Spark (8 page)

“What are you making?” I ask, seeing a counter-filled of grocery bags.

“Waffles, eggs, French toast, and hash browns.”

“You know this isn’t a frat house, right?” I smile, teasing the fact that he thinks girls eat all this in the morning. I barely
eat a granola bar in the mornings. I need time to wake up.

“You girls need your strength after working all night. Plus, I like my girls
with an appetite.”

Huh
?

“That’s not what I’ve noticed,” I spat out
a little too quickly.

He turns and glares at me. I feel the blush rising to my cheeks, immediately regretting that last statement.

“And what does that mean exactly?” He crosses his arms across his wide, broad chest.

Fine, let’s play this game.

“I’ve seen you with a couple girls. They are all skinny-minis. I doubt they have an appetite.” I laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.

Before he can answer, Carissa
wags her butt in the kitchen in only a t-shirt and panties. “Yes, waffles!”

She bends down to grab one off the plate and starts going to town. Eric and I stay silent, watching her.

“What?” she asks with a mouthful.

“Velaney thinks I’m a man whore.”

“What? I never said that!” I gasp, standing up. “I never said anything even remotely close to that!”

“Lane, chill,” Carissa says, pulling my hand to sit back down. “Dude, what did you do to my girl?” she asks Eric, now scowling at him.

He doesn’t respond, but instead he just keeps cooking. After a long ten minutes of silence, he places the rest of the food in front of us, and then smiles.

“Well
, ladies, enjoy your breakfast and your day.” He grabs his jacket and walks to the door. I hop off the stool and try to reach for him before he leaves.

“Eric, wait!” I call out, reaching for his arm.
He turns abruptly, staring at me thru his beautiful eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’
s fine, Velaney.” He’s standing closer to me now, studying my face.

“I don’t want you to leave
mad,” I say quietly, unsure of what he is thinking.

“I told you before. I could never be mad at someone as beautiful as you.” His upper lip curls up in a slight smile, making the tingles reappear.

“Why do you say stuff like that, Eric?”

“Because you are beautiful. Do you not like me saying it?” he asks, stepping closer once again, if there was even any space left between us.

“I love it.” His eyes are intense, and before I can protest, he crashes his lips to mine. My hands immediately flock to his head, squeezing his hair between my fingers. His arms wrap around my waist, clenching me tight against his chest. It feels amazing to be in his built, strong arms. He squeezes lightly against my back, urging me to stand on my toes.

His mouth covers mine, making me eager to feel every part of him. His tongue sinks into me, exploring my mouth with his. He tastes incredible, making me hungry and eager for more. He turns us around, slamming me
into the door as he cups my thighs and lifts me up. My legs automatically wrap around his waist as he grounds his hips into me making me feel the fullness of his pants.

I completely let loose around Eric. Something I’ve never been able to do. Something I’ve never wanted to do. Yet, here we were.

A deep, husky moan slips from his throat as he presses us firmer into the door. His lips move from my mouth down to the nape of my neck, giving me a rush of emotions that are completely uncontrollable. I tilt my head back, giving him full access to me, begging him for more. The way my body responds to him doesn’t make any sense to me, but in this moment, I don’t dare question it.

“God, Velaney…I’
ve wanted your legs wrapped around me for so long,” he mumbles, dropping his lips to my collarbone, suckling it before he makes his way back up to my mouth. “You taste fucking amazing,” he growls, bringing me back to Earth. The way he rumbled the F bomb, suddenly brought me back to when I was eight years old.

“Stop!”
I push him away, and unwrap my legs from him. “Please, just go.” I walk around him and aim for my room.

“Velaney, wait! What did I do?”

“I can’t be another one of your skanks. I can’t be that girl you sleep with and never call again. I just can’t.” I pause and breathe in. “Go home, Eric,” I mumble, closing my bedroom door shut. I feel like a moron. No, make that…
complete moron
. I can’t believe what I just did. I sink to my feet as I slide down the door, crashing my head into my hands as the wet tears drip from my eyes. They fall down my swollen, moist lips that were just attacked by Eric.
Ugh, why did he have to taste so incredible?

