Song of Renewal (17 page)

Charlcy leaned in, emitting a huff of Passion fragrance, and asked in a lusty voice, “Is he as pretty as ever?”

“Prettier,” Liza replied, grinning. “Lots prettier than me.”

Charlcy reached into her purse for a phantom Virginia Slims cigarette and already had the lighter on before she caught herself. “I keep forgetting I quit,” she muttered with a wicked smile and tossed the lighter out the window. “And, no, I don’t have any cigarettes tucked away in there.”

“Thanks, Charlcy,” Liza said with emotion.

“For what?” She peered at Liza.

“For quitting. I want you to stay around as long as I do. It’s no fun being miserable all by myself.” Liza’s thankfulness knew no bounds in that moment.

They rode in silence for about two minutes. “Heard from Raymond?” Liza asked.

“Nope. And don’t want to.” Out of the corner of her eye, Liza saw the hand, now trembling, start to reach for a cigarette again and then draw back. “If I never see that no-account, sorry excuse for a human again, it’ll be too soon.”

Liza rolled her eyes and snorted. “Sorry I brought it up.”

“Yeah.” Silence stretched out for long moments. “Divorce is a horrible, vile thing. But being married is sometimes worse.”

“Doesn’t he want to reconcile?”

“Oh yeah.” Charlcy clasped her hands in her lap, knuckles white. “Last time we talked – which was too many months back to count – he declared he’d come back in a heartbeat. With me, he had his cake and ate it, too. But I can’t forgive him for that
‘one night stand,’ as he prefers to call it. That broke this old cow’s back.”

Can’t forgive
. How glibly those words flowed from the victim’s lips. Pain pierced Liza’s heart. “Do you think you could ever find it in your heart to forgive, if Raymond truly showed remorse?” Liza asked, desperately hoping the possibility to be there.

“I don’t think so, Liza.” Charlcy’s reply was more sad than angry. “He’s probably led a double life, at times, all throughout our marriage. Can’t be sure, but I suspect it.

“That’s sad,” Liza murmured, especially the part about there being no room for mercy when one is violated past a certain point. She recalled how Charlcy had never quite been able to forgive their mother’s many abuses, seemingly blinded to the reality that the illness – at intervals – had the power to drive Mama beyond any reasoning. Liza recalled, too, that it had been Charlcy who’d caught the brunt of physical abuse by repeatedly stepping between Liza and their mother. Protecting her little sister.

In Garrison’s case of unforgivingness the violation was Liza’s role in their daughter’s tragedy. And even if Angel survived, her daughter would never again be whole.

If – abig if.

Which was far, far worse – at least in Liza’s eyes – than adultery.

Charlcy’s breath caught in her throat when she first glimpsed Angel’s mangled features and grotesquely intubated, white-shrouded figure lying so still.

“Oh...my…Gawd,” she breathed out slowly from the gut. She moved cautiously to the bedside and stared down at a distorted, unfamiliar face.

Liza felt tears gather as her usually stalwart sibling fought to make sense of the disaster lying before her. Charlcy’s once pleasingly fluffy, round shape had, since the divorce proceedings, melted down several sizes, remaining at borderline thin. Her once “big” hair now waved in a tamer, yet modern, short style, maintaining its sun-streaked look by daily outdoor running.

Somehow, the new version seemed more vulnerable.

Liza held her breath.

Charlcy suddenly swooped down to Angel’s ear. “Hey, baby girl! I know you’re in there. Don’t play with me, y’hear? You listen up good.

“I’m not gonna mope around and cry over this mess because that’s not gonna help you. If anything, I’m gonna kick your butt to remind you to keep on fighting. I’ll use my energy to help your mama get through this. Now you do your part and get yourself back here where you belong.”

Then she ever so gently kissed the puffy cheek. “I love you, baby girl.” Her voice quavered, then broke. “You hang in there, now, y’hear?”

Charlcy straightened, spun on her heel, and bolted from the room.

Liza didn’t follow because she knew Charlcy wouldn’t want to be seen crying.

Charlcy’s return was god-sent.

Liza’s sister was not due to resume teaching middle school Special Ed until early September. So she kept Liza company at Angel’s bedside now, allowing Garrison more free reign when his business called. Fortunately, Charlcy didn’t see what was going on between Garrison and Liza because Angel’s bedside was
the couple’s one consistent together zone. Their one hundred percent truce arena.

Charlcy lived in Greenville, only a twenty-five minute jaunt via I-85 from the Spartanburg Regional Medical Center. On occasion, she would relieve Liza, allowing her to run errands or visit their father in the nursing home.

“Convincing Liza to leave Angel’s side takes all my cunning and stealth,” Charlcy was fond of saying.

“Ye-es,” Liza would respond, raising her palm in supplication.

Liza was no longer at Garrison’s mercy.

Oh, he wanted her to be there when he needed her. But she couldn’t count on his coming through for her when the dirt was flying. Could she? Not really. She could not yet trust that to be the case.

