Something to Believe In (The Renegade Saints Book 4) (16 page)

I felt full and stretched, but so damn good. Everything seemed new to me somehow, like being a virgin again. Granted, I hadn’t had sex in almost two years, but I had no recollection of it ever feeling the way it did with Tyson. I let out a whoosh of air when he bottomed out, as deep in me as he could possibly go.

He leaned in and kissed me before pulling back and looking down at me with an expression of wonder. “You feel fucking incredible,” he whispered as he drew back and then pushed in again.

“God, Tyson,” I gasped out. “
Please
.”

He kept up that rhythm, a slow and steady back and forth that rocked my world. I let out whispered pleas for more as he kept the pace.

“Touch your clit,” he instructed.

I nodded my head as I slipped my right hand between us, my middle finger dancing over my slippery clit as he worked in and out.

“Feels so good,” he groaned. “So good, Daisy.”

“Yes,” I cried as I arched up to meet his thrust. “Tyson!”

He let out a harsh sound as he dropped down until our chests were touching, rubbing against each other as he moved. Balancing himself with one hand, he grabbed the remaining pillow under my head and tossed it up on the bed. When he was finished, he dropped his nose down to mine and gave me an Eskimo kiss. It felt like there was no part of either of our bodies that didn’t touch in some way.

My nipples were swollen and hard and the feeling of his chest rubbing against them was heavenly. I moaned and clenched around him as he continued rocking in and out.

“Tell me you love my cock in you,” he whispered against my mouth.

Instead of answering right away, I gently bit his bottom lip before running my tongue over it. He growled and thrust harder, punctuating each thrust with a swivel of his hips.

“I love you in me,” I breathed.

“Show me how much you love it,” he growled. “Come all over my dick.”

The way he talked was way, way more graphic than I was used to—and I loved it. He was filthy, and it made me tingle.

“You like my dirty fuckin’ mouth,” he chuckled. “I can tell by the way your pussy clenches.”

“Mm,” I whimpered.

“Rub your clit and squeeze my dick until you come.”

My finger flew over my clit as I rubbed faster. As Tyson thrust harder, he dropped kisses on my right cheek until he got to my ear.

“This is the most perfect cunt I’ve ever been in,” he whispered, “and I’m going to fuck it again and again and again. You and your pussy belong to me now.”

My body went taught as I locked my legs around his waist and came with a silent scream. As I did, his thrusts picked up speed and he went hard. I whimpered as his back and forth made the end of my orgasm go on and on. As I was finishing, he yelled my name seconds before I felt the heat of his release through the condom.

“Daisy, fuck, Daisy!”

He kept rocking in and out until he was completely spent. When he was finished, he pulled out of me and rolled onto his back. I let out an
ah
sound as he did, and he rubbed my arm soothingly. After pulling the condom off and tying a knot at the top, he tossed it toward what I assumed was a trashcan. I missed having him in me already but it wasn’t like I could say anything about it.

I had nothing to worry about. As soon as he got rid of the condom, he reached over and pulled me on top of him. His fingers trailed lazily up and down my left side as I nuzzled against his neck.

“You just rocked my fuckin’ world, Freckles.”

I lifted my head up and raised my brow as I looked at him.

“Freckles?”

He touched my nose with the tip of his finger.

“You’ve got the sexiest series of freckles on your nose I’ve ever seen.”

I shook my head at him before I set it back down on his shoulder.

“Freckles aren’t sexy,” I grumbled.

I felt the rumble of his chest as he laughed.

“The fuck they aren’t,” he argued. “You’ve got a few freckles on your tits that I can’t wait to get on a first name basis with.”

I was glad he couldn’t see my face because I knew it was fire engine red.

“You’re weird.”

“Weird for you,” he answered.

His words made my heart beat funny, and I smiled softly before letting out a yawn.

“Feelin’ that smile, Freckles.”

“I’m not smiling,” I lied.

“That’s two smackers,” he said. “I’ll add it to the fifty you owe me from earlier when you didn’t believe I could get in and out of the mall without being recognized.”

“You want money?” I asked incredulously.

“No,” he chuckled. “Smackers are kisses. I choose when and where, and you’ve got to pay up. Fifty-two smackers, Freckles. That’s a whole lotta mackin’ down.”

There was nothing I could do but laugh. “I never knew I was bargaining kisses,” I pointed out. “I thought we were talking cold hard cash.”

“I bargained for something worth far more. Your kisses are priceless.”

I smiled against his shoulder. “You’ve got some smooth moves.”

I expected him to laugh, but he didn’t. Instead, he let out a heavy sigh. “Freckles, I’m the furthest thing from smooth.”

I
felt the exact moment she dozed off on top of me. Regardless of the fact that I’d just had the most connected and earth shattering sexual experience of my life, her falling asleep made my anxiety level spike. I tried to breathe through it, tried to remind myself that there was nothing to be anxious about, but it didn’t work.

