Something to Believe In (The Renegade Saints Book 4) (22 page)

The level of guilt and failure I felt sucked ass. Of course, Daisy did nothing to make me feel that way. As far as I could tell, she was absolutely fine with the arrangement. We spent as much time together as possible every day, had sex every night, and then I’d walk her back to her room so we could sleep separate.

Flynn’s opinion was that I hated leaving her each night because it was just like what I’d done with every single other sexual partner I’d ever had. I knew there was some truth to that. Granted in those situations I’d been the one leaving to go back to my room, but other than that it was the same. Before Daisy, I didn’t give a shit. I liked to fuck, often. In retrospect, I can also see that I liked to leave.

That was the biggest difference between my past and what was going on with Daisy. I didn’t
want
to leave.

Everyone had advice, but I felt I needed something else. Cole was the one who finally suggested I call his and Flynn’s gram to ask her advice. I often thought of Sylvia as being the barometer of the line between right and wrong. There was nothing you couldn’t say to her and she was always there to propel you forward. I valued her opinion very, very highly, so I took Cole’s advice and called her.

“Hi sweetheart,” Sylvia said sweetly when she answered the phone. “My grandsons tell me you need some straight talk.”

I shook my head and let out a choked laugh. Of course those assholes had gotten to her first, probably to make sure I actually followed through.

“They interfere, “I teased.

“Absolutely,” she laughed, “but it’s always done out of love.”

I knew she was right. They wouldn’t be so up my ass if they didn’t care.

“So,” she prodded, “the boys tell me you’re upset because you aren’t able to have Daisy stay over in your room.”

I talked to Sylvia every few days without fail, so she already knew I was serious about Daisy. The only thing we hadn’t talked about was the whole sleeping issue.

“I feel like a failure,” I admitted.

“You’re not a failure,” she answered forcefully. “You aren’t giving yourself any credit for how much progress you’ve made. In a relatively short amount of time you’ve come a very long way. Six months ago you believed you would never have a girlfriend or be in a relationship. Today, you’re with a girl you care about very much and you want to have her with you all the time. Take a minute to reflect on your accomplishments instead of the things you still need to do.”

I grinned and let out a happy noise. “Everyone else has been saying the same thing, but somehow hearing you say it makes me realize it actually
is
a major feat.”

“Listen to me and you’ll go far,” she joked.

“I’ve come a long way, but I want to go farther. I’m afraid…”

I hesitated, unsure of how to explain.

“You’re afraid you’re not going to be able to go further,” she supplied.

“Yes. That’s it exactly. What if this is as good as it can ever be?”

She made a tsk sound. “There’s a reason people say you have to start with baby steps. Although you’re not suddenly going to be able to sleep in the same room with her, I truly believe it will happen if you work at it. Let’s talk through the problem and break it down.”

“I’m ready.”

“From what you and the boys have told me so far, you don’t have a problem having her in your bedroom.”

I was glad she couldn’t see me because my almost-thirty-year-old ass turned bright red. Sylvia was a grandmother and in a roundabout way I was talking to her about my sex life.

“Correct.”

“Does having her in your suites and in your bedrooms cause you any angst at all?”

I shook my head. “No. Not until it’s time to close my eyes and try to sleep. I one hundred percent know she would never, ever do anything to violate my trust in her. She isn’t…”

“Margaret,” Sylvia said softly. “You’re right honey, she isn’t. That witch was a special case and I believe she’s rotting in hell right now.”

I was pretty sure she was, since I’d asked Alexandra dozens of times if she was with them in heaven. She wasn’t, and I was both angry and petty enough to be glad. In my opinion, hell was probably too good for someone as evil as she had been.

“It’s time to stop giving her power,” Sylvia continued. “You need to make a choice and put your mind to it, just like you did with drugs when you went to rehab. You’re not going to let her horrific actions dictate your life anymore. ”

“I want to,” I answered honestly, “I just don’t know
how
.”

“I think I might have an idea.”

“Tell me,” I pleaded.

“Well, you don’t have a problem having her in the suite. And your suites always have at least two bedrooms. The solution seems simple. Start by having her stay in the suites with you, just in the other bedroom. From there you can work on having her stay in your room with you.”

The relief her suggestion gave me was staggering. Hell, just knowing Sylvia believed the problem wasn’t insurmountable meant everything to me.

“I love this idea,” I said enthusiastically. I was all for it until a niggle of doubt crept in.

“Unless it’s too soon or somehow weird for me to ask her to do this. Should I wait?”

“My boys tell me she’s the real deal. You’ve seen how they are with their girls. Did length of time affect the way they went for it?”

“No,” I laughed. “Especially in Flynn’s case.”

“Exactly. And not for nothing, but Mason and I slept together within forty-eight hours and we’ve been together for nine thousand years. When it’s meant to be…”

I snorted at her forwardness. Sylvia and Mason Rand had been married for more than fifty years and were still all over each other. Neither was shy about the way they felt for one another, but this was the first time she’d ever told me they’d gotten intimate so quickly. I couldn’t say I was surprised to hear it, though.

“I’m going to do it,” I blurted. “I can’t let her go.”

Her voice was thick with emotion when she answered. “I’m so proud of you, Tyson. All these years, I’ve prayed for you to find your peace. I think it’s finally happening.”

I had to swallow past the lump in my throat in order to speak. “Thank you, Sylvia. You’ll never know how much you mean to me.”

It took incredible patience for me to wait for Daisy to get off work to talk to her. I had to remind myself a thousand times that she loved her job and wanted to work. It wasn’t a show night so we’d planned to stay in the room to eat dinner and watch some movies, but I was upending that by surprising her with a little outing after dinner.

