Something Like Winter (42 page)

* * * * *

I can make him
happy.

These simple words carried
Tim through the next three days. Ben was busy with finals, and Tim
had little time himself, but he would have given up graduating if
Ben wanted to be with him. He called Ben whenever he could and
talked him into a quick lunch once. The subject of Jace never came
up, Tim too scared to broach it. He prayed that all of this hadn’t
been for naught, but ultimately decided to stop agonizing over
hurting Ben and to focus on his conviction.

He could make Ben happy.
Much more than Jace ever had. If he had made Ben happy in their
teens, when Tim’s efforts had been half-assed and incompetent, then
surely now would be so much better.

Saturday was hellishly hot,
and while Ben had told him on the phone that he’d be busy working
on his thesis, Tim called anyway and invited him over for a swim.
The second Ben said yes, Tim sprang into action, fishing leaves out
of the pool, whipping up a pitcher of Kool-Aid, and checking his
appearance in the mirror. He already wore suggestively tight swim
trunks—not that Ben didn’t know what he was packing—and he fussed
over his hair, trying to decide if he should gel it into messy
spikes or leave it natural since they would be swimming. He still
hadn’t decided when he heard Ben open the front door.

“
Chinchilla, come!” Tim ran
for the back patio, picking up the serving tray with the Kool-Aid
and balancing it like a waiter. He had hoped Chinchilla would stand
obediently at his side, but instead she attacked the stack of
towels and was dragging one away.

Then Ben came through the
sliding glass door, wearing a navy blue pair of swim trunks, a
light blue tank top, and flip flops. He was dressed like a beach
bum but still had finals gloom hanging over him. They would soon
fix that.

“
Monsieur.
” Tim gave a cordial nod and
brought the tray around, setting it down and pouring Ben a
glass.

“
Thanks,” Ben gasped after
a big swallow, “but the pool is the only thing that’ll cool me
down.”

“
After you,” Tim said. He
watched Ben strip off his shirt, wanting to do it for him, to run
his hands along the sides of his torso, brush his fingers along his
ribs and tickle the blondish-brown wisps of armpit hair. Ben locked
eyes with him as he stepped out of his flip-flops. The last time
they had been this undressed together, they had kissed in the
grotto at Splashtown. Now it felt as if they were starting from
where they’d left off. Or so Tim hoped.

Ben went to the pool and
sat on the edge, testing the water with his feet before plopping
in. Tim cannonballed after him. Ben bobbed beneath the water and
came up again, his hair slicked back. “This is really
nice.”

Tim waded closer to him.
“It’s not bad. Too small to do any laps, making it a glorified
bathtub.”

“
Pools are meant for
relaxing, not working out.”

“
Working out
is
relaxing.”

Ben smirked. “Whatever,
muscle boy.”

“
I don’t remember you ever
complaining.” Tim dove underwater, showing off with an underwater
handstand before surfacing again. “Finals out of the
way?”

“
Yeah.” Ben
nodded.

“
And Jace?” he said
casually. “You two patch things up yet?”

Ben turned away from him,
his expression hidden. “Kind of the opposite. We’re taking a
break.”

Tim mentally exchanged a
high-five with God. “Wow. Benjamin Bentley is back on the
market.”

“
Not exactly.”

“
No?”

“
I don’t know.”

Okay, that was vague, but a
break was a break. Tim didn’t want him thinking about Jace, so he
playfully splashed Chinchilla, who grumbled and barked from the
pool’s edge. Ben laughed and joined in, missing on purpose. Then
Tim challenged him to a race, a quick swim to the end of the pool
and back.

“
Ready?” he said, poised to
win. “One, two, three!” Tim took off, reaching the end of the pool
and turning to head back when he noticed Ben was still
there.

“
Beat you,” Ben
said.

“
You never
left!”

“
How do you know? Are there
any security cameras around here? Check them and you’ll see my
lightning-fast swimming skills.”

Tim shook his head and swam
back to him. “Why don’t you show me while I sit this one
out.”

Ben looked offended. “Are
you kidding? Moving like that is exhausting! I need a break.” He
swam over to the ladder and climbed out, the weight of the water
pressing the swim trunks close to his body and revealing every
detail. Then Tim followed, flopping facedown on the deck chair next
to Ben’s.

“
Put some oil on my back?”
he invited.

Ben snorted. “Could you
think of a more clichéd line?”

“
Tried and true,” Tim
argued. “It’s withstood the test of time for a reason.”

“
Fair enough.”

Tim waited until he felt
Ben sitting on the edge of his deck chair, blood already pounding
at their closeness. Then he rolled over. “Think my front needs
some, actually.”

Ben looked at him, his eyes
almost pleading, but Tim wasn’t sure whether it was for him to stop
or keep going—until Ben turned the bottle upside down, drizzling
oil on to his chest. Then Ben placed his hand there, fingers warm
despite the dip in the pool. Tim wanted to cry. The emotion turned
to lust when Ben moved his hand across his skin, slowly making his
way south.

Tim couldn’t take it
anymore. He took Ben’s arms and pulled him down forcefully. Their
lips met, but this time Ben didn’t hesitate, and there would be no
interruptions. Their lips mashed together with desperation, as if
they were both starving for each other. Then the rest of their
bodies caught up as they scrabbled at each other’s
swimsuits.

As soon as they were nude,
Ben climbed onto Tim, the deck chair creaking as they pressed
against each other. If the kiss at Splashtown had been fire, this
was an inferno. Tim couldn’t remember ever burning like this, his
need shutting out thought as he gave way to raw sensation. He took
the oil, using it to lube them both as Ben ground against him, but
he needed everything, needed to be as close to him as humanly
possible. He shifted Ben upward, grabbing his wrists and pinning
them behind his back so Ben’s full weight was on him. Ben writhed
and Tim shifted until they were lined up. Then Tim gently pressed
inside.