I know I’m screwed up. Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. One swear word and I completely break down.
I’ve heard Carissa swear a thousand times and it’s never affected me the way it just had.

“Laney!” Carissa shouts through the door banging with her fist. “Let me in!”

I scoot over to the other side and slowly turn the handle, giving her access.

“Oh
, dear lord, what happened?” She notices my bloodshot eyes and the way I’ve been chewing on my lower lip.

“I’m a complete
mess. I knew this would happen. Why did I even think I could be with anyone?”

She stares at me a minute, clenching her lips together. I look over and see her rough eyes. “Get up. We’re going shopping.”

“Is this necessary?” I ask as Carissa drags me to the third store.

“Not only is it necessary, it’s a matter of life and death, Lane.”

“You are such a drama queen,” I tease, opening the door to another clothing store.

“Hey, shopping makes you feel good. It gives you endorphins or something along those lines…anyway, shopping is good for you! So suck it up!”
She links her arm in mind, dragging me to the back of the store.

“If you say so,” I mumble, letting her take the lead.

“Plus, you are hot, Lane. You just need to start feeling that way and maybe you’ll be more confident in who you are,” she says sincerely.

“It’s not that I’m not
confident, Riss. You know me. You know how screwed up my childhood was. Who’s going to want me once they find out? I mean, really. My family didn’t care to protect me, and now look at how screwed up I am.”

“Listen to me, Velaney Rose Wills. You.
Are. Not. Screwed. Up. You are perfect. Fuck your family and fuck them for allowing Aiden to hurt you. He’s a bastard and always will be. But I am your family now, and I am telling you how wonderful, sweet, and perfect you are. Don’t let what they did to you then define who you are now. They don’t deserve that. They don’t deserve any part of you.” The way she expresses herself to me is overwhelming. I begin to tear up at the way she talks to me and looks at me. She can see right through me no matter how damaged I am.

“I love you so much, Riss.” I pu
ll her in and squeeze her tight, letting the few tears that slip out run down my arm. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I pull her back just slightly. “I will try, Riss. But part of me doubts I can ever be
normal.
I feel like I’m going to screw everything up. I mean, look at how much I’ve already screwed up.”

“You have two amazing guys who are dying to be with you. You are not going to screw it up…okay, maybe you will a little, but everyone does! So don’t let that discourage you.”

“Eric is going to think I’m a complete nutcase. He kissed me so passionately, with so much need and desire, and not only do I reciprocate the same feelings, I go and push him away! And then there’s Alex.” I let out a long moan. “He’s so frigging sweet.”

“Girl, it’s about damn time you have normal boy issues. For awhile, I thought we’d have to have the sex talk or something.” I
shove her slightly, finally able to smile back at her.

“Alex asked me out for dinner. Part of me wants to go.”

“Then go. It’s harmless. You aren’t dating anyone…you are a free, single woman! Plus, you get a free meal,” she teases, smiling as she picks out a few shirts from the rack.

“And the old Carissa is back!” She laughs and shoves a few shirts in my direction, motioning to go try them on.

Is that what relationships are like?
The highs, the lows, the bumps, the uncertainty? I’m so afraid of getting my heart broken, but worse, I’m afraid of breaking someone else’s heart again.
What if I can’t give them what they need?
I know a part of me will always be damaged by what Aiden did to me, but how can I let that go?
How do you let your past go so you can finally focus on the present?

Carissa and I finish shopping and come home with four new bags. I agree to let her pick clothes out for me since I have no idea what to wear on a date.
I mostly wear dress clothes to work at the University, and Carissa usually picks out my outfits for when I bartend.

“Alright girl, let me see that ass!” she shouts from the living room, waiting as I try on outfits.

“This is embarrassing,” I mumble, coming out to face her.

“Holy hell woman. You have a sexy body! That dress hugs you in
all the right places.”