She was on the phone when I opened the door to my suite for her after work. Smiling up at me, she gave me a quick kiss before continuing into the room and sitting on the couch.

“I don’t think that’s true, Vi.”

I grinned as I shook my head and walked to the mini bar, pulling out a vanilla coke for her. She and her sister were in near constant contact and I thought it was sweet. I’d once been jealous of people who had a tight sibling bond since mine had been taken from me, but over time I got used to it. Gavin and Bree were super tight as were Leah and her brother Dillon, and Flynn had gotten unbelievably close to his recently discovered sisters. I wasn’t jealous anymore—I was happy for them. I knew if Alexandra were still alive she’d be one of my best friends.

“Violet,” Daisy said in a scolding voice, “you are not getting dumpy. You’re beautiful”

She mouthed a thank you to me when I handed her the open can of vanilla coke.

“I’ll call Mom myself and tell her to put a sock in it. The woman is meaner than a wet panther sometimes. Just ignore her.”

I took a seat on the couch, grinning when she leaned against me.

“Vi, I’m two thousand percent positive Ryder has never once thought your boob stretch marks are a turn off. We both know he’d bang you sideways in a hurricane. I can even prove it.”

There was a pause as her sister answered her.

“I’ll tell you how. Once the kids are in bed, walk into your bedroom and take off your bra. You ask Ryder if he thinks stretch marks are a turn off. Call me tomorrow after the bedroom rodeo is over.”

I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Daisy’s country-isms always got a great workout when she talked to her sister.

“Okay. I love you too!”

She sighed when she hung up and tossed the phone onto the table in front of her carelessly.

“Your mom startin’ shit?” I asked.

“My mom had her boobs done after I was born and then had her first tummy tuck at thirty. She didn’t breastfeed any of us because she didn’t want to get saggy. Vi’s had three beautiful babies and breastfed them all. My mom called her earlier to offer to pay for
much needed surgery for her boob situation
,” she explained angrily.

Every time Daisy told me a story about her mother, I struggled not to tell her to cut the bitch off. The snide little offhand comments she threw at her daughters disgusted me. I knew the best thing for Daisy would be for me to diffuse the situation. Thinking about her mother too much only made her mad.

“I hope it’s okay to say this,” I laughed, “but now that I’ve seen pictures of your sister I can say with some authority that she has nothing to worry about. You two look pretty fuckin’ identical. Basically, you’re both hot as fuck. Ryder and I are lucky guys.”

Our conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. I dropped a quick kiss on top of her head and then jumped up to answer it. Daisy clapped excitedly as dinner was wheeled in.

“I’m so glad you ordered dinner already. I could legit eat an entire cow and two orders of fries right now,” she announced.

My girl was not fucking around. Daisy could seriously house some food. Eating with her was a trip. We sat at the table and took the lids off our entrees. Having discovered early on that we liked the same food, we’d taken to getting two different things that we could share. She moaned appreciatively when she saw the dinners I’d chosen for us that night. A massive New York strip steak and an order of fettucine alfredo.

After we finished, I told her we were going to find some dessert. We got down to the lobby and I walked out to where a giant SUV would normally have been waiting for us before stopping. Instead, there was a jet black Shelby Mustang GT350.

“I think it’s time for you to show me what a speed demon you are, Freckles.”

She gasped as her face lit up. “Are you kidding?”

“I’m so not kidding,” I laughed. “You ready to give me a thrill?”

“Get ready to hold onto your ass,” she boasted.

She climbed into the car and I followed suit, both of us belting in. She grinned over at me devilishly and revved the engine before pulling away from the curb at a reasonable speed. As we made our way down the street and she didn’t gun it, I thought maybe she’d overstated her driving ability.

That wasn’t the case at all. In fact, she was totally messing with me. I figured that out when she suddenly took a corner like we were on rails and opened up the engine. The next thing I knew, she was gunning it like the devil himself was on our tail. At one point I let out a hoot as she weaved in and out of what little traffic there was.

Not gonna lie, watching my girl operate that car like a driving master was as exhilarating as it was hot. She drove for about thirty minutes before we wound up on some country ass back road, at which point I figured out she’d still been holding back. Once we were out on the open road, she drove like the car was an extension of her. As fast as she was going, I never once felt like I wasn’t safe or she wasn’t in total control. The faster she drove, the harder I got. Daisy was lightning in a goddamn bottle.

When we’d gone at least ten miles on the back road without seeing anything but trees and a few cows, I asked her to pull over. Even that she made into something wild, slamming on the brakes and executing a perfect three hundred and sixty degree turn before coming to a dead stop. She grinned over at me proudly before pulling over to the side of the road and putting the car in park.

“Nerves getting to you?” she teased.

I shook my head as I leaned over, cupped the back of her head and kissed her like a madman. We were all teeth and tongue, the kiss damn near brutal we were both so desperate. She pulled away just long enough to turn off the engine and unhook her seatbelt. As soon as she was finished, she went back to kissing me and started clawing at my jeans, rubbing her hand over my cock as I groaned into her mouth.

After a few desperate minutes of kissing me wildly, she ended it and took total control. I gave it up without a peep as she first unhooked my seatbelt and then unzipped my pants. When she got my cock out, she licked her lips before getting on her knees in her seat and bending over the console to take me in her mouth. The hot wet heat of the inside of her mouth was fucking everything.

It took some doing as far as maneuvering went, but I managed to get my arm out so I could grab the hem of her skirt to pull it up over her ass. She moaned around my dick as I slid my hand into her bikini panties.

I growled low in my throat as my fingers slid over her wet heat. The undeniable proof that my girl liked to suck cock was a serious turn on. I’d never realized how fuckin’ hot it would be to have a woman get off on having a mouth full of dick.