Penny showed up again a the week after Charlcy’s return. “This is so much nicer here at Restorative Care, being able to sit at her bedside,” she said to Liza, who’d been writing in her little journal, one she kept tucked into her oversized purse.

“Angel always teased me about this big ol’ handbag,” Liza said, chuckling. “She called it my luggage bag, appalled at all the stuff I shoved inside it.”

This was Charlcy’s day to visit their father in the nursing home and Penny’s visit was especially welcome. Today, Penny wanted to talk about Angel. Liza soaked up all the warm vignettes.

“She was the best cheerleader on the squad,” Penny proudly decreed, smiling at the memories. “There wasn’t anything she said ‘no’ to. She’d volunteer to do the most risky things. Remember her doing the double back flip off Sheila’s shoulders?”

Liza nodded, raising an eyebrow. “I’m afraid I do.”

“She was so fearless.”

They sat for long moments, each lost in thought. “Do you think she’ll ever – ” Penny’s eyes misted over.

“Cheer again?” Liza looked at her with sadness. “Probably not.”

Reality intruded again. They both looked at Angel, so still, so far away from them. Penny’s thoughts erupted on an impatient note. “Will she ever come back?” Then she slumped down in her seat, contrite. “I’m sorry, Mrs. W., I shouldn’t say things like – ”

“No. It’s okay.” Liza slowly shook her head. “I don’t know, Penny. I want to believe she will. With all my heart, I’m hanging on to that possibility.” She sighed heavily. “They keep asking me about organ donations, but I’m not – That’s a difficult decision to deal with, you know?”

Suddenly, Penny’s eyes widened, as though a light came on. “Do you have Angel’s purse? Her billfold?”

Liza frowned. “I think so.” She arose and went to the corner locker and opened it. She pushed the jeans, pink pullover, and Reeboks aside. “Here it is.” She took the purse and went back to the bedside. Sitting back down, she spread the contents on her lap. She picked up the tan leather billfold and looked at Penny.

“May I?” Penny reached for the billfold and Liza handed it to her, puzzled.

Penny pulled cards from the slots and shifted through them. Then she dug deeper into other crevices. Finally, she stopped and turned one over. As she stared at it, her eyes brimmed with tears. She picked up another and read it, too.

Slowly, she handed them both to Liza. “Here it is.”

Puzzled, Liza took the two cards. She unfolded and turned the larger card over. Its logo read “Donate Life South Carolina.” It was a family notification card.

Beneath this was Angel’s signature.

Through a blur of tears, Liza read the accompanying blue card, filled out in Angel’s neat handwriting and headed, My Commitment to Donate Life, Uniform Donor Card:

Liza wiped her eyes and took the tissue Penny offered to blow her nose.

“How did you – ”

“I just now remembered it. Angel told me awhile back that she and Troy both decided they wanted to be organ donors. It
happened after they tried to save the injured dog’s life – y’know, Scrounger? And it died, anyway. Remember?”

Liza nodded, overwhelmed.

“So she looked it up on the Internet, got the forms, and they both filled them out. Troy got his parents to sign. Angel said you were gone to visit her Papa Finch that day, and she went to her dad’s office to get him to sign. Troy witnessed his signature and signed the other witness slot.”

Liza slowly shook her head, perplexed. “Garrison didn’t say anything.” For some reason, that hurt her. He should have shared something this important with her.

Yet he didn’t speak up even when asked about organ donation.

“Angel said her dad was really busy that day and she had to practically demand he take a minute and sign it. She said she doubted he even knew what it was he signed.” Penny looked inordinately sad, then apologetic.

“Angel was always saying how she didn’t think her dad loved her, y’know?” She rushed to add, “I would tell her that he most certainly did. But that day, she was disappointed that he didn’t realize how much this meant to her. You know, how it could give life to somebody else? Angel said that he didn’t even comment on it.”

Liza’s heart was near bursting with pain. “Excuse me, Penny.” She didn’t want to fall apart on Penny, so she arose and started for the bathroom.

Then she froze. Garrison stood in the doorway, face impenetrable, shoulder pressed to the jamb. She blinked. And in that instant she felt strangely betrayed. “How long have you been standing there?” she asked quietly.

“Long enough,” he said sharply. Then he turned on his heel and disappeared down the hall.

“Oh my gosh.” Penny arose, clearly stricken. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. W. I didn’t mean to say anything that would upset anybody. I just – got carried away talking about Angel. Thinking about her – ” She burst into tears and Liza gathered her into her arms. She held her until she snuffled and hiccuped.

“There, there,” Liza murmured, sick at heart.

“I’m sorry,” the girl whispered.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Don’t worry, Penny. Nobody’s mad at you.”

“You won’t want me to come back anymore.” Her voice broke.

“No no. You come back just like always. I promise you, you won’t ever hear anything negative from this.” She hugged the girl again and walked her down the hall. At the elevator, she turned her to face her.

“Thanks, Penny.” She smiled.

“For what?”

“For letting me know about the life donor card.”

A big smile broke out over the young face, lightly tilting the tip of her freckled nose. There was a definite spring to Penny’s step when she entered the elevator.