“Stop hitting on me.” I stick my tongue out, spinning so she can take in the whole view. “You really think it looks good?”

“Yes, Laney, I do. You really are gorgeous. Just try to forget about everything bad that’s ever happened. Don’t give any of those fuckers the satisfaction that their choices affected yours. You are better than that.”
God, I love this woman.

“You’re the best, you know that?”

“Yes.” She smiles. “Now go show me more outfits!”

After trying on several outfits, Carissa helps me find the perfect dress that
stops just above my knees and hugs tight against my chest. She throws shoes at me and tells me to pick out a necklace from her jewelry box.

“Is all of this really necessary for a date? I
mean what if I’m overdressed or something?” I ask, sounding worried. I don’t even know where Alex is taking me.

“You are going to look stunning, Lane. And yes, it’s necessary. You look confident, yet with a good sense of morals.”

“Well, geez, thank goodness for that!” I huff a laugh at her, shaking my head. “If anything happens with Alex…and that’s a big
if
, it won’t be for a long time, Riss. So, I’m sure he’ll get the message.”

“Don’t let the poor bastard wait too long. At least let him kiss you,” she argues, knowing darn well I don’t sleep around.

“I feel awful for letting Eric kiss me, Riss. How am I going to face him again? I mean, I shot him down and he has no idea why.”

“Do you like him?” she asks seriously, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yes, but I’m so afraid I’d screw it up that it would ruin our friendship. He deserves so much better than me. Plus, I’ve seen the girls he brings around. I don’t even compare.” I wasn’t trying to have a pity party; rather I was trying to talk myself out of liking him. “And plus, he wants to be running partners. That screams friend-zone.”

“He kissed you, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, but he probably had a weak moment…or whatever you call it. Hell, I don’t know. God, I’m a mess.” I huff, sitting down on the edge of the bed, ready to back out of the date.

“
Stop. You are driving me insane and I’m not even the one dating you. Listen and listen closely. You are going to have fun on this date. See what happens… see if there’s any spark. And then you can decide what happens with Eric.” I nod, unable to respond to her motherly tone.

I finish getting ready for my date, and shortly after, Alex knocks on the door.

“I’ll get it,” I call out, hoping Carissa hears me.

“Eric!” I shriek, louder than I mean to. “What are you doing here?” I ask, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable and nervous.

“We need to talk,” he says in a deep tone. He looks defeated, sad almost.

“I can’t, Eric. I’m sorry. I’m leaving soon.” I lean against the door, not wanting him to come in.
Awkward.

He looks me over, noticing my attire. “Where are you going?” Before I can respond, Alex chimes in behind him.

“Out with me.”
Oh, crap.
Eric spins around and I can see his hands forming into fists. I feel incredibly embarrassed.
This is why…this is exactly why I don’t do the whole dating thing in the first place.

“Really?” he whispers, turning b
ack to me. All I can do is nod to avoid the tears from strolling down my cheeks. I see the hurt in his eyes, and now I feel like kicking myself.

“He asked me out last night, Eric. I said yes. Is that okay?” I ask, trying to sound brave and confident
…
just like Carissa had drilled into my head all afternoon.

Eric slowly grabs my hand and brings it to his lips. My eyes close unwillingly as I enjoy his touch. “Have fun, Velaney.” The way he rolls his tongue around my names gives me goose bumps.
Why does he always do this to me?
The way he affects me seems so unnatural. He turns around, nods at Alex, and walks down the hallway, leaving me completely dumbfounded.

I’m not
what Eric is looking for. I’m not easy. I don’t sleep around. Hell, I have never slept around. I wouldn’t be what he would need.
Or want.
I never relied on anyone. Carissa has always been my go to girl. My person.

“What was he doing here?” Alex asks,
releasing me from my mental break down.

“Oh, he
thought he left something here,” I lie, surprised at how easy it was to say that. “Well, shall we?” I ask, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I’m ready if you are,” he says, smiling at me, making me forget everything that just happened.
“You look beautiful,” he whispers close to my ear, sending goose bumps down my arm.

