see his pained face. I let him down. I broke his heart and crushed his soul. I was wrong about myself before—I’m not ready for this. I’m a complete mess—a wreck.

“Lane, what’s wrong?” Carissa asks in a panic as I sob uncontrollably over the phone.

“I—Eric—leave,” is all I blurt out in between tears and trying to catch my breath. “I—he—God, I’m a fucking mess!” I can hardly believe the word comes out—it just slips right out, but for the first time since Aiden threatened me, I don’t care. I don’t care what the word represents, what
might
happen now that I’ve said it, or what memories it brings me.
I don’t fucking care.

“Okay, Lane, breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out.”

“I’m fine, Riss!” I shout back, needing her to stop coaxing me. “I messed up. I messed up huge this time,” I explain, getting my ability to talk back. “I told him about Aiden and he ran out!”

“Oh god, Lane. Why?”

“It slipped. He was leaving, he wouldn’t listen to me, he—told me I broke him.”

“Wow, you two are more messed up than I realized.”

“What do I do, Riss? He has this look in his eyes—it’s almost unexplainable. It’s like a mixture of hurt and passion.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Yeah.”

We talk for hours.
I run down the whole scenario more than once. She’s trying to understand it just as I am still trying to understand it. How did I let this happen?
How could I let it happen?
I’m such a fool. Finally, I feel like the light just came on.

“
I can’t lose Eric. I can’t let Aiden win by running Eric off. No. Fucking. Way.”

“I see you got your F word back,” Riss teases.

“And it’s staying. I don’t care what the word represents anymore. I won’t let it control my life. I need to get him back, Riss.”

“And you will. Just give him time. He probably just needs guy time to chill and think it through. He’ll come back.”

“You promise?” I whine, puckering my lower lip out even though she can’t see it.

“He’d be a fool not to.”

Too bad, I’m the fool.

We hang up finally, and I decide to shower. I completely messed up things with Eric today. I feel determined to do something for him tomorrow—something huge
—something that he’ll take serious so that he knows I love him and need him just as much as he loves and needs me. Yes, operation plan C is in full motion.

***

I never told anyone this—not even Carissa, but I can sing. I mean, I can really sing. It’s never been something I shared. I didn’t want the spotlight—or to be a pawn in my mother’s so-perfect life. I realized I could sing when I was only eleven years old. After so many horrific nights of Aiden sneaking into my bedroom, I found a way to cope—to deal with the way my family treated me. I began singing in my room and as the nights got worse, I began writing down lyrics. I guess you could call it
my hidden talent.

It wasn’t something I was embarrassed of—rather it was something I wanted to keep just for myself. It feels like it’s mine—no one can touch it, or have it. It’s my voice—my feelings—my outlet.

I used to sing in my backyard whenever I would go hiding from my family. Sometimes I’d sing in the shower when I knew no one was around or even in my bedroom late at night when I had so much built up emotion and no way to release it. It was my way—my voice that got me through those inconceivable moments.

If Eric wasn’t going to liste
n to what I have to say, I will have to be creative. I woke up with a feeling of empowerment. Perhaps it’s waking up in a different city that has me feeling so optimistic and fearless, but I’m taking it all in. I watch the news after I shower. I want to make sure the wildfire is still contained. The news anchor is happy to announce it’s over 70 percent contained and is no longer reaching the higher populated areas. I smile as I feel relief in hopes that Eric won’t have to stay here much longer. If my idea goes as planned, Eric and I will get be back in each other’s arms by sunset.

I plaster a smile on my face as
I am greeted by the receptionist. We didn’t hit it off so well the last time, so I’m going to go with…
pleasant and sweet Velaney
.

“Hi, how may I help you?” she asks, almost choking on the politeness that comes out of her mouth.

“Hi, I’m actually looking for some assistance.” She nods and I continue telling her what I need. Surprisingly, she’s incredibly helpful and even begins to gush about how sweet my plan is. I leave out a few details of course, but she gets what I’m trying to do—
win my boyfriend back.

After grabbing all the supplies I need, I find an eager news anchor willing to capture my moment. I’ve never in my life
done anything like this before—never put myself out there—never publicized myself like this. But he was worth it.
Eric is worth it.

I do a few warm up notes and shake the nerves off. The receptionist at the hotel, who later I found out is named,
Kelly, helped me find everything I would need—speaker, microphone, and thirsty TV crews itching for a story.

And action.

It’s two in the afternoon before I’m finally set up and ready. A little birdie—off duty firefighter—told me when Eric’s crew would be back at the hotel for their breaks. They have the firefighters work in shifts to keep from overworking them in the heat. I’m all set up in the hotel’s ballroom. It’s a huge and elegant space decked out in full-on charm décor. Lights—tulle—chandelier—all ready in my advantage.

I post signs out in the lobby to grab his attention and to direct him to where I am…

Eric, this way.

Keep going.

Getting warmer.

Scalding.

Since the day I met you…you saved me.

And now…I am saving you.

I want to save Eric—save him from his heartache. Heal his heart—mend his shattered soul—save his faith in me.

The last sign leads him right to the ballroom. The lights are completely off as I stand in the middle of the floor, waiting
for him, and anticipating his entrance.

As soon as I hear him step in, the lights flicker on. A friendly hotel sta
ff member, Ashley, agrees to help me out with the lights, and I was lucky enough to find another one who just happened to bring his guitar. His name is Jeremy and he seemed more than willing to play for me. It was a good thing Ashley had just been engaged—she was all mushy when I explained my plan to her.

Before the spotlight hits me, I begin…

I can’t explain it

But I feel it

The spotlight meets my face, and I raise my eyes to find his. I can see he
has a look of surprise and awe. I smile as I continue.

The way I feel

It’s so surreal

These feelings I feel…are something unreal

I was so scared

Of losing you

When we first met

I fought with myself

I didn’t know how…to let you in

And then I realized, I need you

Just as much…as you need me

Things didn’t go as planned…

Pretty much the story of my life.

And now I’ve lost you, and I can’t go on

Don’t want to move on

The way I feel

It’s so surreal

These
feelings I feel…are something unreal

I was so scared

Of losing you

Losing you…something I can’t bear

Makes me scared…because I need you

And I know you need me

I can’t help the way I feel

I regret letting you go…