I stayed for as long as I could stand it, but eventually I lost the battle. I gently maneuvered Daisy until she was lying on the mattress instead of me before I covered her up and went to the bathroom. When I came out I attempted to get into the bed and couldn’t do it. My shoulders sagged as I accepted that I was failing. Mentally berating myself for not talking to her about the biggest of all my issues, I left the room and made my way into the second bedroom on the other side of the living room. There with the door safely locked behind me, I should’ve been able to settle.

The problem was I didn’t calm down at all. If anything, I was even more agitated. I was desperate to be in bed with Daisy and not being able to just bite the bullet and do it was killing me. Being behind a locked door in a room across from the girl I had feelings for didn’t fuckin’ sit well with me at all. I felt like a giant goddamn pussy and my self-hate was rising fast. Finally accepting that I needed help, I picked up the phone and called Ian. The second I told him I was freaking out, he told me to come to his room to talk. I went into my room to check on Daisy and throw some clothes on. She slept deeply, the sleep of someone who didn’t have trust issues. As I dressed, I watched her and wished I had her ability to be so trusting.

The irony of the fact that a few months prior Ian would’ve been the last person I’d ever have gone to when I needed a shoulder wasn’t lost on me. When we’d first met we hadn’t gotten off to a great start and I’d wrongly thought he was a ladder-climbing asshole. After some shit went down between him and Cole one night, I had to step in to take care of him. That night, he told me his whole story and for some reason I found myself telling him mine. We’ve since become good friends. I could’ve talked to anyone in the band about how depressed I was feeling about not being able to sleep in the room with Daisy, but I chose Ian for a very specific reason. Ian could personally understand what it felt like to want to be close to someone without really being able to make it happen.

I left the suite as quietly as possible, the door making the faintest sound behind me as the handle latched. When I got to Ian’s room, the door was propped open. I found him sitting in one of the two chairs in front of the TV area. Closing the door, I headed over and took a seat. He watched me like a hawk as I got comfortable and I knew he was trying to get a read on my state of mind.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

I took a deep breath and blurted, “I really fuckin’ like Daisy.”

He snickered. “Yeah, I had picked up on that.”

I nodded and bowed my head. “Just left her upstairs sleeping in my bed because I couldn’t fuckin’ stay in there with her. I want to, I just can’t do it.”

“Is this the first time?”

I looked up in confusion. “Dude, I told you before I’ve never slept with a woman in my bed or in my room.”

He shook his head. “No, I meant is this the first time you’ve been with her?”

I nodded as understanding of his meaning sunk in. “Yeah. It was perfect until she fell asleep and I started having a panic attack. I was maybe two seconds away from pulling a Linda Blair and painting the room with vomit. Felt like the fuckin’ walls were closing in on me.”

“Did you talk to her about what your deal is before all this went down?”

I gritted my teeth as I shook my head once in the negative. “It was going so good I convinced myself it wouldn’t even be a problem. She’s different and I feel good with her. Why the fuck can’t I just be a man and deal with it? Why does it have to be a whole fuckin’ thing?”

He reached over and squeezed his hand on my shoulder encouragingly. “First of all, don’t tell yourself you aren’t a man. You know you can’t be thinking this kind of negative crap. Let’s be real here—you’re twenty-nine and you just did something you’ve never done before in your entire life. Something that before Daisy came along, you had said many times you would never do. How about you give yourself some credit for that? Right now a beautiful woman you’ve got real feelings for is asleep in your bed. That’s awesome, but you can’t expect to just snap your fingers and have a lifetime of conditioning go away.”

I dropped my head back on the chair as I let out a heavy sigh. “It’s true,” I conceded, “and that one thing alone was huge for me. I guess I just thought that because I was able to do that… I could do it all.”

“One step at a time.”

I spent about half an hour in Ian’s room talking before heading back up to my suite, which I entered as silently as I’d left. When I got to my bedroom, Daisy was still fast asleep. She was so beautiful it made my mouth dry. She was in a class all of her own and I knew I’d never meet anyone like her again. Hell, I’d met thousands upon thousands of people over the last decade and not one made me feel the way she did. I promised myself I’d do whatever I had to do to get myself to a place where I could have a real and normal relationship with her. No matter how much work it took, I knew she was worth it.

I wrote out a quick note for her on the hotel stationary, placing it on the nightstand before I went back across the suite to the other bedroom. Ian was right—I needed to take it one step at a time. As long as she was willing to work with me, everything would be okay.

I was seeing stars through my eyelids from the bright sunshine. Confused, I opened my eyes and shielded my face as I looked around to see where I was. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest when I realized I was sitting on the shore of a lake. The water lapped up against the green and white boat tied to the dock and the scent of the trees and flowers that surrounded the area wafted up to my nose.

“It’s been a long time since you were here.”

My eyes went wide as I turned and found Alexandra sitting next to me. Her long blonde hair was styled in a French braid, just like she’d taught me to do for her years ago. Clad only in her bright pink bathing suit she sat on a towel that had a picture of the band No Doubt on it. She was obsessed with Gwen Stefani and listened to their music on permanent repeat.