“Thank you,” is all I can say, gripping harder on my purse.
He escorts me to the passenger side of his car and opens it. I thank him again and get in. I buckle up as I wait for him to climb in on his side. I’m nervous as all hell and feel like I’m sweating.
Ugh, this was a bad idea.

I give myself a mental pep talk and try my best to have fun
—
per Carissa’s orders.
He settles in and starts the car. I notice every little thing he does, mainly because I don’t know what else to focus on so I don’t continue to bit through my bottom lip.
He’s going to think I’m a complete spaz.

“You really do look amazing,” he says, staring through my eyes. “However, you will be cold. It’s a good thing I brought some blankets.” He smiles widely
, nodding his head to the back where a couple heavy blankets laid.
Oh, crap.

“Where are we going?” I ask, hoping it’s not to go bury me in the woods somewhere.

“I have a little something planned out in the park.” He smiles back at me again, making goose bumps reappear up and down my arms.

We arrive to a secluded area of the park where the stars are so bright, you feel like they are within arms reach. I lean forward in my seat to get a better view.

“Wow, it’s incredible out here!” I gasp, taking in the surroundings.

“It’s beautiful at night, especially this time of year.” He walks over to my door and escorts me out. I wait as he grabs the thick blankets from the back and rounds his car to get a basket out of the trunk.

“Oh my goodness!” I squeal. “You are too sweet.” I smile at him, realizing he’s prepared an evening picnic for us.

“I was hoping you’d like it. Plus, it allows us more quiet time to talk
without being interrupted by annoying waiters.”

“Ah, guess you must have that issue a lot, huh?” I ask, wondering if he takes a lot of girls on dates.

He tilts his head back as he huffs a laugh. I stand there frozen, unsure of what he’s laughing about.

“No, actually I don’t go on a lot of dates,” he said honestly. “It’s been awhile since my last one.” He takes my hand and guides me to an open spot on the grass. “How about you?”

“Me? Um, yeah it’s been awhile.”

“That’s hard to believe. I mean, guys must be dying to take you out.” He lays one of the blankets out wide, and places the basket down. I take my shoes off and sit down next to him.

“No, this is my first date in three years.” I regret it the second it comes spilling out of my mouth because I don’t want to talk about my past, but mainly I don’t want him prying for details.

“No
, shit? Wow, I can hardly believe you were single, let alone single for so long.” I think he’s trying to sound sincere, but the way it sounds out loud makes me feel like a pathetic loser.

“Well, I just haven’t wanted to. Until now.” I smile at him, hoping he sees the sincerity in my eyes.

“Thank you for making the exception.” He grins, leaning down and pressing his lips to my cheek. His lips gracefully brush against me, giving me butterflies the moment he leans in. I freeze and don’t move, unsure of what to do.

“Don’t make me regret it,” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood and veer it far away from him asking about my past. It works. He smiles and laughs as he empties the contents of the basket.
“This is the cutest thing ever,” I play. “Like fourth graders hiding behind the school cute.”

“Oh my god. It’s lame, isn’t it?” he asks, worried.

“No, not at all! I love it. It reminds me of being young. Plus, being an adult sucks.” I laugh, making him smile and laugh with me.

We spend the next couple of hours eating, talking, and enjoying the clear sky. It’s breathtaking, and ironically, feels incredibly natural. Alex makes me feel comfortable for the first time in many years.
I feel myself. Normal. Content.

“I had an amazing time, Alex! Thank you so much for such an incredible first date.” I smile up in perfect almond-shaped
baby blues. We continue walking down the hallway and reach the door to my apartment.

“I hope it’s not our last date,” he
casually confesses as he leans up against my door so I can’t unlock it.

“I hope not either,” I mutter, unable to take my eyes off his beautiful frame. Tonight was so much more than I had ever expected. It wasn’t about seeing how far he could get with me, or
having his way with me, rather it was filled with laughter and content.