Ecstasy! He wanted the
moment to last the rest of their lives. Let them grow old and turn
to dust in this very deck chair, because what they had now was
perfection. They were one, inseparable, the five years between them
melting away like a bad dream. When they exploded together, their
panting bodies sticky with sweat, Tim was sure it had been just
that—a horrible nightmare, but now they had woken up
together.

Tim released Ben for only a
second so he could wrap his arms around him. “Welcome
back.”

Ben sighed against his
chest, but when he raised his head, he was grinning. “You have no
idea how many times I fantasized about this.”

“
What, sex by the
pool?”

“
You know what I mean.” Ben
let his head rest on him again. “Us somehow finding each other and
giving in one more time.”

“
I want way more than
once,” Tim said, squeezing him.

“
Ow!” Ben
wheezed.

“
Sorry.”

When he could breathe
again, Ben laughed. Then he rolled to his side, propping himself
up. “I never stopped thinking about you. I wanted to. Sometimes I
would make it days or even weeks, but inevitably, you’d pop up in
my mind.”

“
Same here,” Tim said.
“There’s probably a reason for that. A sound, scientific
explanation.”

Ben rolled his eyes and
gave him a playful nudge. “We’re having a moment here.”

“
Sorry.” Tim put on a sober
expression. “You want to move in with me? Get married in the
morning? I’ll even build you a white picket fence.”

Ben sighed. “Of course in
my fantasies, I forgot how full of shit you are.”

“
Try me,” Tim dared.
“Whatever you want. Name it.”

When Ben looked at him, Tim
was sure he finally understood how serious he felt. Then Ben gave a
gentle smile. “How about dinner with your parents?”

Tim laughed. “All right,
but you have to show up like it’s an accident. I’ll call you the
next time my mom is making
chile
rellenos.
” Ben chuckled, but Tim wasn’t
done. “I’m serious. About what I said, I mean. Whatever you
want.”

Ben exhaled as if facing a
serious decision. “Let’s let it develop naturally. By that I mean
slowly. Things are still a little weird for me right now, you
know?”

Jace. But Tim was no longer
worried about him, so he nodded. “It might not be my mom’s cooking,
but I can take you to dinner. I read about this place where you
bring your dog and they also cook for her.”

“
Seriously?”

“
I shit you
not.”

Ben glanced over at
Chinchilla. “But she’s not potty-trained.”

“
Maybe they ask you about
that like a smoking preference. ‘Would you like pissing, or
non-pissing, sir?’”

Ben laughed at his dumb
joke, just like he always had… and with a little luck, always
would.

Chapter
Twenty-six

Tim drummed along with the
song on the radio, the steering wheel doubling as a percussion
instrument as he shot sidelong glances at the phone in the
passenger seat. To call or not to call? Ben had stayed late on
Saturday but hadn’t slept over. The next day Ben was home working
on his thesis and wasn’t available. Tim had given him his space,
but was beginning to regret it. On Monday, once he was done with
his only class, he was tempted to drive straight to Ben’s house and
would have if Chinchilla didn’t need to go out. Twenty-four hours
without an “accident” was a big deal, and Tim hoped to keep the
record going.

When he got to his house,
Ben’s car was in the driveway, sending his pulse racing. Oddly
enough, Ben appeared from around the side of the garage. Was he
snooping? Tim would be worried if the garage wasn’t locked, so he
pushed the thought from his mind and grinned his approval at the
surprise visit.

“
Wow,” Tim said as he got
out of the car. “Think hard enough about something and it’ll come
true.”

“
What do you
mean?”

One suggestive look, and
Ben was enlightened.

“
I’m done with school
today,” Tim said. “You?”

“
Home free.”

“
Good. Come
inside.”

Ben was
uncharacteristically silent as Tim turned the key in the lock. But
it wouldn’t turn because it was already unlocked.

“
I let myself in around the
back,” Ben said sheepishly.

“
Want a key to my house?”
Tim said as he ushered him in. “I’ll put it on a necklace for you
and everything.”

“
And then I’ll sneak
upstairs to your room at night?”

“
Yeah.”

The words sounded humorous,
but they carried weight. Tim took Ben’s hand, leading him through
the house and up the stairs to his bedroom. Standing next to the
bed, he brought Ben close, pressing their hips together and swaying
slowly, as if it were the last dance of the night. Ben’s eyes
glittered, considering Tim anew. That was good. He wanted Ben to
see that everything had changed, but so often he lacked the words
to express how. What could he say that would communicate what Eric
was to him? What words were sufficient to explain the years of
regret that plagued him since the summer of
ninety-seven?

So instead, Tim slowly
undressed Ben, and unlike Saturday’s blur of heat and passion,
today he took his time, kissing Ben everywhere, running his hands
along his skin, rediscovering every part of him. When they lay
together on the bed, the sex was secondary, a byproduct of their
closeness. Even after they came, their touches didn’t
cease.

Ben lay in the crook of
Tim’s arm, tracing the contours of his muscles. “What are we?” he
asked.

“
After that?
Exhausted.”

“
Seriously.”

Okay, time to get real.
“Well, I’d like to think that you’re my boyfriend.”

There was a heavy silence.
The Ben of old had been so happy when Tim finally confirmed their
relationship, but now he was pensive. For the first time, he truly
believed Ben had changed just as much as he had.

When Ben finally spoke, Tim
was surprised at the topic. “Are you staying in Austin after you
graduate?”

“
I guess so. I don’t really
want to go back to Houston. Do you?”

“
No. Do you ever
visit?”

Tim readjusted his
position, trying to remember the last time he’d gone to see his
parents. He kept his answer simple. “For the holidays,
yeah.”